THE
LIFE
OF
EEV. DAVID BB1INERD,
CHIEFLY EXTRACTED FROM HIS DIARY.
BY PRESIDENT EDWARDS.
OMEWHAT ABRIDOEE
EMBRACING,
IN THE CHRONOLOGICAL ORDER
BRAINERD'S PUBLIC JOURNAL
MOST SUCCESSFUL TEAR
OF BIS
MISSIONARY LABORS.
PUBLISHED BY THE
AMERICAN TRACT SOCIETY,
150 NASSAU-STREET, NEW YORK.
It is a striking chtmicteristic of the life of BRAINER^ from
the time of bis entering on the study of Theology till his
death, that he daily " walked with God," or mourned the
absence of the light of his countenance. President Edwards
has endeavored to exhibit the state of his mind each day, us
described in his diary. In this edition, many passages thus
inserted by Edwards, especially such as much resembled
those preceding or following, have been omitted.
CONTENTS.
Page.
President Edwards' Preface 5
CHAP. I. From his birth to the time when he began to
study for the ministry containing his own narrative
of h'.s conversion, his connection with Yale College
and the grounds of his expulsion 9
CHAP. II. From about the time when he began the
study of theology, till he was licensed to preach - 32
CHAP. III. From his being licensed to preach, till he
was commissioned as a missionary - 45
CHAP. IV. From his appointment as a missionary, to
his commencing his mission among the Indians at
Kaunauineek, in New- York ... - - 52
CHAP. V. His labors for nearly a year at Kaunaumeek
temporal deprivations and sufferings establishes
a school confession offered to the Faculty of Yale
College days of fasting methods of instructing
the Indians visit to New-Jersey and Connecticut
commencement of labor among the Indians at the
Forks of Delaware ordination - - - - 61
CHAP. VI. Labors for the Indians at and near the Forks
of Delaware idolatrous feast and dance journey
through the wilderness to Opeholhaupung, on the
Susquehanna erects a cottage at the Forks of De-
laware some evidences of a work of the Spirit
among the Indians journey to Ne\v-F.ngland, to
obtain funds to support a colleague visit to the In-
dians on the Susqu-ehanna journey to Crossweek-
sung, in New-Jersey ------ 95
CHAP. VII. Being Part I. of his public Journal of " the
Rise and Progress of a remarkable Work of Grace
among the Indians in New-Jersey and Pennsylva-
IV CONTENTS.
?*&
nia; kept by order of tbe Society in Scotland for
propagating Christian Knowledge" commence-
ment of his labors at Crossweeksung renewal of
labor at the Forks of Delaware conversion of his
interpreter return to Crossweeksung outpouring
of the Spirit visit to the Forks of Delaware and
the Susquehanna a powaw a conjurer renewal
of labor at Crossweeksung remarks on the work
of divine grace .--.... 132
CHAP. VIII. Being Part II. of his public Journal of
" the Continuance and Progress of a Remarkable
Work of Grace among the Indians in New-Jersey
and Pennsylvania: kepi by order of the Society in
Scotland for propagating Christian Knowledge "
renewal of labor at Crossweeksung outpouring of
the Spirit remarkable case signal displays of di-
vine power a convert a number of Christian In-
dians accompany him io the Forks of Delaware
striking conversion at Crossweeksung day of fast-
ing Lord's supper conversion of a conjurer
general remarks on the preceding narrative - - 194
CHAP. IX. From the close of his public Journal, June
19, 1746, to his death, October 9, 1747 continu-
ance of labor at Crossweeksung and Cranberry-
journey with six Christian Indians to the Susque-
hanna, and labors there return to Crossweeksung
compelled by prostration of health to leave the
Indians confinement by sickness at Elizabethtown
farewell visit to the Indians his brother John
succeeds him as a missionary arrival among his
friends in Connecticut visit to President Edwards,
in Northampton journey to Boston, where he is
brought near to death usefulness in Boston re-
turn to Northampton triumphs of grace in his last
sickness death 278
CHAP. X. Reflections on the preceding memoir - - 345
FROM
PRESIDENT EDWARDS' PREFACE.
THERE is one thing, easily discernible in the life of BRAIN-
ERD, which by many may be considered an objection to the
extraordinary evidences of his religion and devotion, viz.
that lie was, by his constitution and natural temper, so prone to
melancholy and dejection of Spirit. There are some who think
that all religion is a melancholy thing; and that what is
called Christian experience is little else beside melancholy,
disturbing the brain, and exciting enthusiastic imaginations.
But that Brainerd's temper or constitution inclined him to
despondency, is no just ground for supposing that his extra-
ordinary devotion was only the fruit of a warm imagination.
Notwithstanding this inclination to despondency, he was evi-
dently one of those who usually are the farthest from a teem-
ing imagination ; being of a penetrating genius, of clear
thought, of close reasoning, and a very exact judgment; as
was apparent to all who knew him. As he had a great in-
sight into human nature, and was very discerning and judi-
cious in general ; so he excelled in his judgment and know-
ledge in divinity, but especially in experimental religion.
He most accurately distinguished between real, solid piety,
and enthusiasm; between those affections that are rational
and scriptural, having their foundation in light and judgment,
and those that are founded in whimsical conceits, strong im-
pressions on the imagination, and vehement emotions of the
animal spirits. He was exceedingly sensible of men's expo-
sure to these things ; how extensively they had prevailed,
and what multitudes had been deceived by them ; of their
pernicious consequences, and the fearful mischief they had
6 PREFACE.
done in the Christian world. He had no confidence in such
a religion, and was abundant in bearing testimony against it.
iving and dying; and was quick to discern when any thing
of that nature arose, though in its fii-jt buddings, and appear-
ing under the most fair and plausible disguises. He had a
talent, which I scarcely ever knew equalled, for describing
the various workings of this imaginary enthusiastic religion,
evincing its falseness and vanity, and demonstrating the great
difference between this and true spiritual devotion.
His judiciousness did not only appear in distinguishing
among the experiences of others, but also among the various
exercises of his own mind; particularly in discerning what
within himself was to be laid to the score of melancholy; in
which he exceeded all melancholy persons that ever I was
acquainted with. This was doubtless owing to a peculiar
strength in his judgment ; for it is a rare thing indeed, that
persons under the influence of melancholy are sensible of
their own disease, and convinced that such things are to be
ascribed to it, as are its genuine operations and fruits. Brain-
erd did not obtain that degree of skill at once, but gradually;
as the reader may discern by the following account of his life.
In the former part of his religious course, he imputed much
of that kind of gloominess of mind to spiritual desertion, which
in the latter part of his life he was abundantly sensible was
owing to the disease of melancholy ; accordingly he often ex-
pressly speaks of it in his diary, as arising from this cause. He
often in conversation spoke of the difference between melan-
choly and godly sorrow; between true humiliation and spiri-
tual desertion ; and the great danger of mistaking the one for
the other, and the very hurtful nature of melancholy; dis-
coursing with great judgment upon it, and doubtless much
more judiciously for what he knew by his own experience.
Another imperfection in Brainerd, which may be observed
in the following account of his life, was his being excessive in
his labors ; not taking due care to proportion his fatigues to
his strength. Indeed, the seeming calls of Providence were
very often such as made it extremely difficult for him to avoid
laboring beyond his strength ; yea, his circumstances, and the
business of his mission among the Indians, were such, that
great fatigues and hardships were altogether inevitable.
However, he was finally convinced that he had erred in this
matter, and that he ought to have taken more thorough care,
and been more resolute to withstand temptations to such
degrees of labor as injured his health ; and accordingly he
warned his brother, who succeeded him in his mission, to be
careful to avoid this error.
Besides the imperfections already mentioned, it is readily
allowed that there were some imperfections which ran
through his whole life, and were mixed with all his religious
affections and exercises ; some mixture of what was natural,
with that which was spiritual ; as it evermore is in the best
saints in this world. Doubtless, natural temper had some
influence in the religious exercises of Brainerd, as it most ap-
parently had in those of the devout David, and the Apostles
Peter, John, and Paul. There was undoubtedly very often
some mixture of melancholy with true godly sorrow and
real Christian humility ; some mixture of the natural fire of
youth, with his holy zeal for God ; and some influence of na-
tural principles, mixed with grace in various other respects,
as it ever was and ever will be with the saints, while on this
side heaven. Perhaps none were more sensible of Brainerd's
imperfections than himself; or could distinguish more accu-
rately than he, between what was natural and what was spiri-
tual. It is easy for the judicious reader to observe that his
8 PREFACE.
graces ripened, that the religious exercises of his neart be-
came more and more pure, and he more and more distin-
guishing in his judgment, the longer he lived. He had much
to teach and purify him, and he failed not to profit thereby.
Notwithstanding all these imperfections, every pious and
judicious reader will readily acknowledge that what is here
set before him is a remarkable instance of true and eminent
piety, in heart and practice tending greatly to confirm the
reality of vital religion, and the power of godliness ; that it is
most worthy of imitation, and in many ways calculated to
promote the spiritual benefit of the careful observer.
The reader should be aware that what Brainerd wrote in
his diary, out of which the following account of his life is
chiefly taken, was written only for his own private use ; and
not to obtain honor and applause in the world, nor with any
design that the world should ever see it, either while he lived,
or after his death ; except a few things which he wrote in a
dying state, after he had been persuaded, with difficulty, not
entirely to suppress all his private writings. He showed him-
self almost invincibly averse to the publishing of any part of
his diary after his death ; and when he was thought to be dy-
ing at Boston, gave the most strict, peremptory orders to the
contrary. But being by some of his friends there, prevailed
upon to withdraw so strict and absolute a prohibition, he was
finally pleased to yield so far, as that " his papers should be
left in my hands, that I might dispose of them as I thought
would be most for God's glory and the interest of religion.' 7
JONATHAN EDWARDS.
OP
REV. DAVID BRAINERD.
CHAPTER X.
From his birth to the time when he began to study for the
Ministry containing kit own narrative of his conversion,
his connection with Yale- College, and the grounds of his
expulsion.
April 20, 1718- -Feb. 1741.
DAVID BRAINERD was born April 20, 1718, at Had-
dam, Connecticut. His father was Hezekiah Brainerd,
Esq. and his mother, Dorothy Hobart, daughter of the
Rev. Jeremiah Hobart.
He was the third son of his parents, who had five
sons and four daughters. The oldest son was a respecta-
ble citizen of Haddam ; the second was Rev. Nehemiah
Brainerd, a worthy minister in Eastbury, in Connecti-
cut; the fourth, Mr. John Brainerd, who succeeded his
brother David as missionary to the Indians, and pastor
of the same church of Christian Indians in New-Jer-
sey; and the fifth was Israel, lately student at Yale-
College, who died soon after his brother David. Their
mother, having lived about five years a widow, died
when the subject of this memoir was about fourteen
10 LIFE OF BRAINERD. [ Chap. I
years of age; so that in his youth he was left both
fatherless and motherless. The following is the ac-
count he has himself given of the first twenty-three
years of his life.
" I was from my youth somewhat sober, and inclined
to melancholy ; but do not remember any thing of con-
viction of sin, worthy of remark, till I was, I believe,
about seven or eight years of age. Then I became
concerned for my soul, and terrified at the thoughts of
death ; and was driven to the performance of religious
duties : but it appeared a melancholy business that de-
stroyed my eagerness for play. And though, alas ! this
religious concern was but short-lived, I sometimes at-
tended secret prayer; and thus lived "without God in
the world," and without much concern, as I remember,
till I was above thirteen years of age. In the winter
of 1732 I was roused out of this carnal security by, I
scarce know what means at first ; but was much ex-
cited by the prevalence of a mortal sickness in Had-
dam. I was frequent, constant, and somewhat fervent
in prayer; and took delight in reading, especially Mr.
JAKEWAY'S Token for Children. I felt sometimes much
melted in the duties of religion, took great delight in
the performance of them, and sometimes hoped that I
was converted, or at least in a good and hopeful way
for heaven and happiness ; not knowing what conver-
sion was. The Spirit of God at this time proceeded
far with me. I was remarkably dead to the world ; my
thoughts were almost wholly employed about my soul's
concerns; and I may indeed say, "Almost I was per-
suaded to be a Christian." I was also exceedingly dis-
tressed and melancholy at the death of my mother, in
March, 1732. But afterward my religious concern
began to decline, and by degrees I fell back into a con
17i*8. | HIS CONVICTION AND CONVERSION. 11
siderable degree of security, though I still attended
secret prayer.
" About the 15th of April, 1733, 1 removed from rny
father's house to East-Haddam, where I spent four
years; but still "without God in the world," though,
for the most part, I went a round of secret duty. I
was not much addicted to the company and the amuse-
ments of the young ; but this I know, that when I did
go into such company I never returned with so good
a conscience as when I went, It always added new
guilt, made me afraid to come to the throne of grace,
and spoiled those good frames with which I was wont
sometimes to please myself. But, alas! all my good
frames were but self-righteousness, not founded on a
desire for the glory of God.
'About the end of April, 1737, being full nine-
teen years of age, I removed to Durham, to work on
my farm, and continued about one year; frequently
longing after a liberal education. When about twenty
years of age I applied myself to study; and was now
engaged more than ever in the duties of religion. I
became very strict, and watchful over my thoughts,
words, and actions; concluded that I must be sober
indeed, because I designed to devote myself to the
ministry ; and imagined that I did dedicate myself to
the Lord.
" Sometime in April, 1738, 1 went to live with Rev.
Mr. Fiske, of Haddam, and continued with him during
his life. I remember he advised me wholly to abandon
young company, and associate myself with grave el-
derly people ; which counsel I followed. My manner
of life was now wholly regular, and full of religion,
such as it was ; for I read my bible more than twice
through in less than a year, spent much time every day
12 LIFE OP BKAINERD. [Chap. I.
in prayer and other secret duties, gave great attention
to the word preached, and endeavored to my utmost to
retain it. So much concerned was I about religion,
that I agreed with some young persons to meet pri-
vately on Sabbath evenings for religious exercises, and
thought myself sincere in these duties; and after our
meeting was ended I used to repeat the discourses
of the day to myself; recollecting what I could, though
sometimes very late at night. I used occasionally on
Monday mornings to recollect the same sermons ; had
sometimes pleasure in religious exercises, and had
many thoughts of joining the church. In short, I had
a very good outside, and rested entirely on my duties,
though I was not sensible of it.
" After Mr. Fiske's death I proceeded in my studies
with my brother; was still very constant in religious
duties, often wondered at the levity of professors, and
lamented their carelessness in religion. Thus I pro-
ceeded a considerable length on a self-righteous foun-
dation ; and should have been entirely lost and undone
had not the mere mercy of God prevented.
"Sometime in the beginning of winter, 1738, it
pleased God, one Sabbath morning, as I was walking
out for secret duties, to give me on a sudden such a
sense of my danger, and the wrath of God, that I stood
amazed, and my former good frames presently van-
ished. From the view which I had of my sin and vile-
ness, I was much distressed all that day, fearing that
the vengeance of God would soon overtake me. I was
much dejected ; kept much alone ; and sometimes en-
vied the birds and beasts their happiness, because they
were not exposed to eternal misery, as I evidently saw
that I was. Thus I lived from day to day, being fre-
quently in great distress : sometimes there appeared
1739.J HIS CONVICTION AND CONVERSION. 13
mountains before me to obstruct my hopes of mercy ;
and the work of conversion appeared so great, that 1
thought I should never be the subject of it. I used,
however, to pray and cry to God, and perform other
duties with great earnestness ; and thus hoped by some
means to make the case better.
"Hundreds of times I renounced all pretences of
any worth in my duties, as I thought, even while per-
forming them; and often confessed to God that I de-
served nothing for the very best of them, but eternal
condemnation ; yet still I had a secret hope of recom-
mending- myself to God by my religious duties. When
I prayed affectionately, and my heart seemed in some
measure to melt, I hoped that God would be thereby
moved to pity me. There was, then, some appearance
of goodness in my prayers, and I seemed to mourn for
sin. I could in some measure venture on the mercy of
God in Christ, as I thought ; though the preponderat-
ing thought, the foundation of my hope was some
imagination of goodness in my meltings of heart, the
warmth of my affections, and my extraordinary en-
largements in prayer. Though at times the gate ap-
peared so very strait that it looked next to impossible
to enter ; yet, at other times I flattered myself that it
was not so very difficult, and hoped I should by dili-
gence and watchfulness soon gain the point. Some-
times after enlargement in duty and considerable affec-
tion, I hoped I had made a good step toward heaven,
and imagined that God was affected as I was, and
would hear such sincere cries, as I called them. And
so sometimes, when I withdrew for secret prayer in
great distress, I returned comfortable ; and thus healed
myself with my duties.
"In February, 1739, 1 set apart a day for secret fast-
14 LIFE OF BRAINEHD. [Chap. 1.
ing and prayer, and spent the day in almost incessant
cries to God for mercy, that he would open my eyes to
see the evil of sin, and the way of life by Jesus Christ.
God was pleased that day to make considerable dis-
coveries of my heart to me. Still I trusted in all the
duties I performed, though there was no manner of
goodness in them ; there being in them no respect to
the glory of God, nor any such principle in my heart.
Yet God was pleased to make my endeavors, that day,
a means to show me my helplessness in some measure.
" Sometimes I was greatly encouraged, and imagined
that God loved me and was pleased with me, and thought
I should soon be fully reconciled to God. But the whole
was founded on mere presumption, arising from en-
largement in duty, or warmth of affections, or some good
resolutions, or the like. And when, at times, great dis-
tress began to arise on a sight of my vileness and ina-
bility to deliver myself from a sovereign God, I used
to put off the discovery, as what I could not bear.
Once, I remember, a terrible pang of distress seized
me ; and the thought of renouncing myself, and stand-
ing naked before God, stripped of all goodness, was so
dreadful to me that I was ready to say to it, as Felix to
Paul, " Go thy way for this time." Thus, though I daily
longed for greater conviction of sin; supposing that I
must see more of my dreadful state in order to a reme-
dy ; yet, when the discoveries of my vile, wicked heart
were made tome, the sight was so dreadful, and showed
me so plainly my exposedness to damnation, that I
could not endure it. I constantly strove after whatever
qualifications I imagined others obtained before the re-
ception of Christ, in order to recommend, me to his
favor. Sometimes I felt the power of a hard heart,
and supposed it must be softened before Christ would
1739.] HIS CONVICTION AND CONVERSION. 15
accept of me ; and when I felt any meltings of heart,
I hoped now the work was almost done. Hence, when
my distress still remained I was wont to murmur at
God's dealings with me; and thought, when others felt
their hearts softened, God showed them mercy; but
my distress remained still.
"At times I grew remiss and sluggish, without any
great convictions of sin, for a considerable time to-
gether; but after such a season convictions sometimes
seized me more violently. One night I remember in
particular, when I was walking solitarily abroad, I had
opened to me such a view of my sin that I feared the
ground would cleave asunder under my feet, and be-
come my grave ; and send my soul quick into hell, be-
fore I could get home. Though I was forced to go to
bed, lest my distress should be discovered by others,
which I much feared ; yet I scarcely durst sleep at all,
for I thought it would be a great wonder if I should be
out of hell in the morning. And though my distress
was sometimes thus great, yet I greatly dreaded the
loss of convictions, and returning back to a state of car-
lal security, and to my former insensibility of impend-
ng wrath ; which made me exceedingly exact in my
Dehaviour, lest I should stifle the motions of God's
Holy Spirit. When at any time I took a view of my
convictions, and thought the degree of them to be con-
siderable, I was wont to trust in them ; but this confi-
dence, and the hope of soon making some notable ad-
vances toward deliverance, would ease my mind, and I
soon became more senseless and remiss. Again, when
I discerned my convictions to grow languid, and
thought them about to leave me, this immediately
alarmed and distressed me. Sometimes I expected to
take a large step, and get very far toward conversion,
16 LIFE OF BHAINERD. [Chap. 1
by some particular opportunity or means I had in view
" The many disappointments, the great distress and
perplexity which I experienced, put me into a most
horrible frame of contesting with the almighty; with
inward vehemence and virulence finding fault with his
ways of dealing with mankind. My wicked heart
often wished for some other way of salvation than by
Jesus Christ. Being like the troubled sea, my thoughts
confused, I used to contrive to escape the wrath ot
God by some other means. I had strange projects,
full of Atheism, contriving to disappoint God's de-
signs and decrees concerning me, or to escape his no-
tice and hide myself from him. But when upon re-
flection I saw these projects were vain, and would not
serve me, and that I could contrive nothing for my
own relief, this would throw my mind into the most
horrid frame, to wish there was no God, or to wish
there was some other God that could control him.
These thoughts and desires were the secret inclina-
tions of my heart, frequently acting before I was
aware; but, alas! they were mine, althrugh I was
frightened when I came to reflect on them. When I
considered, it distressed me to think that my heart
was so full of enmity against God ; and it made me
tremble, lest his vengeance should suddenly fall upon
me. I used before to imagine that my heart was not
so bad as the Scriptures and some other books repre-
sented it. Sometimes I used to take much pains to
work it up into a good frame, a humble submissive dis-
position ; and hoped there was then some goodness in
me. But, on a sudden, the thoughts of the strictness
of the law, or the sovereignty of God, would so irri-
tate the corruption of my heart that I had so watched
over and hoped I had brought to a good frame, that it
1739. J HIS CONVICTION AND CONVEBS1ON. 1?
would break over all bounds, and burst forth on all
sides, like floods of waters when they break down
their dam.
" Being sensible of the necessity of deep humiliation
in order to a saving close with Christ, I used to set my-
self to produce in my own heart the convictions requi-
site in such a humiliation : as, a conviction that God
would be just, if he cast me off for ever; that if ever
God should bestow mercy on me, it would be mere
grace, though I should be in distress many years first,
and be never so much engaged in duty ; and that God
was not in the least obliged to pity me the more for all
past duties, cries, and tears. I strove to my utmost to
bring myself to a firm belief of these things and a
hearty assent to them ; and hoped that now I was
brought off from myself, truly humbled, and that I
bowed to the divine sovereignty. I was wont to tell God
in my prayers, that now I had those very dispositions
of soul which he required, and on which he showed
mercy to others, and thereupon to beg and plead for
mercy to me. But when I found no relief, and was
still oppressed with guilt and fears of wrath, my soul
was in a tumult, and my heart rose against God, as deal-
ing hardly with me. Yet then my conscience flew in
my face, putting me in mind of my late confession to
God of his justice in my condemnation. This, giving
me a sight of the badness of my heart, threw me again
into distress; and I wished that I had watched my
heart more narrowly, to keep it from breaking out
against God's dealings with me. I even wished that
f had not pleaded for mercy on account of my humi-
liation; because thereby I had lost all my seeming
goodness. Thus, scores of times I vainly imagined
myspl f humbled and prepared for saving mercy. While
Brainerd.
18 LIFE OP BRA.TUERD. [Chap. I
I was in this distressed, bewildered, and tumultuous
state of mind, the corruption of my heart was especial-
ly irritated with the following things.
1. " The strictness of the divine law. For I found
it was impossible for me, after my utmost pains, to an-
swer its demands. I often made new resolutions, and
as often broke them. I imputed the whole to careless-
ness, and the want of being more watchful, and used
to call myself a fool for my negligence. But when,
upon a stronger resolution, and greater endeavors, and
close application to fasting and prayer, I found all at-
tempts fail ; then I quarrelled with the law of God, as
unreasonably rigid. I thought, if it extended only to
my out-ward actions and behavior, that I could bear
with it; but I found that it condemned me for my evil
thoughts, and sins of my heart, which I could not pos-
sibly prevent. I was extremely loth to own my utter
helplessness in this matter: but after repeated disap-
pointments, thought that rather than perish I could do
a little more still ; especially if such and such circum-
stances might but attend my endeavors and strivings.
I hoped that I should strive more earnestly than ever,
if the matter came to extremity, though I never could
find the time to do my utmost in the manner I intend-
ed. This hope of future more favorable circumstances,
and of doing something great hereafter, kept me from
utter despair in myself, and from seeing myself fallen
into the hands of a sovereign God, and dependent on
nothing but free and boundless grace.
JJ."Another point that irritated me was, that faith
alone was the condition of salvation; that God would
not come down to lower terms ; and that he would nol
promise life and salvation upon mv sincere and hearty
1739.] HIS CONVICTION AND CONVERSION. J9
prayers and endeavors. That word, Mark 16 : 16, " He
that believeth not shall be damned," cut off all hope
there. I found that faith was the sovereign gift of God ;
that I could not get it as of myself; and could not oblige
God to bestow it upon me by any of my performances
Eph. 2 : 1, 8. " This," I was ready to say, "is a
hard saying, who can hear it ? " I could not bear that
all I had done should stand for mere nothing ; as
I had been very conscientious in duty, had been very
religious a great while, and had, as I thought, done
much more than many others who had obtained mer-
cy. I confessed indeed the vileness of my duties ; but
then what made them at that time seem vile, was my
wandering thoughts in them, rather than because I was
all over defiled like a devil, and the principle corrupt
from whence they flowed, so that I could not possibly
do any thing that was good. Hence I called what I did
by the name of honest faithful endeavors ; and could not
bear it, that God had made no promises of salvation
to them.
3." I could not find out what faith was; or what it
was to believe and come to Christ. I read the calls of
Christ to the weary and heavy laden; but could find no
way in which he directed them to come. I thought I
would gladly come, if I knew how; though the path
of duty were never so difficult. I read Stoddard's
Guide to Christ, (which I trust was, in the hand of God,
the happy means of my conversion,) and my heart rose
against the author ; for though he told me my very
heart all along under convictions, and seemed to be
very beneficial to me in his directions; yet here he
seemed to me to fail : he did not tell me any thing I
couid do that would bring me to Christ, but left me as
it were with a great gulph between me and Christ, with-
out any ^irfctio!! !::*, r/ > <?(>t through. For ! was uul
20 LIFE OF BRAINERD. [Chap. 1
yet effectually and experimentally taught, that there
could be no way prescribed, whereby a natural man
could, of his own strength, obtain that which is super-
natural, and which the highest angel cannot give.
4. " Another point was the sovereignty of God. I
could not bear that it should be wholly at God's plea-
sure, to save or damn me, just as he would. That pas-
sage, Rom. 9 : 1 1-23, was a constant vexation to me,
especially verse 21. Reading or meditating on this, al-
ways destroyed my seeming good frames; for when I
thought I was almost humbled, and almost resigned,
this passage would make my enmity against God ap-
pear. When I came to reflect on the inward enmity
and blasphemy which arose on this occasion, I was
the more afraid of God, and driven further from any
hopes of reconciliation with him. It gave me a dread-
ful view of myself; I dreaded more than ever to see
myself in God's hands, and it made me more opposite
than ever to submit to his sovereignty ; for I thought
He designed my damnation.
" All this time the Spirt of God was powerfully at
work with me ; and I was inwardly pressed to relin-
quish all self-confidence, all hope of ever helping my-
self by any means whatsoever. The conviction of my
lost estate was sometimes so clear and manifest before
my eyes that it was as if it had been declared to me in
so many words, " It is done, it is done, it is for ever
impossible to deliver yourself." For about three or
four days my soul was thus greatly distressed. At
some turns, for a few moments, I seemed to myself
lost and undone; but then would shrink back imme-
diately from the sight, because I dared not venture my-
self into the hands of God, as wholly helpless, and at
1739.] HIS CONVICTION AND CONVERSION. 21
the disposal of his sovereign pleasure. I dared not
see that important truth concerning myself, that I was
" dead in trespasses and sins." But when I had, as it
were, thrust away these views of myself at any time,
1 felt distressed to have the same discoveries of myself
again ; for I greatly feared being given over of God to
final stupidity. When I thought of putting it off to a
more "convenient season," the conviction was so close
and powerful, that the present time was the best, and
probably the only time, that I dared not put it off.
" It was the sight of truth concerning myself, truth
respecting my state, as a creature fallen and alienated
from God, and that consequently could make no de-
mands on God for mercy, but was at his absolute dis-
posal, from which my soul shrank away, and which I
trembled to think of beholding. Thus, he that doeth
evil, as all unregenerate men continually do, hates the
light of truth, neither cares to come to it, because it
will reprove his deeds, and show him his just deserts.
John, 3 : 20. Sometime before, I had taken much
pains, as I thought, to submit to the sovereignty of
God ; yet I mistook the thing, and did not once ima-
gine, that seeing and being made experimentally sen-
sible of this truth, which my soul now so much dreaded
and trembled at, was the frame of soul which I had so
earnestly desired. I had ever hoped that when I had
attained to that humiliation which I supposed neces-
sary to precede faith, then it would not be fair for God
to cast me off ; but now I saw it was so far from any
goodness in me, to own myself spiritually dead and
destitute of all goodness, that on the contrary, my
mouth would be for ever stopped by it ; and it looked
as dreadful to me, to see myself, and the relation I
stood in to God I a sinner and criminal, and he a
22 LIFE OF BHA1NERD. [Chap. I.
great Judge and Sovereign as it would be to a poor
trembling creature to venture off some high precipice.
Hence I put it off for a minute or two, and tried for
better circumstances to do it in : either I must read a
passage or two, or pray first, or something of the like
nature ; or else put off my submission to God with an
objection, that I did not know how to submit. But the
truth was, I could see no safety in owning myself in
the hands of a sovereign God, and could lay no claim
to any thing better than damnation.
" After a considerable time spent in similar exercises
and distress, one morning, while I was walking in a
solitary place, as usual, I at once saw that all my con-
trivances and projects to effect or procure deliverance
and salvation for myself were utterly in vain ; I was
brought quite to a stand, as finding myself totally lost.
I had thought many times before, that the difficulties
in my way were very great ; but now I saw, in another
and very different light, that it was for ever impossible
for me to do any thing toward helping or delivering
myself. I then thought of blaming myself, that I had
not done more, and been more engaged, while I had
opportunity for it seemed now as if the season of
doing was for ever over and gone but I instantly saw,
that let me have done what I would, it would no more
have tended to my helping myself, than what I had
done ; that I had made all the pleas I ever could have
made to all eternity ; and that all my pleas were vain.
The tumult that had been before in my mind was now
quieted ; and I was somewhat eased of that distress
which I felt while struggling against a sight of myself,
and of the divine sovereignty. I had the greatest CCN
tainty that my state was for ever miserable, for all that
I could do ; and wondered that I had never been sen-
sible of it before.
1739.J HIS CONVICTION AND CONVERSION. 23
" While I remained in this state my notions respect-
ing my duties were quite different from what I had
ever entertained in times past. Before this, the more
I did in duty, the more hard I thought it would be for
God to cast me off; though at the same time I con-
fessed, and thought I saw, that there was no goodness
or merit in my duties ; but now, the more I did in
prayer or any other duty, the more I saw that I was
indebted to God for allowing me to ask for mercy ; for
I saw that self interest had led me to pray, and that I
had never once prayed from any respect to the glory
of God. Now I saw that there was no necessary con-
nection between my prayers and the bestowment of
divine mercy ; that they laid not the least obligation upon
God to bestow his grace upon me ; and that there was no
more virtue or goodness in them than there would be
in rny paddling with my hand in the water, (which was
the comparison I had then in my mind ;) and this be-
cause they were not performed from any love or re-
gard to God. I saw that I had been heaping up my
devotions before God, fasting, praying, &c. pretend-
ing, and indeed really thinking sometimes, that I was
aiming at the glory of God ; whereas I never once
truly intended it, but only my own happiness. I saw
that as I had never done any thing for God, I had no
claim on any thing from him, but perdition, on ac-
count of my hypocrisy and mockery. Oh, how dif-
ferent did my duties now appear from what they used
to do ! I used to charge them with sin and imperfec-
tion ; but this was only on account of the wandering
and vain thoughts attending them, and not because I
had no regard to God in them ; for this I thought I had.
But when I saw evidently that I had had regard to
nothing but self-interest ; then they appeared a vile
24 LIKE OF BRA1NEKI). | Chap. 1
mockery of God, self-worship, and a continued course
of lies. I saw that something worse had attended my
duties than barely a few wanderings ; for the whole
was nothing but self-worship, and an horrid abuse
of God.
" I continued, as I remember, in this state of mind
from Friday morning till the Sabbath evening follow-
ing, (July 12, 1739,) when I was walking again in the
same solitary place where I was brought to see mysel
lost and helpless, as before mentioned. Here, in a
mournful melancholy state, I was attempting to pray ;
but found no heart to engage in prayer or any
other duty. My former concern,, exercise, and re
ligious affections were now gone. I thought that the
Spirit of God had quite left me ; but still was not dis-
tressed ; yet disconsolate, as if there was nothing in
heaven or earth could make me happy. Having been
thus endeavoring to pray though, as I thought, very
stupid and senseless for near half an hour ; then, as I
was walking in a dark thick grove, unspeakable glory
seemed to open to the view and apprehension of my
soul. I do not mean any external brightness, for I
saw no such thing ; nor do I intend any imagination of
a body of light, somewhere in the third heavens, or
any thing of that nature ; but it was a new inward ap-
prehension or view that I had of God, such as I never
had before, nor any thing which had the least resem-
blance of it. I stood still, wondered, and admired ! I
knew that I never had seen before any thing compara
ble to it for excellency and beauty ; it was widely dif
ferent from all the conceptions that ever I had of God,
or things divine. I had no particular apprehension of
any one person in the Trinity, either the Father, the
Son, or the Holy Ghost ; but it appeared to be Divine
1739. | HIS CONVICTION AND CONVERSION. 25
glory that I then beheld. My soul rejoiced with joy
unspeakable, to see such a God, such a glorious divine
Being ; and I was inwardly pleased and satisfied,
that he should be God over all for ever and ever. My
soul was so captivated and delighted with the excel-
lency, loveliness, greatness, and other perfections of
God, that I was even swallowed up in him ; at least to
that degree that I had no thought, as I remember, at
first, about my own salvation, and scarce reflected that
there was such a creature as myself.
" Thus God, I trust, brought me to a hearty disposi-
tion to exalt him, and set him on the throne, and prin-
cipally and ultimately to aim at his honor and glory,
as King of the universe. I continued in this state of
inward joy, peace and astonishment, till near dark,
without any sensible abatement; and then began to
think and examine what I had seen ; and felt sweetly
composed in my mind all the evening following. I
felt myself in a new world, and every thing about me
appeared with a different aspect from what it was
wont to do.
"At this time the way of salvation opened to me
with such infinite wisdom, suitableness, and excellency,
that I wondered I should ever think of any other way
of salvation ; I was amazed that I had not dropped my
own contrivances and complied with this lovely, blessed,
and excellent way before. If I could have been saved
by my own duties, or any other way that I had for-
merly contrived, my whole soul would now have re-
fused. I wondered that all the world did not see and
comply with this way of salvation, entirely by the
righteousness of Christ.
"The sweet relish of what I then felt continued with
me for several days, almost constantly, in a greater or
26 LIFE OF BRAINERD. [Chap I.
less degree. I could not but sweetly rejoice in God,
lying down and rising up. The next Lord's day I felt
something of the same kind, though not so powerful
as before. But not long after, I was again involved in
darkness, and in great distress ; yet not of the same kind
with my distress under convictions. I was guilty,
afraid, and ashamed to come before God ; and exceed-
ingly pressed with a sense of guilt; but it was not long
before I felt, I trust, true repentance and joy in God.
" In the beginning of September I went to Yale Col-
lege, and entered there ; but with some degree of re-
luctance, lest I should not be able to lead a life of strict
religion in the midst of so many temptations. After
this, in the vacation, before I went to tarry at college,
it pleased God to visit my soul with clearer manifesta-
tions of himself and his grace. I was spending some
time in prayer and self-examination, when the Lord,
by his grace, so shined into my heart, that I enjoyed
full assurance of his favor, for that time; and my soul
was unspeakably refreshed with divine and heavenly
enjoyments. At this time especially, as well as some
others, sundry passages of God's word opened to my
soul with divine clearness, power, and sweetness, so
as to appear exceeding precious, and with clear and
certain evidence of its being the word of God. I en-
joyed considerable sweetness in religion all the winter
following.
"In Jan. 1740, the measles spread much in college,
and I, having taken the distemper, went home to Had-
dam. But some days before I was taken sick I seem-
ed to be greatly deserted, and my soul mourned the
absence of the Comforter exceedingly. It seemed to
me that all comfort was for ever gone. 1 prayed and
cried to God for help, yet found no present comfort or
1740.] AT YALE COLLEGE. 27
relief. But through divine goodness, a night or two
before I was taken ill, while I was walking alone in a
very retired place, and engaged in meditation and prayer,
I enjoyed a sweet refreshing visit, as I trust, from above;
so that my soul was raised far above the fears of death.
Indeed, I rather longed for death, than feared it. Oh,
how much more refreshing this one season was, than
all the pleasures and delights that earth can afford.
After a day or two I was taken with the measles, and
was very ill indeed, so that I almost despaired of life;
but had no distressing fears of death. Through divine
goodness I soon recovered; yet, owing to hard study,
and to my being much exposed to interruptions on ac-
count of my freshmanship, I had but little time for spi-
ritual duties, and my soul often mourned for want of
more time and opportunity to be alone with God. In
the spring and summer following I had better advan-
tages for retirement, and enjoyed more comfort in re-
ligion, though my ambition in my studies greatly
wronged the activity and vigor of my spiritual life. It
was, however, usually the case with me, that, "in the
multitude of my thoughts within me, God's comforts
principally delighted my soul." These were my great-
est consolations day by day.
"One day, I think it was in June, 1740, 1 walked to
a considerable distance from college, in the fields alone,
at noon, and in prayer found such unspeakable sweet-
ness and delight in God, that I thought, if I must con-
tinue in this evil world, I wanted always to be there, to
behold God 's glory. My soul dearly loved all mankind,
and longed exceedingly that they should enjoy what I
enjoyed. It seemed to be a little resemblance of heaven.
"Some time in August following I became so re-
ductd in health by too close application to my studies,
28 LIFE OF BRAINERD. [ Chap. I.
that I was advised by my tutor to go home, and disen-
gage my mind from study as much as I could ; for I
was grown so weak that I began to raise blood. I took
his advice, and endeavored to lay aside my studies.
But being brought very low, I looked death in the face
more steadfastly; and the Lord was pleased to give
me renewedly a sweet sense and relish of divine things;
and particularly October 13, I found divine help and
consolation in the precious duties of secret prayer and
self-examination, and my soul took delight in the bless-
ed God : so likewise on the 17th of October.
Oct. 18. " In my morning devotions my soul was
exceedingly melted, and bitterly mourned over my
great sinfulness and vileness. I never before had felt so
pungent and deep a sense of the odious nature of sin,
as at this time. My soul was then unusually carried
forth in love to God, and had a lively sense of God's
love to me. And this love and hope, at that time case
out fear.
Lord's day, Oct. 19. " In the morning I felt my soul
hungering and thirsting after righteousness. While I
was looking on the elements of the Lord's Supper, and
thinking that Jesus Christ was now " set forth crucified
before me," my soul was filled with light and love, so
that I was almost in an ecstacy ; my body was so weak
I could scarcely stand. I felt at the same time an ex-
ceeding tenderness and most fervent love toward all
mankind ; so that my soul and all its powers seemed,
as it were, to melt into softness and sweetness. But
during the communion there was some abatement ol
this life and fervor. This love and joy cast out fear;
and my soul longed for perfect grace and glory. This
frame continued till the evening, when my soul was
sweetly spiritual in secret duties.
1740. J AT YALE COLLEGE. 29
Oct. 20. " I again found the assistance of the Holy
Spirit in secret duties, both morning and evening, and
life and comfort in religion through the whole day.
Oct. 21. " I had likewise experience of the goodness
of God in ' shedding abroad his love in my heart,' and
giving me delight and consolation in religious duties;
and all the remaining part of the week my soul seem-
ed to be taken up with divine things. I now so longed
after God, and to be freed from sin, that, when I felt
myself recovering, and thought I must return to college
again, which had proved so hurtful to my spiritual in-
terests the year past, I could not but be grieved, and
thought I had much rather die ; for it distressed me to
think of getting away from God. But before I went
I enjoyed several other sweet and precious seasons of
communion with God, (particularly Oct. 30, and Nov.
4,) wherein my soul enjoyed unspeakable comfort.
"I returned to college about Nov. 6, and, through
the goodness of God, felt the power of religion almost
daily, for the space of six weeks.
Nov. 28. "In my evening devotion I enjoyed pre-
cious discoveries of God, and was unspeakably refresh-
ed with that passage, Heb. 12 : 22-24. My soul longed
to wing away to the paradise of God ; I longed to be
conformed to God in all things. A day or two after
I enjoyed much of the light of God's countenance,
most of the day ; and my soul rested in God.
Dec. 9. " I was in a comfortable frame of soul most
of the day ; but especially in evening devotions, when
God was pleased wonderfully to assist and strengthen
me; so that I thought nothing should ever move me
from the love of God in Christ Jesus my Lord. Oh!
one hour with God infinitely exceeds all the pleasures
and delights of this lower world.
30 LIFE OP BHAINEHD. | Chap. I
'* Toward the latter part of January, 1741, I grew
more cold and dull in religion, by means of my old
temptation, ambition in my studies. But through di-
vine goodness, a great and general awakening spread
itself over the college, about the end of February,
in which I was much quickened, and more abundantly
engaged in religion."
This awakening was at the beginning of that extra-
ordinary religious commotion which then prevailed
through the land, and in which the college shared
largely. For thirteen months from this time BRAI-
NEHD kept a constant diary containing a very particu-
lar account of what passed from day to day, making
two volumes of manuscripts; but when he lay on his
death bed he gave orders (unknown to me till after his
death) that these two volumes should be destroyed,
inserting a notice, at the beginning of the succeeding
manuscripts, that a specimen of his manner of living
during that entire period would be found in the first
thirty pages next following, (ending with June 15,
1742,) except that he was now more " refined from
some imprudences and indecent heats" than before.
A circumstance in the life of BRAINERD, which gave
great offence to the rulers of the College, and occa-
sioned his expulsion, it is necessary should be here
particularly related. During the awakening in Col-
lege, there were several religious students who asso-
ciated together for mutual conversation and assistance
in spiritual things. These were wont freely to open
themselves one to another, as special and intimate
friends : BRAINERD was one of this company. And it
once happened, that he and two or three more of these
intimate friends were in the hall together after Mr.
1741.J AT YALE COLLEGE. 31
Whittlesey, one of the tutors, had engaged in prayer
with the scholars ; no other person now remaining in
the hall but Brainerd and his companions. Mr. Whit-
tlesey having been unusually pathetic in his prayer, one
of Brainerd's friends on this occasion asked him what
he thought of Mr. Whittlesey ; he made answer, " He
has no more grace than this chair." One of the fresh-
men happening at that time to be near the hall, (though
not in the room,) over-heard these words ; and though
he heard no name mentioned, and knew not who was
thus censured, informed a certain woman in the town,
withal telling her his own suspicion, that Brainerd said
this of some one of the rulers of the College. Where-
upon she informed the Rector, who sent for this fresh-
man and examined him. He told the Rector the words
which he heard Brainerd utter; and informed him who
were in the room with him at that time. Upon this the
Rector sent for them. They were very backward to
inform against their friend respecting what they looked
upon as private conversation; especially as none but
they had heard or knew of whom he had uttered those
words : yet the Rector compelled them to declare what
he said, and of whom he said it. Brainerd looked on
himself as very ill used in the management of this af-
fair ; and thought that it was injuriously extorted from
his friends, and then injuriously required of him as
if he had been guilty of some open, notorious crime
to make a public confession, and to humble himself be-
fore the whole College in the hall, for what he had
said only in private conversation. He not complying
with this demand, and having gone once to the Sepa-
rate meeting at New-Haven, when forbidden by the
Rector ; and also having been accused by one person
of saying concerning the Rector, " that he wondered
32 LIFE OF BRA1NERD. [Chap. II.
he did not expect to drop down dead for fining the
scholars who followed Mr. Tennent to Milford, though
there was no proof of it ; (and Brainerd ever professed
that he did not remember saying any thing to that
purpose,) for these things he was expelled the college.
How far the circumstances and exigencies of that
day might justify such great severity in the governors of
the college, I will not undertake to determine ; it being
ray aim, not to bring reproach on the authority of the
college, but only to do justice to the memory of a per-
son who was, I think, eminently one of those whose
memory is blessed. The reader will see, in the sequel,
(particularly under date of Septemper 14, 15, 1743,)
in how Christian a manner Brainerd conducted him-
self with respect to this affair; though he ever, as
long as he lived, supposed himself ill used in the
management of it, and in what he suffered. His ex-
pulsion was in the winter, 1742, while in his third
year at college.
CHAPTER XX.
From about the time when he began the study of Theology,
till he was licensed to preach.
AprU 1, 1742 July 29, 1742.
IN the spring of 1742 Brainerd went to live with
the Rev. Mr. Mills of Ripton, to pursue his studies
with him for the work of the ministry. Here he
spent the greater part of the time until he was licensed
to preach ; but frequently rode to visit the neighboring
ministers, particularly Mr. Cooke of Stratford. Mr.
1742. I WHILE STUDYING THEOLOGY. 33
Graham of Southbury, and Mr. Bellamy of Bethle-
hem. The following are extracts from his diary at
this period.
April 1, 1742." I seem to be declining, with res-
pect to my life and warmth in divine things ; have not
had so free access to God in prayer to-day as usual of
late. Oh that God would humble me deeply in the
dust before him ! I deserve hell every day, for not
loving my Lord more, who has, I trust, " loved me
and given himself for me j" and every time I am ena-
bled to exercise any grace renewedly, I am renewedly
indebted to the God of all grace for special assistance.
" Where then is boasting ?" Surely " it is excluded,"
when we think how we are dependent on God for the
existence and every act of grace. O if ever I get to
heaven, it will be because God pleases, and nothing
else ; for I never did any thing of myself but get away
from God ! My soul will be astonished at the un-
searchable riches of divine grace when I arrive at the
mansions which the blessed Savior is gone before
to prepare.
April 2. " In the afternoon I felt, in secret prayer,
much resigned, calm and serene. What are all the
storms of this lower world if Jesus, by his Spirit, does
but come walking' on the seas ! Sometime past I had
much pleasure in the prospect of the Heathen being
brought home to Christ, and desired that the Lord
would employ me in that work ; but now my soul more
frequently desires to die, to be with Christ. Oh that
my soul were wrapt up in divine love, and my longing
desires after God increased ! In the evening was re-
freshed in prayer, with the hopes of the advancement
of Christ's kingdom in the world.
Lord's ilay, April 4. " My heart was wandering
Brainerd. 3
34 LIFE OF BRAINERD. [Chap. II.
and lifeless. In the evening God gave me faith in
prayer, made my soul melt in some measure, and gave
me to taste a divine sweetness. O my blessed God !
Let me climb up near to him, and love, and long, and
plead, and wrestle, and stretch after him, and for deli-
verance from the body of sin and death. Alas ! my
soul mourned to think I should ever lose sight of its
beloved again. " O come, Lord Jesus, Amen."
April 6. " I walked out this morning ; had an af-
fecting sense of my own vileness ; and cried to God to
cleanse me, to give me repentance and pardon. I then
began to find it sweet to pray ; and could think of un-
dergoing the greatest sufferings in the cause of Christ,
with pleasure ; and found myself willing, if God should
so order it, to suffer banishment from my native land,
among the heathen, that I might do something for
their salvation, in distresses and deaths of any kind.
Then God gave me to wrestle earnestly for others, for
the kingdom of Christ in the world, and for dear Chris-
tian friends.
April 8. " Had raised hopes to-day respecting the
heathen. Oh that God would bring in great numbers
of them to Jesus Christ ! I cannot but hope that I
shall see that glorious day. Every thing in this world
seems exceeding vile and little to me : I appear so to
myself. I had some little dawn of comfort to-day in
prayer; but especially to-night, I think I had some
faith and power of intercession with God. I was en-
abled to plead with God for the growth of grace in
myself; and many of the dear children of God then
lay with weight upon my soul. Blessed be the Lord !
It is good to wrestle for divine blessings.
April 9. " Most of my time in morning devotion
was spent without sensible sweetness ; yet I had one
1742.] WHILE STUDYING THEOLOGY. 35
delightful prospect of arriving at the heavenly world.
I am more amazed than ever at such thoughts ; for 1
see myself infinitely vile and unworthy. No poor
creature stands in need of divine grace more than I,
and none abuse it more than I have done, and still do.
Lord's day, April 11. " In the morning I felt but
little life ; yet my heart was somewhat drawn out in
thankfulness to God for his amazing grace and con-
descension to me, in past influences and assistances of
his Spirit. Afterward, I had some sweetness in the
thoughts of arriving at the heavenly world. O for the
happy day '. After public worship, God gave me spe-
cial assistance in prayer ; I wrestled with my dear
Lord, and intercession was made a delightful employ-
ment to me. In the evening, as I was viewing" the
light in the north, I was delighted in the contemplation
of the glorious morning of the resurrection.
April 12. " This morning the Lord was pleased to
lift up the light of his countenance upon me in secret
prayer, and made the season very precious to my soul.
Though I have been so depressed of late, respecting
my hopes of future serviceableness in the cause of God;
yet now I had much encouragement. I was especially
assisted to intercede and plead for poor souls, and for
the enlargement of Christ's kingdom in the world, and
for special grace for myself, to fit me for special ser-
vices. My faith lifted me above the world, and re-
moved all those mountains over which of late I could
not iook. I wanted not the favor of man to lean upon ;
for I knew that Christ's favor was infinitely better, and
that it was no matter when nor where, nor how Christ
should send me, nor what trials he should still exercise
me with, if I might be prepared for his work and will.
April 14. " My soul longed for communion with
36 LIFE OF BRAINEKD. [ Chap. II
Christ, and for the mortification of indwelling corrup-
tion, especially spiritual pride. O, there is a sweet
day coming, wherein " the weary will be at rest !"
My soul has enjoyed much sweetness this day, in the
hope of its speedy arrival.
April 15. " My desires apparently centered in God
and I found a sensible attraction of soul after him sun-
dry times to-day. I know that / long- for God, and a
conformity to his will, in inward purity and holiness,
ten thousand times more than for any thing here
below.
Lord's day, April 18. " I retired early this morn-
ing into the woods for prayer ; had the assistance of
God's Spirit,and faith in exercise; and was enabled to
plead with fervency for the advancement of Christ's
kingdom in the world, and to intercede for dear, absent
friends. At noon, God enabled me to wrestle with
him, and to feel, as I trust, the power of divine love
in prayer. At night, I saw myself infinitely indebted
to God, and had a view of my failures in duty. It
seemed to me that I had done, as it were, nothing for
God, and that I had lived to him but a few hours of
my life.
April 19. " I set apart this day for fasting and
prayer to God for his grace ; especially to prepare me
for the work of the ministry ; to give me divine aid
and direction, in my preparations for that great work ;
and in his own time to send me into his harvest. Ac-
cordingly, in the morning I endeavored to plead for
the divine presence for the day, and not without some
life. In the forenoon I felt the power of intercession
for precious, immortal souls ; for the advancement of
the kingdom of my dear Lord and Savior in the world ;
and withal, a most sweet resignation and even conso-
742.J WHILE STUDYING THEOLOGY. 37
lation and joy, in the thoughts of suffering hardships,
distresses, and even death itself, in the promotion of it,
and had special enlargement in pleading for the en-
lightening and conversion of the poor heathen. In the
afternoon God was with me of a truth. O, it was
blessed company indeed ! God enabled me so to ago-
nize in prayer, that I was quite wet with sweat, though
in the shade and the cool wind. My soul was drawn
out very much for the world ; I grasped for multitudes
of souls. I think I had more enlargement for sinners
than for the children of God ; though I felt as if I could
spend my life in cries for both. I had great enjoy-
ment in communion with my dear Savior. I think I
never in my life felt such an entire weanedness from
this world, and so much resigned to God in every
thing. O that I may always live to and upon my
blessed God ! Amen, Amen.
April 20. " This day I am twenty-four years of
age. O how much mercy have I received the year
past ! How often has God " caused his goodness to
pass before me !" And how poorly have I answered
the vows I made one year since, to be wholly the
Lord's, to be for ever devoted to his service! The
Lord help me to live more to hrs glory for the time to
come. This has been a sweet, a happy day to me;
blessed be God. I think my soul was never so drawn
out in intercession for others, as it has been this night.
Had a most fervent wrestle with the Lord to-night, for
my enemies ; and I hardly ever so longed to live to
God, and to be altogether devoted to him ; I wanted to
wear out my life in his service, and for his glory.
April 21. "Felt much calmness and resignation;
and God again enabled me to wrestle for numbers of
souls, and gave me fervency in the sweet duty of in
38 LIFE OP BRAINERD. [Chap. II
tercession. I enjoy of late more sweetness in inter-
cession for others, than in any other part of prayer.
My blessed Lord really let me come near to him, and
plead with him.
Lord 's day, April 25. " This morning I spent about
two hours in secret duties, and was enabled, more than
ordinarily, to agonize for immortal souls. At night I
was exceedingly melted with divine love, and had some
feeling sense of the blessedness of the upper world.
Those words hung upon me with much divine sweet-
ness. Psa. 84 : 7. " They go from strength to strength,
every one of them in Zion appeareth before God." O
the near access that God sometimes gives us in our ad-
dresses to him ! This may well be termed " appearing
before God : " it is so indeed, in the true spiritual sense,
and in the sweetest sense. I think that I have not had
such power of intercession these many months, both
for God's children, and for dead sinners, as I have had
this evening I wished and longed for the coming of
my dear Lord: I longed to join the angelic hosts in
praises, wholly free from imperfection. O, the blessed
moment hastens ! All I want is to be more holy, more
like my dear Lord. Oh for sanctification! My very
soul pants for the complete restoration of the blessed
'mage of my Savior; that I may be fit for the blessed
enjoyments and employments of the heavenly world.
" Farewell, vain world ; my soul can bid Adieu
'My SAVJOR taught me to abandon you.
' Your charms may gratify a SENSUAL mind
'But cannot please a soul for GOD design'd.
1 Forbear t ' entice ; cease then my soul to call ;
" Tis fixed through grace ; my God shall be iny ALL.
' While he thus lets me>heavenly glories view,
" Your beautie* fade, my heart's no room for you."
1742.] WHILE STUDYING THEOLOGY. 39
" The Lord refreshed my soul with many sweet pas-
sages of his word. O the New Jerusalem ! my soul
longed for it. O the song of Moses and the Lamb !
And that blessed song, that no man can learn but they
who are " redeemed from the earth ! "
Lord, I'm a stranger here alone; _
'Earth no true comforts can afford;
* Yet, absent from my dearest one,
'My soul delights to cry 'My Lord!"
' JESUS, my Lord, my only love,
' Possess my soul, nor ihence depart :
' Grant me kind visits, heavenly Dovo ;
' My God shall then have all my heart."
April 27. "I arose and retired early for secret de-
votions ; and in prayer, God was pleased to pour such
ineffable comforts into my soul, that I could do nothing
for some time but say over and over, " O my sweet Sa-
vior ! whom have I in Heaven but thee ? and there is
none upon earth that I desire beside thee." If I had
a thousand lives, my soul would gladly have laid them
all down at once, to have been with CHRIST. My soul
never enjoyed so much of heaven before ; it was the
most refined and most spiritual season of communion
with God I ever yet felt.
April 28. " I withdrew to my usualplace of retire-
ment, in great peace and tranquility, spent about two
hours in secret duties, and felt much as I did yester-
day morning, only weaker, and more overcome. I
seemed to depend wholly on my dear Lord ; weaned
from all other dependencies. I knew not what to say
to my God, but only lean on his bosom, as it were, and
breathe out my desires after a perfect conformity to
him in all things. Thirsting desires after perfect holi-
ness, and insatiable longings possessed ray soul. God
40 LIFE OP BRAINERD. [Chap. Jl
*, ^j,
was no precious to me that the world, with all its enjoy-
ments, was infinitely vile. I had no more value for
the favor of men, than for pebbles. The LORD was my
ALL, and that he over-ruled all, greatly delighted me.
I think that my faith and dependence on God scarce
ever rose so high. I saw him such a fountain of good-
ness |hat it seemed impossible I should distrust nim
again, or be any way anxious about any thing that
should happen to me. I now had great satisfaction in
praying for absent friends, and for the enlargement of
Christ's kingdom in the world. Much of the power of
these divine enjoyments remained with me through
the day. In the evening my heart seemed to melt, and
I trust was really humbled for indwelling corruption,
and I " mourned like a dove." I felt that all my un-
happiness arose from my being a sinner. With resig-
nation, I could bid welcome to all other trials ; but sin
hung heavy upon me ; for God discovered to me the
corruption of my heart. I went to bed with a heavy
heart, because I was a sinner ; though I did not in the
least doubt of God's love. O that God would " purge
away my dross, and take away my tin," and make me
ten times refined !
May I. "I was enabled to cry to God with fer
vency for ministerial qualifications, that he would ap
pear for the advancement of his own kingdom, and
that he would bring in the Heathen. Had much assis-
tance in my studies. This has been a profitable week
to me; I have enjoyed many communications of the
blessed Spirit in my soul.
May 3. " Had a sense of vile ingratitude. In the
morning I withdrew to my usual place of retirement,
and mourned for my abuse of my dear Lord ; spent
the day in fasting and prayer. God gave me much
1742. j WHILE STUDYING THEOLOGY. 41
power of wrestling for his cause and kingdom ; and it
was a happy day to my soul. God was with me all
the day; and I was more above the world than ever in
my life.
May 13. (At Wethersfield.) "Saw so much of the
wickedness of my heart that I longed to get away
from myself. I never before thought that there was
so much spiritual pride in my soul. I felt almost
pressed to death with my own vileness. O what a
"body of death" is there in me ! Lord deliver my soul !
t could not find any convenient place for retirement,
and was greatly exercised. Rode to Hartford in the
afternoon ; had some refreshment and comfort in reli-
gious exercises with Christian friends; but longed for
more retirement. O, the closest walk with God is the
sweetest heaven that can be enjoyed on earth !
June 14. " Felt somewhat of the sweetness of com-
munion with God, and the constraining force of his
love; how admirably it captivates the soul, and makes
all the desires and affections centre in God ! I set
apart this day for secret fasting and prayer, to entreat
God to direct and bless me with regard to the great work
which I have in view, of preaching thegospel and that
the Lord would return to me, and individually " show
me the light of his countenance." Had little life and
power in the forenoon: near the middle of the afternoon
God enabled me to wrestle ardently in intercession for
absent friends : but just at night the Lord visited me
marvellously in prayer. 1 think my soul never was in
such an agony before. I felt no restraint, for the trea-
sures of divine grace were opened to me. I wrestled
for absent friends, for the ingathering of souls, for
multitudes of poor souls, and for many that I thought
were the children of God, in many distant places. I
42 LIFE OF BRAINERD. ( Chap. II.
was in such an agony, from half an hour before sun-
set, till near dark, that I was all over wet with sweat :
but yet it seemed to me that I had wasted away the
day, and had done nothing. O, my dear Savior did
sweat blood for poor souls ! I longed for more com-
passion toward them. Felt still in a sweet frame, under
a sense of divine love and grace ; and went to bed in
such a frame, with my heart set on God.
June 15. " Had the most ardent longings after God.
At noon, in my secret retirement, I could do nothing
but tell my dear Lord, in a sweet calm, that he knew 1
desired nothing but himself, nothing but holiness ; that
he had given me these desires, and he only could give
me the thing desired. I never seemed to be so un-
hinged from myself, and to be so wholly devoted to
God. My heart was swallowed up in God most of the
day. In the evening I had such a view of the soul be-
ing, as it were, enlarged, to contain more holiness, that
it seemed ready to separate from my body. I then
wrestled in an agony for divine blessings; had my
heart drawn out in prayer for some Christian friends,
beyond what I ever had before. I feel differently now
from what I ever did under any enjoyments before;
more engaged to live to God for ever, and less pleased
with my own frames. I am not satisfied with my
frames, nor feel at all more easy after such strugglings
than before ; for it seems far too little, if I could al-
ways be so. O how short do I fall of my duty in my
sweetest moments !
June 18. " Considering my great unfitness for the
work of the ministry, my present deadness, and total
inability to do any thing for the glory of God that way,
feeling myself very helpless, and at a great loss what
the Lord would have me to do; 1 set apart this day for
1742.] WHILE STUDYING THEOLOGY. 43
prayer to God, and spent most of the day in that duty
but was amazingly deserted most of the day. Yet 1
found God graciously near, once in particular ; while i
was pleading for more compassion for immortal souls,
my heart seemed to be opened at once, and I was ena-
bled to cry with great ardency for a few minutes. O,
I was distressed to think, that I should offer such dead
cold services to the living God ! My soul seemed to
breathe after holiness, a life of constant devotedness to
God. But I am almost lost sometimes in the pursuit
of this blessedness, and ready to sink, because I con-
tinually fall short, and miss of my desire. O that the
Lord would help me to hold out, yet a little while, until
the happy hour of deliverance comes!
June 30. " Spent this day alone in the woods, in
fasting and prayer ; underwent the most dreadful con-
flicts in my soul. I saw myself so vile that I was
ready to say, " I shall now perish by the hand of
Saul." I thought that I had no power to stand for the
cause of God, but was almost afraid of the shaking of
a leaf. Spent almost the whole day in prayer, inces-
santly. I could not bear to think of Christians show-
ing me any respect. I almost despaired of doing any
service in the world : I could not feel any hope or
comfort respecting the heathen, which used to afford
me some refreshment in the darkest hours of this na-
ture. I spent the day in bitterness of soul. Near
night I felt a little better ; and afterward enjoyed
some sweetness in secret prayer.
July 1. " Had some enjoyment in prayer this morn-
ing ; and far more than usurl in secret prayer to-night,
and desired nothing so ardently as that God should do
loith me just as he pleased.
July 2. " Felt composed in secret prayer in the
44 LIFE OF BRA1NERD. [Chap. II,
morning. My desires ascended to God this day, as
I was traveling: was comfortable in the evening.
Blessed be God for all my consolations.
July 3. " My heart seemed again to sink. The dis-
grace I was laid under at college seemed to damp my
spirits ; as it opens the mouths of opposers. I had no
refuge but in God. Blessed be his name, that I may
go to him at all times, and find him a " present help.'
Lord's day, July 4. " Had considerable assistance
In the evening I withdrew, and enjoyed a happy sea-
son in secret prayer. God was pleased to give me the
exercise of faith, and thereby brought the invisible
and eternal world near to my soul ; which appeared
sweetly to me. I hoped that my weary pilgrimage in
the world would be short ; and that it would not be
long before 1 should be brought to my heavenly home
and Father's house. I was resigned to God's will, to
tarry his time, to do his work, and suffer his pleasure.
I felt thankfulness to God for all my pressing desertions
of late ; for I am persuaded that they have been made
a means of making me more humble, and much more
resigned. I felt pleased to be little, to be nothing, and
to lie in the dust. I enjoyed life and consolation in
pleading for the dear children of God, and the king-
dom of Christ in the world : and my soul earnestly
breathed after holiness, and the enjoyment of God.
" O come, Lord Jesus, come quickly."
July 29. " I was examined by the Association met
at Danbury, as to my learning, and also my experience
in religion, and received a licence from them to preach
the Gospel of Christ. Afterward felt much devoted
to God ; joined in prayer with one of the ministers,
my peculiar friend, in a convenient place ; and went
to bed resolving to live devoted to God all my days. n
1742.] WHILE A LICENTIATE. 45
CHAPTER III.
From kis being licensed to preach, tiU he was commissioned as o
Missionary.
July 30. Nov. 25, 1742.
July 30, 1742." Rode from Danbury to South-
bury ; preached there, from 1 Pet. 4 : 8. Had much
of the comfortable presence of God in the exercise. I
seemed to have power with God in prayer, and power
to get hold of the hearts of the people in preaching.
Aug. 12. (Near Kent.) " This morning and last
night I was exercised with sore inward trials : I had
no power to pray; but seemed shut out from God. I
had in a great measure lost my hopes of God's send-
ing me among the Heathen afar off, and of seeing
them flock home to Christ. I saw so much of my
vileness, that I wondered that God would let me live,
and that people did not stone me ; much more that
they would ever hear me preach ! It seemed as though
I never could preach any more ; yet about nine or ten
o'clock the people came over, and I was forced to
preach ; and blessed be God, he gave me his presence
and Spirit in prayer and preaching; so that I was
much assisted, and spake with power, from Job, 14 : 14,
Some Indians residing here, cried out in great dis-
tress, and all appeared greatly concerned. After we
had prayed and exhorted them to seek the Lord with
constancy, and hired an Englishwoman to keep a kind
of school among them, we came away."
Lord's day, Aug. 15. " Felt much comfort and de-
votedness to God this day. At night, it was refresh-
ing to get alone with God, and pour out my smd. 0,
46 LIFE OP BRAINERD. L Chap. HI.
who can conceive of the sweetness of communion
with the blessed God, but those who have experience
of it ! Glory to God for ever, that I may taste heaven
below.
Aug. 17. " Exceedingly depressed in spirit, it cuts
and wounds my heart to think how much self-exalta-
tion, spiritual pride, and warmth of temper, I have
formerly had intermingled with my endeavors to pro-
mote God's work : and sometimes I long to lie down
at the feet of opposers, and confess what a poor im-
perfect creature I have been, and still am. The Lord
forgive me, and make me, for the future, " wise as a
serpent, and harmless as a dove !" Afterward en-
joyed considerable comfort and delight of soul.
Aug. 19. " This day, being about to go from Mr.
Bellamy's, at Bethlehem, where I had resided some
time, I prayed with him and two or three other Chris-
tian friends. We gave ourselves to God with all our
hearts, to be his for ever : eternity looked ve/y near
to me while I was praying. If I never should see
these Christians again in this world, it seemed but a
few moments before I should meet them in another
world.
Aug. 23. " Had a sweet season in secret prayer :
the Lord drew near to my soul, and filled me with
peace and divine consolation. O, my soul tasted the
sweetness of heaven ; and was drawn out in prayer
for the world, that it might come home to Christ !
Had much comfort in the thoughts and hopes of the
ingathering of the Heathen ; was greatly assisted in
intercession for Christian friends."
Sept. 1. " Went to Judea to the ordination of Mr.
Judd. Mr. Bellamy preached from Matt. 24 46.
' Blessed is that servant whom his Lord, when he
1742. J WHILE A LICENTIATE. 47
cometh, shall find so doing.' I felt very solemn ; had
my thoughts much on that time when our Lord will
come, which refreshed my soul much ; only I was
afraid I should not be found faithful, because I have
so vile a heart, My thoughts were much in eternity
where I love to dwell. Blessed be God for this solemn
season. Rode home to night with Mr. Bellamy, con-
versed with some friends till it was very late, and then
retired to rest in a comfortable frame.
Sept. 4. " Much out of health, exceedingly depressed
in my soul, and at awful distance from God. Toward
night, spent some time in profitable thoughts on Rom.
8 : 2. Near night, had a very sweet season in prayer ;
God enabled me to wrestle ardently for the advance-
ment of the Redeemer's kingdom ; pleaded earnestly
for my own dear brother John, (who at length became
his successor as a Missionary to the Indians,) that God
would make him more of a pilgrim and stranger on
the earth, and fit him for singular serviceableness in
the world ; and my heart sweetly exulted in the Lord,
in the thoughts of any distresses that might alight on
him or on me, in the advancement of Christ's king-
dom. It was a sweet and comfortable hour unto my
.' soul, while I was indulged with freedom to plead, not
only for myself, but also for many other souls.
Sept. 16. " At night, enjoyed much of God, in se-
cret prayer : felt an uncommon resignation to be and
do what God pleased. Some days past I felt great
perplexity on account of my past conduct : my bitter-
ness, and want of Christian kindness and love, has
been very distressing to my soul : the Lord forgive
me my unchristian warmth, and want of a spirit of
meekness ! v{ Jj/
Oct. 21. " Had a very deep sense of the vanity of
48 LIFE OF BKAINERD. [Chap. Ill
the world, most of the day ; had little more regard to
it, than if I had been to go into eternity the next hour.
Through divine goodness, I felt very serious and
solemn. O Hove to live on the brink of eternity, in my
views and meditations ! This gives me a sweet, awful
and reverential sense and apprehension of God and
divine things, when I see myself as it were, standing
before the judgment seat of Christ.
Oct. 22. " Uncommonly weaned from the world to-
day : my soul delighted to be a " stranger and pilgrim
on the earth ;" I felt a disposition in me never to have
any thing to do with this world. The character given
of some of the ancient people of God, in Heb. 11 : 13,
was very pleasing to me, " They confessed that they
were pilgrims and strangers on the earth," by their
daily practice ; and O that I could always do so !
Spent some time in a pleasant grove, in prayer and
meditation. O it is sweet to be thus weaned from
friends, and from myself, and dead to the present
world, that so I may live wholly to and upon the
blessed God ! Saw myself little, low and vile, as I am
in myself. In the afternoon preached at Bethlehem
from Deut. 8 : 2. God helped me to speak to the
hearts of dear Christians. Blessed be the Lord for this
season : I trust they and I shall rejoice on this account
to all eternity. Dear Mr. Bellamy came in while I
was making the first prayer, (having returned home
from a journey,) and after meeting we walked away
together, and spent the evening in sweetly conversing
on divine things, and praying together, with tender
love to each other, and retired to rest with our hearts
in a serious spiritual frame.
Oct. 26." [At West Suffield.J Was in great dis-
tress, under a sense of my own unworthiness. It
1742.J WHILE A LICENTIATE. 49
seemed to me that I deserved rather to be driven out
of the place, than to have any body treat me with
kindness, or come to hear me preach. And verily my
spirits were so depressed at this time (as at many
others) that it was impossible I should treat immortal
souls with faithfulness. I could not deal closely and
faithfully with them, I felt so infinitely vile in myself.
what dust and ashes I am, to think of preaching the
Gospel to others ! Indeed, I never can be faithful for
one moment, but shall certainly " daub with untem-
pered mortar," if God do not grant me special help.
In the evening I went to the meeting-house, and it
looked to me near as easy for one to rise out of the
grave and preach, as for me. However, God afforded
me some life and power, both in prayer and sermon ;
and was pleased to lift me up, and show me that he
could enable me to preach. O the wonderful goodness
of God to so vile a sinner ! Returned to my lodgings,
and enjoyed some sweetness in prayer alone, and
mourned that I could not live more to God.
November 4. " [At Lebanon.] Saw much of my
nothingness most of this day ; but felt concerned that
1 had no more sense of my insufficiency and unwor-
thiness. O it is sweet lying in the dust I But it is dis-
tressing to feel in my soul that hell of corruption
which still remains in me. In the afternoon had a
sense of the sweetness of a strict, close, and constant
devotedness to God, and my soul was comforted with
his consolations. My soul felt a pleasing, yet painful
concern, lest I should spend some moments without
Gua. O may I always live to God ! In the evening I
was visited by some friends, and spent the time in
prayer, and such conversation as tended to our edifica-
tion. It was a comfortable season to my soul : I felt an
Brainerd. 4
SO LIFE OF BRAINERD. [ Chap. Ill
intense desire to spend every moment for God. God
is unspeakably gracious to me continually. In times
past, he has given me inexpressible sweetness in the
performance of duty. Frequently my soul has enjoyed
much of God ; but has been ready to say, " Lord, it is
good to be here," and so to indulge sloth, while I have
lived on my enjoyments. But of late, God has been
pleased to keep my soul hungry, almost continually ;
so that I have been filled with a kind of pleasing pain.
When I really enjoy God I feel my desires of him the
more insatiable, and my thirstings after holiness the
more unquenchable ; and the Lord will not allow me
to feel as though I were fully supplied and satisfied,
but keeps me still reaching forward. I feel barren and
empty, as though I could not live without more of
God ; I feel ashamed and guilty before him. I see that
" the law is spiritual, but I am carnal." I do not, I
cannot live to God. O for holiness ! O for more of
God in my soul ! O this pleasing pain ! It makes my
soul press after God ; the language of it is, " Then
shall I be satisfied, when I awake in God's likeness,"
but never, never before : and consequently, lam en-
gaged to " press toward the mark," day by day. O
that I may feel this continual hunger, and not be re-
tarded, but rather animated, by every cluster from Ca-
naan, to reach forward in the narrow way for the full
enjoyment and possession of the heavenly inheritance !
O that I may never loiter in my heavenly journey !"
Lord's day, Nov. 7. " [At Millington.] It seemed
as if such an unholy wretch as I never could arrive al
that blessedness, to be " holy, as God is holy." At
noon, I longed for sanctification, and conformity 10
God. O that is THE ALL, THE ALL. The Lord help me
to press after God for ever.
1742.J WHILE A LICENTIATE. 51
Nov. 8. " Toward night, enjoyed much sweetness
in secret prayer, so that my soul longed for an arrival
in the heavenly country, the blessed paradise of God.
Through divine goodness I have scarce seen the day
for two months, in which death has not looked so plea-
sant to me, at one time or other of the day, that I could
have rejoiced that it should be my last, notwithstand-
ing my present inward trials and conflicts. I trust the
Lord will finally make me a conqueror, and more than
a conqueror ; and that I shall be able to use that trium-
phant language, " O death, where is thy sting ! O grave,
where is thy victory !"
Nov. 19. " [At New-Haven.] Received a letter from
the Rev. Mr. Pemberton, of New-York, desiring me
speedily to go down thither, and consult in reference
to the evangelizing of the Indians in those parts; and
to meet certain gentlemen there who were intrusted
with those affairs. My mind was instantly seized with
concern ; so I retired, with two or three Christian
friends, and prayed ; and indeed it was a sweet time
with me. I was enabled to leave myself, and all my
concerns with God ; and taking leave of friends, I rode
to Ripton, and was comforted in an opportunity to see
and converse with dear Mr. Mills."
Nov. 24. " Came to New- York ; felt still much con-
cerned about the importance of my business; made
many earnest requests to God for his help and direc-
tion ; was confused with the noise and tumult of the
city ; enjoyed but little time alone with God ; but my
soul longed after him.
Nov. 25. " Spent much time in prayer and suppli-
cation : was examined in reference to my Christian ex-
perience, my acquaintance with divinity, and some
other studies and my qualifications for the important
52 LIFE OF BKAINEKU. [Chap. IV
work of evangelizing the heathen ,* and was made sen-
sible of my great ignorance and unfitness for public
service. I had the most abasing thoughts of myself;
I felt that I was the worst wretch that ever lived : it
pained my very heart, that any body should show me
any respect. Alas ! methought how sadly they are
deceived in me ! how miserably would they be disap-
pointed if they knew my inside ! O my heart ! And
in this depressed condition I was forced to go and
preach to a considerable assembly, before some grave
and learned ministers ; but felt such a pressure from a
sense of my vileness, ignorance, and unfitness to ap-
pear in public, that I was almost overcome with it ;
my soul was grieved for the congregation, that they
should sit there to hear such a dead dog as I preach.
I thought myself infinitely indebted to the people, and
longed that God would reward them with the rewards
of his grace. I spent much of the evening alone."
CHAPTER IV.
From his appointment as a Missionary, to his contmencing Ais
Mission among the Indians at Kaunaumcek, in New-York.
Nov. 26, 3742. March 31, 1743.
Nov. 26, 1742. " Had still a sense of my great vile-
ness, and endeavored as much as I could to keep alone.
O what a nothing, what dust and ashes am I ! Enjoyed
* Mr. Brainerd was examined by the correspondents in New
York, New-Jersey, and Pennsylvania, of the Society in Scot-
land for propagating Christian knowledge ; to whom was com-
mitted the management of their affairs in those parts, and who
were now met at New-York.
1742.J WHILE A LICENTIATE. 58
some peace and comfort in spreading my complaints
before the God of all grace.
Nov. 27. " Committed my soul to God with some
degree of comfort ; left New- York about nine in the
morning ; came away with a distressing sense still of
my unspeakable unworthiness. Surely I may well
love all my brethren ; for none of them all is so vile
as I: whatever they do outwardly, yet it seems to me
none is conscious of so much guilt before God. O my
leanness, my barrenness, my carnality, and past bitter-
ness, and want of a gospel temper ! These things op-
press my soul. Rode from New-York, thirty miles, to
White Plains, and most of the way continued lifting
up my heart to God for mercy and purifying grace;
and spent the evening much dejected in spirit.
Dec. 1. " My soul breathed after God, in sweet
spiritual and longing desires of conformity to him,
and was brought to rest itself on his rich grace, and
felt strength and encouragement to do or suffer any
thing, that divine providence should allot me. Rode
about twenty miles, from Stratfield to Newtown."
Within the space of the next nine days he went a
journey from Newtown to Haddam, his native town;
and after staying there some days, returned again
into the western part of Connecticut, and came to
Southbury.
Dec. 11. " Conversed with a dear friend, to whom
I had thought of giving a liberal education, and being
at the whole charge of it, that he might be fitted for the
gospel ministry.* I acquainted him with my thoughts
* Brainerd, having now undertaken the business of a mis-
sionary to the Indians, and having some estate left him by his
father, judged that there was 110 way in which he could spend
it more fnr the glory of God, than hy being at the charge of
64 LIFE OF- BRAINERD. [Chap. IV
on the subject, and so left him to consider of i(, till I
should see him again. Then I rode to Bethlehem,
came to Mr. Bellamy's lodgings, and spent the evening
with him in sweet conversation and prayer. We com-
mended the concern of sending my friend to college
to the God of all grace. Blessed be the Lord for this
evening's opportunity together.
Lord's day, Dec. 12. " I felt, in the morning, as if
I had little or no power either to pray or preach ; and
felt a distressing need of divine help. 1 went to meeting
trembling ; but it pleased God to assist me in prayer
and sermon. I think my soul scarce ever penetrated
so far into the immaterial world, in any one prayer
that I ever made, nor were my devotions ever so free
from gross conceptions and imaginations framed from
beholding material objects. I preached with some
satisfaction, from Matt. 6 : 33. "But seek ye first the
kingdom of God," &c. ; and in the afternoon, from
Rom. 15 : 30. "And now I beseech you brethren,''
&c. There was much affection in the assembly. This
has been a sweet Sabbath to me ; and blessed be God,
I have reason to think that my religion has become
more spiritual by means of my late inward conflicts.
Amen. May I always be willing that God should use
his own methods with me !
Dec. 14. " Some perplexity hung on my mind ; I
was distressed last night and this morning for the in-
terests of Zion, especially on account of the false ap-
pearances of religion, that do but rather breed confu-
cducating some young man of talents and piety for the minis-
try. The young man here spoken of was selected for this pur-
pose, and received his education at Braiuerd's expense, so
long as his benefactor lived, which was till he was carried
through his third vear in college.
1742. j WHILE A LICENTIATE. 55
sion, especially in some places. I cried to God for
help, to enable me to bear testimony against those
things, which, instead of promoting, do but hinder the
progress of vital piety. In the afternoon, rode down
to Southbury, and conversed again with my friend
on the important subject of his pursuing the work of
the ministry ; and he appeared much inclined to de-
vote himself to it, if God should succeed his attempts
to qualify himself for so great a work. In the evening
1 preached from 1 Thess. 4:8, and endeavored, though
with tenderness, to undermine false religion. The
Lord gave me some assistance.
Dec. 15. " Enjoyed something of God to-day, both
in secret and social prayer ; but was sensible of much
barrenness and defect in duty, as well as my inability to
help myself for the time to come, or to perform the
work and business I have to do. Afterward, felt much
of the sweetness of religion, and the tenderness of the
gospel-temper. I found a dear love to all mankind,
and was much afraid lest some motion of anger or
resentment should, from time to time creep into my
heart. Had some comforting, soul-refreshing discourse
with dear friends, just as we took our leave of each
other ; and supposed it might be we should not meet
again till we came to the eternal world.* I doubt not
but, through grace, some of us shall have a happy
* It had been determined by the Commissioners, who em-
ployed Brainerd as a missionary, that he should go, as soon as
might be conveniently, to the Indians living near the Forks of
Delaware river, and the Indians on Susquehanna river. The
distance of those places, and his probable exposure to many
hardships and dangers, was the occasion of his taking leave
of his friends in this manner.
56 LIFE OF BRAINERD. [Ch&p.lV.
meeting there, and biess God for this season, as well as
many others. Amen.
Dec. 18. " Spent much time in prayer in the woods ;
and seemed raised above the things of the world : my
soul was strong in the Lord of Hosts j but was sensible
of great barrenness.
Dec. 23. " Enjoyed, I trust, the presence of God
this morning in secret. O, how divinely sweet is it
to come into the secret of his presence, and abide in
his pavilion !
Dec. 27. "Enjoyed a precious season indeed; had
a melting sense of divine things, of the pure spirituality
of the religion of Christ Jesus. In the evening I
preached from Matt. 6 : 33. with much freedom, power
and pungency: the presence of God attended our meet-
ing. O, the sweetness, the tenderness I felt in my
soul ! If ever I felt the temper of Christ, I had some
sense of it now. Blessed be my God, I have seldom
enjoyed a more comfortable and profitable day than
this. O, that I could spend all my time for God !
Jan. 14, 1743. "My spiritual conflicts to-day were
unspeakably dreadful, heavier than the mountains and
over-flowing floods. I was deprived of all sense of
God, even of the being of a God ; and that was my
misery. The torments of the damned, I am sure, will
consist much in a privation of God, and consequently
of all good. This taught me the absolute dependence
of a creature upon God the Creator, for every crumb
of happiness it enjoys. O, I feel that, if there is no
God, though I might live for ever here, and enjoy nol
only this, but all other worlds, I should be ten thousand
times more miserable than a reptile.
Lord's day, Jan. 23. " I scarce ever felt myself so
unfit to exist as now : saw I was not worthy of a place
1743. j WHILE A LICENTIATE. 57
among the Indians, where I am going, if God permit:
thought I should be ashamed to look them in the face,
and much more to have any respect shown me there.
Indeed I felt myself banished from the earth, as if all
places were too good for such a wretch. I thought I
should be ashamed to go among the very savages of
Africa; I appeared to myself a creature fit for nothing,
neither heaven nor earth. None know but those who
feel it, what the soul endures that is sensibly shut out
from the presence of God : alas ! it is more bitter than
death.
Feb. 2. " Preached my farewell sermon last night,
at the house of an aged man, who had been unable to
attend on public worship for some time. This morn-
ing spent the time in prayer, almost wherever I went ;
and having takenleave of friends, I set out on my journey
toward the Indians ; though I was first to spend some
weeks at East-Hampton, on Long-Island, by leave of
the commissioners ; the winter season being judged
unfavorable for the commencement of the mission.
Feb. 12. [At East-Hampton.] "Enjoyed a little
more comfort ; was enabled to meditate with some com-
posure of mind ; and especially in the evening, found
my soul more refreshed in prayer than at any time of
late ; my soul seemed to " take hold of God 's strength,"
and was comforted with his consolations. O, how
sweet are some glimpses of divine glory ! how strength-
ening and quickening !
Feb. 15. " Early in the day I felt some comfort ,
afterward I walked into a neighboring grove, and felt
more as a stranger on earth, I think, than ever before;
dead to any of the enjoyments of the world. In the
evening had divine sweetness in secret duty : God was
then my portion, and my soul rose above those deep
58 LIFE OP BRAINERD. [ Clla P' IV
waters, into which I have sunk so low of late. My
soul then cried for Zion, and had sweetness in so doing."
Feb. 17. "Preached this day at a little village in
East-Hampton; and God was pleased to give me his
gracious presence and assistance, so that I spake with
freedom, boldness, and some power. In the evening
spent some time with a dear Christian friend ; and
felt serious, as on the brink of eternity. Our inter-
view was truly a little emblem of heaven itself. I find
my soul is more refined and weaned from a depen-
dence on my frames and spiritual feelings.
Feb. 18. "Had some enjoyment most of the day,
and found access to the throne of grace. Blessed be
the Lord for any intervals of heavenly delight and
composure, while I am engaged in the field of battle.
O, that I might be serious, solemn, and always vigi-
lant, while in an evil world! Had some opportunity
alone to-day, and found some freedom in study. O, I
long to live to God!"
During the next two weeks it appears that for the
most part he enjoyed much spiritual peace and com-
fort. In his diary for this space of time, are expressed
such things as these; mourning over indwelling sin,
unprofitableness; deadness to the world ; longing after
God, and to live to his glory; heart melting desires
after his eternal home ; fixed reliance on God for his
help; experience of much divine assistance, both in
the private and public exercises of religion ; inward
strength and courage in the service of God ; very fre-
quent refreshment, consolation, and divine sweetness
in meditation, prayer, preaching, and Christian conver-
sation. And it appears by his account, that this space
of time was filled up with great diligence and earnest-
ness in serving God ; in study, prayer, meditation,
preachingi and privately instructing and counseling.
I743.J WHILE A LICENTIATE. 59
March 7. " This morning when I arose I found
my heart go forth after God in longing desires of con-
formity to him, and in secret prayer found myself sweet-
ly quickened and drawn out in praises to God for all
he had done to and for me, and for all my inward trials
and distress of late. My heart ascribed glory, glory,
glory to the blessed God ! and bid welcome to all in-
ward distress again, if God saw meet to exercise me
with it. Time appeared but an inch long, and eternity
at hand ; and I thought I could with patience and
cheerfulness bear any thing for the cause of God ; for
I saw that a moment would bring me to a world of
peace and blessedness. My soul, by the strength of
the Lord, rose far above this lower world, and all the
vain amusements and frightful disappointments of it.
Lord's day, March 13. "At noon, I thought it im-
possible for me to preach, by reason of bodily weak-
ness and inward deadness. In the first prayer, I was
so weak that I could scarcely stand ; but in the sermon,
God strengthened me, so that I spake near an hour and
a half with sweet freedom, clearness, and some tender
power, from Gen. 5 : 24. " And Enoch walked with
God." I was sweetly assisted to insist on a close walk
with God, and to leave this as my parting advice to
God's people here, that they should " walk with God."
May the God of all grace succeed my poor labors in
this place !
March 14. " In the morning was very busy in pre-
paration for my journey, and was almost continually
engaged in ejaculatory prayer. About ten took leave
of the dear people of East-Hampton ; my heart grieved
and mourned, and rejoiced at the same time ; rode near
fifty miles to a part of Brook-Haven, and lodged there,
and had refreshing conversation with a Christian
friend."
60 LIFE OF BRAINERD. [Chap. IV
In two days more he reached New- York ; but com-
plains of much desertion and deadness on the road.
He stayed one day in New-York, and on Friday went
to Mr. Dickinson's at Elizabeth-Town.
March. 19. " Was bitterly distressed under a sense
of my ignorance, darkness, and un worthiness ; got
alone, and poured out my complaint to God in the bit-
terness of my soul. In the afternoon rode to Newark,
and had some sweetness in conversation and prayer
with Mr. Burr. O blessed be God for ever and ever, for
any enlivening and quickening seasons.
Lord's day, March 20. " Preached in the forenoon :
God gave me some assistance, and enabled me to speak
with real tenderness, love, and impartiality. In the
evening preached again; and of a truth God was
pleased to assist a poor worm. Blessed be God, I was
enabled to speak with life, power, and desire of the edi-
fication of God's people ; and with some power to sin-
ners. In the evening 1 was watchful, lest my heart
should by any means be drawn away from God. O
when shall I come to that blessed world where every
power of my soul will be incessantly and eternally
wound up in heavenly employments and enjoyments,
to the highest degree !"
On Monday he went to Woodbridge, New- Jersey,
where he met the Correspondents, who, instead of send-
ing him to the Indians at the Forks of the Delaware,
as before intended, directed him to go to a number oi
Indians at Kaunaumeek ; a place in New- York, in the
woods between Stockbridge and Albany. This alte-
ration was occasioned by two things. 1. Information
which the correspondents had received of some con-
tention between the white people and the Indians on
the Delaware, concerning their lands ; which they sup-
1743.J AT KAUNAUMEEK. 61
posed would be a hinderance to the success of a mis-
sionary among them at that time. 2. Some intimations
which they had received from Mr. Sergeant, Mission-
ary to the Indians at Stockbridge, concerning the In-
dians at Kaunaumeek, and the hopeful prospect of suc-
cess which a Missionary might have among them.
On the day following he set out on his journey for
Kaunaumeek, and arrived at Mr. Sergeant's house in
Stockbridge March 31.
CHAPTER V.
His labors for nearly a year among the Indians at Kaunaumeek
temporal deprivations and sufferings establishes a school
confession offered to the faculty of Yale College days of fast-
ing methods of instructing the Indians visit to New-Jer-
sey and Connecticut commencement of labor among the In-
dians at the Forks of the Delaware Ordination.
April 1, 1743. June 12, 1744.
April 1, 1743. " I rode to Kaunaumeek, in the wil-
derness, near twenty miles from Stockbridge, and about
an equal distance from Albany, where the Indians live
with whom I am concerned ;and lodged with a poor
Scotchman, about a mile and a half distant from them,
on a little heap of straw, in a log room without any
floor. I was greatly exercised with inward trials, and
seemed to have no God to go to. O that God would
help me !
April 7. " Appeared to myself exceedingly ignorant,
weak, helpless, unworthy, and altogether unequal to
my work. It seemed to me that I should never do
any service, or have any success among the Indians.
62 LIFE OP BRAINERD. | Chap. V
My soul was weary of my life ; I longed for death, be
yond measure. When I thought of any godly soul de-
parted, my soul was ready to envy him his privilege,
thinking, "O when will my turn come! must it be
years first!" But I know these ardent desires, at this
and other times, rose partly from the want of resigna-
tion to God under all miseries ; and so were but impa-
tience. Toward night I had the exercise of faith in
prayer, and some assistance in writing. O that God
would keep me near him !
Lord's day, April 10. "Rose early in the morning
and walked out and spent a considerable time in the
woods, in prayer and meditation. Preached to the In-
dians, both forenoon and afternoon. They behaved
soberly in general : two or three in particular appeared
to be under some religious concern ; with whom I dis-
coursed privately ; and one told me, " that her heart
had cried ever since she first heard me preach."
April 16. " In the afternoon preached to my people ;
but was more discouraged with them than before ;
feared that nothing would ever be done for them to
any happy effect. I retired and poured out my soul
to God for mercy; but without any sensible relief.
Soon after, two ungodly men came, with a design, as
they said, to hear me preach the next day ; but none
can tell how I felt to hear their profane talk. O, I
longed that some dear Christian should know my dis-
tress. I got into a kind of hovel, and there groaned
out my complaint to God ; and withal felt more sensi-
ble gratitude and thankfulness to God, that he had
made me to differ from these men, as I knew, through
grace, he had.
Lord's day, April 17. " In the morning was again
distressed as soon as I awaked, hearing much talk
1743.J AT KAUNAOMEEK. 63
about the world, and the things of it. I perceived that
the men were in some measure afraid of me; and I
discoursed about sanctifying the Sabbath, if possible
to solemnize their minds ; but when they were at a
little distance, they again talked freely about secular
affairs. O I thought what a hell it would be to live with
such men to eternity ! The Lord gave me some assist-
ance in preaching, all day, and some resignation, and
a small degree of comfort in prayer, at night.
April 19. " In the morning I enjoyed some sweet
repose and rest in God ; felt some strength and confi-
dence in him ; and my soul was in some measure re-
freshed and comforted. Spent most of the day in
writing, and had some exercise of grace, sensible and
comfortable. My soul seemed lifted above the deep
waters, wherein it has long been almost drowned ; felt
some spiritual longings and breathings after God ; and
found myself engaged for the advancement of Christ's
kingdom in my own soul.
April 20. " Set apart this day for fasting and
prayer, to bow my soul before God for the bestowment
of divine grace ; especially that all my spiritual afflic-
tions, and inward distresses, might be sanctified to my
soul. And endeavored also to remember the goodness
of God to me the year past,- this day being my birth
day. Having obtained help of God, I have hitherto
lived, and am now arrived at the age of twenty-five
years. My soul was pained to think of my barrenness
and deadness ; that I have lived so little to the glory
of the eternal God. I spent the day in the woods
alone, and there poured out my complaint to God. O
that God would enable me to live to his glory for the
future !
May 10. " Was in the same state as to my mind,
64 LIFE OF BKALNCRD. LCUap. V
that I have been in for some time ; extremely op-
pressed with a sense of guilt, pollution, and blindness,
"The iniquity of my heels hath compassed me about:
the sins of my youth have been set in order before
me ; they have gone over my head, as an heavy bur-
den, too heavy for me to bear." Almost all the actions
of my life past seem to be covered over with sin and
guilt ; and those of them that I performed in the most
conscientious manner, now fill me with shame and
confusion, that I cannot hold up my face. O, the pride,
selfishness, hypocrisy, ignorance, bitterness, party
zeal, and the want of love, candor, meekness, and
gentleness, that have attended my attempts to promote
the interests of religion ; and this, when I have reason
to hope I had real assistance from above, and some
sweet intercourse with heaven ! But alas, what cor-
rupt mixtures attended my best duties !"
May 18. " My circumstances are such that I have
no comfort of any kind, but what I have in God. I
live in the most lonesome wilderness ; have but one
single person to converse with that can speak Eng-
lish.* Most of the talk I hear, is either Highland
Scotch, or Indian. I have no fellow-christian to whom
I may unbosom myself, or lay open my spiritual sor-
rows ; with whom I may take sweet counsel in con-
versation about heavenly things, and join in social
prayer. I live poorly with regard to the comforts of
* This person was BRAINERD'S interpreter, an ingenious
young Indian, belonging to Stockbridge, whose name was John
Wauwaumpequunnaunt. He had been instructed in the Chris-
tian religion by Mr. Sergeant ; had lived with the Rev. Mr.
Williams, of Long-Meadow ; had been further instructed by
him, at the charge of Mr. Hollis, of London ; and understood
both English and Indian very well, and wrote a good hand.
1743.J AT KAUNAUMEEK. 65
life : most of my diet consists of boiled corn, hasty-
pudding, &c. I lodge on a bundle of straw, my labor
is hard and extremely difficult, and I have little ap-
pearance of success to comfort me. The Indians have
no land to live on but what the Dutch people lay claim
to ; and these threaten to drive them off. They have
no regard to the souls of the poor Indians ; and by
what I can learn, they hate me because I come to
preach to them. But that which makes all my diffi-
culties grievous to be borne, is, that God hides his face
from me.
May 20. " Was much perplexed some part of the
day ; but toward night had some comfortable medi-
tations on Isa. 40 : 1. " Comfort ye, comfort ye my
people, saith your God," and enjoyed some sweetness
in prayer. Afterward my soul rose so far above the
deep waters, that I dared to rejoice in God. I saw that
there was sufficient matter of consolation in the blessed
God."
On Monday, May 30, he set out on a journey to
New-Jersey to consult the commissioners, and ob'tain
orders from them to set up a school among the Indians
at Kaunaumeek, and that his interpreter might be
appointed the schoolmaster ; which was according-
ly done. He proceeded from New-Jersey to New-
Haven, where he arrived on Monday, June 6; at-
tempted a reconciliation with the faculty of the col-
lege ; and spent this week in visiting his friends in
those parts, and in his journey homeward, till Satur-
day, in a pretty comfortable frame of mind. On Satur-
day, in his way from Stockbridge to Kaunaumeek, he
was lost in the woods,-end lay all night in the open air ;
but happily found his way in the morning, and came
to his Indians on Lord's day, June 12, and had greater
Rrainerd. 5
66 LIFE OF BRAINERD. [Chap. V
assistance in preaching among them than ever before,
since his first coming among them.
From this time forward he was the subject of various
frames and exercises of mind, in the general much
after the same manner as hitherto from his first com-
ing to Kaunaumeek, till he got into his own house, (a
little hut, which he made chiefly with his own hands,
by long and hard labor.) He found that the distance
of the family with whom he at first lodged, debarred
him from many favorable opportunities of access to
the Indians, especially morning and evening ; and after
about three months, removed and lived with the In-
dians in one of their wigwams. Here he continued for
about one month, when he completed the small house
of which he now speaks.
Although he was much dejected during most of this
period, yet he had many intermissions of his melan-
choly, and some seasons of comfort, sweet tranquillity
and resignation of mind, and frequently special assist-
ance in public services, as appears in his diary. The
manner of his relief from his sorrow, once in particu-
lar, is worthy to be mentioned in his own words.
July 25. " Had little or no resolution for a life o
holiness; was ready almost to renounce my hope oi
living to God. And O how dark it looked, to think of
being unholy for ever ! This I could not endure. The
cry of my soul was, Psalm 65 : 3. " Iniquities prevail
against me." But I was in some measure relieved by
a comfortable meditation on God's eternity, that he
never had a beginning. Whence I was led to admire
his greatness and power, in such a manner, that I stood
still, and praised the Lord for his own glories and per-
fections : though I was (and if I should for ever be)
an unholy creature, my soul was comforted to appre-
hend an eternal, infinite, powerful, holy God."
1743. J AT KAUNAUMEEK. 67
Jidy 30. "Just at night, moved into my own house^
and lodged there that night ; found it much better
spending the time alone than in the wigwam where I
was before.
Lord's day, July 31. "Felt more comfortably than
some days past. Blessed be the Lord, who has now
given me a place of retirement. O that I mayjind God
in it, and that he would dwell with me for ever !
Aug. 1. "Was still busy in further labors on my
house. Felt a little sweetness of religion, and thought
that it was worth while to follow after God through a
thousand snares, deserts, and death itself. O that I
might always follow after holiness, thai I may be fully
conformed to God ! Had some degree of sweetness in
secret prayer, though I had much sorrow.
Aug. 3. " Spent most of the day in writing. En-
joyed some sense of religion. Through divine good-
ness I am now uninterruptedly alone, and find my
retirement comfortable. I have enjoyed more sense of
divine things within a few days last past than for some
time before. I longed after holiness, humility, and
meekness: O that God would enable me to 'pass the
time of my sojourning here in his fear,' and always
live to him !
Aug. 4. " Was enabled to pray much through the
whole day; and through divine goodness found some
intenseness of soul in the duty, as I used to do, and
some ability to persevere in my supplications. I had
some apprehensions of divine things, which afforded
me courage and resolution. It is good, I find, to per-
severe in attempts to pray, if I cannot pray with perse-
verance, i. e. continue long in my addresses to the
Divine Reing. I have generally found that the more 1
Jo in secret prayer, the more I have delighted to do,
68 LIFE OF BRAINERD. I Chup V
and the more I have enjoyed a spirit of prayer ; and
frequently I have found the contrary, when by jour-
neying or otherwise I have been much deprived of re-
tirement. A seasonable, steady performance of SECRET
DUTIES IN THEIR PROPER HOURS, and a CAREFUL IMPROVE-
MENT OF ALL TIME, filling up every hour with some
profitable labor, either of heart, head, or hands, are ex-
cellent means of spiritual peace and boldness before
God. Filling up our time with and for God, is the way
to rise up and lie down in peace.
Aug. 13. " Was enabled in secret prayer to raise
my soul to God, with desire and delight. It was indeed
a blessed season. I found the comfort of being a
Christian ; and " counted the sufferings of the present
life not worthy to be compared with the glory " of divine
enjoyments even in this world. All my past sorrows
seemed kindly to disappear, and I " remembered no
more the sorrow, for joy." O, how kindly, and with
what a filial tenderness, the soul confides in " the Rock
of Ages," at such a season, that he will " never leave it
nor forsake it," that he will cause " all things to work
together for its good !" I longed that others should
know how good a God the Lord is. My soul was full
of tenderness and love, even to the most inveterate of
my enemies. I longed that they should share in the
same mercy; and loved that God should so do just as
he pleased with me and every thing else. I felt pecu-
liarly serious, calm, and peaceful, and encouragement
to press after holiness as long as I live, whatever diffi-
culties and trials may be in my way. May the Lord
always help me so to do ! Amen, and Amen.
Aug. 15. "Spent most of the day in labor, to pro-
cure something to keep my horse on in the winter.
Had not much spiritual enjoyment in the morning ;
1743.] AT KAUNAUMEEK. 69
was very weak in body through the day; and thought
that this frail body would soon drop into the dust ; and
had some very realizing apprehensions of a speedy
entrance into another world. In this weak state of
body, I was not a little distressed for want of suitable
food. I had no bread, nor could I get any. I am forced
to go or send ten or fifteen miles for all the bread I eat ;
and sometimes it is mouldy and sour before I eat it, if
I get any considerable quantity. And then again 1
have none for some days together, for want of an op-
portunity to send for it, and cannot find my horse in the
woods to go myself; and this was my case now; but
through divine goodness I had some Indian meal, of
which I made cakes, and fried them. Yet I felt con-
tented with my circumstances, and sweetly resigned to
God. In prayer I enjoyed great freedom ; and blessed
God as much for my present circumstances as if I had
been a king; and thought that I found a disposition to
be contented in any circumstances. Blessed be God."
In his diary for Saturday, he says he was somewhat
melancholy and sorrowful in mind; and adds, "I
never feel comfortably, but when I find my soul going
forth after God. If I cannot be holy, I must necessa
rily be miserable for ever.
Lord's day, Aug. 21. "Was much straitened in the
forenoon exercise ; my thoughts seemed to be all scat-
tered to the ends of the earth. At noon, I fell down be-
fore the Lord, groaned under my vileness, barrenness,
and deadness ; and felt as if I was guilty of soul mur-
der, in speaking to immortal souls in such a manner as
I had then done. In the afternoon God was pleased
to give me some assistance, and I was enabled to set
before my hearers the nature and necessity of true re-
pentance. Afterward had some sma.l degree of thank-
70 LIFE OF BRAINERD. [Chap. V
fulness. Was very ill and full of pain in the evening
and my soul mourned that I had spent so much time
to so little profit.
Aug. 23. "Studied in the forenoon, and enjoyed
some freedom. In the afternoon labored abroad : en-
deavored to pray, but found not much enjoyment or
intenseness of mind. Toward night was very weary,
and tired of this world of sorrow : the thoughts of
death and immortality appeared very desirable, and
even refreshed my soul. Those lines turned in my
mind with pleasure,
" Come death, shake hands ; I'll kiss thy bands ;
"'Tis happiness for me to die.
" What ! dost thou think that I will shrink?
" I'll go to immortality."
" In evening prayer, God was pleased to draw near my
soul, though very sinful and unworthy ; so that I was
enabled to wrestle with God, and to persevere in my
requests for grace. I poured out my soul for all the
world, friends and enemies. My soul was concerned,
not so much for souls as such, but rather for Christ's
kingdom, that it might appear in the world, that God
might be known to be God, in the whole earth. And
O my soul abhorred the very thought of a party in re
ligion! Let the truth of God appear, wherever it is;
and God have glory for ever. Amen. This was indeed
a comfortable season. I thought I had some foretaste
of the enjoyments and employments of the upper
world. O that my soul was more attempered to it !
Aug. 31. [On a journey to New- York.] "Was in
a sweet, serious, and I hope, Christian frame. Eternal
things engrossed all my thoughts ; and I longed to be
in the world of spirits. O how happy is it to have
1743.J AT KAUNADMEEK. 71
all our thoughts swallowed up in that world : to feel
one's self a stranger in this world, diligently seeking
a road through it, the best, the sure road to the hea-
venly Jerusalem !"
He went forward on his journey, and after tarrying
two or three days at New-York, set out from that city
toward New-Haven, intending to be there at the com-
mencement.
Lord's day, Sept. 11." [At Horse-Neck.] In the
afternoon I preached from Titus, 3:8. I think God
never helped me more in painting true religion, and
in detecting clearly, and tenderly discountenancing
false appearances of religion, wild fire, party zeal, spi-
ritual pride, &c. as well as a confident dogmatical spirit,
and its spring, viz. ignorance of the lieart. In the even-
ing took much pains in private conversation to sup-
press some confusions which I perceived were among
that people.
Sept. 13. " Rode to New-Haven. Was sometimes
dejected ; not in the sweetest frame. Lodged at ****,
Had some profitable Christian conversation. I find,
though my inward trials were great, and a life of soli-
tude gives them greater advantage to settle, and pene-
trate to the very inmost recesses of the soul ; yet it is
better to be alone than incumbered with noise and tu-
mult. I find it very difficult maintaining any sense of
divine things while removing from place to place di-
verted with new objects, and filled with care and busi-
ness. A settled steady business is best adapted to a life
of strict religion.
Sept. 14. " This day I ought to have taken my de-
gree ; but God sees fit to deny it me. And though I
was greatly afraid of being overwhelmed with per-
plexity and confusion, when I should see ray class-
72 UFE OP BRAINERD, [Chap. V
mates take theirs ; yet, at the very lime, God enabled
me with calmness and resignation to say, " the will ol
the Lord be done." Indeed, through divine goodness,
I have scarcely felt my mind so calm, sedate, and com-
fortable for some time. I have long feared this season,
and expected my humility, meekness, patience and re-
signation would be much tried; but found much more
pleasure and divine comfort than I expected. Felt
spiritually serious, tender and affectionate in private
prayer with a dear Christian friend to-day.
Sept. 15. " Had some satisfaction in hearing the
ministers discourse. It is always a comfort to me to
hear religious and spiritual conversation. O that mi-
nisters and people were more spiritual and devoted to
God ! Toward night, with the advice of Christian
friends, I offered the following reflections in writing,
to the rector and trustees of the college which are foi
substance the same that I had freely offered to the
rector before, and intreated him to accept that if pos-
sible I might cut off all occasion of offence from those
who seek occasion. What I offered, is as follows :
" ' Whereas I have said before several persons, concern-
ing Mr. Whittelsey, one of the tutors of Yale College, that 1
did not believe he had any more grace than the chair I then
leaned upon ; I humbly confess, that herein 1 have sinned
against God, and acted contrary to the rules of his word, and
have injured Mr. Whittelsey. I had no right to make thus
free with his character ; and had no just reason to say as I did
concerning him. My fault herein was the more aggravated,
in that I said this concerning one who was so much my supe-
rior, and one whom I was obliged to treat with special respect
and honor, by reason of the relation I stood in to him in the
college. Such a manner of behavior I confess did not be-
come a Christian; it was taking too much upon me, and did
not savor of that humble respect which I ought to have ex-
1743.J AT NEW-HAVEN. 73.
pressed toward Mr. Whittelsey. I have long since been con-
vinced of the falseness of those appreh-ensions, by which I
then justified such a conduct. I have often reflected on this
act with grief; I hope, on account of the sin of it: and am
willing to lie low, and be abased before God and man for it.
I humbly ask the forgiveness of the governors of the college
and of the whole society ; but of Mr. Whittelsey in particular.
And whereas 1 have been accused by one person of saying
concerning the reverend rector of Yale College, that I won-
dered he did not expect to drop down dead for fining the
scholars that followed Mr. Tennent to Milford ; I seriously
profess that I do not remember my saying any thing to this
purpose : but if I did, which I am not certain I did not, I
utterly condemn it, and detest all such kind of behavior; and
especially in an under-graduate toward the rector. And I
now appear to judge and condemn myself for going once to
Hie separate meeting in New-Haven, a little before I was ex-
pelled, though the rector had refused to give me leave. For
this I humbly ask the rector's forgiveness. And whether the
governors of the college shall ever see cause to remove the
academical censure I lie under, or no, or to admit me to the
privileges I desire; yet I am willing to appear, if they think
fit, openly to own, and to humble myself for those things I
have herein confessed.' "
" God has made me willing to do any thing that I
can do consistently with truth, for the sake of peace,
and that I might not be a stumbling block to others.
For this reason I can cheerfully forego and give up
what I verily believe, after the most mature and im-
partial search, is my right, in some instances. God
has given me the disposition, that, if a man has done
me a hundred injuries, and I (though ever so much
provoked to it) have done him only one, I feel disposed
and heartily willing humbly to confess my fault to him,
and on my knees to ask forgiveness of him ; though at
the same time he should justify himself in all the in-
74 LIFE OF BRAINERD. [Chap. V
juries he has done me, and should only make use ol
my humble confession to blacken my character the
more, and represent me as the only person guilty ; yea,
though he should as it were insult me, and say, " he
knew all this before, and that I was making work for
repentance." Though what I said concerning Mr.
Whittelsey was only spoken in private, to a friend or
two ; and being partly overheard, was related to the
rector, and by him extorted from my friends ; yet, see-
ing it was divulged and made public, I was willing to
confess my fault therein publicly. But I trust God
will plead my cause."
I was witness to the very Christian spirit which
Brainerd showed at that time ; being then at New-
Haven, and one whom he thought fit to consult on
that occasion. This was my first opportunity of a per-
sonal acquaintance with him. There truly appeared
in him a great degree of calmness and humility, with-
out the least appearance of rising of spirit for any ill
treatment which he supposed he had suffered, or the
least backwardness to abase himself before them who,
as he thought, had wronged him. What he did was
without any objection or appearance of reluctance,
even in private to his friends, to whom he freely open-
ed himself. Earnest application was made on his be-
half to the authority of the college, that he might have
his degree then given him ; and particularly by the
Rev. Mr. Burr of Newark, one of the correspondents
of the society in Scotland ; he being sent from New-
Jersey to New-Haven, by the rest of the commissioners,
for that end ; and many arguments were used, but with-
out success. Indeed, the governors of the college were
so far satisfied with the reflections which Brainerd
had made on himself, that they appeared willing to
1743.) AT BETHLEHEM. 75
admit him again into college ; but not to give him his
degree, till he should have remained there at least
twelve months, which being contrary to what the cor-
respondents, to whom he was now engaged, had de-
clared to be their mind, he did not consent to it. He
desired his degree, as he thought it would tend to his
being more extensively useful ; but still when he was
denied it, he manifested no disappointment or resent-
ment.
Sept. 20." [At Bethlehem.] Had thoughts of go-
ing forward on my journey to my Indians ; but toward
night was taken with a hard pain in my teeth, and
shivering cold ; and could not possibly recover a com-
fortable degree of warmth the whole night following
I continued very full of pain all night; and in the morn-
ing had a very hard fever, and pains almost over my
whole body. I had a sense of the divine goodness in
appointing this to be the place of my sickness, among
my friends, who were very kind to me. I should proba-
bly have perished if I had first got home to my own
house in the wilderness, where I have none to converse
with but the poor, rude, ignorant Indians. Here, I
saw, was mercy in the midst of affliction. I continued
thus, mostly confined to my bed, till Friday night ;
very full of pain most of the time ; but, through divine
goodness, not afraid of death. Then I saw the extreme
folly of those who put off their turning to God till a
sick bed. Surely this is not a time proper to prepare
for eternity. On Friday evening my pains went off
somewhat suddenly. I was exceedingly weak, and al-
most fainted ; but was very comfortable the night fol-
lowing. I thought we were to prize the continua-
tion of life, only on this account, that we may "show
forth God's goodness and works of grace."
76 LIFE OF BKAINEHD
Oct. 4. " This day rode home to my own house and
people. The poor Indians appeared very glad of m>
return. Found my house and all things in safety, j
presently fell on my knees, and blessed God for my
safe return. I have taken many considerable jonrnies
since this time last year, and yet God has never suffered
one of my bones to be broken, or any distressing ca-
lamity to befal me, excepting the ill turn I had m my
last journey. I have been often exposed to cold and
hunger in the wilderness, where the comforts of life
were not to be had ; have frequently been lost in the
woods; and sometimes obliged to ride much of the
night ; and once lay out in the woods all night ; yet
blessed be God, he has preserved me !
Nov. 3. " Spent this day in secret fasting and
prayer, from morning till night. Early in the morning
I had some small degree of assistance in prayer. Af-
terward read the story of Elijah the prophet, 1 Kings,
17th, 18th, and 19th chapters ; and also 2 Kings, 2d,
and 4th chapters. My soul was much moved, observ-
ing the faith, zeal, and power of that holy man ;
how he wrestled with God in prayer, &c. My soul
then cried with Elisha, "Where is the Lord God oi
Elijah !" O I longed for more faith ! My soul breathed
after God, and pleaded with him, that a " double por-
tion of that spirit" which was given to Elijah, might
" rest on me." And that which was divinely refresh-
ing and strengthening to my soul, was, I saw that God
is the same that he was in the days of Elijah. Was
enabled to wrestle with God by prayer, in a more af-
fectionate, fervent, humble, intense, and importunate
manner, than I have for many months past. Nothing
seemed too hard for God to perform ; nothing too
great for me to hope for from him. I had for many
1743.| AT KAUNAUMEEK. 77
months entirely lost all hope of being made instru-
mental of doing any special service for God in the
world ; it has appeared entirely impossible, that one so
vile should be thus employed for God. But at this
time God was pleased to revive this hope. Afterward
read from the 3d chapter of Exodus to the 20th,
and saw more of the glory and majesty of God
discovered in those chapters than ever I had seen be-
fore ; frequently in the mean time falling on my knees
and crying to God for the faith of Moses, and for a
manifestation of the divine glory. Especially the
3d, 4th, and part of the 14thand 15th chapters were un-
speakably sweet to my soul : my soul blessed God that
he had shown himself so gracious to his servants of
old. The 15th chapter seemed to be the very language
which my soul uttered to God in the season of my first
spiritual comfort, when I had just got through the Red
<Sfea, by a way that I had no expectation of. O how
my soul then rejoiced in God! And now those things
came fresh and lively to my mind ; now my soul
blessed God afresh that he had opened that unthought
of way to deliver me from the fear of the Egyp-
tians, when I almost despaired of life. Afterward
read the story of Abraham's pilgrimage in the land of
Canaan. My soul was melted, in observing his faith,
how he leaned on God ; how he communed with God ;
and what a stranger he was here in the world. After
that, read the story of Joseph's sufferings, and God's
goodness to him : blessed God for these examples of
faith and patience. My soul was ardent in prayer,
was enabled to wrestle ardently for myself, for Chris-
tian friends, and for the church of God ; and felt more
desire to see the power of God in the conversion of
souls, than I have done for a long season. Blessed be
78 LIFE OP BRAINERD.
God for this season of fasting and prayer ! May his
goodness always abide with me, and draw my soul
to him !
Nov. 10. " Spent this day in fasting and prayer
alone. In the morning was very dull and lifeless,
melancholy and discouraged. But after some time,
while reading 2 Kings, 19, my soul was moved and
affected ; especially reading verse 14, and onward. I
saw there was no other way for the afflicted children
of God to take, but to go to God with all their sorrows.
Hezekiah, in his great distress, went and spread his
complaint before the Lord. I was then enabled to see
the mighty power of God, and my extreme need of
that power ; and to cry to him affectionately and ar-
dently for his power and grace to be exercised toward
me. Afterward, read the story of David's trials, and
observed the course he took under them, how he
strengthened his hands in God; whereby my soul was
carried out after God, enabled to cry to him, and rely
upon him, and felt strong in the Lord. Was afterward
refreshed, observing the blessed temper that was
wrought in David by his trials : all bitterness, and de-
sire of revenge, seemed wholly taken away ; so that
he mourned for the death of his enemies. 2 Sam. 1 :
17, and 4 : 9-12. Was enabled to bless God that lie
had given me something of this divine temper, that my
soul freely forgives, and heartily laces my enemies.
Nov. 29. " Began to study the Indian tongue, with
Mr. Sergeant, at Stockbridge.* Was perplexed for wanl
* The commissioners who employed him, had directed him to
spend much time this winter with Mr. Sergeant, to learn the
language of the Indians; which necessitated him very often to
ride backward and forward, twenty miles through the unin
1744. J AT KAUNAUMEEK. 79
of more retirement. I love to live alone in my
own little cottage, where I can spend much time
in prayer, &c.
Dec. 22. " Spent this day alone in fasting and
prayer, and reading in God's word the exercises and
deliverances of his children. Had, I trust, some ex-
ercise of faith, and realizing apprehension of divine
power, grace, and holiness ; and also of the unchangea-
bleness of God, that he is the same as when he deli-
vered his saints of old out of great tribulation. My
soul was sundry times in prayer enlarged for God's
church and people. O that Zion might become the
"joy of the whole earth !" It is better to wait upon
God with patience, than to put confidence in any thing
in this lower world. " My soul, wait thou on the Lord ;"
for "from him comes thy salvation."
Lord's day, Jan. 1, 1744. " In the morning had
some small degree of assistance in prayer. Saw myself
so vile and unworthy that I could not look my people
in the face when I came to preach. O my meanness,
folly, ignorance, and inward pollution ! In the evening
had a little assistance in prayer, so that the duty was
delightful, rather than burdensome. Reflected on the
goodness of God to me in the past year, &c. Of a
truth God has been kind and gracious to me, though
he has caused me to pass through many sorrows; he
has provided for me bountifully, so that I have been
enabled, in about fifteen months past, to bestow to
charitable uses about an hundred pounds New-England
money, that I can now remember. Blessed be the Lord
habited woods between Stockbridge and Kaunaumeek ; which
many times exposed him to extreme hardship in the severe
seasons of the winter.
80 LIFE OP BRAINERD. [Ch&p. V
that has so far used me as his steward, to distribute a
portion of his goods. May I always remember, that
all I have comes from God. Blessed be the Lord, that
has carried me through all the toils, fatigues and hard-
ships of the year past, as well as the spiritual sorrows
and conflicts that have attended it. O that I could
begin this year with God, and spend the whole of it to
his glory, either in life or death !
Jan. 3. " Was employed much of the day in writ-
ing ; and spent some time in other necessary employ-
ment. But my time passes away so swiftly, that I am
astonished when I reflect on it, and see how little I do.
My state of solitude does not make the hours hang
heavy upon my hands. O what reason of thankful-
ness have I on account of this retirement ! I find that
I do not, and it seems I cannot, lead a Christian life
when I am abroad, and cannot spend time in devotion,
Christian conversation, and serious meditation, as I
should do. Those weeks that I am obliged now to be
from home, in order to learn the Indian tongue, are
mostly, spent in perplexity and barrenness, without
much sweet relish of divine things ; and I feel myself
a stranger at the throne of grace for want of more fre-
quent and continued retirement. When I return home
and give myself to meditation, prayer, and fasting, a
new scene opens to my mind, and my soul longs for
mortification, self-denial, humility, and divorcement
from all things of the world. This evening my heart was
somewhat warm and fervent in prayer and meditation,
so that I was loth to indulge sleep. Continued in
those duties till about midnight.
Jan. 6. " Feeling my extreme weakness, and want of
grace, the pollution of my soul, and danger of tempta-
tions on every side, I set apart this day for fasting and
as
1744.J AT KAUNAUMEEK. 81
prayer, neither eating nor drinking from evening to
evening, beseeching God to have mercy on me. My
soul intensely longed that the dreadful spots and stains
of sin might be washed away from it. Saw something
of the power and all-sufficiency of God. My soul
seemed to rest on his power and grace ; longed for re-
signation to his will, and mortification to all things
here below. My mind was greatly fixed on divine
things : my resolutions for a life of mortification, con-
tinual watchfulness, self-denial, seriousness and devo-
tion, were strong and fixed ; my desires ardent and in-
tense ; my conscience tender, and afraid of every ap-
pearance of evil. My soul grieved with reflection on
past levity, and want of resolution for God. I solemn-
ly renewed my dedication of myself to God, and
longed for grace to enable me always to keep covenant
with him. Time appeared very short, eternity near
and a great name, either in or after life, together with
all earthly pleasures and profits, but an empty bubble,
a deluding dream.
Jan. 7. " Spent this day in seriousness, with stead-
fast resolutions for God, and a life of mortification.
Studied closely, till I felt my bodily strength fail. Felt
some degree of resignation to God, with an acquies-
cence in his dispensations. Was grieved that I could
do so little for God before my bodily strength failed.
In the evening, though tired, was enabled to continue
instant in prayer for some time. Spent the time in read-
ing, meditation, and prayer, till the evening was far
spent : was grieved to think that I could not watch un-
to prayer the whole night. But blessed be God, hea-
ven is a place of continual and incessant devotion
though the earth is dull.
Jan. 14, "This morning, enjoyed a most solemn
TVninerd. 6
82 LIFE OP BRAINERD. [Chap. V.
season in prayer : my soul seemed enlarged and assist-
ed to pour out itself to God for grace, and for every
blessing I wanted for myself, for dear Christian friends,
and for the church of God; and was so enabled to
"see Him who is invisible," that my soul rested upon
him for the performance of every thing I asked agreea-
ble to his will. It was then my happiness to ' continue
instant in prayer,' and I was enabled to continue in it
for near an hour. My soul was then " strong in the
Lord, and in the power of his might." Longed exceed-
ingly for an angelic holiness and purity, and to have
all my thoughts, at all times, employed in divine and
heavenly things. Felt the same divine assistance in
prayer sundry times in the day. My soul confided in
God for myself, and for his Zion : trusted in divine
power and grace, that he would do glorious things in
his church on earth, for his own glory.
Feb. 3. " Enjoyed more freedom and comfort than
of late ; was engaged in meditation upon the different
whispers of the various powers and affections of a
pious mind, exercised with a great variety of dispen-
sations ; and could not but write, as well as meditate,
on so entertaining a subject. I hope the Lord gave me
some true sense of divine things this day ; but alas,
how great and pressing are the remains of indwelling
corruption ! I am now more sensible than ever, that
God alone is "the author and finisher of our faith," i. e.
that the whole and every part of sanctification, and
every good word, work, or thought, found in me, is the
effect of his power and grace ; that "without him I can
do nothing," in the strictest sense, and that, " he works
in us to will and to do of his own good pleasure," and
from no other motive. O how amazing it is that peo-
ple can talk so much about men's power and goodness >
1744. J AT KAUNAUMEEK. 83
when if God did not hold us back every moment, we
should be devils incarnate ! This my bitter experience,
for several days last past, has abundantly taught me
concerning myself.
Feb. 7. " My soul felt and tasted that the Lord is
gracious ; that he is the supreme good, the only soul-
satisfying happiness ; that he is a complete, sufficient,
and almighty portion. The language of my heart was,
" Whom have I in heaven but thee ? and there is none
upon earth that I desire beside thee." O, I feel that
it is heaven to please him, and to be just what he would
have me to be ! O that my soul were " holy, as he is
holy ! " O that it were " pure, even as Christ is pure ; "
and "perfect, as my Father in heaven is perfect!"
These I feel are the sweetest commands in God's book,
comprising all others. And shall I break them ! must
I break them ! am I under the necessity of it as long
as I live in the world ! O my soul, wo, wo is me, that I
am a sinner, who continually grieve and offend this
blessed God, infinite in goodness and grace ! O methinks
if he would punish me for my sins, it would not wound
my heart so deep to offend him ; but though I sin con-
tinually, yet he continually repeats his kindness to me !
methinks I could bear any sufferings; but how can
1 bear to grieve and dishonor this blessed God ! How
shall I yield ten thousand times more honor to him?
What shall I do to glorify and worship this best of be-
ings ? O that I could consecrate myself, soul and body,
to his service for ever ! O that I could give up myself
to him, so as never more to attempt to be my own, or
to have any will or affections that are not perfectly con-
formed to him ! But, alas ! I find I cannot be thus en-
tirely devoted to God ; I cannot live, and not sin. O
ye angels, do ye glorify him incessantly ; and if possi-
84 LJFE OP BRAINERD. | Chap. V
ble, prostrate yourselves lower before the blessed King
of heaven ! I long to bear a part with you ; and, if "it
were possible, to help you. O when we have done all
that we can, to all eternity, we shall not be able to offer
the ten thousandth part of the homage which the glo
rious God deserves !
March 3. "In the morning, spent (I believe) an
hour in prayer, with great intenseness and freedom,
and with the most soft and tender affection toward all
mankind. I longed that those who, I have reason to
think, owe me ill will, might be eternally happy. It
seemed refreshing to think of meeting them in heaven,
how much soever they had injured me on earth : had
no disposition to insist upon any confession from thenij
in order to reconciliation, and the exercise of love and
kindness to them. O it is an emblem of heaven itself,
to love all the world with a love of kindness, forgive-
ness, and benevolence ; to feel our souls sedate, mild,
and meek ; to be void of all evil surmisings and sus-
picions, and scarce able to think evil of any man upon
any occasion ; to find our hearts simple, open, and free,
to those that look upon us with a different eye !
Prayer was so sweet an exercise to me, that I knew
not how to cease, lest I should lose the spirit of prayer.
Felt no disposition to eat or drink, for the sake of the
pleasure of it, but only to support my nature, and fit
me for divine service. Could not be content without
a very particular mention of a great number of dear
friends at the throne of grace ; as also the particular
circumstances of many, as far as they were known.
March 10. " In the morning, felt exceeding dead tc
the world, and all its enjoyments. I thought I was
ready and willing to give up life and all its comforts,
as soon as called to it ; and yet then had as much com-
1744. J AT KAUNAUMEEK. 85
fort of life as almost ever I had. I longed to be per-
petually and entirely crucified to all things here below,
by the cross of Christ. My soul was sweetly resigned
to God's disposal of me, in every regard ; and I saw
that nothing had happened but what was best for me.
I confided in God, that he would never leave me,
though I should " walk through the valley of the sha-
dow of death." It was then my meat and drink to be
holy, to live to the Lord, and die to the Lord. And I
thought that I then enjoyed such a heaven as far ex-
ceeded the most sublime conceptions of an unregene-
r ate soul ; and even unspeakably beyond what I my-
self could conceive of at another time. I did not won-
der that Peter said, " Lord, it is good to be here," when
thus refreshed with divine glories. My soul was full
of love and tenderness in the duty of intercession ;
especially felt a most sweet affection to some precious
godly ministers, of my acquaintance. Prayed earnest-
ly for dear Christians, and for those I have reason to
fear are my enemies ; and could not have spoken a
word of bitterness, or entertained a bitter thought,
against the vilest man living. Had a sense of my own
great unworthiness. My soul seemed to breathe forth
love and praise to God afresh, when I thought he would
let his children love and receive me as one of their
brethren and fellow citizens. When I thought of their
treating me in that manner, I longed to lie at their feet;
and could think of no way to express the sincerity and
simplicity of my love and esteem of them, as being
much better than myself.
Lord's day, March 11. " My soul was in some mea-
sure strengthened in God, in morning devotion ; so that
I was released from trembling fear and distress. Preach-
ed to my people from the parable of the sower, Matt.
86 LIFE OF BRAINERD. ' L Chap. V
13, and enjoyed some assistance both parts of the day,
had some freedom, affection, and fervency in address-
ing my poor people ; longed that God should take hold
of their hearts, and make them spiritually alive. And
indeed I had so much to say to them, that I knew not
how to leave off speaking."
This was the last Sabbath in which he ever per-
formed public service at Kaunaumeek, and these the
last sermons which he ever preached to the Indians
there. The methods he adopted for their salvation, he
thus describes in a letter to Rev. Mr. Pemberton of
New- York.
" In my labors with them, in order to " turn them
from darkness to light," I studied what was most plain
and easy, and best suited to their capacities ; and en-
deavored to set before them from time to time, as they
were able to receive them, the most important and ne-
cessary truths of Christianity ; such as most imme-
diately concerned their speedy conversion to God, and
such as I judged had the greatest tendency, as means,
to effect that glorious change in them. But especially
I made it the scope and drift of all my labors, to lead
them into a thorough acquaintance with these two
things : (1.) The sinfidness and misery of the estate
they were naturally in ; the evil of their hearts, the
pollution of their natures ; the heavy guilt they were
under, and their exposedness to everlasting punish-
ment; as also their utter inability to save themselves,
either from their sins, or from those miseries which
are the just punishment of them ; and their unworthi-
ness of any mercy at the hand of God, on account of
any thing they themselves could do to procure his
favor, and consequently their extreme need of Christ
to save them. And, (2.) I frequently endeavored to
1744.] AT KAUNAUMEEK. 87
open to them the fullness, all-sufficiency, and freeness
of that redemption which the Son of God has wrought
out by his obedience and sufferings, for perishing sin-
ners : how this provision he had made was suited to
all their wants ; and how he called and invited them to
accept of everlasting life freely, notwithstanding all
their sinfulness.
" After I had been with the Indians several months,
I composed sundry forms of prayer, adapted to their
circumstances and capacities ; which, with the help of
my interpreter, I translated into the Indian language ;
and soon learned to pronounce their words, so as to
pray with them in their own tongue. I also translated
sundry psalms into their language, and soon after we
were able to sing in the worship of God.
" When my people had gained some acquaintance
with many of the simplest truths of Christianity, so
that they were capable of receiving and understanding
others, I gave them an historical account of God's
dealings with his ancient professing people, the Jews;
some of the rites and ceremonies they were obliged to
observe, as their sacrifices, &c. ; and what these were
designed to represent to them ; as also some of the sur-
prising miracles God wrought for their salvation, while
they trusted in him ; and sore punishments he some-
times brought upon them, when they forsook and sin-
ned against him. Afterward I proceeded to give them
a relation of the birth, life, miracles, sufferings, death,
and resurrection of Christ ; as well as his ascension,
and the wonderful effusion of the Holy Spirit conse-
quent thereupon.
" And having thus endeavored to prepare the way
by such a general account of things, I next proceeded
to read and expound to them the Gospel of St. Matthew
88 LIFE OF BRAINERD. [Chap. V
(at least the substance of it) in course, wherein they
had a more distinct and particular view of what they
had had before some general notion. These exposi-
tions I attended almost every evening, when there was
any considerable number of them at home ; except
when I was obliged to be absent myself, in order to
learn the Indian language with the Rev. Mr. Sargeant.
Besides these means of instruction, there was likewise
an English school constantly kept by my interpreter
among the Indians ; which I used frequently to visit,
in order to give the children and young people some
proper instructions, and serious exhortations suited to
their age.
" The degree of knowledge to which some of them
attained was considerable. Many of the truths of Chris-
tianity seemed fixed in their minds, especially in some
instances, so that they would speak to me of them,
and ask such questions about them as were necessary
to render them more plain and clear to their under-
standings. The children, also, and young people, who
attended the school, made considerable proficiency (at
least some of them) in their learning ; so that had they
understood the English language well, they would
have been able to read somewhat readily in a psalter.
" But that which was most of all desirable, and gave
me the greatest encouragement amidst many difficul-
ties and disconsolate hours, was, that the truths of
God's word seemed, at times, to be attended with some
power upon the hearts and consciences of the Indians
And especially this appeared evident in a few indivi-
duals, who were awakened to some sense of their mi-
serable estate by nature, and appeared solicitous for
deliverance from it. Several of them came, of their
own accord to discourse with me about their soul's
1744.J AT KAUNAUMEEK. 89
concerns ; and some, with tears, inquired what they
should do to be saved ?"
The Indians at Kaunaumeek being but few in num-
ber and Brainerd having been laboring among them
about a year, and having prevailed upon them to be
willing to leave Kaunaumeek, and remove to Stock-
bridge, to live constantly under Mr. Sergeant's minis-
try; he thought he might now do more service for
Christ among the Indians elsewhere : and therefore
went to New-Jersey, and laid the matter before the
Commissioners ; who met at Elizabeth-Town, on the
occasion, and determined that he should forthwith
leave Kaunaumeek, and go to the Delaware Indians.
By the invitations which Brainerd had lately re-
ceived, it appears, that it was not from necessity, or
for want of opportunities to settle in the ministry, that
he determined to forsake all the outward comforts,
he might thus have enjoyed, to spend his life among
savages^ and endure the difficulties and self-denials of
an Indian mission. He had, just as he was leaving
Kaunaumeek, had an earnest invitation to a settlement
at East-Hampton, one of the pleasantest towns on
Long-Island. The people there were unanimous in
their desires to have him for their pastor, and for a
long time continued in earnest pursuit of him, and
were hardly brought to relinquish their endeavors, and
give up their hopes of obtaining him. Besides this, he
had an invitation to preach with reference to a settle-
ment in Millington, near his native town, and in the
midst of his friends. Nor did Brainerd choose the bu-
siness of a missionary to the Indians, rather than ac-
cept of those invitations, because he was unacquainted
with the difficulties and sufferings which attended such
a service; for he had had experience of these difficul-
00 LIFE OP BRAINERD. [Chap. V
ties in summer and winter ; having spent about a year
in a lonely desert among these savages, where he had
gone through extreme hardships, and been the subject
of a train of outward and inward sorrows, which were
now fresh in his mind.
After this he continued two or three days in New-
Jersey, very ill ; and then returned to New-York ; and
from thence into New-England ; and went to his native
town of Haddam, where he arrived on Saturday, April
14. And he continues still his bitter complaints of want
of retirement. While he was in New- York, he says
thus, " O it is not the pleasures of the world which can
comfort me ! If God deny his presence, what are the
pleasures of the city to me ? One hour of sweet re-
tirement where God is, is better than the whole world."
April 17. "In the evening, at my brother's, singing
hymns with friends, my soul seemed to melt ; and in
prayer afterward, enjoyed the exercise of faith, and
was enabled to be fervent in spirit : found more oi
God's presence than I have done any time in my late
wearisome journey. Eternity appeared very near ;
my nature was very weak, and seemed ready to be dis-
solved ; the sun declining, and the shadows of the
evening drawing on apace. O I longed to fill up the
remaining moments all for God ! Though my body
was so feeble, and wearied with preaching and much
private conversation, yet I wanted to sit up all night to
do something for God. To God, the giver of these
refreshments, be glory for ever and ever. Amen.
April 18. " Was very weak, and enjoyed but little
spiritual comfort. Was exercised with one who ca-
villed against original sin. May the Lord open his
eyes to see the fountain of sin in himself !"
After this he visited several ministers in Connect i-
1744.J AT KAUNADMEEK. 91
cut; and then travelled towards Kaunaumeek, and
came to Mr. Sergeant's, at Stockbridge, Thursday,
April 26, having performed the journey in a very weak
state of body.
April 27 and 28. " Spent some time in visiting,
friends, and discoursing with my people, (who were
now moved down from their own place to Mr. Ser-
geant's) and found them very glad to see me returned.
Was exercised in my mind with a sense of my own
unworthiness.
Lord's day, April 29. " Preached for Mr. Ser-
geant both parts of the day, from Rev. 14 : 4. Enjoyed
some freedom in preaching, though not much spiri-
tuality. In the evening, my heart was in some mea-
sure lifted up in thankfulness to God for any assist-
ance.
April 30. " Rode to Kaunaumeek, but was ex-
tremely ill ; did not enjoy the comfort I hoped for in
my own house.
May 1. " Having received new orders to go to a
number of Indians on Delaware river, in Pennsylva-
nia, and my people here being mostly removed to Mr.
Sergeant's, I this day took all my clothes, books, &c.
and disposed of them, and set out for Delaware river ;
but made it my way to return to Mr. Sergeant's, which
I did this day, just at night. Rode several hours in
the rain through the howling wilderness,'although I
was so disordered in body, that little or nothing but
blood came from me.
May 8. " Travelled about forty-five miles to a place
ca-lled Fishkill ; and lodged there. Spent much of my
time, while riding, in prayer that God would go \vith
me to the Delaware. My heart sometimes was ready
to sink with the thoughts of my work, and going alone
92 LIFE OF BRAINERD. [Chap. V
in the wilderness, I knew not where ; but still it was
comfortable to think that others of God's children had
' wandered about in dens and caves of the earth ;' and
Abraham, when he was called to go forth, .' went out
not knowing whither he went.' O that I might follow
*after God !"
The next day he went forward on his journey;
crossed the Hudson, and went to Goshen in the High-
lands ; and so traveled across the woods, from the
Hudson to the Delaware, about a hundred miles,
through a desolate and hideous country, above New-
Jersey, where were very few settlements ; in which
journey he suffered much fatigue and hardship. He
visited some Indians in the way, at a place called Miu-
nissinks, and discoursed with them concerning Chris-
tianity. Was considerably melancholy and disconso-
late, being alone in a strange wilderness. On Satur-
day, May 12, he came to a settlement of Irish and
Dutch people, and proceeding about twelve miles fur-
ther arrived at Sakhauwotung, an Indian settlement
within the Forks of the Delaware.
Lord's day, May 13. " Rose early ; felt very poorly
after my long journey, and after being wet and fa-
tigued. Was very melancholy; have scarcely ever
seen such a gloomy morning in my life ; there ap-
peared to be no Sabbath; the children were all at play;
I, a stranger in the wilderness, and knew not where to
go ; and all circumstances seemed to conspire to ren-
der my affairs dark and discouraging. Was disap-
pointed respecting an Interpreter, and heard that the
Indians were much scattered. O, I mourned after the
presence of God, and seemed like a creature banished
from his sight ! yet he was pleased to support my sink-
ing soul amidst all my sorrows ; so that I never enter-
1744.] AT FORKS OP DELAWARE. 93
tained any thought of quitting my business among the
poor Indians ; but was comforted to think that death
would ere long set me free from these distresses.
Rode about three or four miles to the Irish people,
where I found some that appeared sober and con-
cerned about religion. My heart then began to be a
little encouraged : went and preached first to the Irish
and then to the Indians ; and in the evening was a
little comforted : my soul seemed to rest on God, and
take courage.
Lord's day, May 20. " Preached twice to the poor
Indians ; and enjoyed some freedom in speaking, while
I attempted to remove their prejudices against Chris-
tianity. My soul longed continually for assistance
from above ; for I saw I had no strength sufficient for
that work. Afterward preached to the Irish people ;
was much assisted in the first prayer, and somewhat
in the sermon. Several persons seemed much con-
cerned for their souls, with whom I discoursed after-
ward with much freedom and some power. Blessed
be God for any assistance afforded to an unworthy
worm. O that I could live to him !
Lord's day, May 27. " Visited my Indians in the
morning, and attended upon a funeral among them ;
was affected to see their heathenish practices. O that
they might be ' turned from darkness to light !' After-
ward got a considerable number of them together, and
preached to them ; and observed them very attentive.
After this preached to the white people from Heb.
2:3. ' How shall we escape if we neglect so great
salvation ?' Was enabled to speak with some freedom
and power : several people seemed much concerned
for their souls ; especially one who had been educated
a Roman Catholic. Blessed be the Lord for any help.
94 LIFE OF BRAINERD. [:3iap. V
May 28. "Set out from the Indians above theForks
of the Delaware, on a journey toward Newark, in
New- Jersey, according to my orders. Rode through
the wilderness ; was much fatigued with the heat ;
lodged at a place called Black River ; was exceed-
ingly tired and worn out.
Lord's day, June 10. " [At Newark.] In the morn-
ing was much concerned how I should perform the
work of the day : and trembled at the thoughts of be-
ing left to myself. Enjoyed very considerable assist-
ance in all parts of the public service. Had an oppor-
tunity again to attend on the ordinance of the Lord's
Supper, and through divine goodness was refreshed in
it : my soul was full of love and tenderness toward the
children of God, and toward all men. At night I
enjoyed more spirituality and sweet desire of holiness,
than I have felt for some time : was afraid of every
thought and every motion, lest thereby my heart
should be drawn away from God. O that I might
never leave the blessed God ! ' Lord, in thy presence
is fulness of joy.' O the blessedness of living to God I
June 11. " This day the Presbytery met at New*-
ark, in order to my ordination. Was very weak and
disordered in body ; yet endeavored to repose my con-
fidence in God. Spent most of the day alone ; espe-
cially the forenoon. At three in the afternoon preached
my probation sermon from Acts, 26 : 17, 18, being a
text given me for that purpose. Felt not well either
in body or mind : however, God carried me through
comfortably. Afterward passed an examination before
the Presbytery. Was much tired, and my mind bur-
dened with the greatness of that charge I was in the
most solemn manner about to take upon me : my mind
was so pressed with the weight of the work incum-
1744.] AT FORKS OP DELAWARE. 95
bent upon me, that I could not sleep this night, though
very weary and in great need of rest.
June 12. " Was this morning further examined
respecting my experimental acquaintance with Chris-
tianity. At 10 o'clock my ordination was attended ;
the sermon preached by the Rev. Mr. Pemberton. At
this time I was affected with a sense of the important
trust committed to me ; yet Was composed and solemn
without distraction ; and I hope that then, as many
times before, I gave myself up to God, to be for him,
and not M: another. O that I might always be en-
gaged in the service of God, and duly remember the
solemn charge I have received in the presence of God,
angels, and men. Amen."
CHAPTER VI.
Labors for the Indians at and near the Forks of Delaware idola-
trous feast and dance journey through the wilderness to Ope-
holhaupung or the Susquehanna erects a cottage atForks of the
Delaware some evidences of a work of the Spirit among the
Indians journey to New-England to obtain money to support
a colleague visit to the Indians on the Susquehanna journey
to Crossiveeksung in New -Jersey.
June 13, 1744 June 18, 1745.
June 13, 1744. [At Elizabeth Town.]" Spent con-
siderable time in writing an account of the Indian af-
fairs, to be sent to Scotland ; some, in conversation with
friends ; but had not much spiritual enjoyment."
On Tuesday, June 19, he set out on his journey,
and in three days reached his residence near the Forks
of Delaware. Performed the journey under much
96 LIFE OF BRAINERD. [Chap. VI.
weakness of body, but had comfort in his soul, from
day to day.
Lord's day, June 24. " Extremely feeble ; scarcely
able to walk : however visited my Indians, and took
much pains to instruct them ; labored with some that
were much disaffected toward Christianity. My mind
was much burdened with the weight and difficulty of
my work. My whole dependence and hope of suc-
cess seemed to be on God ; who alone I saw could
make them willing to receive instruction. My heart
was much engaged in prayer, sending up silent re-
quests to God, even while I was speaking to them. O
that I could always go in the strength of the Lord !
June 25. " Was somewhat better in health than of
late ; and was able to spend a considerable part of the
day in prayer and close study. Had more freedom
and fervency in prayer than usual of late ; especially
longed for the presence of God in my work, and that
the poor Heathen might be converted. And in evening
prayer my faith and hope in God were much raised.
To an eye of reason every thing that respects the con-
version of the Heathen is as dark as midnight ; and yet
I cannot but hope in God for the accomplishment of
something glorious among them. My soul longed
much for the advancement of the Redeemer's kingdom
on earth. Was very fearful lest I should admit some
vain thought, and so lose the sense I then had of divine
things. O for an abiding heavenly temper !
June 26. " In the morning, my desires seemed to
rise, and ascend up freely to God. Was busy most of
the day in translating prayers into the language of the
Delaware Indians ; met with great difficulty, because
my interpreter was altogether unacquainted with the
business. But though I was much discouraged with
1744. | AT FORKS OP DELAWARE. 97
the extreme difficulty of that work, yet God supported
me ; and especially in the evening, gave me sweet re-
freshment. In prayer my soul was enlarged, and my
faith drawn into sensible exercise ; was enabled to cry
to God for my poor Indians ; and though the work of
their conversion appeared impossible with man, y et with
God I saw all things were possible. My faith was much
strengthened, by observing the wonderful assistance
God afforded his servants Nehemiah and Ezra, in re-
forming his people and re-establishing his ancient
church. I was much assisted in prayer for my dear
Christian friends, and for others whom I apprehended
to be Christless; but was more especially concerned
for the poor heathen, and those of my own charge ;
was enabled to be instant in prayer for them ; and
hoped that God would bow the heavens and come down
for their salvation. It seemed to me that there could
be no impediment sufficient to obstruct that glorious
work, seeing the living God, as I strongly hoped, was
engaged for it. I continued in a solemn frame, lifting
up my heart to God for assistance and grace, that I
might be more mortified to this present world, that my
whole soul might be taken up continually in concern
for the advancement of Christ's kingdom. Earnestly
desired that God would purge me more, that I might
be as a chosen vessel to bear his name among the
Heathen.
June 28. "Spent the morning in reading several
parts of the holy scripture, and in fervent prayer for
my Indians, chat God would set up his kingdom among
them, and bring them into his church. About nine 1
withdrew to my usual place of retirement in the woods,
and there again enjoyed some assistance in prayer.
My great, concern was for the conversion of the hea-
Brainerd. 7
98 LIFE OF BRAINERD. [Chap. VI.
then to God ; and the Lord helped me to plead with
him for it. Toward noon rode up to the Indians in
order to preach to them ; and while going my heart
went up to God in prayer for them ; could freely tell
God he knew that the cause in which I was engaged
was not mine ; but that it was his own cause, and that
it would be for his own glory to convert the poor In-
dians : and blessed be God I felt no desire of their
conversion that f might receive honor from the world
as being the instrument of it. Had some freedom in
speaking to the Indians.
June 30. " My soul was very solemn in reading
God's word, especially the ninth chapter of Daniel. I
saw how God had called out his servants to prayer,
and made them wrestle with him, when he designed
to bestow any great mercy on his church. And, alas!
I was ashamed of myself to think of myduHness and
inactivity when there seemed to be so much to do for
the upbuilding of Zion. O how does Zion he waste !
I longed that the church of God might be enlarged ;
was enabled to pray, I think, in faith ; my soul seemed
sensibly to confide in God, and was enabled to wrestle
with him. Afterward walked abroad to a place of
sweet retirement ; enjoyed some assistance in prayer,
had a sense of my great need of divine help, and felt
my soul sensibly depend on God. Blessed be God,
this has been a comfortable week to me.
Lord's day, July 1. " After I came to them my
mind was confused, and I felt nothing sensibly of that
sweet reliance on God with which my soul has been
comforted in days past. Spent the forenoon in this
posture of mind, and preached to the Indians without
any heart. In the afternoon I felt still barren when I
began to preach, and for about half an hour: I seemed
1744.J AT FORKS OP DELAWARE. 99
to myself to know nothing, and to have nothing to
say to the Indians ; but soon after I found in myself a
spirit of love, and warmth, and power, to address the
poor Indians, and God helped me to plead with them,
to ' turn from all the vanities of the heathen to the
living God ;' I am persuaded that the Lord touched
their consciences; for I never saw such attention
raised in them. When I came away from them, I
spent the whole time I was riding to my lodgings,
three miles distant, in prayer and praise to God. After
I had rode more than two miles it came into my mind
to dedicate myself to God again, which I did with
great solemnity and unspeakable satisfaction ; espe-
cially gave up myself to him renewedly in the work
of the ministry. This I did by divine grace, I hope,
without any exception or reserve; not in the least
shrinking back from any difficulties that might attend
this great and blessed work. I seemed to be most free,
cheerful, and full in this dedication of myself. My
whole soul cried, ' Lord, to thee I dedicate myself ! O
accept of me, and let me be thine for ever. Lord, I
desire nothing else ; I desire nothing more. O come,
co:ne, Lord, accept a poor worm. My heart rejoiced
in my particular work as a missionamj ; rejoiced in my
necessity of self-denial in many respects, and I still
continued to give up myself to God, and to implore
mercy of him, praying incessantly every moment with
sweet fervency. My nature being very weak of late,
and much spent, was now considerably overcome : my
fingers grew very feeble, and somewhat numb, so that
I could scarcely stretch them out straight, and when I
lighted from my horse could hardly walk ; my joints
seemed all to be loosed. But I felt abundant strength
in the inner man. Preached to the white people ; God
100 LIFE OP BRAINERD. [Chap. VI
helped me much, especially in prayer. Sundry of my
poor Indians were so moved as to come to meeting
also, and one appeared much concerned.
July 3. " Was still very weak. This morning was
enabled to pray under a feeling sense of my need of
help from God, and I trust had some faith in exercise ;
and, blessed be God, was enabled to plead with him a
considerable time. Truly God is good to me. But
my soul mourned, and was grieved at my sinfulness
and barrenness, and longed to be more engaged for
God. Near nine, withdrew again for prayer, and
through divine goodness had the blessed spirit oi
prayer ; my soul loved the duty, and longed for God
in it. O it is sweet to be (he Lords, to be sensibly de-
voted to him! What a blessed portion is God! How
glorious, how lovely in himself! O my soul longed to
improve time wholly for God ! Spent most of the day
in translating prayers into Indian. In the evening
was enabled again to wrestle with God in prayer with
fervency. Was enabled to maintain a self-diffident
and watchful frame of spirit, and was jealous, and
afraid lest I should admit carelessness and self-con-
fidence.
July 6. " Awoke this morning in the fear of God,
and spent my first waking minutes in prayer for sanc-
tification, that my soul may be washed from its ex-
ceeding pollution and defilement. After I arose I spent
some time in reading God's word, and in prayer. I
cried to God under a sense of my great indigence. I
am of late most of all concerned for ministerial quali-
fications, and the conversion of the heathen. Last
year I longed to be prepared for a world of glory, and
speedily to depart out of this world ; but of late all my
concern almost is for the conversion of the heathen,
fc*'
1744.J AT FORKS OF DELAWARE. 101
and for that end I long to live. But blessed be God I
have less desire to live for any of the pleasures of the
world than I ever had. I long and love to be a pil-
grim, and want grace to imitate the life, labors and
sufferings of St. Paul among the heathen. And when
I long for holiness now, it is not so much for myself
as formerly, but rather thereby I may become an 'able
minister of the New Testament,' especially to the
heathen.
July 7. " Was very much disordered this morning,
and my vigor all spent and exhausted ; but was affect-
ed and refreshed in reading the sweet story of Elijah's
translation, and enjoyed some affection and fervency in
prayer ; longed much for ministerial gifts and graces,
that I might do something in the cause of God. After-
ward was refreshed and invigorated while reading
ALLEINE'S first Case of Conscience, &c. was enabled
then to pray with some ardor of soul was afraid of
carelessness and self-confidence, and longed for ho-
liness.
Lord's day, July 8. " Was ill last night not able
to rest quietly. Had some small degree of assistance
in preaching to the Indians, and afterward was enabled
to preach to the white people with some power, espe-
cially in the close of my discourse, from Jer. 3 : 23.
' Truly in vain is salvation hoped for from the hills,'
&c. The Lord also assisted me in some measure in
the first prayer; blessed be his name. Near night,
though very weary, was enabled to read God's word
with some sweet relish of it, and to pray with affec-
tion, fervency, and I trust with faith ; my soul was
more sensibly dependant on God than usual. Was
watchful, tender, and jealous of my own heart, lest I
should admit carelessness and vain thoughts, and
102 LIKE OF BRAINERD. [Chap. VI
grieve the blessed Spirit, so that he should withdraw
his sweet, kind, and tender influences. Longed to
' depart, and be with Christ,' more than at any lime
of late. My soul was exceedingly united to the saints
of ancient times, as well as those now living ; espe-
cially my soul melted for the society of Elijah and
Elisha. Was enabled to cry to God with a child-like
spirit, and to continue instant in prayer for some time.
Was much enlarged in the sweet duty of interces-
sion ; was enabled to remember great numbers of dear
friends, and precious souls, as well as Christ's minis-
ters. Continued in this frame, afraid of every idle
thought, till I dropped asleep.
July 21. " This morning 1 was greatly oppressed
with guilt and shame from 1 a sense of inward vileness
and pollution. About nine withdrew to the woods for
prayer, but had not much comfort; I appeared to
myself the vilest, meanest creature upon earth, and
could scarcely live with myself; so mean and vile I
appeared, that I thought I should never be able to hold
up my face in heaven, if God, of his infinite grace>
should bring me thither. Toward night my burden
respecting my work among the Indians began to in-
crease much, and was aggravated by hearing sundry
things which looked very discouraging, in particular
that they intended to meet together the next day for
an idolatrous feast and dance. Then I began to be in
anguish ; I thought that I must in conscience go and
endeavor to break them up, yet knew not how to
attempt such a thing. However, I withdrew for prayer,
hoping for strength from above. In prayer I was ex-
ceedingly enlarged, and my soul was as much drawn
out as I ever remember it to have been in my life. I
was in such anguish, and pleaded with such earnest'
1744.J AT FORKS OF DELAWARE. 103
ness and importunity, that when I rose from my knees
I felt extremely weak and overcome ; I could scarcely
walk straight ; my joints were loosed ; the sweat ran
down my face and body, and nature seemed as if it
would dissolve. So far as I could judge, I was wholly
free from selfish ends in my fervent supplications for
the poor Indians. I knew that they were met together
to worship devils, and not God; and this made me
cry earnestly that God would now appear and help me
in my attempts to break up this idolatrous meeting.
My soul pleaded long, and I thought that God would
hear, and would go with me to vindicate his own
cause : I seemed to confide in God for his presence
and assistance. And thus I spent the evening, praying
incessantly for divine assistance, and that I might not
be self-dependent, but still have my whole dependance
upon God. What I passed through was remarkable,
and indeed inexpressible. All things here below van-
ished, and tkere appeared to be nothing of any con-
siderable importance to me, but holiness of heart and
life, and the conversion of the heathen to God. All
my cares, fears and desires, which might be said to be
of a worldly nature, disappeared, and were, in my
esteem, of little more importance than a puff of wind.
I exceedingly longed that God would get to himself a
name among the heathen ; and I appealed to him with
the greatest freedom, that he knew I ' preferred him
above my chief joy.' Indeed, I had no notion of joy
from this world ; I cared not where or how I lived, or
what hardships I went through, so that I could but
gain souls to Christ. I continued in this frame all the
evening and night. While I was asleep I dreamed of
these things; and when I waked, (as I frequently did,)
the first thing I thought of was this great work of
pleading for God against Satan.
104 LIFE OF BRA1NERD [Chap. VI.
Lord's day. Jidy 22. " When I waked my soul was
burdened with what seemed to be before me. I cried
to God, before I could get out of my bed ; and as soon
as I was dressed I withdrew into the woods, to pour
out my burdened soul to God, especially for assistance
in my great work ; for I could scarcely think of any
thing else. I enjoyed the same freedom and fervency
as the last evening ; and did with unspeakable freedom
give up myself afresh to God, for life or death, for all
hardships to which 'he should call me, among the
heathen ; and felt as if nothing could discourage me
from this blessed work. I had a strong hope that God
would ' bow the heavens and come down,' and do
some marvellous work among the heathen. "While I
was riding to the Indians, three miles, my heart was
continually going up to God for his presence and as-
sistance ; and hoping, and almost expecting, that God
would make this the day of his power and grace
amongst the poor Indians. When I came to them, I
found them engaged in their frolic ; but through divine
goodness I persuaded them to desist and attend to my
preaching : yet still there appeared nothing of the
special power of God among them. Preached again
to them in the afternoon, and observed the Indians
were more sober than before; but still saw nothing
special among them. Hence satan took occasion to
tempt and buffet me with these cursed suggestions,
There is no God, or if there be, he is not able to con-
vert the Indians, before they have more knowledge,
&c. I was very weak and weary, and my soul borne
down with perplexity; but was mortified to all the
world, and was determined still to wait upon God for
the conversion of the heathen, though the devil tempt-
ed me to the contrary.
1744.J AT FOHKS OF DELAWARE. 105
July 24. " Rode about seventeen miles westward,
over a hideous mountain, to a number of Indians. Got
together near thirty of them : preached to them in the
evening, and lodged among them. Was weak, and
felt in some degree disconsolate ; yet could have no
freedom in the thought of any other circumstances or
business in life. All my desire was the conversion of
the heathen ; and all my hope was in God. God does
not suffer me to please or comfort myself with hopes
of seeing friends, returning to my dear acquaintance,
and enjoying worldly comforts.
Lord's day, August 5. " Though very weak, I vi-
sited and preached to the poor Indians twice, and was
strengthened vastly beyond my expectations. Indeed
the Lord gave me some freedom and fervency in ad-
dressing them ; though I had not strength enough to
stand, but was obliged to sit down the whole time.
Toward night was extremely weak, faint, sick, and full
of pain. I seem to 'myself like a man that has all his
estate embarked in one small boat, unhappily going
adrift down a swift torrent. The poor owner stands
on the shore, and looks, and laments his loss. But,
alas ! though my all seems to be adrift, and I stand and
see it, I dare not lament ; for this sinks my spirits
more, and aggravates my bodily disorders ! I am
forced, therefore, to divert myself with trifles ; al-
though at the same time I am afraid, and often feel as
if I was guilty of the misimprovement of time. And
oftentimes my conscience is so exercised with this mi-
serable way of spending time, that I have no peace ;
though I have no strength of mind or body to improve
it to better purpose. O that God would pity my dis-
tressed state !"
The next three weeks his illness was less severe ;
106 LIFE OF BRAINEKD. [Chap. VI.
and he was in some degree capable of business, both
public and private, though he had some turns wherein
his indisposition prevailed to a great degree. He had
generally also much more inward assistance and
strength of mind. He often expresses great longings
for the enlargement of Christ's kingdom, especially
by the conversion of the heathen to God ; and speaks
of this hope as all his delight and joy. He continues
still to express his usual desires after holiness, living
to God, and a sense of his own unworthiness. He
several times speaks of his appearing to himself the
vilest creature on earth ; and once says, that he verily
thought there were none of God's children who fell
so far short of that holiness, and perfection in their
obedience, which God requires, as he. He speaks of
his feeling more dead than ever to the enjoyments of
the world. He sometimes mentions the special assist-
ance which he had at this time, in preaching to the
Indians, and the appearances of religious concern
among them. He speaks also of assistance in prayer
for absent friends, and especially ministers and can-
didates for the ministry ; and of much comfort which
he enjoyed in the company of some ministers who
came to visit him.
Sept. 1. " Was so far strengthened, after a season
of great weakness, that I was able to spend two or
three hours in writing on a divine subject. Enjoyed
some comfort and sweetness in things divine and sa-
cred ; and as my bodily strength was in some measure
restored, so my soul seemed to be somewhat vigorous,
and engaged in the things of God.
Lord's day, Sept. 2. " Was enabled to speak to my
poor Indians with much concern and fervency ; and 1
am persuaded that God enabled me to exercise faith in
1744.J AT FORKS OF DELAWARE. 107
him. while I was speaking to them. I perceived that
some of them were afraid to hearken to and embrace
Christianity, lest they should be enchanted and poi-
soned by some of the powaws : but I was enabled to
plead with them not to fear these ; and, confiding in
God for safety and deliverance, I bid a challenge to all
these powers of darkness, to do their worst on me first.
I told my people that I was a Christian, and asked
them why the powaws did not bewitch and poison me.
I scarcely ever felt more sensible of my own unwor-
thmess, than in this action. I saw that the honor of
God was concerned ; and desired to be preserved not
from selfish views but for a testimony of the divine
power and goodness, and of the truth of Christianity,
and that God might be glorified. Afterward, I found
my soul rejoice in God for his assisting grace."
After this, he went a journey into New-England, and
was absent from the place of his abode, at the Forks
of Delaware, about three weeks. He was in a feeble
state the greater part of the time. But in the latter
of the journey he found that he gained much in health
and strength.
Sept. 26. " Rode home to the Forks of Delaware.
What reason have I to bless God, who has preserved
me in riding more than four hundred and twenty
miles, and has ' kept all my bones, that not one of
them has been broken !' My health likewise is great-
ly recovered. O that I could dedicate my all to God !
This is all the return I can make to him."
When he began to preach here, he had not more
than from twenty to twenty-five hearers; their num-
bers at length increased to forty, or more ; and often
most belonging to those parts came together to hear
him preach. In a letter to Rev. Mr. Pemberton, he says
108 UFE OF BRAINERD. IChap. VI
" The effects which the truths of God's word have had
upon some of the Indians in this place, are somewha'
encouraging. A number of them are brought to re-
nounce idolatry, and to decline partaking of those
feasts which they used to offer in sacrifice to certain
supposed unknown powers. And some few among
them have, for a considerable time, manifested a se-
rious concern for their soul's eternal welfare, and still
continue to ' inquire the way to Zion,' with such dili-
gence, affection, and becoming solicitude, as gives me
reason to hope that ' God who, I trust, has begun this
work in them,' will carry it on, until it shall issue in
their saving conversion to himself. These not only
detest their old idolatrous notions, but strive also to
bring their friends off from them. And as they are
seeking salvation for their own souls, so they seem de-
sirous, and some of them take pains, that others might
be excited to do the same.
" There are also many difficulties, that attend the
christianizing of these poor pagans.
" In the first place, their minds are filled with pre-
judices against Christianity, on account of the vicious
lives and unchristian behavior of some that are called
Christians. These not only set before them the worst
examples, but some of them take pains, expressly in
words, to dissuade them from becoming Christians,
foreseeing that if these should be converted to God,
' the hope of their unlawful gain' would thereby be lost.
" Again : these poor heathens are extremely attached
to the customs, traditions, and f obvious notions of their
fathers. And this one seems to be the foundation of
all their other notions, viz. that ' it was not the same
God made them, who made the white people,' but
another, who commanded them to live by hunting
1744.J AT FORKS OF DELAWARE. 109
&c., and not to conform to the customs of the white
people. Hence, when they are desired to become
Christians, they frequently reply, that ' they will live
as their fathers lived, and go to their fathers when
they die.' And if the miracles of Christ and his apos-
tles be mentioned to prove the truth of Christianity,
they also mention sundry miracles which their fathers
have told them were anciently wrought among the
Indians, and which satan makes them believe were
so. They are much attached to idolatry, frequently
making feasts, which they eat in honor to some un-
known, beings, who, they suppose, speak to them in
dreams; promising them success in hunting, and other
affairs, in case they will sacrifice to them. They often-
times also offer their sacrifices to the spirits of the
dead, who, they suppose, stand in need of favors from
the living, and yet are in such a state as that they can
well reward all the offices of kindness that are shown
them. And they impute all their calamities to the
neglect of these sacrifices.
" Furthermore, they are much awed by those among
themselves who are called po-waws, who are supposed
to have a power of enchanting, or poisoning them to
death, or at least in a very distressing manner. And
they apprehended it would be their sad fate to be thus
enchanted in case they should become Christians.
" The manner of their living" is likewise a great dis-
advantage to the design of their being christianized.
They are almost continually roving from place to
place, and it is but rare that an opportunity can be
had with some of them for their instruction."
Oct. 1. " Was engaged in making preparations for
my intended journey to the Susquehanna. "Withdrew
110 LIFE OF BRAINERD. [Chap. VI
several times to the woods for secret duties, and en-
deavored to plead for the divine presence to go with
me to the poor Pagans, to whom I was going to preach
the Gospel. Toward night rode about four miles, and
met brother Byram, who was come at my desire to be
my companion in travel to the Indians. I rejoiced to
see him, and I trust God made his conversation profit-
able to me. I saw him, as I thought, more dead to the
world, its anxious cares and alluring objects, than I
was; and this made me look within myself, and gave
me a greater sense of my guilt, ingratitude, and misery.
Oct. 2. " Set out on my journey in company with
dear brother Byram and my interpreter, and two chief
Indians from the Forks of Delaware. Traveled about
twenty-five miles, and lodged in one of the last houses
on our road; after which there was nothing but a
hideous and howling wilderness.
Oct. 3. " We went on our way into the wilderness,
and found the most difficult and dangerous traveling
by far, that ever any of us had seen. We had scarce
any thing else but lofty mountains, deep valleys, and
hideous rocks, to make our way through. However,
I had some spiritual enjoyment part of the day, and
my mind intensely engaged in meditation on a divine
subject. Near night my horse hung one of her legs
in the rocks and fell down under me, but through
divine goodness I was not hurt. However, she broke
her leg ; and being in sucli a hideous place, and near
thirty miles from any house, I saw nothing that could
be done to preserve her life, and so was obliged to kill
her, and to prosecute my journey on foot. This acci-
dent made me admire the divine goodness to me that
my bones were not broken, and the multitude of them
filled with strong pain. Just at dark we kindled a fire,
1744.] JOURNEY TO SUSCIUEHANNA. Ill
cut up a few bushes, and made a shelter over our heads
to save us from the frost, which was very hard that
night, and committing ourselves to God by prayer,
we lay down on ihe ground and slept quietly."
The next day they went forward on their journey,
and at night took up their lodgings in the woods in
like manner.
Oct. 5. " We reached the Susquehanna river at a
place called Opeholhaupung; and found there twelve
Indian houses. After I had saluted the king in a
friendly manner I told him my business, and that my
desire was to teach them Christianity. After some
consultation the Indians gathered, and I preached to
them. And when I had done I asked if they would
hear me again. They replied that they would consider
of it, and soon after sent me word that they would im-
mediately attend if I would preach, which I did with
freedom, both times. When I asked them again,
whether they would hear me further, they replied, they
would the next day. I was exceeding sensible of the
impossibility of doing any thing for the poor Heathen
without special assistance from above ; and my soul
seemed to rest on God, and leave it to him to do as he
pleased in that which I saw was his own cause. In-
deed, through divine goodness, I had felt somewhat
of this frame most of the time while I was traveling
thither ; and in some measure before I set out.
Oct. 6. " Rose early and besought the Lord for
help in my great work. Near noon, preached again
to the Indians; and in the afternoon visited them from
house to house, and invited them to come and hear me
again the next day, and put off their hunting design
which they were just entering upon, till Monday
' This night ' I trust, ' the Lord stood by me,' to en-
112 LIFE OF BRAINERD. [Chap. VI
courage and strengthen ray soul : I spent more than
an hour in secret retirement ; was enabled to ' pour out
my heart before God,' for the increase of grace in my
soul, for ministerial endowments, for success among
the poor Indians, for God's ministers and people, for
distant dear friends, &c. Blessed be God !
Oct. 8. " Visited the Indians with a design to take
my leave of them, supposing they would this morning
go out to hunting early ; but beyond my expectation
and hope, they desired to hear me preach again. 1
gladly complied with their request, and afterward en-
deavored to answer their objections against Christianity.
Oct. 9. " We rose about four in the morning, and
commending ourselves to God by prayer, and asking
his special protection, set out on our journey home-
ward about five, and traveled with great steadiness till
past six at night ; and then made us a fire and a shelter
of bark, and so rested. I had some clear and comfor-
table thoughts on a divine subject, by the way, toward
night. In the night, the wolves howled around us;
but God preserved us."
The next day they rose early, and at night came to
an Irish settlement, with which Brainerd was ac-
quainted, and lodged there. On the following day
both he and Mr. By ram preached to the people.
Oct. 12. " Rode home to my lodgings ; where I
poured out my soul to God in secret prayer, and en-
deavored to bless him for his abundant goodness to me
in my late journey. I scarcely ever enjoyed more
health, at least of later years ; and God marvellously
and almost miraculously, supported me under the fa-
tigues of the way, and traveling on foot. Blessed be
the Lord, who continually preserves me.
Lord's day, Oct. 14. " I went to the place of public
1744.J AT FORKS OF DELAWARE. 113
worship, lifting up my heart to God for assistance and
grace, in my great work ; and God was gracious to me :
helping me to plead with him for holiness, and to use
the strongest arguments with him, drawn from the in-
carnation and sufferings of Christ, for this very end,
that men might be made holy. Afterward, I was much
assisted in preaching. I know not that ever God
helped me to preach in a more close and distinguishing
manner for the trial of men's state. Through the infi-
nite goodness of God, I felt what I spoke ; and he ena-
bled me to treat on divine truth with uncommon
clearness.
Oct. 24 " Near noon, rode to my people ; spent
some time, and prayed with them ; felt the frame of a
pilgrim on earth ; longed much to leave this gloomy
mansion ; but yet found the exercise of patience and
resignation. And as I returned home from the In-
dians, spent the whole time in lifting up my heart to
God. In the evening enjoyed a blessed season alone
in prayer; was enabled to cry to God with a child-like
spirit, for the space of near an hour; enjoyed a sweet
freedom in supplicating for myself, for dear friends,
ministers, and some who are preparing for that work,
and for the church of God; and longed to be as lively
myself in God's service as the angels.
Oct. 26. " In the morning my soul was melted
with a sense of divine goodness and mercy to such a
vile unworthy worm. I delighted to lean upon God,
and place my whole trust in him. My soul was ex-
ceedingly grieved for sin, and prized and longed after
holiness ; it wounded my heart deeply, yet sweetly, to
think how I had abused a kind God. I longed to be
perfectly holy that I might not grieve a gracious God;
who will continue to love notwithstanding Ms love h
Brainerd. 8
114 LIFE OF BRAINEHD. [Chap. VI
abused ! I longed for holiness more for this end than
I did for my own happiness' sake ; and yet this was
my greatest happiness, never more to dishonor, but
always to glorify the blessed God.
Oct. 31. " Was sensible of my barrenness and de-
cays in the things of God: my soul failed when I
remembered the fervency which I had enjoyed at the
throne of grace. O, I thought, if I could but be spiri-
tual, warm, heavenly minded, and affectionately breath-
ing after God, this would be better than life to me !
My soul longed exceedingly for death, to be loosed
from this dullness and barrenness, and made for ever
active in the service of God. I seemed to live for no-
thing, and to do no good : and O the burden of such
a life ! O death, death, my kind friend, hasten and
deliver me from dull mortality, and make me spiritual
and vigorous to eternity !"
Nov. 5. He set out on a journey to New- York, and
was from home more than a fortnight. He was ex-
posed to cold and storms, became greatly fatigued,
and when he returned from New- York to New-Jersey
was taken ill, and detained some time.
Nov. 21. " Rode from Newark to Rockciticus in the
cold, and was almost overcome with it. Enjoyed some
sweetness in conversation with dear Mr. Jones, while
I dined with him. My soul loves the. people of God,
and especially the ministers of Jesus Christ who feel
the same trials that I do.
Nov. 22. " Came on my way from Rockciticus to
the Delaware. Was very much disordered with a
cold and pain in my head. About six at night I lost
my way in the wilderness, and wandered over rocks
and mountains, down hideous steeps, through swamps
and most dreadful and dangerous places; and the night
1744.J AT FORKS OF DELAWARE. 115
being dark, so that few stars could be seen, I was
greatly exposed. I was much pinched with cold, and
distressed with pain in my head, attended with sick-
ness at my stomach ; so that every step I took was dis-
tressing to me. I had little hope, for several hours
together, but that I must lie out in the woods all night
in this distressed case. But about nine o'clock I found
a house, through the abundant goodness of God, and
was kindly entertained. Thus I have frequently been
exposed, and sometimes lain out the whole night : but
God has hitherto preserved me ; and blessed be his
name. Such fatigues and hardships as these serve to
wean me from the earth ; and I trust will make heaven
the sweeter. Formerly, when I was thus exposed to
cold, rain, &c. I was ready to please myself with the
thoughts of enjoying a comfortable house, a warm
fire, and other outward comforts ; but now these have
less place in my heart, (through the grace of God,)
and my eye is more to God for comfort. In this world
I expect tribulation ; and it does not now, as formerly,
appear strange to me. I do not in such seasons of
difficulty flatter myself that it will be better hereafter ;
but rather think how much worse it migfyt be; how
much greater trials others of God's children have en-
dured ; and how much greater are yet perhaps re-
served for me. Blessed be God, that he makes the
thoughts of my journey's end, and of my dissolution
a great comfort to me under my sharpest trials ; and
scarce ever lets these thoughts be attended with terror
or melancholy ; but they are attended frequently with
great joy.
Nov. 23. " Visited a sick man ; discoursed and
prayed with him. Then visited another house, where
was one dead and laid out : looked on the corpse, and
1 16 LIFE OP BRAINERD. [Chap. VI.
longed that my time might come to depart and be with
Christ. Then went home to my lodgings about one
o'clock. Felt poorly ; but was able to read most of
the afternoon."
Within the space of the next twelve days he spent
much time in hard labor, with others, to make for
himself a little cottage or hut, to live in by himself
through the winter. Yet he frequently preached to
the Indians, and speaks of special assistance which he
had from time to time, in addressing himself to them ;
and of his sometimes having considerable encourage-
ment from the attention whicli they gave. But on
Tuesday, December 4, he was sunk into great dis-
couragement, to see most of them going in company
to an idolatrous feast and dance, after he had taken
abundant pains to dissuade them from these things.
Dec. 6. " Having now a happy opportunity of be-
ing retired in a house of my own, which I have lately
procured and moved into ; considering that it is now
a long time since I have been able, either on account
of bodily weakness or for want of retirement, or some
other difficulty, to spend any time in secret fasting
and prayer; considering also the greatness of my
work, the extreme difficulties that attend it, and that
my poor Indians are now worshipping devils, notwith-
standing all the pains I have taken with them, which
almost overwhelms my spirit ; moreover, considering
my extreme barrenness, spiritual deadness and dejec-
tion, of late ; as also the power of some particular cor-
ruptions ; I set apart this day for secret prayer and
fasting, to implore the blessing of God on myself, on
my poor people, on my friends, and on the church of
God. At first I felt a great backwardness to the duties
of the day on account of the seeming impossibility of
1744. J AT FORKS OP DELAWARE. 117
performing them : but the Lord helped me to break
through this difficulty. God was pleased, by the use of
means, to give me some clear conviction of my sinful-
ness, and a discovery of the plague of my own heart,
more affecting than what I have of late had. And es-
pecially I saw my sinfulness in this, that when God
had withdrawn himself, then, instead of living and dy-
ing in pursuit of him, I have been disposed to one of
these two things: either to yield an unbecoming re-
spect to some earthly objects, as if happiness were to
be derived from them ; or to be secretly froward and
impatient, and unsuitably desirous of death, so that I
have sometimes thought I could not bear to think that
my life must be lengthened out. That which often
drove me to this impatient desire of death, was a de-
spair of doing any good in life : and I chose death
rather than a life spent for nothing. But now God
made me sensible of my sin in these things, and en-
abled me to cry to him for forgiveness. Yet this was
not all I wanted, for my soul appeared exceedingly
polluted, my heart seemed like a nest of vipers, or a
cage of unclean and hateful birds ; and therefore I
wanted to be purified 'by the blood of sprinkling, that
cleanseth from all sin.' This, I hope, I was enabled to
pray for in faith. I enjoyed much more intenseness,
fervency, and spirituality, than I expected ; God was
better to me than my fears. Toward night, I felt my
soul rejoice, that God is unchangeably happy and glo-
rious ; and that he will be glorified, whatever becomes
of his creatures. I was enabled to persevere in prayer
until sometime in the evening ; at which time I saw so
much need of divine help, in every respect, that I knew
not how to leave off, and had forgot that I needed food.
Blessed be the Lord for any help in the past day.
118 LIFE OF BRA1NERD. [Chap. VI
Dec. 7. "Spent some time in prayer, in the morn-
ing ; enjoyed some freedom and affection in the duty,
and had longing desires of being made ' faithful to the
death.' Spent a little time in writing on a divine sub-
ject ; then visited the Indians, and preached to them j
but I had no heart to speak to them, and could not do
it, but as I forced myself: I knew they must hate to
hear me, as having but just got home from their idola-
trous feast and devil-worship. In the evening, had
some freedom in prayer and meditation.
Dec. 12. " Was very weak ; but somewhat assisted
in secret prayer, and enabled with pleasure and sweet-
ness to cry, ' Come, Lord Jesus ! come, Lord Jesus !
come quickly.' My soul ' longed for God, for the living
God.' O how delightful it is to pray under such sweet
influences ! O how much better is this than one's ne-
cessary food ! I had at this time no disposition to eat,
(though late in the morning ,) for earthly food ap-
peared wholly tasteless. O how much ' better is thy
love than wine,' than the sweetest wine ! I visited
and preached to the Indians in the afternoon ; but un-
der much dejection. Found my Interpreter under
some concern for his soul ; which was some comfort
to me ; and yet filled me with new care. I longed
greatly for his conversion; lifted up my heart to God
for it, while I was talking to him ; came home, and
poured out my soul to God for him ; enjoyed some
freedom in prayer, and was enabled, I think, to leave
all with God.
Dec. 18. "Went to the Indians, and discoursed to
them near an hour, without any power to come close
to their hearts. But at last I felt some fervency, and
God helped me to speak with warmth. My Interpre-
ter also was amazingly assisted ; and presently most
1744.] AT FORKS OP DELAWARE. 119
of the grown persons were much affected, and the tears
ran down their cheeks. One old man, I suppose an
hundred years old, was so much affected that he wept,
and seemed convinced of the importance of what I
taught them. I staid with them a considerable time,
exhorting and directing them ; and came away, lifting
up my heart to God in prayer and praise, and encou-
raged and exhorted my Interpreter to 'strive to enter
in at the strait gate.' Came home, and spent most of
the evening in prayer and thanksgiving; and found
myself much enlarged and quickened. Was greatly
concerned that the Lord's work, which seemed to be
begun, might be carried on with power, to the conver-
sion of poor souls, and the glory of divine grace.
Dec, 19. " Spent a great part of the day in prayer
to God for the outpouring of his Spirit on my poor
people ; as also to bless his name for awakening my
Interpreter and some others, and giving us some tokens
of his presence yesterday. And blessed be God, I had
much freedom, five or six times in the day, in prayer
and praise, and felt a weighty concern upon my spirit
for the salvation of those precious souls, and the en-
largement of the Redeemer's kingdom among them.
My soul hoped in God for some success in my minis-
try : blessed be his name for so much hope.
Dec. 21. "Was enabled again to pray with freedom,
cheerfulness, and hope. God was pleased to make the
duty comfortable and pleasant to me ; so that I delight-
ed to persevere, and repeatedly to engage in it. To-
ward noon visited my people, and spent the whole
time in the way to them in prayer, longing to see the
power of God among them, as there appeared some-
thing of it the last Tuesday ; and I found it sweet to
rest and hopo in God. Preached to them twice, and
J20 LIFE OP BRAINERD. [Chap. VI.
at two distinct places : had considerable freedom each
time, and so had my Interpreter. Several of them fol-
lowed me from one place to the other ; and I thought
there was some divine influence discernible among
them. In the evening was assisted in prayer again.
Blessed be the Lord.
Dec. 25. "Enjoyed very little quiet sleep last night,
by reason of bodily weakness, and the closeness of my
studies yesterday ; yet my heart was somewhat lively
in prayer and praise. I was delighted with the divine
glory and happiness, and rejoiced that God was God,
and that he was unchangeably possessed of glory and
blessedness. Though God held my eyes waking, yet
he helped me to improve my time profitably amidst my
pains and weakness, in continued meditations on Luke,
13 : 7. 'Behold, these three years I come seeking fruit.'
&c. My meditations were sweet ; and I wanted to set
before sinners their sin and danger."
He continued in a very low state, as to his bodily
health, for some days, which seems to have been a
great hindrance to him in his religious exercises and
pursuits. But yet he expresses some degree of divine
assistance, from day to day, through the remainder of
this week. He preached several times this week to his
Indians ; and there appeared still some concern among
them for their souls.
Jan. 9, 1745. " In the morning God was pleased to
remove that gloom which has of late oppressed my
mind, and gave me freedom and sweetness in prayer ;
I was encouraged, strengthened, and enabled to plead
for grace myself, and mercy for my poor Indians ; and
was sweetly assisted in my intercessions with God for
others. Blessed be his holy name for ever and ever.
Amen, and Amen. Those things that of late have ap-
1745.J AT FORKS OP DELAWARE. 121
peared most difficult and almost impossible, now ap-
peared not only possible, but easy. My soul so much
delighted to continue instant in prayer, at this blessed
season, that I had no desire for my necessary food : I
even dreaded leaving off praying at all, lest I should
lose this spirituality, and this blessed thankfulness to
God which I then felt. I felt now quite willing to live,
and undergo all trials that might remain for me in a
world of sorrow; but still longed for heaven, that I
might glorify God in a perfect manner. ' O come, Lord
Jesus, come quickly.'
Lord's day, Feb. 3. " In the morning I was some-
what relieved of that gloom and confusion with which
my mind has of late been greatly exercised ; and was
enabled to pray with some composure and comfort.
Still I went to my Indians trembling ; but God was
pleased to hear my cries, and to afford me great assis-
tance; so that I felt peace in my own soul; and was
satisfied, that if not one of the Indians should be pro-
fited by my preaching, but they should all be damned,
yet I should be accepted and rewarded as faithful ; for
I am persuaded, God enabled me to be so. Had some
good degree of help afterward at another place ; and
much longed for the conversion of the poor Indians."
On the next Sabbath he preached at Greenwich, in
New-Jersey. In the evening he rode eight miles to
visit a sick man at the point of death, and found him
speechless and senseless.
Feb. 11. "About the break of day the sick man
died. I was affected at the sight ; spent the morning
with the mourners ; and after prayer and some dis-
course with them, returned to Greenwich, and preached
again from Psalm 89 : 15. The Lord gave me some
assistance ; I felt a sweet love to souls and to the
122 LIFE OP BRAINERD. [Chap. VI.
kingdom of Christ ; and longed that poor sinners might
* know the joyful sound.' Several persons were much
affected. After meeting, I was enabled to discourse,
with freedom and concern, to some persons who ap-
plied to me under spiritual trouble. Left the place,
sweetly composed, and rode home to my house about
eight miles distant. Discoursed to friends, and incul-
cated divine truths upon some. In the evening was in
the most solemn frame which I almost ever remember
to have experienced. I know not that ever death ap-
peared more real to me, or that ever I saw myself in
the condition of a dead corpse, laid out, and dressed for
a lodging in the silent grave, so evidently as at this
time. And yet I felt exceedingly tranquil ; my mind
was composed and calm, and death appeared without
a sting. I think I never felt such an universal
mortification to all created objects as now. O, how
great and solemn a thing it appeared to die ! O, how
it lays the greatest honor in the dust ! And O, how
vain and trifling did the riches, honors, and pleasures
of the world appear ! I could not, I dare not so much
as think of any of them ; for death, death appeared at
the door. O, I could see myself dead, and laid out,
and inclosed in my coffin, and put down into the cold
grave, with the greatest solemnity, but without terror !
I spent most of the evening in conversing with a dear
Christian friend. Blessed be God for the comforts of
the past day.
Feb. 15. " Was engaged in writing almost the
whole day. In the evening was much assisted in
meditating on that precious text, John, 7 : 37. ' Jesus
stood and cried,' &c. I had then a sweet sense of the
free grace of the gospel ; my soul was encouraged,
warmed, and quickened. My desires were drawn out
1745.] AT FORKS OF DELAWARE. 123
after God in prayer; and my soul was watchful, afraid
of losing such a guest as I then entertained. I con-
tinued long in prayer and meditation, intermixing one
with the other ; and was unwilling to be diverted by
any thing at all from so sweet an exercise. I longed
to proclaim the grace I then meditated upon, to the
world of sinners. O how quick and powerful is the
word of the blessed God.
Lord's day, Feb. 17. " Preached to the white people
[my interpreter being absent,] in the wilderness, upon
the sunny side of a hill ; had a considerable' assembly,
consisting of people who lived, at least many of them,
not less than thirty miles asunder ; some of them came
near twenty miles. I discoursed to them all day, from
John. 7 : 37. ' Jesus stood and cried, saying, that if any
man thirst,' &c. In the afternoon, it pleased God to
grant me great freedom and fervency in my discourse
and I was enabled to imitate the example of Christ in
the text, who stood and cried. I think I was scarce
ever enabled to exhibit the free grace of God to perish-
ing sinners with more freedom and plainness in my
life. Afterward, I was enabled earnestly to invite the
children of God to come renewedly, and drink of this
fountain of the water of life, from whence they have
heretofore derived unspeakable satisfaction. It was a
very comfortable time to me. There were many tears
in the assembly ; and I doubt not but that the Spirit of
God was there, convincing poor sinners of their need
of Christ. In the evening I felt composed and com-
fortable, though much tired. I had some sweet sense
of the excellency and glory of God ; my soul rejoiced
that he was 'God over all. blessed for ever;' but-vvas
too much crowded with company and conversation,
and longed to be more alone with God. O that I could
124 LIFE OF BRAINERD. [Chap. VI,
for ever bless God for the mercy of this day, who
' answered me in the joy of my heart.'
Lord's day, Feb. 24. " In the morning was much
perplexed. My interprets being absent, I knew not
how to perform my work among the Indians. How-
ever, I rode to them, got a Dutchman to interpret fox
me, though he was but poorly qualified for the business.
Afterward I came and preached to a few white people,
from John, 6 : 67. Here the Lord seemed to unburden
me in some measure, especially toward the close of my
discourse : I felt freedom to open the love of Christ to
his own dear disciples. When the rest of the world
forsake him, and are forsaken by him, he then turns to
his own, and says, Will ye also go away ? I had a
sense of the free grace of Christ to his own people, in
such seasons of general apostacy, and when they them-
selves in some measure backslide with the world. O
the free grace of Christ, that he seasonably reminds
his people of their danger of backsliding, and invites
them to persevere in their adherence to himself! I saw
that backsliding souls, who seemed to be about to go
away with the world, might return, and be welcome,
to him immediately ; without any thing to recommend
them ; notwithstanding all their former backslid ings.
Thus my discourse was suited to my own soul's case ;
for of late, I have found a great want of this sense and
apprehension of divine grace; and have often been
greatly distressed in my own soul, because I did not
suitably apprehend this fountain opened to purge away
sin ; and have been too much laboring for spiritual
life, peace of conscience, and progressive holiness, in
my own strength. Now God showed me, in some
measure, the arm of all strength, and the fountain of
all grace. In the evening, I felt solemn, resting on
1745.] AT FORKS OF DELAWARE. 125
free grace for assistance, acceptance, and peace of
conscience.
March 6. " Spent most of the day in preparing for
a journey to New-England ; and sometime in prayer
with a special reference to it. Was afraid I should
forsake the Fountain of living waters, and attempt to
derive satisfaction from broken cisterns, my dear
friends and acquaintance, whom I might meet in my
journey. I looked to God to keep me from this vanity
as well as others. Toward night, and in the evening,
was visited by some friends, some of whom I trust were
real Christians ; who discovered an affectionate regard
to me, and seemed grieved that I was about to leave
them ; especially as I did not expect to make any con-
siderable stay among them, if I should live to return.*
O how kind has God been to me ! how he has raised
up friends in every place where his providence has
called me ! Friends are a great comfort ; and it is
God who gives them ; it is He who makes them friendly
to me. ' Bless the Lord, my soul, and forget not all
his benefits.' "
The next day he set out on his journey ; and it was
about five weeks before he returned. The special de
sign of this journey, he himself declares afterward,
in his diary for March 21, where, speaking of his con-
versing with a certain minister in New-England, he
says, " Contrived with him how to raise some money
among Christian friends, in order to support a colleague
with me in the wilderness, (I having now spent two
years in a very solitary manner,) that we might be to-
gether : as Christ sent out his disciples two and two
*It seems by what afterward appears, that he had a design
to remove and live among the Indians on the Susquehanna
river.
126 LIFE OF BRAINERD. [Chap. VI
and as this was the principal concern I had in view, in
taking this journey, so I took pains in it, and hope God
will succeed it, if for his glory." He first went into
various parts of New-Jersey, and visited several minis-
ters there ; then went to New-York ; and from thence
into New-England, going to various parts of Connec-
ticut. He then returned to New- Jersey, and met a num-
ber of ministers at Woodbridge, " who," he says " met
there to consult about the affairs of Christ's kingdom."
He seems, for the most part, to have been free from
melancholy in this journey ; and many times to have
had extraordinary assistance in public ministrations,
and his preaching was sometimes attended with very
hopeful appearances of a good effect on the auditory.
He also had many seasons of special comfort and spiri-
tual refreshment, in conversation with ministers and
other Christian friends, and also in meditation and
prayer when alone.
April 13. "Rode home to my own house at the
Forks of Delaware ; was enabled to remember the good-
ness of the Lord, who has now preserved me while ri-
ding full six hundred miles in this journey ; and kept
me that none of my bones have been broken. Blessed
be the Lord, who has preserved me in this tedious jour-
ney, and returned me in safety to my own house.
Verily it is God who has upheld me, and guarded my
goings.
Lord's day, April 14. "Was disordered in body
with the fatigues of the late journey ; but was enabled
however to preach to a considerable assembly of white
people, gathered from all parts round about, with some
freedom, from Ezek. 33: 11. 'As I live saith the Lord,'
&c. Had much more assistance than I expected."
This week he went, a journey to Philadelphia, in or-
1745. J AT FORKS OP DELAWARE. 127
der to engage the Governor to use his interest with
the chief of the Six Nations, with whom he maintain-
ed a strict friendship, that he would give him leave to
live at Susquehanna, and instruct the Indians who are
within their territories.
April 26. "Conversed with a Christian friend with
some warmth ; and felt a spirit of mortification to the
world, in a very great degree. Afterward, was en-
abled to pray fervently, and to rely on God sweetly,
for 'all things pertaining to life and godliness.' Just
in the evening, was visited by a dear Christian friend,
with whom I spent an hour or two in conversation, on
the very soul of religion. There are many with whom
I can talk about religion; but alas! I find few with
whom I can talk religion itself; but, blessed be the
Lord there are some that love to feed on the kernel,
rather than the shell.
April 30. "Was scarce able to walk about, and was
obliged to betake myself to bed much of the day ; and
passed away the time in a very solitary manner; being
neither able to read, meditate, nor pray, and had none
to converse with in this wilderness. O how heavily
does time pass away when I can do nothing to any
good purpose; but seem obliged to trifle away precious
time! But of late I have seen it my duty to divert
myself by all lawful means, that I may be fit, at least
some small part of my time, to labor for God. And
here is the difference between my present diversions,
and those I once pursued, when in a natural state.
Then I made a God of my diversions, delighted in
them with a neglect of God, and drew my highest sa-
tisfaction from them. Now I use them as means to
help me in living to God ; fixedly delighting in him,
and not in them, drawing my highest satisfaction from
128 LIFE OP BRAINERD.
him. Then they were my all ; now they are only
-means leading to my all. And those things that are
the greatest diversion, when pursued with this view,
do not tend to hinder, but promote my spirituality ;
and I see now, more than ever, that they are absolutely
necessary.
May 2. "In the evening, being a little better in
health, I walked into the woods, and enjoyed a sweet
season of meditation and prayer. My thoughts ran
upon Psalm 17 : 15. 'I shall be satisfied, when I awake,
with thy likeness.' And it was indeed a precious texl
to me. I longed to preach to the whole world ; and it
seemed to me they must needs all be melted in hear-
ing such precious divine truths as I then had a view
of. My thoughts were exceeding clear, and my soul
was refreshed. Blessed be the Lord, that in my late
and present weakness, now for many days together,
my mind is not gloomy, as at some other times.
May 7. " Spent the day mainly in making prepara-
tion for a journey into the wilderness. Was still weak,
and concerned how I should perform so difficult a jour-
ney; but wanted bodily strength to spend the day in
fasting and prayer."
The next day he set out on his journey to the Sus-
quehanna, with his interpreter. He endured great hard-
ships and fatigues in his way thither through the wil-
derness; where, after having lodged one night in the
open woods, he was overtaken with a north-easterly
storm, in which he was ready to perish. Having no
manner of shelter, and not being able to make a fire in
so great a rain, he could have no comfort if he stopped ;
ho therefore determined to go forward in hope of
meeting with some shelter, without which he thought
it impossible to live the night through ; but their horses
1745.J JOURNEY TO SUSauEHANNA. 125)
happening to eat poison, for the want of other food, at
a place where they lodged the night before, were so
sick that they could neither ride nor lead them, but
were obliged to drive them and travel on foot ; until,
through the mercy of God, just at dusk they came to
a bark hut, where they lodged that night. After he
came to the Susquehanna he traveled about a hundred
miles on the river, and visited many towns and settle-
ments of the Indians ; saw some of seven or eight
tribes, and preached to different nations, by different
interpreters. He was sometimes much discouraged,
and sunk in his spirits, through the opposition which
appeared in the Indians to Christianity. At other times
he was encouraged by the disposition which some of
these people manifested to hear, and their willingness
to be instructed. He here met with some who had
formerly been his hearers at Kaunaumeek, and had
removed hither ; who saw and heard him again with
great joy. He spent a fortnight among the Indians on
this river, and passed through many labors and hard-
ships, lodging on the ground for several weeks, and
sometimes in the open air. At length he became ex-
tremely ill, as he was riding in the wilderness, being
seized with an ague, followed with a burning fever
and extreme pains in his head and bowels, attended
with a great evacuation of blood ; so that he thought
he must have perished in the wilderness. But at last
coming to an Indian trader's hut, he got leave to stay
there; and though without physic or food proper for
him, it pleased God, after about a week's distress, to
relieve him so far that he was able to ride. He re-
turned homeward from Juncauta, an island far down
the river, where were a considerable number of Indians,
who appeared more free from prejudices against Chris-
Brainerd. C)
130 UFE OP BRAINERD. [Chap. VI
tianity than most of the other Indians ; and arrived at
the Forks of Delaware on Thursday, May 30, after
having rode in this journey about three hundred and
forty miles. He came home in a very week state, and
under dejection of mind ; which was a great hindrance
to him in religious exercises. However, on the Sab-
bath, after having preached to the Indians, he preached
to the white people with some success, from Isaiah,
53 : 10. " Yet it pleased the Lord to bruise him," &c.
some being awakened by his preaching. The next
day he was much exercised for want of spiritual life
and fervency.
June 5. " Felt thirsting desires after God, in the
morning. In the evening, enjoyed a precious season
of retirement : was favored with some clear and sweet
meditations upon a sacred text ; divine things opened
with clearness and certainty, and had a divine stamp
upon them. My soul was also enlarged and refreshed
in prayer ; I delighted to continue in the duty ; and was
sweetly assisted in praying for my fellow Christians,
and dear brethren in the ministry. Blessed be the dear
Lord for such enjoyments. O how sweet and precious
it is to have a clear apprehension and tender sense of
the mystery of godliness, of true holiness, and of like-
ness to the best of beings ! O what a blessedness it is
to be as much like God as it is possible for a creature
to be like his great Creator ! Lord give me more of thy
likeness; ' I shall be satisfied, when I awake, with it.' "
On Friday, June 7, he went a journey of near fifty
miles, toNeshaminy, to assist at 3 sacramental occasion,
to be attended at Mr. Beatty's meeting-house ; being in-
vited thither by him and his people.
June 8. " Was exceedingly weak and fatigued with
riding in the heat yesterday ; but being desired, I
1745.] AT NESHAM1NY. 131
preached in the afternoon, to a crowded audience,
from Isaiah, 40 : 1. ' Comfort ye, comfort ye my
people, saith your God.' God was pleased to give me
great freedom, in opening the sorrows of his people,
and in setting before them comforting considerations.
And, blessed be the Lord, it was a sweet melting season
in the assembly.
lard's day, June 9. " Felt some longing desires of
the presence of God to be with his people on the
solemn occasion of the day. In the forenoon Mr.
Beatty preached ; and there appeared some warmth in
the assembly. Afterward, I assisted in the administra-
tion of the Lord's supper : and toward the close of it,
I discoursed to the multitude extempore, with some
reference to that sacred passage, Isaiah, 53 : 10. ' Yet
it pleased the Lord to bruise him.' Here God gave me
great assistance in addressing sinners : and the word
was attended with amazing power: many scores, if
not hundreds, in that great assembly, consisting ol
three or four thousand, were much affected ; so that
there was a ' very great mourning, like the mourning
of Hadadrimmon.'
June 10. "Preached with a good degree of clear-
ness and some swee,t warmth from Psalm 17 : 15. 'I
shall be satisfied, ^hen I awake, with thy likeness.'
And blessed be God, there was a great solemnity, and
attention in the assembly, and sweet refreshment
among God's people ; as was evident then and af-
terward.
June 11. "Spent the day mainly in conversation
with dear Christian friends ; and enjoyed some sweet
sense of divine things. O how desirable it is to keep
company with God's dear children ! ' These are the ex-
cellent ones of the earth,' in whom, I can truly say
132 LIFE OF BRAINERD. | Chap. VII.
' is all my delight.' O what delight will it afford, to
meet them all in a state of perfection ! Lord prepare
me for that state.
June 18. "Set out from New-Brunswick with a de-
sign to visit some Indians at a place called Crossweek-
sunff, in New-Jersey, toward the sea. In the afternoon,
came to a place called Cranberry, and meeting with a
serious minister, Mr. Macknight, I lodged there with
him. Had some enlargement and freedom in prayer
with a number of people."
CHAPTER VII.
Being part ]st of kis public journal of "the Rise and Progress of
a remarkable work of grace among the Indiant in New-Jersey
and Pennsylvania, kept by order of the Society in Scotland for
propagating Christian knmdedge." Commencement of his la-
bors at Crossiceeksung. Renewal of labor at the Forkt of
Delaware. Conversion of his Interpreter. Return to Cross-
weeksung. Outpouring of the spirit. Visit to the Forks of
Delaware and the Susquehanna. JlPmoaw. Jl Conjurer. Re-
newal of labor at Crossweeksung. Remarks on the works of
Divine Grace.
Jhns 19. Nov. 5, 1745.
[We are now come to that part of Ikainerd's Life,
when he'had the greatest success in his labors for the
good of souls, and in his particular business as a mis-
sionary to the Indians. After all his agonizing in prayer,
and travailing in birth for their conversion his raised
hopes and expectations, disappointments and encou-
ragements; after panting in a way of persevering prayer,
labor, and suffering, as it were through along night;
at length the day dawns : i: Weeping continues for a
1745.J AT CROSSWEEKSUNG. 133
night, but joy comes in the morning." He went forth
weeping, " bearing precious seed," but now he comes
" with rejoicing, bringing his sheaves with him." The
desired event is brought to pass at last ; but at a time,
in a place, and upon subjects, that scarce ever entered
his heart.]
" Crossweeltsung, in New-Jersey, June 17, 1745.
Jane 19." I had spent most of my time for more than
a year past among the Indians at the Forks of Dela-
ware, in Pennsylvania. During that time I made two
journies to the Susquehanna, to treat with the Indians on
that river respecting Christianity ; and not having had
any considerable appearance of special success in either
of those places, my spirits were depressed, and I was
not a little discouraged. Hearing that there were a
number of Indians at a place called Crossweeksung, in
New-Jersey, nearly eighty miles south east from the
Forks of Delaware, I determined to make them a visit,
and see what might be done toward christianizing
them ; and accordingly arrived among them this day.
" I found very few persons at the place I visited, and
perceived that the Indians in these parts were very
much scattered. There were not more than two or
three families in a place ; and these small settlements
were six, ten, fifteen, twenty, or thirty miles, and some
more from that place. However, I preached to those
few I found ; who appeared well disposed, serious and
attentive, and not inclined to cavil and object, as the
Indians had done elsewhere. When I had concluded
my discourse, I informed them (there being none but
a few women and children) that I would willingly
visit them again the next day. Whereupon ihey
readily set out and traveled ten or fifteen miles, in
134 LIFE OP BRAINERD. [ Chap. VII
order to give notice to some of their friends at that
distance. These women, like the woman of Samaria,
seemed desirous that others should see the man who
had told them what they had done in their past lives,
and the misery that attended their idolatrous ways.
June 20. " Visited and preached to the Indians
again as I proposed. Numbers were gathered at the
invitations of their friends, who had heard me the day
before. These also appeared as attentive, orderly and
well disposed, as the others : and none made any objec-
tions, as Indians in other places have usually done.
June 22. " Preached to the Indians again. Their
number, which at first consisted of seven or eight per-
sons, was now increased to nearly thirty. There was
not only a solemn attention among them, but some con-
siderable impression, it was apparent, was made upon
their minds by divine truth. Some began to feel their
misery, and perishing state, and appeared concerned
for a deliverance from it.
Lord's day, June 23. Preached to the Indians, and
spent the day with them. Their number still increased ;
and all with one consent, seemed to rejoice in my
coming among them. Not a word of opposition was
heard from any of them against Christianity, although
in times past they had been as much opposed to any
thing of that nature as any Indians whatsoever. Some
of them, not many months before, were enraged with
my Interpreter because he attempted to teach them
something of Christianity.
June 24. " Preached to the Indians at their desire
and upon their own motion. To see poor Pagans de-
sirous of hearing the gospel of Christ, animated me to
discourse to them ; although I was now very weak,
and my spirits much exhausted. They attended with the
1745. | AT CROSSWEEKSCNG. 135
greatest seriousness and diligence ; and some concern
for their soul's salvation was apparent among them.
June 27. " Visited and preached to the Indians
again. Their number now amounted to about forty
persons. Their solemnity and attention still continued,
and a considerable concern for their souls became very
apparent among numbers of them.
June 28. " The Indians being now gathered, a con-
siderable number of them, from their several and dis-
tant habitations, requested me to preach twice a day to
them ; being desirous to hear as much as they possibly
could while I was with them. I cheerfully complied
with their request, and could not but admire the good-
ness of God, who I was persuaded had inclined them
thus to inquire after the way of salvation.
June 29. " Preached twice to the Indians. Saw, as
I thought, the hand of God very evidently, and in a
manner somewhat remarkable, making provision for
their subsistence together, in order to their being in-
structed in divine things; for this day, and the day
before, with only walking a little way from the place
of our daily meeting, they killed three deer, which
were a seasonable supply for their wants, and without
which, they could not have subsisted together in order
to attend the means of grace.
Lord's day, June 30. " Preached twice this day also.
Observed yet more concern and affection among the
poor heathen than ever ; so that they even constrained
me to tarry yet longer with them, although my consti-
tution was exceedingly worn out, and my health much
impaired by my late fatigues and labors; and espe-
cially by my late journey to the Susquehanna in May
last, in which I lodged on the ground for several
weeks together.
136 LIFE OF BRAINERD. [Chap. VII.
July 1. " Preached again twice to a very serious
and attentive assembly of Indians ; they having now
learned to attend on the worship of God with Chris-
tian decency in all respects. There were now between
forty and fifty persons of them present, old and young.
I spent a considerable time in discoursing with them
in a more private way ; inquiring of them what they
remembered of the great truths which had been taught
them from day to day; and may justly say, it was
antazing to see how they had received and retained
the instructions given them, and what a measure of
knowledge some of them had acquired in a few days.
July 2. "Was obliged to leave these Indians at
Crossweeksung, thinking it my duty, as soon as health
would admit, again to visit those at the Forks of Dela-
ware. When I came to take leave of them, and to
speak particularly to each of them, they all earnestly
inquired when I would come again, and expressed a
great desire of being further instructed. Of their own
accord they agreed, that, when I should come again,
they would all meet and live together during my con-
tinuance with them ; and that they would use their ut-
most endeavors to gather all the other Indians in
these parts who were yet more remote. When 1
parted from them, one told me, with many tears, ' She
wished God would change her heart ;' another, that
' she wanted to find Christ ;' and an old man who had
been one of their chiefs, wept bitterly with concern for
his soul. I then promised them to return as speedily
as my health and business elsewhere would permit,
and felt not a little concern at parting, lest the good
impressions, then apparent upon numbers of them,
might decline and wear off, when the means came to
cease. Yet I could not but hope, that He, who I
1745.] AT FORKS OF DELAWARE. 137
trusted had begun a good work among them, and who
I knew did not stand in need of means to carry it on,
would mantain and promote it. At the same time, I
must confess, that I had often seen encouraging ap-
pearances among the Indians elsewhere, prove wholly
abortive, and it appeared that the favor would be too
great, if God should now, after I had passed through
so considerable a series of almost fruitless labors and
fatigues, and after my rising hopes had been so often
frustrated among these poor pagans, give me any spe-
cial success in my labors with them, I could not be-
lieve, and scarcely dared to hope, that the event would
be so happy ; and scarcely ever found myself more
suspended between hope and fear in any affair, or at
any time, than in this.
" This encouraging disposition, and readiness to re-
ceive instruction, now apparent among the Indians,
seems to have been the happy effect of the conviction
which one or two of them met with, some time since,
at the Forks of the Delaware ; who have since endea-
vored to show their friends the evil of idolatry. Though
the other Indians seemed but little to regard, and rather
to deride them ; yet this, perhaps, has put them into a
thinking posture of mind, or at least given them some
thoughts about Christianity, and excited in some of
them a curiosity to hear ; and so made way for the pre-
sent encouraging attention. An apprehension that this
might be the case here, has given me encouragement
that God may, in such a manner, bless the means which
I have used with the Indians in other places ; where,
as yet there is no appearance of it. If so, may his name
have the glory of it ; for I have learnt, by experience,
that he only can open the ear, engage the attention.
138 LIFE OF BRAINERD. [Chap. VII,
and incline the hearts of poor benighted, prejudiced
pagans, to receive instruction."
Forks of Delaware, in Pennsylvania, July, 1745.
ford's day, July 14. " Discoursed to the Indians
twice. Several of them appeared concerned, and were,
I have reason to think, in some measure convinced, by
the Divine Spirit, of their sin and misery ; so that they
wept much the whole time of divine service. After-
ward discoursed to a number of white people then
present.
July 18. " Preached to my people, who attended di-
ligently beyond what had been common among these
Indians ; and some of them appeared concerned for
their souls.
Lord's day, July 21. " Preached to the Indians first,
then to a number of white people present; and in the
afternoon to the Indians again. Divine truth seemed
to make very considerable impressions upon several of
them, and caused the tears to flow freely.
" On this day my interpreter and his wife publicly
professed their faith in Christ, being the first hopeful
converts among the Indians. They have both been
awakened to a solemn concern for their souls ; have, to
appearance, been brought to a sense of their misery
and undoneness in themselves ; have both appeared to
be comforted with divine consolations ; and it is ap-
parent that both have passed a great, and I cannot but
hope, a saving change.
" It may perhaps be satisfactory and agreeable, that I
should give some BRIEF RELATION OF THIS MAN'S EXER-
CISES AND EXPERIENCE since he has been with me ; es-
pecially since he is employed as my interpreter to
others. When I first employed him in this business,
1745 J CONVERSION OF HIS INTERPRETER. 139
in the beginning of the summer of 1744, he was well
fitted for his work, in regard to his acquaintance with
the Indian and English languages, as well as with the
manners of both nations ; and in respect to his desire
that the Indians should conform to the manners and
customs of the English, and especially to their manner
of living. But he seemed to have little or no impres-
sion of religion upon his mind, and in that respect was
very unfit for his work ; being incapable of understand-
ing and communicating to others many things of im-
portance, so that I labored under great disadvantages
in addressing the Indians, for want of his having an
experimental, as well as more doctrinal acquaintance
with divine truths ; and, at times, my spirits sunk, and
I was much discouraged under this difficulty ; espe-
cially when I observed that divine truth made little or
no impression upon his mind for many weeks toge-
ther. He indeed behaved soberly after I employed
him ; although before he had been a hard drinker, and
seemed honestly engaged, as far as he was capable, in
the performance of his work. Especially he appeared
very desirous that the Indians should renounce their
heathenish notions and practices, and conform to the
customs of the Christian world. But still he seemed
to have no concern about his own soul, until he had
been with me a considerable time.
" Near the latter end of July, 1744, 1 preached to an
assembly of white people, with more freedom and fer-
vency than I could possibly address the Indians with,
without their having first obtained a greater measure
of doctrinal knowledge. At this time he was present,
and was somewhat awakened to a concern for his soul ;
so that the next day he discoursed freely with me
about his spiritual concern?, and gave me an opportu-
140 LIFE OP BRA1NERD. [Chap. VII
nity to use further endeavors to fasten the impressions
of his perishing state upon his mind. I could plainly
perceive, for some time after this, that he addressed
the Indians with more concern and fervency than he
had formerly done.
" But these impressions seemed quickly to decline ;
and he remained in a great measure careless and se-
cure, until some time late in the autumn of the year
following; when he fell into a weak and languishing
state of body, and continued much disordered for seve-
ral weeks together. At this season divine truth took
hold of him, and made deep impressions upon his mind.
He was brought under great concern for his soul ; and
his exercises were not now transient and unsteady, but
constant and abiding, so that his mind was burdened
from day to day ; and it was now his great inquiry,
' What he should do to be saved ?' This spiritual
trouble prevailed, until his sleep in a great measure
departed from him, and he had little rest day or night ;
but walked about under great pressure of mind, for he
was still able to walk, and appeared like another man
to his neighbors, who could not but observe his beha-
vior with wonder. After he had been some time under
this exercise, while he was striving to obtain mercy,
he says there seemed to be an impassable mountain.
before him. He was pressing toward heaven, as he
thought ; but ' his way was hedged up with thorns, so
that he could not stir an inch further.' He looked
this way, and that way, but could find no way at all.
He thought if he could but make his way through
these thorns and briers, and climb up the first steep
pitch of the mountain, that then there might be hope
for him ; but no way or means could he find to ac-
complish this. Here he labored for a time, but all in
1745.] CONVERSION OF HIS INTERPRETER. 141
vain. He saw it was impossible, he says, for him ever
to help himself through this insupportable difficulty
' It signified just nothing at all for him to struggle and
strive any more.' Here, he says, he gave over striving,
and felt that it was a gone case with him as to his own
power, and that all his attempts were, and for ever
would be, vain and fruitless. Yet he was more calm
and composed under this view of things, than he had
been while striving to help himself.
"While he was giving me this account of his exer-
cises, I was not without fears that what he related was
but the working of his own imagination, and not the
effect of any divine illumination of mind. But before
I had time to discover my fears, he added, that at this
time he felt himself in a miserable and perishing con-
dition ; that he saw plainly what he had been doing all
his days ; and that he had ' never done one good thing,'
as he expressed it. He knew he was not guilty of some
wicked actions of which he knew some others guilty.
He had not been accustomed to steal, quarrel, and
murder ; the latter of which vices are common among
the Indians. He likewise knew that he had done many
things that were right; he had been kind to his neigh-
bors, &c. But still his cry was, that ' he had never (lone
one good thing ;' meaning that he had never done any
thing from a right principle, and with a right view.
1 And now I thought,' said he, ' that I must sink down
to hell; that there was no hope for me, because I
never could do any thing that was good : and if God
let me alone ever so long, and I should try ever so
much, still I should do nothing but what is bad.'
" This further account of his exercises satisfied me
that it was not the mere working of his imagination,
since he appeared so evidently to die to himself, and
142 LIFE OF BRAINERD. [Chap. VII.
to be divorced from a dependence upon his own righte-
ousness and good deeds, to which mankind in a fallen
state are so much attached, and upon which they are
so ready to hope for salvation.
" There was one thing more in his view of things
at this time, which was very remarkable. He not only
eaw, he says, what a miserable state he himself was in ;
but he likewise saw that the world around him, in gen-
eral, were in the same perishing circumstances, not-
withstanding the profession which many of them made
of Christianity, and the hope which they entertained of
obtaining everlasting happiness. This he saw clearly,
' as if he was now waked out of sleep, or had a cloud
taken from his eyes.' He saw that the life which he
had lived was the way to eternal death, that he was
now on the brink of endless misery ; and when he
looked around he saw multitudes of others, who had
lived the same life with himself, persons who had no
more goodness than he, and yet dreamed that they
were safe enough, as he had formerly done. He was
fully persuaded, by their conversation and behavior,
that they had never felt their sin and misery, as he
now felt his.
"After he had been for some time in this condition,
sensible of the impossibility of helping himself by any
thing he could do, or of being delivered by any created
arm ; so that he had ' given up all for lost,' as to his
own attempts, and was become more calm and com-
posed ; then, he says, it was borne in upon his mind, as
if it had been audibly spoken to him, ' There is hope,
there is hope.' Whereupon his soul seemed to rest,
and be in some measure satisfied, though he had no
considerable joy.
"He cannot here remember distinctly any views he
jj*
1745.] CONVERSION OP HIS INTERPRETER. 143
had of Christ, or give any clear account of his soul's
acceptance of him, which makes his experience appear
the more doubtful, and renders it less satisfactory to
himself and others than it might be if he could remem-
ber distinctly the apprehensions and actings of his
mind at this season. But these exercises of soul were
attended and followed with a very great change in the
man ; so that it might justly be said he was become
another man, if not a new man. His conversation and
deportment were much altered ; and even the careless
world could not but wonder what had befallen him, to
make so great a change in his temper, discourse, and
behavior. Especially there was a surprising alteration
in his public performances. He now addressed the In-
dians with admirable fervency, and scarcely knew
when to leave off. Sometimes, when I had concluded
my discourse and was returning homeward, he would
tarry behind to repeat and inculcate what had been
spoken.
" His change is abiding, and his life, so far as I know,
unblemished to this day ; though it is now more than
six months since he experienced this change ; in which
space of time he has been as much exposed to strong
drink as possible, in divers places where it has been
moving as free as water; and yet has never, that I
know of, discovered any hankering desire after it. He
seems to have a very considerable experience of spiri-
tual exercise, and discourses feelingly of the conflicts
and consolations of a real Christian. His heart echoes
to the soul-humbling doctrines of grace, and he never
appears better pleased than when he hears of the ab
solute sovereignty of God, and the salvation of sinners
in a way of mere free grace. He has lately had also
more satisfaction respecting his own state and has
144 LIFE OP BRAINERD. [.Chap. VII
been much enlightened and assisted in his work ; so
that he has been a great comfort to me.
(< After a strict observation of his serious and savory
conversation, his Christian temper, and unblemished
behavior for such a length of time, as well as his ex
perience, of which I have given an account ; I think
that I have reason to hope that he is 'created anew in
Christ Jesus to good works.' His name is MOSES FIN-
DA FAOTAURY. He is about fifty years of age, and is
pretty well acquainted with the pagan notions and cus-
toms of his countrymen ; and so is the better able now
to expose them. He has, I am persuaded, already been,
and I trust will yet be, a blessing to the other Indians.
July 23. "Preached to the Indians, but had few
hearers: Those who are constantly at home, seem, of
late, to be under some impressions of a religious nature.
July 30. "Discoursed to a number of my people,
and gave them some particular advice and direction ;
being now about to leave them for the present, in or
der to renew my visit to the Indians in New-Jersey.
They were very attentive to my discourse, and earnest-
ly desirous to know when I designed to return to them
again."
Crossweeksung, (New- Jersey,) August, 1745.
Aug. 3. "I visited the Indians in these parts in June
last, and tarried with them a considerable time, preach-
ing almost daily ; at which season God was pleased to
pour upon them a spirit of awakening and concern for
them souls, and surprisingly to engage their attention
to divine truths. I now found them serious, and a num-
ber of them under deep concern for an irtterest in
Christ. Their convictions of their sinful and perish-
1745.] AT CROSSWEEKSUNG. 145
ing stale were, in my absence from them, much promo-
led by the labors and endeavors of Rev. WILLIAM TEN-
KENT ; to whom I had advised them to apply for direc-
tion ; and whose house they frequented much while I
was gone. I preached to them this day with some
view to Rev. 22:17. 'And whosoever will, let him
take of the water of life freely;' though I could not
pretend to handle the subject methodically among
them. The Lord, I am persuaded, enabled me, in a
manner somewhat uncommon, to set before them the
Lord Jesus Christ as a kind and compassionate Savior,
inviting distressed and perishing sinners to accept ever-
lasting mercy. A surprising concern soon became ap-
parent among them. There were about twenty adult
persons together ; many of the Indians at remote pla-
ces not having as yet had time to come since my re-
turn hither ; and not above two that I could see with
dry eyes.
" Some were much concerned, and discovered vehe-
ment longings of soul after Christ, to save them from
the misery they felt and feared.
lord's day, Aug. 4. "Being invited by a neighbor-
ing minister to assist in the administration of the Lord's
supper, I complied with his request, and took the In-
dians along with me ; not only those who were togeth-
er the day before, but many more who were coming to
hear me ; so that there were nearly fifty in all, old and
young. They attended the several discourses of the
day; and some of them, who could understand English,
were much affected ; and all seemed to have their con-
cern in some measure raised.
"Now a change in their manners began to appear
rery visible. In the evening, when they came to sup
together they would not taste a morsel until they had
Brainerd. 10
146 LIFE OF BHAINERO. L C) > a P- VIJ.
sent to me to come and supplicate a blessing on their
food; at which time sundry of them wept; especially
when I reminded them how they had in times past eat
their feasts in honor to devils, and neglected to thank
God for them.
August 5. "After a sermon had been preached by
another minister, I preached, and concluded the public
work of the solemnity from John, 7 : 37 ; and in my
discourse addressed the Indians in particular, who sat
in a part of the house by themselves; at which time
one or two of them were struck with deep concern, as
they afterward told me, who had been little affected
before ; and others had their concern increased to a
considerable degree. In the evening, the greater part
of them being at the house where I lodged, I discoursed
to them, and found them universally engaged about
their soul's concerns; inquiring 'what they should do
to be saved.' All their conversation among themselves
turned upon religious matters, in which they were
assisted by my Interpreter, who was with them day
and night.
" This day there was one woman, who had been
much concerned for her soul ever since she first heard
me preach in June last, who obtained comfort, I trust,
solid and well grounded. She seemed to be filled with
love to Christ. At the same time she behaved humbly
and tenderly, and appeared afraid of nothing so much
as of offending and grieving him whom her soul loved.
Aug. 6. " In the morning I discoursed to the In-
dians at the house where we lodged. Many of them
were much affected, and appeared surprisingly tender,-
so that a few words about the concerns of their souls
would cause the tears to flow freely, and produce many
sobs and groans. In the afternoon they being returned
1745.] OUTPOURING OF THE SPIRIT. 147
to the place where I had usually preached among
them, I again discoursed to them there. There were
about fifty-jive persons in all ; about forty that were
capable of attending Divine service with understand-
ing. I insisted on 1 John, 4:10. ' Herein" is love. 5
&c. They seemed eager of hearing ; but there ap
peared nothing very remarkable, except their atten-
tion, till near the close of my discourse ; and then
Divine truth was attended with a surprising influence,
and produced a great concern among them. There
were scarcely three in forty who could refrain from
tears and bitter cries. They all as one seemed in an
agony of soul to obtain an interest in Christ ; and the
more I discoursed of the love and compassion of God
in sending his Son to suffer for the sins of men ; and
the more I invited them to come and partake of his
love ; the more their distress was aggravated, because
they felt themselves unable to come. It was surprising
to see how their hearts seemed to be pierced with the
tender and melting invitations of the Gospel, when
there was not a word of terror spoken to them.
" There were this day two persons who obtained
relief and comfort; which, when I came to discourse
with them particularly, appeared solid, rational, and
scriptural. After I had inquired into the grounds of
their comfort, and said many things which I thought
proper to them ; I asked them what they wanted that
God should do farther for them? They replied, ' they
wanted Christ should wipe their hearts quite clean,'
&c. So surprising were now the doings of the Lord,
that I can say no less of this day, and I need say no
more of it, than that the arm of the Lord was power-
fully and marvellously revealed in it.
Aug. 7. " Preached to the Indians from Isaiah, 53:
148 UFE OF BRAINBRD. [Chap. Vll.
3-10. There was a remarkable influence attending
the word, and great concern in the assembly ; but
scarcely equal to what appeared the day before , that
is, not quite so universal. However, most were much
affected, and many in great distress for their souls ;
and some few could neither go nor stand, but lay flat
on the ground, as if pierced at heart, crying incessantly
for mercy. Several were newly awakened ; and it
was remarkable that as fast as they came from remote
places round about, the Spirit of God seemed to seize
them with concern for their souls. After public ser-
vice was concluded I found two persons more who
had newly met with comfort, of whom I had good
hopes ; and a third of whom I could not but entertain
some hopes, whose case did not appear so clear as the
others ; so that there were now six in all, who had got
some relief from their spiritual distresses ; and five
whose experience appeared very clear and satisfactory.
It is worthy of remark, that those who obtained com-
fort first were in general deeply affected with concern
for their souls when I preached to them in June last.
Aug. 8. " In the afternoon I preached to the In-
dians, their number was now about sixty-five persons ;
men, women, and children. I discoursed upon Luke
14 : 16-23, and was favored with uncommon freedom.
There was much visible concern among them while I
was discoursing publicly; but afterward, when I spoke
to one and another more particularly, whom I per-
ceived under much concern, the power of God seemed
to descend upon the assembly ' like a miglity rushing
tw'ncZ,' and with an astonishing energy bore down all
before it. I stood amazed at the influence which seized
the audience almost universally ; and could compare
it to nothing more aptly than the irresistible force of a
1745.] OUTPODRINQ OF THE SPIRIT. 149
mighty torrent, or swelling deluge, that with its insup-
portable weight and pressure bears down and sweeps
before it whatever is in its way. Almost all persons
of all ages were bowed down with concern together,
and scarcely one was able to withstand the shock of
this surprising operation. Old men and women who
had been drunken wretches for many years, and some
little children not more than six or seven years of age,
appeared in distress for their souls, as well as persons
of middle age. It was apparent that these children,
some of them at least, were not merely frightened with
seeing the general concern, but were made sensible of
their danger, the badness of their hearts, and their
misery without Christ, as some of them expressed it.
The most stubborn hearts were now obliged to bow.
A principal man among the Indians, who before was
most secure and self-righteous, and thought his state
good, because he knew more than the generality of the
Indians had formerly done ; and who with a great de-
gree of confidence the day before told me ' he had
been a Christian more than ten years ;' was now brought
under solemn concern for his sou], and wept bitterly.
Another man advanced in years, who had been a mur-
derer, apaivaw or conjurer, and a notorious drunkard,
was likewise brought now to cry for mercy with ma-
ny tears, and to complain much that he could be no
more concerned, when he saw his danger so very great.
" They were almost universally praying and crying
for mercy in every part of the house, and many out of
doors ; and numbers could neither go nor stand.
Their concern was so great, each one for himself, that
none seemed to take any notice of those about them,
but each prayed freely for himself. I am led to think
thov were, to their own apprehensions, as much retired
150 LIFE OP BRAINERD. [Chap. VII.
as if they had been individually by themselves, in the
thickest desert ; or I believe rather that they thought
about nothing but themselves, and their own state,
and so were every one praying apart, although all to-
gether. It seemed to me that there was now an exact
fulfilment of that prophecy, Zech. 12 : 10, 11, 12 ; for
there was now ' a great mourning, like the mourning
of Hadadrimmon ;' and each seemed to ' mourn
apart.' Methought this had a near resemblance to (he
day of God's power, mentioned in Josh. 10 : 14; for 1
must say I never'saw any day like it, in all respects :
it was a day wherein I am persuaded the Lord did
much to destroy the kingdom of darkness among this
people.
" This concern, in general, was most rational and
just. Those who had been awakened any considerable
time, complained more especially of the badness of
their hearts; and those who were newly awakened, of
the badness of their lives and actions ; and all were
afraid of the anger of God, and of everlasting misery
as the desert of their sins. Some of the white people
who came out of curiosity to hear what ' this babbler
would say' to the poor ignorant Indians, were much
awakened ; and some appeared to be wounded with a
view of their perishing state. Those who had lately
obtained relief, were filled with comfort at this season
They appeared calm and composed, and seemed to
rejoice in Christ Jesus. Some of them took their dis-
tressed friends by the hand, telling them of the good
ness of Christ, and the comfort that is to be enjoyed in
him ; and thence invited them to come and give up
their hearts to him. I could observe some of them, in
the most honest and unaffected manner, without any
design of being taken notice of, lifting up their eyes
1745.J OUTPOURING OF THE SPIRIT. 151
to heaven, as if crying for mercy, while they saw the
distress of the poor souls around them. There was
one remarkable instance of awakening this day which
I cannot fail to notice here. A young Indian woman,
who, I believe, never knew before that she had a soul,
nor ever thought of any such thing, hearing that there
was something strange among the Indians, came, it
seems, to see what was the matter. In her way to
the Indians she called at my lodgings ; and when I
told her that I designed presently to preach to the In-
dians, laughed, and seemed to mock ; but went however
to them. I had not proceeded far in my public discourse
before she felt effectually that she had a soul; and be-
fore I had concluded my discourse was so convinced
of her sin and misery, and so distressed with concern
for her soul's salvation, that she seemed like one
pierced through with a dart, and cried out incessantly.
She could neither go nor stand, nor sit on her seat
without being held up. After public service was over
she lay flat on the ground, praying earnestly, and
would take no notice of, nor give any answer to any
who spoke to her. I hearkened to what she said, and
perceived the burden of her prayer to be, ' Guttum-
maukalummeh wechaumeh kmeleh Nolafi,' i. e. ' Have
mercy on me, and help me to give you my heart.' Thus
she continued praying incessantly for many hours
together. This was indeed a surprising day of God's
power, and seemed enough to convince an Atheist of
the truth, importance, and power of God's word.
Augf. 9. " Spent almost the whole day with the In-
dians the former part of it in discoursing to many of
them privately, and especially to some who had lately
received comfort, and endeavoring to inquire into the
grounds of it, as well as to give them some proper in-
structions, cautions and directions.
152 LIFE OP BRAINERD. [.Chap. VII.
"In the afternoon discoursed to them publicly.
There were now present about seventy persons, old
and young. I opened and applied the parable of the
sower, Matt. 13. Was enabled to discourse with much
plainness, and found afterward that this discourse was
very instructive to them. There were many tears
among them while I was discoursing publicly, but no
considerable cry ; yet some were much affected with a
few words spoken from Matt. 11 : 28, 'Come unto me
all ye that labor,' &c. with which I concluded my dis-
course. But, while I was discoursing near night to
two or three of the awakened persons, a Divine in-
fluence seemed to attend what was spoken to them in
a powerful manner, which caused the persons to cry
out in anguish of soul, although I spoke not a word of
terror, but on the contrary, set before them the fullness
and all-sufficiency of Christ's merits, and his willing-
ness to save all that come to him, and thereupon pressed
them to come without delay. The cry of these was soon
heard by others, who, though scattered before, imme-
diately gathered round. I then proceeded in the same
strain of gospel invitation, till they were all melted
into tears and cries except two or three ; and seemed
in the greatest distress to find and secure an interest in
the great Redeemer. Some who had little more than
a ruffle made in their passions the day before, seemed
now to be deeply affected and wounded at heart ; and
the concern in general appeared nearly as prevalent as
the day before. There was indeed a very great mount-
ing among them, and yet every one seemed to mourn
apart. For so great was their concern, that almost
every one was praying and crying for himself, as if
none had been near. ' Gutlummauhalummeh ; Gut-
tummauhalummehj i. e. ' Have mercy upon vie hove
1745.] OUTPOURING OF THE SPIRIT. 153
mercy upon me,' was the common cry. It was very
affecting to see the poor Indians, who the other day
were hallooing and yelling in their idolatrous feasts
and drunken frolics, now crying to God with such im-
portunity for an interest in his dear Son ! Found two
or three persons who, I had reason to hope, had taken
comfort upon good grounds since the evening before ;
and these, with others who had obtained comfort, were
together, and seemed to rejoice much that God was
carrying on his work with such power upon others.
August 10. " Rode to the Indians, and began to dis-
course more privately to those who had obtained com-
fort and satisfaction ; endeavoring to instruct, direct,
caution, and comfort them. But others, being eager
of hearing every word which related to spiritual con-
cerns, soon came together one after another ; and, when
I had discoursed to the young converts more than half
an hour, they seemed much melted with divine things,
and earnestly desirous to be with Christ. I told them
of the godly soul's perfect purity and full enjoyment
of Christ, immediately upon its separation from the
body ; and that it would be for ever inconceivably more
happy than they had ever been for any short space of
tune, when Christ seemed near to them in prayer or
other duties. That I might make way for speaking of
the resurrection of the body, and thence of the com-
plete blessedness of the man ; I said, ' But perhaps
some of you will say, I love my body as well as my
soul, and I cannot bear to think that my body shall lie
dead, if my soul is happy.' To which they all cheer-
fully replied, ' Muttoh, Multoh? before I had opportu-
nity to prosecute what I designed respecting the resur-
rection ; i. e. ' 2Vo, No? They did not regard their bo-
dies, if their souls might be with Christ. Then they
154 LIFE OF BRAINERD. [Chap. VII.
appeared willing to be absent from the body, that they
might be present with the Lord.
" When I had spent some time with them I tui ned
to the other Indians, and spoke to them from Luke,
19 : 10. ' For the Son of man is come to seek and to
save that which was lost. I had not discoursed long
before their concern rose to a great degree, and the
house was filled with cries and groans. When I in-
sisted on the compassion and care of the Lord Jesus
Christ for those that were lost, who thought themselves
undone, and could find no way of escape ; this melted
them down the more, and aggravated their distress,
that they could not find and come to so kind a Savior.
" Sundry persons, who before had been slightly
awakened, were now deeply wounded with a sense of
their sin and misery. One man in particular, who was
never before awakened, was now made to feel that ' the
word of the Lord was quick and powerful, sharper
than any two-edged sword.' He seemed to be pierced
at heart with distress, and his concern appeared ra-
tional and scriptural, for he said that ' all the wicked-
ness of his past life was brought fresh to his remem-
brance, and that he saw all the vile actions he had done
formerly, as if done but yesterday.'
" Found one who had newly received comfort, after
pressing distress from day to day. Could not but re-
joice and admire the divine goodness in what appeared
this day. There seems to be some good done by every
discourse ; some newly awakened every day, and some
comforted. It was refreshing to observe the conduct
of those who obtained comfort : while others were dis-
tressed with fear and concern, they were lifting up
their hearts to God for them.
day, Aug. 11. " Discoursed in the forenoon
1745. J ODTPOURING OF THE SPIRIT. 155
from the parable of the Prodigal Son. Luke, 15. Ob-
served no such remarkable effect of the word upon the
assembly as in days past. There were numbers of
careless spectators from the white people, of various
characters. In the afternoon I discoursed upon a part
of Peter's sermon. Acts, 2. And at the close of my
discourse to the Indians, made an address to the white
people ; and divine truth seemed then to be attended
with power, both to English and Indians. Several of
the white heathen were awakened, and could not
longer be idle spectators ; but found they had souls to
save or lose as well as the Indians ; and a great concern
spread through the whole assembly ; so that this also
appeared to be a day of God's power, especially to-
ward the conclusion of it, although the influence at-
tending the word seemed scarcely so powerful now as
in some days past.
" The number of Indians, old and young, was now
upward of seventy ; and one or two were newly awak-
ened this day who never had appeared to be moved
with concern for their souls before. Those who had
obtained relief and comfort, and had given hopeful
evidences of having passed a saving change, appeared
humble and devout, and behaved in an agreeable and
Christian-like manner. I was refreshed to see the ten-
derness of conscience manifest in some of them ; one
instance of which I cannot but notice. Perceiving one
of them very sorrowful in the morning, I inquired into
the cause of her sorrow, and found the difficulty was,
that she had been angry with her child the evening
before, and was now exercised with fears lest her anger
had been inordinate and sinful ; which so grieved her
that she awoke and began to sob before day light, and
continued weeping for several hours together.
156 LIFE OF BRAINERD. [Chap. VJ1.
August 14. " Spent the day with the Indians. There
was one of them who had some time since put away
his wife, as is common among them, and taken another
woman ; and being now brought under some serious
impressions, was much concerned about that affair in
particular, and seemed fully convinced of the wicked-
ness of the practice, and earnestly desirous to know
what God would have him to do in his present circum-
stances. When the law of God respecting marriage
had been opened to them, and the cause of his leaving
his wife inquired into, and when it appeared that she
had given him no just occasion, by unchastity, to de-
sert her, and that she was willing to forgive his past
misconduct and to live peaceably with him for the fu-
ture, and that she, moreover, insisted on it as her right
to live with him ; he was then told that it was his in-
dispensable duty to renounce the woman whom he
had last taken, and receive the other, who was his
proper wife, and live peaceably with her during life.
With this he readily and cheerfully complied ; and
thereupon publicly renounced the woman he had last
taken, and promised to live with and be kind to his
wife during life ; she also promising the same to him.
Here appeared a clear demonstration of the power of
God's word upon their hearts. I suppose a few weeks
oefore the whole world could not have persuaded this
man to a compliance with Christian rules in this affair.
" I was not without fears that this proceeding might
be like putting ' new wine into old bottles ;' and that
some might be prejudiced against Christianity, when
they saw the demands made by it. But the man being
much concerned about the matter, the determination
of it could be deferred no longer ; and it seemed to have
a good, rather than an ill effect among the Indians, who
1745.J OUTPOURING OF THE SPIRIT. ]57
generally owned that the laws of Christ were good and
right respecting the affairs of marriage. In the after-
noon I preached to them from the apostle's discourse
to Cornelius. Acts, 10 : 34. There appeared some af-
fectionate concern among them, though not equal to
what appeared in several of the former days. They
still attended and heard as for their lives, and the
Lord's work seemed still to be promoted and propa-
gated among them.
August 15." Preached from Luke, 4 : 16-21. The
word was attended with power upon the hearts of the
hearers. There was much concern, many tears, and
affecting cries among them ; and some were deeply
wounded and distressed for their souls. There were
some newly awakened who came but this week, and
convictions seemed to be promoted in others. Those
who had received comfort, were likewise refreshed and
strengthened ; and the work of grace appeared to ad-
vance in all respects. The passions of the congrega-
tion in general were not so much moved as in some
days past ; but their hearts seemed as solemnly and deep-
ly affected with divine truth as ever, at least in many
instances, although the concern did not seem so uni-
versal, and to reach every individual in such a manner
as it appeared to do some days before.
August. 16. " Spent considerable time in convers-
ing with the Indians. Found one who had got relief
and comfort after pressing concern ; and could not but
hope, when I came to discourse particularly with her,
that her comfort was 01 the right kind. In the after-
noon I preached to them from John, 6 : 26-34. To-
ward the close of my discourse divine truth was at-
tended with considerable power upon the audience,
158 LIFE OP BRAINEHD. (_Chup. Vll.
and more especially after public service was over, when
I particularly addressed several distressed persons.
" There was a great concern for their souls spread
pretty generally among them ; but especially there
were two persons newly awakened to a sense of their
sin and misery ; one of whom was lately come, and
the other had all along been very attentive and desirous
of being awakened, but could never before have any
lively view of her perishing state. Now her concern
and spiritual distress was such, that I thought I had
never seen any more pressing. A number of old men
were also in distress for their souls ; so that they could
not refrain from weeping and crying aloud ; and their
bitter groans were the most convincing as well as af-
fecting evidences of the reality and depth of their in-
ward anguish. God is powerfully at work among
them. True and genuine convictions of sin are daily
promoted in many instances ; and some are newly
awakened from time to time ; although some few, who
felt a commotion in their passions in days past, seem
now to discover that their hearts were never duly af-
fected. I never saw the work of God appear so inde-
pendent of means as at this time. I discoursed to the
people, and spake what I suppose had a proper ten-
dency to promote convictions ; but God's manner of
working upon them seemed so entirely supernatural,
and above means, that I could scarcely believe he used
me as an instrument, or what I spake as means of car-
rying on his work. For it appeared, as I thought, to
have no connection with or dependence on means in
any respect. Though I could not but continue to use
the means, which I thought proper for the promotion
of the work, yet God seemed, as I apprehended, to
work entirely without them. I seemed to do nothing,
1745.] OUTPOURING OF THE SPIRIT. 159
and indeed to have nothing to do, but to ' stand still,
and see the salvation of God j' and found myself obliged
and delighted to say, ' Not unto us,' not unto instru-
ments and means, ' but to thy name be glory.' God ap-
peared to work entirely alone, and 1 saw no room to
attribute any part of this work to any created arm.
Aug. 17. " Spent much time in private conferences
with the Indians. Found one who had newly obtained
relief and comfort, after a long season of spiritual
trouble and distress; he having been one of my
hearers at the Forks of Delaware for more than a year,
and now having followed me here under deep con-
cern for his soul ; and had abundant reason to hope
that his comfort was well grounded, and truly divine.
Lord's day, Aug. 18. " Preached in the forenoon to
a mixed assembly of white people, of divers denomina-
tions. Afterward preached to the Indians, from John
6 : 35-40. There was considerable concern visible
among them, though not equal to what has frequently
appeared of late.
Aug. 19. " Preached from Isaiah, 55 : 1. ' Ho every
one that thirsteth.' Divine truth was attended with
power upon those who had received comfort, and
others also. The former sweetly melted and refreshed
with divine invitations ; the latter much concerned for
their souls, that they might obtain an interest in these
glorious gospel provisions which were set before them.
There were numbers of poor impotent souls that
waited at the pool for healing ; and the angel seemed,
as at other times of late, to trouble the waters, so that
there was yet a most desirable and comfortable pros-
pect of the spiritual recovery of diseased perishing
sinners.
Ang 23. " Spent some time with the Indians in pri-
160 LIFE OF BRAINERD. [Chap. VII
vate discourse ; and afterward preached to them from
John, 6 : 44-50. There was, as has been usual, a great
attention, and some affection among them. Several
appeared deeply concerned for their souls, and could
not but express their inward anguish by tears and cries.
But the amazing divine influence, which has been so
powerfully among them in general, seems at present in
some degree abated : at least in regard to its univer-
sality ; though many who have obtained no special
comfort still retain deep impressions of divine things
Aug. 24. " Spent the forenoon in discoursing to
some of the Indians in reference to their publicly pro-
fessing Christ. Numbers of ihem seemed to be filled
with love to God, delighted with the thoughts of giving
themselves up to him, and melted and refreshed with
the hopes of enjoying the blessed Redeemer. After-
ward I discoursed publicly from 1 Thess. 4 : 13-17.
There was a solemn attention, and some visible con-
cern and affection in the time of public service;
which was afterward increased by some further exhor-
tations given to them to come to Christ, and give up
their hearts to him. that they might be fitted to ' ascend
up and meet him in the air,' when he shall 'descend
with a shout, and the voice of the archangel. '
" There were several Indians newly come, who
thought their state good, and themselves happy, be-
cause they had sometimes lived with the white people
under gospel light, had learned to read, were civil, &c.,
although they appeared utter strangers to their own
hearts, and altogether unacquainted, with the power of
religion, as well as with the doctrines of grace. With
these I discoursed particularly, after public worship ;
and was surprised to see their self-righteous disposi-
tion, their strong attachment to the covenant of works
1745.J OUTPOURING OF THE SPIRIT. 161
for salvation, and the high value they put upon their
supposed attainments. Yet after much discourse, one
appeared in a measure convinced that 'by the deeds of
the law no flesh living can be justified;' and wept bit-
terly, inquiring ' what he must do to be saved.'
" This was very comfortable to others, who had
gained some experimental knowledge of their own
hearts ; for before they were grieved with the conver-
sation and conduct of these new comers, who boasted
of their knowledge, and thought well of themselves,
but evidently discovered to those who had any expe-
rience of divine truth, that they knew nothing of their
own hearts.
Lord's day, Aug. 25. " Preached in the forenoon
from Luke, 15 : 3-7. A number of white people being
present, I made an address to them at the close of my
discourse to the Indians ; but could not so much as
keep them orderly ; for scores of them kept walking
and gazing about, and behaved more indecently than
any Indians I have ever addressed. A view of their
abusive conduct so sunk my spirits, that I could
scarcely go on with my work.
" In the afternoon I discoursed from Rev. 3 : 20; at
which time fifteen Indians made a public profession
of their faith. After the crowd of spectators was gone
I called them together, and discoursed to them in par-
ticular; at the same time inviting others to attend. I
reminded them of the solemn obligations they were
now under to live to God; warned them of the evil
and dreadful consequences of careless living, espe-
cially after their public profession of Christianity;
gave them directions for future conduct ; and encou-
raged them to watchfulness and devotion, by setting
Brainerrl. 11
162 LIFE OF BRA1NERD. [Chap. VII.
before them the comfort and happy conclusion of a
religious life.
"This was a desirable and sweet season indeed!
Their hearts were engaged and cheerful in duty ; and
they rejoiced that they had, in a public and solemn
manner, dedicated themselves to God. Love seemed
to reign among them ! They took each other by the hand
with tenderness and affection, as if their hearts were
knit together, while I was discoursing lo them ; and
all their deportment toward each other was such, that
a serious spectator might justly be excited to cry out
with admiration, ' Behold how they love one another.'
Numbers of the other Indians, on seeing and hearing
these things, were much affected, and wept bitterly ;
longing to be partakers of the same joy and comfort
which these discovered by their very countenances as
well as conduct.
Aug. 26. " Preached to my people from John, 6
51-55. After I had discoursed some time, I addressed
them in particular who entertained hopes that they
were passed from death unto life. Opened to them the
persevering nature of those consolations which Christ
gives his people, and which I trusted he had bestowed
upon some in that assembly ; showed them that such
have already the beginnings of eternal life, and that
their heaven shall speedily be completed.
" I no sooner began to discourse in this strain than
the dear Christians in the congregation began to be
melted with affection to, and desire of the enjoyment
of Christ, and of a state of perfect purity. They wept
affectionately, yet joyfully ; and their tears and sobs
discovered brokenness of heart, and yet were attended
with real comfort and sweetness It was a tender, af-
fectionate, humble and delightful meeting, and ap-
1745.] OUTPOURING OF THE SPVRIT. 163
peared to be the genuine effect of a spirit of adoption,
and very far from that spirit of bondage under which
they not long since labored. The influence seemed
to spread from these through the whole assembly;
and there quickly appeared a wonderful concern
among them. Many, who had not yet found Christ as an
all-sufficient Savior, were surprisingly engaged in seek-
ing after him. It was indeed a lovely and very inte-
resting assembly. Their number was now about
rrinetyjhti persons, old and young, and almost all af-
fected with joy in Christ Jesus, or with the utmost
concern to obtain an interest in him.
"Being now convinced that it was my duty to take
a journey far back to the Indians on the Susquehanna,
it being now a proper season of the year to find them
generally at home; after having spent some hours in
public and private discourse with my people, I told
them that I must now leave them for the present, and
go to their brethren far remote, and preach to them ;
that I wanted the Spirit of God should go with me,
without whom nothing could be done to any good pur-
pose among the Indians as they themselves had op-
portunity to see and observe by the barrenness of our
meetings at some times, when there was much pains
taken to affect and awaken sinners, and yet to little or
no purposejand asked them if they could not be wil-
ling to spend the remainder of the day in prayer for
me, that God would go with me, and succeed my en-
deavors for the conversion of these poor souls. They
cheerfully complied with the motion, and soon after I
left them, the sun being about an hour and a half high,
they began and continued praying till break of day, or
very near ; never mistrusting, as they tell me, till they
went out and viewed the stars, and saw the morning
164 L1KK OF BHALNERU. [(/hap. VI L
star a considerable height, that it was later than bed
time. Thus eager and unwearied were they in theii
devotions ! A remarkable night it was ; attended, as my
Interpreter tells me, with a powerful influence upon
those who were yet under concern, as well as those
who had received comfort. There were, I trust, thi&
day, two distressed souls brought to the enjoyment ol
.solid comfort in Him in whom the weary find rest. It
was likewise remarkable, that this day an old Indian,
who had all his days been an idolater, was brought to
give up his rattles, which they use for music in their
idolatrous feasts and dances, to the other Indians, who
quickly destroyed them. This was done without any
interference of mine, I having not spoken to him about
it, so that it seemed to be nothing but the power of
God's word, without any particular application to thi?
sin, that produced this effect. Thus God has begun ;
thus he has hitherto surprisingly carried on a work of
grace among these Indians. May the glory be ascribed
to Him who is the sole author of it."
Forks of Delaware, in Pennsylvania, Sept. 1745.
Lord's day, Sept. 1 " Preached to the Indians from
Luke, 11 : 16-23. The word appeared to be attended
with some power, and caused some tears in the assem-
bly. Afterward preached to a number of white peo-
ple present, and observed many of them in tears; ard
some who had formerly been as careless and uncon-
cerned about religion, perhaps, as the Indians. To-
ward night discoursed to the Indians again, and per~
ceived a greater attention, and more visible concern
among them than has been usual in these parts.
Sept. 3. "Preached to the Indians from Isaiah, 52:
3-6. The Divine presence seemed to be in the midst
1745.] AT FORKS OF DELAWARE. 165
of the assembly, and a considerable concern spread
among them. Sundry persons seemed to be awakened ;
among whom were two stupid creatures, whom I could
scarce ever before keep awake while I was discoursing
to them. I could not but rejoice at this appearance of
things ; although at the same time I could not but fear,
lest the concern which they at present manifested
might prove like a morninf cloud, as something of that
nature had formerly done in these parts.
Sept. 5. " Discoursed to the Indians from the para-
ble of the sower. Afterward I conversed particularly
with a number of persons ; which occasioned them to
weep, and even to cry out in an affecting manner, and
seized others with surprise and concern. 1 doubt not
but that a divine power accompanied what was then
spoken. Several of these persons had been with me
to Crossweeksung, and there had seen, and some of
them, I trust felt, the power of God's word in an affect-
ing and saving manner. 1 asked one of them, who
had obtained comfort, and given hopeful evidence of
being truly religious, ' Why he now cried ?' He re-
plied, ' When he thought how Christ was slain like a
lamb, and spilt his blood for sinners, he could not help
crying when he was alone ;' and thereupon burst into
tears and cried again. I then asked his wife, who had
likewise been abundantly comforted, why she cried?
She answered, ' that she was grieved that the Indians
here would not come to Christ, as well as those at
Crossweeksung.' I asked her if she found a heart to
pray for them, and whether Christ had seemed to be
near her of late in prayer, as in times past, which is
my usual method of expressing a sense of the divine
presence. She replied, ' Yes, he had been near to her,
ind at times when she had been praying alone, her
J66 LIFE OF BRAINERD. [Chap. VII.
heart loved to pray so that she could not bear to leave
the place, but wanted to stay and pray longer.'
Lord's day, Sept. 8. " Discoursed to the Indians in
the afternoon from Acts, 2 : 36-39. The word of God
at this time seemed to fall with weight and influence
upon them. There were but few present ; but most
that were, were in tears, and several cried out in dis-
tressing concern for their souls. There was one man
considerably awakened, who never before discovered
any concern for his soul. There appeared a remarka-
ble work of the Divine Spirit among them generally,
not unlike what has been of late at Crossweeksung.
It seemed as if the divine influence had spread thence
to this place, although something of it appeared here
before in the awakening of my interpreter, his wife,
and some few others. Several of the careless white
people now present were awakened, or at least startled,
seeing the power of God so prevalent among the In-
dians. I then made a particular address to them, which
seemed to make some impression upon them, and ex-
cite some affection in them.
" There are some Indians in these parts who have
always refused to hear me preach, and have been en-
raged against those who have attended on my preach-
ing. But of late thej r are more bitter than ever;
scoffing at Christianity, and sometimes asking my
hearers ' How often they have cried,' and ' whether
they have not now cried enough to do their turn,' &c.
So that they have already trial of cruel mockings.
Sept. 9. " Left the Indians at the Forks ol Dela-
ware, and set out on a journey toward Susquehanna
river, directing my course toward the Indian town
more than an hundred and twenty miles westward
from the Forks. Traveled about fifteen miles, and
there lodged.
1745.] ON THE SUSQUEHANNA. 167
Shaumoltingi Sept. 1745.
Sept. 13. After having lodged out three nights,
arrived at the Indian town I aimed at, on the Susque-
hanna, called Shaumoking-; one of the places, and the
largest of them, which I visited in May last. I was
kindly received, and entertained by the Indians ; but
had little satisfaction by reason of the heathenish
dance and revel they then held in the house where I
was obliged to lodge ; which I could not suppress,
though I often entreated them to desist, for the sake
of one of their own friends, who was then sick in the
house, and whose disorder was much aggravated by
the noise. Alas ! how destitute of natural affection
are these poor uncultivated pagans ! although they
seem somewhat kind in their own way. Of a truth
the dark corners of the earth are full of the habitations
of cruelty. This town, as I observed in my Diary of
May last, lies partly on the east side of the river, partly
on the west, and partly on a large island in it, and
contains upward of fifty houses, and nearly three
hundred persons, though I never saw much more than
half that number in it. They are of three different
tribes of Indians, speaking three languages wholly un-
intelligible to each other. About one half of its in-
habitants are Ddawares, the others called Senekas
and Tutelas. The Indians of this place are accounted
the most drunken, mischievous, and ruffianlike fellows
of any in these parts; and Satan seems to have his seat
in this town in an eminent manner.
Sept. 14. " Visited the Delaware King, who was
supposed to be at the point of death when I was here
in May last, but was now recovered ; discoursed with
him and others respecting Christianity ; spent the after-
noon with them, and had more encouragement than J
168 LIFE OF BRA1NERD. [Chap. Vll.
expected. The king appeared kindly disposed, and
willing to be instructed. This gave me some encou-
ragement that God would open an effectual door for
my preaching the Gospel here, and set up his kingdom
in this place. This was a support and refreshment to
me in the wilderness, and rendered my solitary cirr
cumstances comfortable and pleasant.
Lord's day, Sept. 15. " Visited the chief of the
Delawares again; was kindly received by him, and
discoursed to the Indians in the afternoon. Still en-
tertained hopes that God would open their hearts to
receive the Gospel, though many of them in the place
were so drunk from day to day that I could get no
opportunity to speak to them. Toward night dis-
coursed with one who understood the languages of the
Six Nations, as they are usually called, who discovered
an inclination to hearken to Christianity, which gave
me some hope that the Gospel might hereafter be sent
to those nations far remote.
Sept. 16. " Spent the forenoon with the Indians,
endeavoring to instruct them from house to house, and
to engage them, as far as I could, to be friendly to
Christianity. Toward night went to one part of the
town where they were sober, got together near fifty
of them, and discoursed to them, having first obtained
the king's cheerful consent. There was a surprising
attention among them, and they manifested a considera-
ble desire of being further instructed. There were also
one or two that seemed to be touched with some con-
cern for their souls, who appeared well pleased with
some conversation in private after I had concluded my
public discourse to them.
" My spirits were much refreshed with this appear-
ance of things, and I could not but return with my
1745.J ON THE SUSftUEHANNA. 10U
interpreter, having no other companion in this jour-
ney to my poor hard lodgings, rejoicing in hopes that
God designed to set up his kingdom here, where satan
now reigns in the most eminent manner; and found
uncommon freedom in addressing the throne of grace
for the accomplishment of so great and glorious a work.
Sept. 17. " Spent the forenoon in visiting and dis-
coursing to the Indians. About noon left Shaumoking
(most of the Indians going out this day on their hunting
design) and traveled down the river south-westward.
Juncauta, Sept. 1745.
Sept. 19. " Visited an Indian town, called Juncaiita,
situate on an island in the Susquehanna. Was much
discouraged with the temper and behavior of the In-
dians here ; although they appeared friendly when I
was with them the last spring, and then gave me en-
couragement to come and see them again. But they
now seemed resolved to retain their pagan notions, and
persist in their idolatrous practices.
September 20.-^" Visited the Indians again at Jun-
cauta island, and found them almost universally very
busy in making preparations for a great sacrifice and
dance. Had no opportunity to get them together, in
order to discourse with them about Christianity, by
reason of their being so much engaged about their sa-
crifice. My spirits were much sunk with a prospect
so very discouraging; and especially seeing I had this
day no interpreter but a pagan, who was as much at-
tached to idolatry as any of them, and who could
neither speak nor understand the language of these
Indians ; so that I was under the greatest disadvantages
imaginable. However, I attempted to discourse pri-
vately with some of them, but without any appearance
170 LIFE OP BRAINERD. [Chap. Vll.
of success : notwithstanding I still tarried with them.
" In the evening they met together, nearly a hun-
dred of them, and danced around a large fire, having
prepared ten fat deer for the sacrifice. The fat of the
inwards they burnt in the fire while they were dancing,
which sometimes raised the flame to a prodigious
height ; at the same time yelling and shouting in such
a manner that they might easily have been heard two
miles or more. They continued their sacred dance
nearly all night, after which they ate the flesh of the
sacrifice, and so retired each one to his own lodging.
" I enjoyed little satisfaction ; being entirely alone
on the island, as to any Christian company, and in the
midst of this idolatrous revel ; and having walked to
and fro till body and mind were pained and much op-
pressed, I at length crept into a little crib made for
corn, and there slept on the poles.
Lord's day, Sept. 21. " Spent the day with the In-
dians on the island. As soon as they were well up in
the morning I attempted to instruct them, and labored
for that purpose to get them together ; but soon found
they had something else to do, for near noon they
gathered together all their powaws, or conjurers, and
set about half a dozen of them playing their juggling
tricks, and acting their frantic distracted postures, in
order to find out why they were then so sickly upon
the island, numbers of them being at that time disor-
dered with a fever and bloody flux. In this exercise
they were engaged for several hours, making all the
wild, ridiculous and distracted motions imaginable;
sometimes singing, sometimes howling, sometimes ex-
tending their hands to the utmost stretch, and spread-
ing all their fingers ; they seemed to push with them
as if they designed to push something away, or at least
1745.] POWAWS. 171
keep it off at arm's-end ; sometimes stroking their faces
with their hands, then spurting water as fine as mist ;
sometimes sitting flat on the earth, then bowing down
their faces to the ground ; then wringing their sides as
if in pain and .anguish, twisting their faces, turning up
their eyes, grunting, puffing, &c.
" Their monstrous actions tended to excite ideas of
horror, and seemed to have something in them, as I
thought, peculiarly suited to raise the devil, if he could
be raised by any thing odd, ridiculous, and frightful.
Some of them, I could observe, were much more fer-
vent and devout in the business than others, and seemed
to chant, peep, and mutter with a great degree of
warmth and vigor, as if determined to awaken and en-
gage the powers below. I sat at a small distance, not
more than thirty feet from them, though undiscovered,
with my Bible in my hand, resolving, if possible, to
spoil their sport, and prevent their receiving any an-
swers from the infernal world, and there viewed the
whole scene. They continued their hideous charms
and incantations for more than three hours, until they
had all wearied themselves out; although they had in
that space of time taken several intervals of rest ; and
at length broke up, I apprehended, without receiving
any answer at all.
" After they had done powawing, I attempted to dis-
course with them about Christianity ; but they soon
scattered, and gave me no opportunity for any thing
of that nature. A view of these things, while I was en-
tirely alone in the wilderness, destitute of the society
of any one who so much as ' named the name of Christ,'
greatly sunk my spirits, and gave me the most gloomy
turn of mind imaginable, almost stripped me of all re-
solution and hope respecting further attempts for pro-
172 UFE OP BRAINERD. [Chap. Vll.
pagating the Gospel and converting the pagans, and
rendered this the most burdensome and disagreeable
Sabbath which I ever saw. But nothing, I can truly
say, sunk and distressed me like the loss of my hope
respecting their conversion. This concern appeared
so great, and seemed to be so much my own, that I
seemed to have nothing to do on earth if this failed.
A prospect of the greatest success in the saving con-
version of souls under Gospel light, would have done
little or nothing toward compensating for the loss of
my hope in this respect ; and my spirits now were so
damped and depressed, that I had no heart nor power
to make any further attempts among them for that
purpose, and could not possibly recover my hope, re-
solution, and courage, by the utmost of my endeavors.
" The Indians of this island can, many of them, un-
derstand the English language considerably well ; hav-
ing formerly lived in some part of Maryland, among
or near the white people ; but are very drunken, vicious,
and profane, although not so savage as those who have
less acquaintance with the English. Their customs,
in various respects, differ from those of the other In-
dians upon this river. They do not bury their dead
in a common form, but let their flesh consume above
the ground, in close cribs made for that purpose. At
the end of a year, or sometimes a longer space of time,
they take the bones, when the flesh is all consumed,
and wash and scrape them and afterward bury them
with some ceremony. Their method of "charming or
conjuring over the sick, seems somewhat different from
that of the other Indians, though in substance the same.
The whole of it among these and others, perhaps, is
an imitation of what seems, by Naaman's expression,
a Kings, 5 : 11, to have been the custom of the ancient
1745.] A CONJURER. 173
heathen. It seems chiefly to consist in their ' striking
their hands over the diseased,' repeatedly stroking
them, ' and calling upon their god ;' except the spurt-
ing of water like a rnist, and some other frantic cere-
monies common to the other conjurations which 1 have
already mentioned.
i; When I was in this region in May last I had an
opportunity of learning many of the notions and cus-
toms of the Indians, as well as observing many of their
practices. I then traveled more than an hundred and
thirty miles upon the river, above the English settle-
ments ; and in that journey met with individuals of
seven or eight distinct tribes, speaking as many differ-
ent languages. But of all the sights I ever saw among
them, or indeed any where else, none appeared so
frightful, or so near a kin to what is usually imagined
of infernal powers, none ever excited such images of
terror in my mind, as the appearance of one who was
a devout and zealous reformer, or rather restorer of
what he supposed was the ancient religion of the In-
dians. He made his appearance in his 'pontifical garb,
which was a coat of bear skins, dressed with the hair
on, and hanging down to his toes ; a pair of bear skin
stockings; and a great wooden face painted, the one
half black, the other half tawny, about the color of an
Indian's skin, with an extravagant mouth, cut very
much awry ; the face fastened to a bear skin cap, which
was drawn over his head. He advanced toward me
with the instrument in his hand which he used for
music in his idolatrous worship ; which was a dry tor-
toise shell with some corn in it, and the neck of it
drawn on to a piece of wood, which made a very con-
venient handle. As he came forward he beat his tune
with the rattle, and danced with all his might, but did
174 LIFE OF BRAINERD. [Chap. VII-
not suffer any part of his body, not so much as his
fingers, to be seen. No one would have imagined,
from his appearance or actions, that he could have
been a human creature, if they had not had some in-
timation of it otherwise. When he came near me I
could not but shrink away from him, although it was
then noon day, and I knew who it was ; his appearance
and gestures were so prodigiously frightful. He had
a house consecrated to religious uses, with divers
images cut upon the several parts of it. I went in, and
found the ground beat almost as hard as a rock, with
their frequent dancing upon it. I discoursed with him
about Christianity. Some of my discourse he seemed
to like, but some of it he disliked extremely. He told
me that God had taught him his religion, and that he
never would turn from it ; but wanted to find some
who would join heartily with him in it ; for the Indians,
he said, were grown very degenerate and corrupt. He
had thoughts, he said, of leaving all his friends, and
traveling abroad, in order to find some who would
join with him ; for he believed that God had some
good people some where, who felt as he did. He had
not always, he said, felt as he now did ; but had former-
ly been like the rest of the Indians, until about four or
five years before that time. Then, he said, his heart
was very much distressed, so that he could not live
among the Indians, but got away into the woods, and
lived alone for some months. At length, he said, God
comforted his heart, and showed him what he should
do ; and since that time he had known God, and tried
to serve him ; and loved all men, be they who they
would, so as he never did before. He treated me with
uncommon courtesy, and seemed to be hearty in it. I
was told by the Indians, that he opposed their drink-
1745.J A CONJURER. 176
ing strong liquor with all his power ; and that, if at any
time he could not dissuade them from it by all he could
say, he would leave them, and go crying into the woods.
It was manifest that he had a set of religious notions
which he had examined for himself, and not taken for
granted upon bare tradition ; and he relished or disre-
lished whatever was spoken of a religious nature, as .t
either agreed or disagreed with his standard. While
I was discoursing, he would sometimes say, ' Now that
I like; so God has taught me;' &c. and some of his
sentiments seemed very just. Yet he utterly denied
the existence of a devil, and declared there was no
such creature known among the Indians of old times,
whose religion he supposed he was attempting to re-
vive. He likewise told me, that departed souls went
southward, and that the difference between the good
and the bad was this : that the former were admitted
into a beautiful town with spiritual walls ; and that the
latter would for ever hover around these walls, in vain
attempts to get in. He seemed to be sincere, honest,
and conscientious in his own way, and according to his
own religious notions ; which was more than I ever
saw in any other Pagan. I perceived that he was
looked upon and derided among most of the Indians,
as a precise zealot, who made a needless noise about
religious matters ; but I must say that there was some-
thing in his temper and disposition which looked more
like true religion than any thing I ever observed
among other heathens.
" But alas ! how deplorable is the state of the Indians
upon this river ! The brief representation which 1
have here given of their notions and manners, is suffi-
cient to show that they are { led captive by Satan at his
will,' in the most eminent manner; and methinks
176 LIFE OP BRAINEHD. [Chap. VH
might likewise be sufficient to excite the compassion,
and engage the prayers, of God's children for these
their fellow-men, who sit ' in the regions of the shadow
of death.'
Sept. 22. "Made some further attempts to instruct
and Christianize the Indians on this Island, but all to
no purpose. They live so near the white people that
they are always in the way of strong liquor, as well as
of the ill examples of nominal Christians; which
renders it so unspeakably difficult to treat with them
about Christianity."
Forks of Delaware, Oct. 1745.
Oct. 1. " Discoursed to the Indians here, and spen>
some time in private conference with them about their
souls' concerns, and afterward invited them to accom
pany, or if not, to follow me to Crossweeksung as
soon as they could conveniently; which invitation
numbers of them cheerfully accepted."
Crossweeksuitff, Oct. 1745.
Oct. 5. "Preached to my people from John, 14:
1-6. The divine presence seemed to be in the assem-
bly. Numbers were affected with divine truth, and il
was a comfort to some in particular. O what a dif-
ference is there between these, and the Indians with
whom I had lately treated upon the Susquehanna !
To be with those seemed to be like being banished
from God and all his people ; to be with these, like be-
ing admitted into his family, and to the enjoyment
of his divine presence! How great is the change
lately made upon numbers of those Indians ; who, not
many months ago, were as thoughtless and averse to
Christianity as those upon the Susquehanna ; and how
,
1745. I AT CROSSWEEKSUNG. 177
astonishing is that grace which has made this change!
Lord's day, Oct. 6. " Preached in the forenoon from
John, 10 : 7-11. There was a considerable melting
among my people ; the dear young Christians were
refreshed, comforted and strengthened ; and one or
two persons newly awakened. In the afternoon I dis
coursed on the story of the Jailor, Acts, 16; and in the
evening expounded Acts, 20 : 1-12. There was at this
time a very agreeable melting spread throughout the
whole assembly. I think I scarce ever saw a more de-
sirable affection among any people. There was scarcely
a dry eye to be seen among them ; and yet nothing
boisterous or unseemly, nothing that tended to disturb
the public worship ; but rather to encourage and ex-
cite a Christian ardor and spirit of devotion. Those
who I have reason to hope were savingly renewed
were first affected, and seemed to rejoice much, but
with brokenness of spirit and godly fear. Their ex-
ercises were much the same with those mentioned in
my journal of August 26, evidently appearing to be
the genuine effects of a spirit of adoption.
" After public service was over I withdrew, being
much tired with the labors of the day ; and the Indians
continued praying among themselves for near two
hours together ; which continued exercises appeared
to be attended with a blessed quickening influence from
on high. I could not but earnestly wish that numbers
of God's people had been present at this season to see
and hear these things which I am sure must refresh
the heart of every true lover of Zion. To see those
who were very lately savage Pagans and idolaters,
having no hope, and without God in the world, now
filled with a sense of divine love and grace, and wor-
shipping the Father in spirit and in truth, as numbers
Brainerd. 12
178 LIFE OF BRAINERD. [Chap. VI I.
here appeared (o do, was not a little affecting; and
especially to see them appear so tender and humble,
as well as lively, fervent, and devout in the divine
service.
Oct. 24. "Discoursed from John, 4 : 13, 14. There
was a great attention, a desirable affection, and an unaf-
fected melting in the assembly. It is surprising to
see how eager they are to hear the word of God. I
often times thought that they would cheerfully and
diligently attend divine worship twenty-four hours
together, if they had an opportunity so to do.
Oct. 25. "Discoursed to my people respecting the
Resurrection, from Luke, 20 : 27-36. When I came
to mention the blessedness the godly shall enjoy at that
season ; their final freedom from death, sin and sor-
row; their equality to the angels in their nearness to
and enjoyment of Christ, some imperfect degree oi
which they are favored with in the present life, from
whence springs their sweetest comfort ; and their being
the children of God, openly acknowledged by him as
such ; many of them were much affected and melted
with a view of this blessed state.
Oct. 26. "Being called to assist in the administra-
tion of the Lord's supper in a neighboring congrega-
tion, I invited my people to go with me. They in gene-
ral embraced the opportunity cheerfully ; and attended
the several discourses of this solemnity with diligence
and affection, most of them now understanding some-
thing of the English language.
Lard's day, Oct. 27. " While I was preaching to a
vast assembly of people abroad, who appeared generally
easy and secure, there was one Indian woman, a stran-
ger, who never had heard me preach before, nor ever
regarded any thing about religion, who, having been
1745. J AT CROSS WEKK.SU NO. 179
now persuaded by some of her friends to come to
meeting, though much against her will, was seized with
distressing concern for her soul ; and soon after express-
ed a great desire of going home, more than forty miles
distant, to call her husband, that he also might be
awakened to a concern for his soul. Some others of
the Indians appeared to be affected with divine truth
this day. The pious people of the English, numbers
of whjom I had opportunity to converse with, seemed
refreshed with seeing the Indians worship God in that
devout and solemn manner with the assembly of his
people; and with those mentioned in Acts, 11 : 18, they
could not but glorify God, saying, ' Then hath God also
to the Gentiles granted repentance unto life.' ,7 >.*.'
"Preached again in the afternoon, to a great assem-
bly; at which time some of my people appeared affect-
ed ; and when public worship was over, were inquisi-
tive whether there would not be another sermon in the
evening, or before the solemnity of the Lord's supper
was concluded ; being still desirous to hear God's word.
Oct. 28." Discoursed from Matt. 22 : 1-13. I was
enabled to open the scriptures, and adapt my discourse
and expression to the capacities of my people, I know
not how, in a plain, easy, and familiar manner, beyond
all that I could have done by the utmost study ; and
this without any special difficulty ; yea, with as much
freedom as if I had been addressing a common audi-
ence, who had been instructed in the doctrines of Chris-
tianity all their days. The word of God at this time
seemed to fall upon the assembly with a divine power
and influence, especially toward the close of my dis-
course ; there was both a sweet melting and bitter
mourning in the audience. The dear Christians were
refreshed and comforted convictions revived in others,
J80 LIKE OF BRA11VERD. [Chap. VII
and several persons newly awakened who had never
been with us before. So much of the divine presence
appeared in the assembly, that it seemed 'this was no
other than the house of God and the gate of heaven.'
All, who had any savor and relish of divine things,
were even constrained by the sweetness of that season
to say, ' Lord, it is good for us to be here.' If ever
there was among my people an appearance of the New
Jerusalem 'as a bride adorned for her husband,' there
was much of it at this time ; and so agreeable was the
entertainment, where such tokens of the divine pre-
sence were, that I could scarcely be willing in the eve-
ning to leave the place and repair to my lodgings. 1
was refreshed with a view of the continuance of this
blessed work of grace among them, and with its influ-
ence upon strangers among the Indians, who had of
late from time to time providentially come into this
part of the country.
Lord's day, Nov. 3. "Preached to my people from
Luke 16 : 17. ' And it is easier for heaven and earth,'
&c. more especially for the sake of several lately
brought under deep concern for their souls. There
was some apparent concern and affection in the assem-
bly ; though far less than has been usual of late.
" On this day six of the Indians made a profession
of their faith. One of these was a woman near/owr-
score years of age. Two of the others were menjifly
years old, who had been singular and remarkable
among the Indians for their wickedness ; one of them
had been a murderer, and both notorious drunkards as
v/eU as excessively quarrelsome ; but now I cannot bul
hope that both of them have become subjects of God's
special grace. I kept them back for many, weeks after
Ihey had given evidence of having passed a grear
1745.] AT CROSSWEEKSONG. 181
change, that I might have more opportunities to ob-
serve the fruits of the impressions which they had been
under, and apprehended the way was now clear to ad-
mit them to the ordinances.
Nov. 4. Discoursed from John 11, briefly explain-
ing most of the chapter. Divine truth made deep im-
pressions upon many in the assembly. Numbers were
affected with a view of the power of Christ manifested
in his raising the dead ; and especially when this in-
stance of his power was improved to show his ability
to raise dead souls, such as many of them felt them-
selves to be, to a spiritual life; as also to raise the dead
at the last day, and dispense to them rewards and
punishments.
" There were numbers of those who had come here
lately from remote places, who were now brought un-
der deep and pressing concern for their souls. One in
particular, who not long since came half drunk, and
railed on us, and attempted by all means to disturb us
while engaged in divine worship, was now so con-
cerned and distressed for her soul, that she seemed un-
able to get any ease without an interest in Christ.
There were many tears and affectionate sobs and groans
in the assembly in general ; some weeping for them-
selves; others for their friends. Although persons are
doubtless nnich more easily affected now than they
were in the beginning of this religious concern, when
tears and cries for their souls were things unheard of
among them ; yet I must say that their affection in gen-
eral appeared genuine and unfeigned; and especially
this appeared very conspicuous in those newly awaken-
ed. So that true and genuine convictions of sin seem
still to be begun and promoted in many instances.
Twenty three of the Indians in all have now pro-
183 LIFE OF BRAINERD. [Chap. Vli.
fessed their faith in Christ. Most of them belonged to
this region, a few to the Forks of Delaware. Through
rich grace, none of them as yet have been left to dis-
grace their profession by any scandalous or unbecom-
ing behavior.
" I might now properly make many REMARKS on a
work of grace so very remarkable as this has been in
various respects ; but shall confine myself to a few gen-
eral hints only.
1. "It is remarkable that God began this work
among the Indians at a time when I had the least hope,
and, to my apprehension, the least rational prospect of
seeing a work of grace propagated among them: my
bodily strength being then much wasted by a late te-
dious journey to the Susquehanna, where I was neces-
sarily exposed to hardships and fatigues among the In-
dians ; my mind being also exceedingly depressed with
a view of the unsuccessful ness of my labors. I had
little reason so much as to hope that God had made
me instrumental in the saving conversion of any of
the Indians, except my Interpreter and his wife.
Hence I was ready to look upon myself as a burden to
the Society which employed and supported me in this
business, and began to entertain serious thoughts of
giving up my mission; and almost resolved I would
do so at the conclusion of the present year, if I had
then no better prospect of success in my work than I
had hitherto had. I cannot say that I entertained these
thoughts because I was weary of the labors and fa-
tigues which necessarily attended my present business,
or because I had light and freedom in my own mind
to turn any other way; but purely through dejection
of spirit, pressing discouragement, and an apprehen-
1745."] CHARACTER OF THE REVIVAL. 183
sion of its being unjust to spend money consecrated to
religious uses, only to civilize the Indians, and bring
them to an external profession of Christianity. This
was all which I could then see any prospect of effect-
ing, while God seemed, as I thought, evidently to
frown upon the design of their saving conversion, by
withholding the convincing and renewing influences
of his blessed Spirit from attending the means which
I had hitherto used with them for that end.
"In this frame of mind I first visited these Indians
at Crossweeksung ; apprehending that it was my in
dispensable duty, seeing I had heard there was a num-
ber in these parts, to make some attempts for their con-
version to God, though I cannot say I had any hope of
success, my spirits being now so extremely sunk. I
do not know that my hopes respecting the conversion
of the Indians were ever reduced to so low an ebb,
since I had any special concern for them, as at this
time. Yet this was the very season in which God saw
fit to begin this glorious work! Thus he 'ordained
strength out of weakness,' by making bare his almighty
arm at a time when all hopes and human probabilities
most evidently appeared to fail. Whence I learn, that
it is go^d to follow the path of duty, though in the midst
of darkriLSS and discouragement.
2. " It i& remarkable how God providentially, and
in a manner almost unaccountable, called these Indians
together to be instructed in the great things that con-
cerned tlvir souls: and how he seized their minds
with the imst solemn and weighty concern for their
eternal salvation, as fast as they came to the place
where his word was preached. When I first came into
these parts in June, I found not one man at the place
I visited, put only four women and a few children j but
184 LIFE OF BRAIN ERD. [Chap. VII.
before I had been here many days, they gathered from
all quarters, some from more than twenty miles; and
when I made them a second visit in the beginning of
August, some came more than forty miles to hear me.
Many came without any intelligence of what was go-
ing on here, and consequently without any design of
theirs, so much as to gratify their curiosity. Thus it
seemed as if God had summoned them together from
all quarters for nothing else but to deliver his message
to them; and that he did this, with regard to some of
them, without making use of any human means, aJ-
though there was pains taken by some of them to give
notice to others at remote places.
"Nor is it less surprising that they were one after
another affected with a solemn concern for their souls,
almost as soon as they came upon the spot where di-
vine truths were taught them. I could not but think
often, that their coming to the place of our public wor-
ship, was like Saul and his messengers coming among
the prophets; they no sooner came but they prophesied ;
and these were almost as soon affected with a sense of
their sin and misery, and with an earnest concern for
deliverance, as they made their appearance in o ar as-
sembly. After this work of grace began wit'i power
among them, it was common for strangerr of the In-
dians, before they had been with us one day, to be much
awakened, deeply convinced of their sin and misery,
and to inquire with great solicitude, ' What th ^y should
do to be saved ? '
3. "It is likewise remarkable how God preserved
these poor ignorant Indians from being prejudiced
against me, and the truths I taught them, by those
means that were used with them for that purpose by
ungodly people. There were many attempts made by
1745.] CHARACTER OF THE REVIVAL. 185
some ill-minded persons of the white people to preju-
dice them against, or frighten them from Christianity.
They sometimes told them, that the Indians were well
enough already ; that there was no need of all this
noise about Christianity ; that if they were Christians
they would be in no better, no safer, or happier state,
than they were already in. Sometimes they told them,
that I was a knave, a deceiver, and the like ; that I daily
taught them lies, and had no other design but to im-
pose upon them. When none of these, and such like
suggestions, would avail to their purpose, they then
tried another expedient, and told the Indians, ' My de-
sign was to gather together as large a body of them as
I possibly could, and sell them to England for slaves ;'
than which nothing could be more likely to terrify the
Indians, they being naturally of a jealous disposition,
and the most averse to a state of servitude perhaps of
any people living.
" But all these wicked insinuations, through divine
goodness over-ruling, constantly turned against the
authors of them, and only served to engage the affec-
t' jns of the Indians more firmly to me ; for they, being
awakened to a solemn concern for their souls, could
not but observe, that the persons who endeavored to
embitter their minds against me, were altogether un-
concerned about their own souls, and not only so, but
vicious and profane ; and thence could not but argue,
that i f they had no concern for their own, it was not
like'y they should have for the souls of others.
" It seems yet the more wonderful that the Indians
were preserved from once harkening to these sugges-
tions, inasmuch as I was an utter stranger among
them, and could give them no assurance of my sincere
affection to, and concern for them, by any thing that
186 LIFE OF BRAINERD. [Chap. Vll.
was past, while the persons who insinuated these
things were their old acquaintance, who had frequent
opportunities of gratifying their thirsty appetites with
strong drink, and consequently, doubtless had the
greatest interest in their affections. But from this in-
stance of their preservation from fatal prejudices, I
have had occasion, with admiration, to say, 'If God
will work, who can hinder?'
4. "Nor is it less wonderful how God was pleased
to provide a remedy for my want of skill and freedom
in the Indian language, by remarkably fitting my Inter-
preter for, and assisting him in the performance of his
work. It might reasonably be supposed I must needs
labor under a vast disadvantage in addressing the In-
dians by an Interpreter; and that divine truths would
undoubtedly lose much of the energy and pathos with
which they might at first be delivered, by reason of
their coming to the audience from a second hand. But
although this has often, to my sorrow and discourage-
ment, been the case in times past, when my Interpre-
ter had little or no sense of divine things; yet new it
was quite otherwise. I cannot think my addresses 'o
the Indians ordinarily, since the beginning of this sea-
son of grace have lost any thing of the power or pun-
gency with which they were made, unless it were some-
times for want of pertinent and pathetic terms and ex-
pressions in the Indian language; which iHfficulty
could not have been much redressed by my pi rsonal
acquaintance with their language. My Interpreter had
before gained some good degree of doctrinal know-
ledge, whereby he was rendered capable of understand-
ing, and communicating, without mistakes, the intent
and meaning of my discourses, and that without being
confined strictly, and obliged to interpret verbatim
1745.J CHARACTER OP THE REVIVAL. 181
He had likewise, to appearance, an experimental ac-
quaintance with divine things; and it pleased God at
this season to inspire his mind with longing desires for
the conversion of the Indians, and to give him admi-
rable zeal and fervency in addressing them in order
thereto. It is remarkable, that, when I was favored
with any special assistance in any work, and enabled
to speak with more than common freedom, fervency,
and power, under a lively and affecting sense of divine
things, he was usually affected in the same manner al-
most instantly, and seemed at once quickened and en-
abled to speak in the same pathetic language, and un-
der the same influence that I did. A surprising ener-
gy often accompanied the word at such seasons; so
that the face of the whole assembly would be apparent-
ly changed almost in an instant, and tears and sobs be-
come common among them.
' : He also appeared to have such a C!ear doctrinal
view of God's usual methods of dealing with souls un-
der a preparatory work of conviction and humiliation
as he never had before ; so that I could, with A^ help,
discourse freely with the distressed persons about their
internal exercises, their fears, discouragements, temp-
tations, &c. He likewise took pains, day and night, to
repeat and inculcate upon the minds of the Indians the
truths which I taught them daily ; and this he appeared
to do, not from spiritual pride, and an affectation of
setting himself up as a public teacher, but from a spirit
of faithfulness, and an honest concern for their souls.
" His conversation among the Indians has likewise,
so far as I know, been savory, as becomes a Christian,
and a person employed in his work ; and I may justly
say, he has been a great comfort to me, and a great in-
strument of promoting this good work among the In-
188 LIFE OF BRAINERD. [Chap. VII,
dians ; so that whatever be the state of his own soul, it
is apparent God has remarkably fitted him for this
work. Thus God has manifested that, without bestow-
ing on me the gift of tongues, he could find a way
wherein I might be as effectually enabled to convey
the truths of his glorious Gospel to the minds of these
poor benighted pagans.
5. " It is further remarkable, that God has carried on
his work here by such means, and in such a manner,
as tended to obviate, and leave no room for those pre-
judices and objections which have often been raised
against such a work. When persons have been awak-
ened to a solemn concern for their souls, by hearing
the more awful truths of God's word, and the terrors
of the divine law insisted upon, it has usually in such
cases been objected by some, that such persons were
only frighted with a fearful noise of hell and damna-
tion ; and that there was no evidence that their con-
cern was the effect of a divine influence. But God
has left no room for this objection in the present case ;
this work of grace having been begun and carried on
by almost one continued strain of Gospel invitation to
perishing sinners. This may reasonably be guessed,
from a view of the passages of Scripture I chiefly in-
sisted upon in my discourses from time to time ; which
I have for that purpose inserted in my diary.
" Nor have I ever seen so general an awakening in
any assembly in my life as appeared here while I was
opening and insisting upon the parable of the great
supper. Luke, 14. In which discourse I was enabled
to set before my hearers the unsearchable riches of
Gospel grace. Not that I would be understood here
that I never instructed the Indians respecting their
fallen state, and the sinfulness and misery of it ; for
1745.] CHARACTER OF THE REVIVAL. 189
this was what I at first chiefly insisted upon with them,
and endeavored to repeat and inculcate in almost every
discourse, knowing that without this foundation I
should but build upon the sand, and that it would be
in vain to invite them to Christ unless I could convince
them of their need of him. Mark, 2 : 17.
" But still this great awakening, this surprising con-
cern, was never excited by any harangues of terror,
but always appeared most remarkable when I insisted
upon the compassion of a dying Savior, the plentiful
provisions of the Gospel, and the free offers of divine
grace to needy, distressed sinners. Nor would I be
understood to insinuate, that such a religious concern
might justly be suspected as not being genuine and
from a divine influence, if produced from the preach-
ing of terror ; for this is perhaps God's more usual way
of awakening sinners, and appears entirely agreeable
to Scripture and sound reason. But what I meant
here to observe is, that God saw fit to employ and bless
milder means for the effectual awakening of these In-
dians, and thereby obviated the forementioned objec-
tion, which the world might otherwise have had a
more plausible color of making.
" As there has been no room for any plausible ob
jection against this work, with regard to the means, so
neither with regard to the manner in which it has been
carried on. It is true, persons' concern for their souls
have been exceeding great ; the convictions of their sin
and misery have arisen to a high degree, and produced
many tears, cries, and groans ; but then they have not
been attended with those disorders, either bodily or
mental, which have sometimes prevailed among per-
sons under religious impressions. There has here been
no appearance of those convulsions, bodily agonies,
190 LIFE OF BRAINEKD. [Chap. VII
frightful screamings, swoonings, and the like, which
have been so much complained of in some places ; al
though there have been some, who, with the jailer,
have been made to tremble under a sense of their sin
and misery, and have been made to cry out from a dis-
tressing view of their perishing state.
" Nor has there been any appearance of mental dis-
orders here, such as visions, trances, imaginations of
being under prophetic inspiration, and the like ; or
scarce any unbecoming disposition to appear remark-
ably affected either with concern or joy ; though I must
confess I observed one or two persons, whose concern
I thought was in a considerable measure affected ; and
one whose joy appeared to be of the same kind. But
these workings of spiritual pride I endeavored to crush
in their first appearances, and have not since observed
any affection, either of joy or sorrow, but what ap-
peared genuine and unaffected. But,
Lastly. The effects of this work have likewise been
very remarkable. I doubt not but that many of these
people have gained more doctrinal knowledge of divine
truths since I first visited them in June last, than could
have been instilled into their minds by the most dili-
gent use of proper and instructive means for whole
years together, without such a divine influence. Their
pagan notions and idolatrous practices seem to be en-
tirely abandoned in these parts. They are regulated,
and appear regularly disposed in the affairs of mar-
riage ; an instance whereof I have given in my journal
of August 14. They seem generally divorced from
drunkenness, their darling vice, the ' sin that easily
besets them ;' so that I do not know of more than two
or three, who have been my steady hearers, that have
drank to excess since I first visited them ; although be-
1745.J CHARACTER OF THE REVIVAL. 191
fore it was common for some or other of them to be
drunk almost every day : and some of them seem now
to fear this sin in particular, more than death itself. A
principle of honesty and justice appears in many of
them ; and they seem concerned to discharge their old
debts, which they have neglected, and perhaps scarce-
ly thought of for years past. Their manner of living
is much more decent and comfortable than formerly,
having now the benefit of that money which they used
to consume upon strong drink. Love seems to reign
among them, especially those who have given evi-
dences of having passed a saving change : and I never
saw any appearance of bitterness or censoriousness in
these, nor any disposition to ' esteem themselves better
than others,' who had not received the like mercy.
" As their sorrows under convictions have been great
and pressing, so many of them have since appeared to
' rejoice with joy unspeakable, and full of glory ;' and
yet I never saw any thing ecstatic or nighty in their
joy. Their consolations do not incline them to light-
ness ; but, on the contrary, are attended with solemni-
ty, and often times with tears, and an apparent broken-
ness of heart, as may be seen in several passages of my
diary. In this respect some of them have been sur-
prised at themselves, and have with concern observed
to me, that ' when their hearts have been glad,' which
is a phrase they commonly make use of to express
spiritual joy, ' they could not help crying for all.'
" And now, upon the whole, I think I may justly
say, that here are all the symptoms and evidences of a
remarkable work of grace among these Indians, which
can reasonably be desired or expected. May the great
Author of this work maintain and promote the same
here, and propagate it every where, till ' the whole earth
he filled with his glory !' Amen.
192 LIFE OP BRAINEHD. |_Chap. VII.
" I have now rode more .than three thousand miles,
of which I have kept an exact account, since the begin-
ning of March last, and almost the whole of it has been
in my own proper business as a missionary, upon the
design, either immediately or more remotely, of pro-
pagating Christian knoidedge among the Indians. I
have taken pains to look out for a colleague or com-
panion, to travel with me ; and have likewise used en-
deavors to procure something for his support, among
religious persons in New-England, which cost me a
journey of several hundred miles ; but have not, as yet,
found any person qualified and disposed for this good
work, although I had some encouragement from mi-
nisters and others, that it was hoped a maintenance
might be procured for one, when the man should be
found.
" I have likewise of late represented to the gentle-
men concerned with this mission, the necessity of
having an English school speedily set up among these
Indians, who are now willing to be at the pains of ga-
thering together in a body, for this purpose. In order
thereto, I have humbly proposed to them the collect-
ing of money for the maintenance of a schoolmaster,
and the defraying of other necessary charges, in the
promotion of this good work ; which they are now at-
tempting in the several congregations of Christians to
which they respectively belong.
" The several companies of Indians to whom I have
preached in the summer past, live at great distances
from each other. It is more than seventy miles from
Crossweeksung, in New-Jersey, to the Forks of Dela-
ware in Pennsylvania ; and thence to sundry of the In-
dian settlements which I visited on the Susquehanna,
is more than an hundred and twenty miles. So much
1745.J DIFFICULTIES OF THE MISSION. 193
of my time is necessarily consumed in journeying,
that I can have but little for any of my necessary
studies, and consequently for the study of the Indian
languages in particular ; and especially seeing I am
obliged to discourse so frequently to the Indians at
each of these places while I am with them, in order to
redeem time to visit the rest. I am, at times, almost
discouraged from attempting to gain any acquaintance
with the Indian languages, they are so very numerous;
some account of which I gave in my diary of May last ;
and especially, seeing my other labors and fatigues en-
gross almost the whole of my time, and bear exceed-
ingly hard upon my constitution, so that my health is
much impaired. However, I have taken considerable
pains to learn the Delaware language, and propose still
to do so, as far as my other business and bodily health
will admit. I have already made some proficiency in
it, though I have labored under many and great dis-
advantages in my attempts of that nature. It is but
just to observe here, that all the pains I took to ac-
quaint myself with the language of the Indians with
whom I spent my first year, were of little or no service
to me here among the Delawares ; so that my work,
when I came among these Indians, was all to be begun
anew.
" As these poor ignorant pagans stood in need of
having ' line upon line, and precept upon precept,' in
order to their being instructed and grounded in the
principles of Christianity ; so I preached ' publicly,
and taught from house to house,' almost every day for
whole weeks together, when I was with them. My
public discourses did not then make up the one half of
my work, while there were so many constantly coming
to me with that important inquiry, ' What must we
Brainerd. 13
194 UFE OP BRAINERD. [Chap. VIII
do to be saved ?' and opening to me the various ex-
ercises of their minds. Yet J can say, to the praise of
divine grace, that the apparent success, with which my
labors were crowned, unspeakably more than compen-
sated for the labor itself, and was likewise a great
means of supporting and carrying me through the bu-
siness and fatigues under which, it seems, my nature
would have sunk without such an encouraging pros-
pect. But although this success has afforded matter of
support, comfort, and thankfulness; yet in this season
I have found great need of assistance in my work, and
have been much oppressed for want of one to bear a
part of my labors and hardships. ' May the Lord of
the harvest send forth other laborers into this part of
his harvest, that those who sit in darkness may see
great light ; and that the whole earth may be filled with
the knowledge of himself! Amen.' "
CHAPTER
Being part 2d of his public journal of " the Continuance and
Progress of a remarkable work of grace among the Indians in
New-Jersey and Pennsylvania, kept by order of the Society in
Scotland for propagating Christian knowledge." Renewal of
labor at Crossweeksung outpouring of the spirit remarkable
case signal displays of divine power a convert a number of
Christian Indians accompany him to the Forks of Delaware
striking conversion at Crossweeksung day of fasting Lord's
supper conversion of a Conjurer general remarks on the pre-
ceding narrative.
Nov. 5, 1745. June 19, 1746.
Crossweeksung, New-Jersey; 1745.
Lord's day, Nov. 24. " Preached both parts of the
day from the story of Zaccheus. Luke, 19 : 1-9. In
1745.J AT CROSSWEEKSDNG. 195
the latter exercise, when I opened and insisted upon
the salvation that comes to a sinner upon his becoming
a son of Abraham, or a true believer, the word seemed
to be attended with divine power to the hearts of the
hearers. Numbers were much affected with divine
truth ; former convictions were revived ; one or two
persons newly awakened ; and a most affectionate en-
gagement in divine service appeared among them uni-
versally. The impressions they were under appeared
to be the genuine effect of God's word brought home
to their hearts by the power and influence of the Di-
vine Spirit.
Nov. 26. " After having spent some time in private
conferences with my people, I discoursed publicly
among them from John, 5 : 1-9. I was favored with
some special freedom and fervency in my discourse,
and a powerful energy accompanied divine truth.
Many wept and sobbed affectionately, and scarcely any
appeared unconcerned in the whole assembly. The
influence which seized the audience appeared gentle,
and yet pungent and efficacious. It produced no bois-
terous commotion of the passions; but seemed deeply
to affect the heart, and excite in the persons under con-
victions of their lost state, heavy groans and tears; and
in others, who had obtained comfort, a sweet and hum-
ble melting. It seemed like the gentle but steady
showers which effectually water the earth, without
violently beating upon the surface. The persons lately
awakened were some of them deeply distressed for
their souls, and appeared earnestly solicitous to obtain
an interest in Christ ; and some of them, after public
worship was over, in anguish of spirit, said ' they
knew not what to do, nor how to get their wicked
hearts changed,' &c.
196 LIFE OP BRAINEBD. [Chap. VIII.
Nov. 28. " Discoursed to the Indians publicly, after
having used some private endeavors to instruct and
excite some in the duties of Christianity. Opened and
made remarks upon the sacred story of our Lord's
transfiguration. Luke, 9 : 28-36. Had a principal view
in insisting upon this passage of Scripture to the edifi-
cation and consolation of God's people. Observed
some, that I have reason to think are truly such, ex-
ceedingly affected with an account of the glory of Christ
in his transfiguration, and filled with longing desires ol
being with him, that they might with open face behold
his glory.
" After public service was over, I asked one of them,
who wept and sobbed most affectionately, what she
now wanted ? She replied, ' O, to be with Christ.
She did riot know how to stay,' &c. This was a
blessed refreshing season to the religious people in ge-
neral. The Lord Jesus Christ seemed to manifest his
divine glory to them, as when transfigured before his
disciples ; and they were ready, with the disciples, uni-
versally to say, ' Lord it is good for us to be here.'
" The influence of God's word was not confined to
those who had given evidence of being truly gracious:
though at this time I calculated my discourse for and
directed it chiefly to such. But it appeared to be a
season of divine power in the whole assembly ; so that
most were in some measure affected. One aged man,
in particular, lately awakened, was now brought under
a deep and pressing concern for his soul, was now
earnestly inquisitive ' how he might find Jesus Christ.'
God seems still to vouchsafe his divine presence, and
the influence of his blessed Spirit to accompany his
word, at least in some measure, in all ouV meetings for
divine worship.
1745. | AT CROSSWEEKSUNQ. 197
Nov. 30. " Preached near night, after having spent
some hours in private conference with some of my
people about their souls' concerns. Explained the
story of the rich man and Lazarus. Luke, 16 : 19-26.
The word made powerful impressions upon many in
the assembly, especially while I discoursed of the bless-
edness of Lazarus in Abraham's bosom. This I could
perceive affected them much more than what I spoke
of the rich man's misery and torments ; and thus it has
been usually with them. They have almost always
appeared much more affected with the comfortable
than the dreadful truths of God's word. That which
has distressed many of them under conviction is, that
they found they wanted and could not obtain the hap-
piness of the godly ; at least they have often appeared
to be more affected with this than with the terrors of
hell. But whatever be the means of their awakening,
it is plain, numbers are made deeply sensible of their
sin and misery, the wickedness and stubbornness of
their own hearts, their utter inability to help them-
selves, or to come to Christ for help without divine
assistance, and so are brought to see their perishing
need of Christ to do all for them, and to lie at the foot
of sovereign mercy.
Lord's day, Dec. 1. " Discoursed to my people in
the forenoon from Luke, 16 : 27-31. There appeared
an unfeigned affection in many, and some seemed
deeply impressed with divine truth. In the afternoon
preached to a number of white people; at which time
the Indians attended with diligence, and many of them
were able to understand a considerable part of the dis-
course. At night discoursed to my people again, and
gave them particular cautions and directions relating
to their conduct in divers respects, and pressed them
198 LIFE OF BRAINERD. [Chap. Vllt'
to watchfulness in their deportment, seeing they were
encompassed with those who waited for their halting,
and who stood ready to draw them into temptations of
every kind, and then to expose religion by their mis-
steps.
Lord's day, Dec. 8. " Discoursed on the story of
the blind man. John, 9. There appeared no remarka-
ble effect of the word upon the assembly at this time.
The persons who have lately been much concerned for
their souls seemed now not so affected or solicitous to
obtain an interest in Christ as has been usual, although
they attended divine service with seriousness and dili-
gence. Sucli have been the doings of the Lord here
in awakening sinners, and affecting the hearts of
those who are brought to solid comfort, with a fresh
sense of divine things from time to time, that it is now
strange to see the assembly sit with dry eyes, and
without sobs and groans.
Dec. 12. " Preached from the parable of the Ten
Virgins. Matt. 25. The divine power seemed in some
measure to attend this discourse; in which I was favor-
ed with uncommon freedom and plainness of address,
and enabled to open divine truths, and explain them
to the capacities of my people in a manner beyond
myself. There appeared in many persons an affec-
tionate concern for their souls, although the concern
in general seemed not so deep and pressing as it had
formerly done. Yet it was refreshing to see many
melted into tears and unaffected sobs; some with a
sense of divine love, and some for the want of it.
Dec. 15. " Preached to the Indians from Luke,
13 : 24-28. Divine truth fell with weight and power
upon the audience, and seemed to reach the hearts of
many. Near night discoursed to them again from
1745.] AT CROSSWEEKSUNO. 199
Matt. 25 : 31-46. At this season also the word ap-
peared to be accompanied with a divine influence, and
made powerful impressions upon the assembly in gene-
ral, as well as upon numbers in a very special and par-
ticular manner. This was an amazing season of grace.
The word of the Lord this day ' was quick and pow-
erful, sharper than a two-edged sword,' and pierced
the hearts of many. The assembly was greatly affect-
ed and deeply wrought upon; yet without so much
apparent commotion of the passions as appeared in the
beginning of this work of grace. The impressions
made by the word of God upon the audience appeared
solid, rational, and deep ; worthy of the solemn truths
by means of which they were produced, and far from
being the effects of any sudden fright, or groundless
perturbation of mind. O how did the hearts of the
hearers seem to bow under the weight of divine truth,
and how evident did it now appear that they received
and felt them, ' not as the word of man, but as the
word of God.' None can form a just idea of the ap-
pearance of our assembly at this time, but those who
have seen a congregation solemnly awed, and deeply
impressed by the special power and influence of divine
truths delivered to them in the name of God.
Dec. 16. " Discoursed to my people in the evening
from Luke, 11 : 1-13. After having insisted some time
upon the ninth verse, wherein there is a command and
encouragement to ask for the divine favor, I called
upon them to ask for a new heart with the utmost im-
portunity, as the man mentioned in the parable, on
which I was discoursing, pleaded for loaves of bread
at midnight. There was much affection and concern
in the assembly, and especially one woman appeared
in great distress for her soul. She was brought to such
^WO LIFE OP BRAINERD. [drap. VIM-
an agony in seeking after Christ, that the sweat ran
off her face for a considerable time, though the even-
ing was very cold ; and her bitter cries were the most
affecting indications of her heart.
Dec. 21. "My people having now attained to a
considerable degree of knowledge in the principles ol
Christianity; I thought it proper to set up a catecheti-
cal lecture among them, and this evening attempted
something in that form, proposing questions to them
agreeably to the Assembly's Shorter Catechism, re-
ceiving their answers, and then explaining and insist-
ing, as appeared necessary and proper upon each ques-
tion. After this I endeavored to make some practical
improvement of the whole. This was the method I
entered upon. They were able readily and rationally
to answer many important questions which I proposed
to them ; so that upon trial I found their doctrinal
knowledge to exceed my own expectations. In the
improvement of my discourse, when I came to infer
and open the blessedness of those who have so great
and glorious a God as had before been spoken of, ' for
their everlasting friend and portion,' several were
much affected ; and especially when I exhorted, and
endeavored to persuade them to be reconciled to God
through his dear Son, and thus to secure an interest in
his everlasting favor. So that they appeared not only
enlightened and instructed, but affected, and engaged
in their soul's concerns by this method of discoursing.
Lord's day, Dec. 22. " Discoursed upon the story
of the young man in the Gospel. Matt. 9 : 16-22. God
made it a seasonable word, I am persuaded, to some
souls, and in particular to one, the same mentioned in
my journal of the 16th instant, who never before ob-
tained any settled comfort, though I have abundant
1745.J OUTPOURING OF THE SPIRIT. 201
reason to think she had passed a saving change some
days before. She now appeared in a heavenly frame
of mind, composed and delighted with the divine will.
When I came to discourse particularly with her, and
to inquire of her how she obtained relief and deliver-
ance from the spiritual distresses which sire had lately
suffered, she answered, in broken English, 'Me try,
me try save myself; last, my strength be all gene;
(meaning her ability to save herself;) could not me
stir bit further. Den last me forced let Jesus Christ
alone send me hell, if he please.' I said, 'But you was
not willing to go to hell, was you?' She replied, ' Could
not me help it. My heart, he would wicked for all.
Could not me make him, good,' (meaning, she saw it
was right she should go to hell, because her heart was
wicked, and would be so after all she could do to mend
it.) I asked her how she got out of this case. She
answered still in the same broken language, ' By by,
my heart be glad desperately? I asked her why her
heart was glad? She replied, ' Glad my heart, Jesus
Christ do what he please with me. Did not me care
where he put me; love him for all,'' &c. She could not
readily be convinced but that she was willing to go to
hell if Christ was pleased to send her there; although
the truth evidently was, that her will was so swallowed
up in the divine will that she could not frame any hell
in her imagination which would be dreadful or unde-
sirable, provided it was the will of God to send her to
, it. Toward night discoursed to them again in the
catechetical method which I entered upon the evening
before. When I came to improve the truth which I
had explained to them, and to answer that question,
'But how shall I know whether God has chosen me to
everlasting life ? ' by pressing them to come and give
202 LIFE OF BRA1NERD. | Chap. VII]
up their hearts to Christ, and thereby ' to make their
election sure,' they then appeared much affected, and
the persons under concern were afresh engaged in
seeking after an interest in him ; while some others,
who had obtained comfort before, were refreshed to
find that loVe to God in themselves which was an evi-
dence of his electing love to them.
Dec. 25. " The Indians having been used on Christ-
mas days to drink and revel among some of the white
people in these parts, I thought it proper this day to
call them together and discourse to them upon divine
things ; which I accordingly did from the parable of
the barren fig-tree. Luke, 13 : 6-9. A divine influence,
I am persuaded, accompanied the word at this season.
The power of God appeared in the assembly, not by
producing any remarkable cries, but by rousing several
stupid creatures who were scarcely ever moved with
any concern before. The power attending divine truth
seemed to have the influence of the earthquake rather
than of the whirlwind upon them. Their passions were
not so much alarmed as has been common here in times
past, but their judgments appeared to be powerfully
convinced by the masterly and conquering influence of
divine truth. The impressions made upon the assem-
bly in general, seemed not superficial, but deep, and
heart affecting. O how ready did they now appear uni
versally to embrace and comply with every thing
which they heard, and were convinced was their duty.
God was in the midst of us, of a truth, bowing and
melting stubborn hearts ! How many tears and sobs
were then to be seen and heard among us ! What live-
liness and strict attention ! What eagerness and in-
tenseness of mind appeared in the whole assembly, in
(he time of divine service. They seemed to watch and
1745.] REMARKABLE CASE. 203
wait for the droppings of God's word, as the thirsty
earth, for the ' former and latter rain.'
" Afterward I discoursed to them on the duty of hus-
bands and wives, from Eph. 5 : 22-33, and have reason
to think this was a Avord in season. Spent some time
further in the evening in inculcating the truths on
which I had insisted in my former discourse, respect-
ing the barren fig-tree ; and observed a powerful in-
fluence still accompany what was spoken.
Dec. 26. " This evening was visited by a person un-
der great spiritual distress ; the most remarkable in-
stance of this kind I ever saw. She was, I believe,
more than fourscore years old ; and appeared to be
much broken and very childish, through age ; so that
it seemed impossible for man to instil into her any no-
tions of divine things ; not so much as to give her any
doctrinal instruction, because she seemed incapable of
being taught. She was led by the hand into my house,
and appeared in extreme anguish. I asked her what
ailed her 1 She answered, ' her heart was distressed,
and sJie feared she should never find Christ.' I asked
her when she began to be concerned, with divers other
questions relating to her distress. To all which she
answered, for substance, to this effect : ' That she Jiad
heard me preach many times, but never knew any thing
about it, never felt it in her heart, till the last Sabbath,
and then it came,'' she said, l as if a needle had been
thrust into her heart ; since which time she had no rest
day nor night? She added, ' that on the evening before
Christmas, a number of Indians being together, at the
house where she was, and discoursing about Christ,
their talk pricked her heart so that she could not set up,
bv.tfell down in her bed; at which lime she went away,'
as she expressed it, ' and felt as if she dreamed, and
204 LIFE OF BRAINERD. [Chap. VIII
yet is confident she did not dream. When she was thus
gone, she saw two paths; one appeared very broad
and crooked ; and that turned to the left hand. The
other appeared straight and very narrow ; and that
went up the hill to the right hand. She traveled,] she
said, for some time up the narrow right hand path, till
at length something seemed to obstruct her journey,
sometimes called it darkness ; and tJien described it
otherwise, and seemed to compare it to a block or bar.
She then remembered what she had heard me say about
striving to enter in at the strait gate, although she
took little notice of it at the time when she heard me dis-
course upon that subject; and thought she would climb
over this bar. But just as she was thinking of this, she
came back again,' 1 as she termed it, meaning that she
came to herself; ' whereupon her soul was extremely
distressed, apprehending that she had now turned back,
and forsaken Christ, and that there was thei^efore no
hope of mercy for her." 1
"As I was sensible that trances, and imaginary views
of things are of dangerous tendency in religion, where
sought after and depended upon ; so I could not but be
much concerned about this exercise, especially at first;
apprehending this might be a design of satan to bring
a blemish upon the work of God here, by introducing
visionary scenes, imaginary terrors, and all manner of
mental disorders and delusions, in the room of genuine
convictions of sin, and the enlightening influences of
the blessed Spirit; and I was almost resolved to declare,
that I looked upon this to be one of satan's devices,
and to caution my people against this and similar ex-
ercises of that nature. However, I determined first to
inquire into her knowledge, to see whether she had
any just views of things, that might be the occasion of
1745.] REMARKABLE CASE. 205
her present distressing concern, or whether it was a
mere fright, arising only from imaginary terrors. I
asked her numerous questions respecting man's primi-
tive, and more especially, his present state, and respect-
ing her own heart ; which she answered rationally,
and to my surprise. I thought it next to impossible, if
not altogether so, that a Pagan, who was become a
child through age, should in that state gain so much
knowledge by any mere human instruction, without
being remarkably enlightened by a divine influence.
I then proposed to her the provision made in the gos-
pel for the salvation of sinners, and the ability and
willingness of Christ 'to save to the uttermost all, old
as well as young, that come to him.' To this she
seemed to give a hearty assent ; but instantly replied,
'Ay, but I cannot come; my wicked heart will not come
to Christ ; I do not know how to come,' &c. This she
spoke in anguish of spirit, striking on her breast, with
tears in her eyes, and with such earnestness in her
looks as was indeed piteous and affecting. She seems
to be really convinced of her sin and misery, and her
need of a change of heart. Her concern is abiding
and constant, so that nothing appears why this exer-
cise may not have a saving issue. Indeed there seems
reason to hope such an issue, seeing she is so solicitous
to obtain an interest in Christ, that her heart, as she
expresses it, prays day and night.
" How far God may make use of the imagination in
awakening some persons under these, and similar cir-
cumstances, I cannot pretend to determine. Or, wheth-
er this exercise be from a divine influence, I shall leave
others to judge. But this I must say, that its effects
hitherto bespeak it to be such ; nor can it, as I see, be
accoimted for in any rational way, but from the influ-
206 LIFE OF BRAINERD. [Chap. VIII.
ence of some spirit either good or evil. The woman /
I am sure never heard divine things in the manner in
which she now viewed them; and it would seem
strange that she should get such a rational notion of
them from the mere working of her own fancy, with-
out some superior, or at least foreign aid. Yet I must
say, I have looked upon it as one of the glories of this
work of grace among the Indians, and a special evi-
dence of its being from a divine influence, that there
has, till now, been no appearance of such things, no
visionary notions, trances, and imaginations, intermixed
with those rational convictions of sin, and solid conso-
lations, of which numbers have been made the subjects.
And might I have had my desire, there had been no
appearance of any thing of this nature at all.
Dec. 28. " Discoursed to my people in the catecheti-
cal method on which I lately entered. In the improve-
ment of my discourse, wherein I was comparing man's
present with his primitive state, and showing from
what he had fallen, and the miseries in which he is now
involved, and to which he is exposed in his natural es-
tate ; and pressing sinners to take a view of their de-
plorable circumstances without Christ, as also to strive
that they might obtain an interest in him ; the Lord, I
trust, granted a remarkable influence of his? blessed
Spirit to accompany what was spoken ; and a great
concern appeared in the assembly. Many were melt-
ed into tears and sobs; and the impressions made up-
on them seemed deep and heart-affecting. In particu-
lar, there were two or three persons who appeared to
be brought to the last exercises of a preparatory work,
and reduced almost to extremity; being in a great mea-
sure convinced of the impossibility of their helping
themselves, or of mending their own hearts; and seem-
1745. OUTPOURING OF THE SHRIT. 207
ed to be upon the point of giving up all hope in them
selves, and of venturing upon Christ, as poor, helpless,
and undone. Yet they were in distress and anguish
because they saw no safety in so doing, unless they
could do something toward saving themselves. One
of these persons was the very aged woman above-men-
tioned, who now appeared 'weary and heavy laden'
with a sense of her sin and misery, and her perishing
need of an interest in Christ.
Lord's day, Dec. 29. "Preached from John, 3: 1-5.
A number of white people were present, as is usual up-
on the Sabbath. The discourse was accompanied with
power, and seemed to have a silent, but deep and
piercing influence upon the audience. Many wept
and sobbed affectionately. There were some tears
among the white people as well as the Indians. Some
could not refrain from crying out ; though there were
not many so exercised. But the impressions made up-
on their hearts appeared chiefly by the extraordinary
earnestness of their attention, and their heavy sighs
and tears.
''After public worship was over I went to my house,
proposing to preach again after a short season of inter-
mission. But they soon came in, one after another,
with tears in their eyes, to know ' what they should do
to be saved. 11 The divine Spirit in such a manner set
home upon their hearts what I spake to them that the
house was soon filled with cries and groans. They all
flocked together upon this occasion ; and those, whom
I had reason to think in a Christless state, were almost
universally seized with concern for their souls. It was
an amazing season of power among them ; and seemed
as if God had bowed the heavens and come down. So
astonishingly prevalent was the operation upon old as
LIFE OF BRAINERD. [Chap. VIII
well as young, that it seemed as if none would be left
in a secure and natural state, but that God was now
about to convert all the world. I was ready to think,
then, that I should never again despair of the conver-
sion of any man or woman living, be they who or what
they would.
"It is impossible to give a just and lively description
of the appearance of things at this season ; at least sucb
as to convey a bright and adequate idea of the ef
fects of this influence. A number might now be seen
rejoicing that God had not taken away the powerful
influence of his blessed Spirit from this place ; refreshed
to see so many striving to enter in at the strait gate;
and animated with such concern for them, that they
wanted to push them forward, as some of them express-
ed it. At the same time numbers both of men and wo-
men, old and young, might be seen in tears ; and some
in anguish of spirit, appearing in their very countenan-
ces like condemned malefactors bound toward the
place of execution, with a heavy solicitude sitting in
their faces; so that there seemed here, as I thought, a
lively emblem of the solemn day of account: a mix-
ture of heaven and hell; of joy and anguish inexpres-
sible.
" The concern and religious affection was such, that
I could not pretend to have any formal religious exer-
cise among them ; but spent the time in discoursing to
one and another, as I thought most proper and season-
able for each ; and sometimes addressed them altogeth-
er ; and finally concluded with prayer. Such were their
circumstances at this season, that I could scarcely have
half an hour's rest from speaking, from about half an
hour before twelve o'clock, at which time I began pub-
lic worship, till after seven at night. There appeared
1746. J OUTPOURING Of THE SPIRIT. 209
to be four or five persons newly awakened this day
and the evening before; some of whom but very lately
came among us.
Dec. 30. "Was visited by four or five young per-
sons under concern for their souls; most of whom
were very lately awakened. They wept much while
I discoursed with them and endeavored to press upon
them the necessity of flying to Christ without delay
for salvation.
Dec. 31. "Spent some hours this day in visiting my
people from house to house, and conversing with them
about their spiritual concerns; endeavoring to press up-
onChristless souls the necessity of a renovation of heart ;
and scarce left a house without leaving some or other
of its inhabitants in tears, appearing solicitously en-
gaged to obtain an interest in Christ.
" The Indians are now gathered together from all
quarters to this place, and have built them little cotta-
ges, so that more than twenty families live within a
quarter of a mile from me. A very convenient situa-
tion with regard both to public and private instruction.
Jan. 1, 1746. Spent considerable time in visiting
my people again. Found scarcely one but what was
under some serious impressions respecting their spiri-
tual concerns.
Jan. 2. " Visited some persons newly come among
us, who had scarce ever heard any thing of Christia-
nity before, except the empty name. Endeavored to in-
struct them, particularly in the first principles of reli-
gion, in the most easy and familiar manner I could.
There are strangers from remote parts, almost continu-
ally dropping in among us, so that I have occasion re-
peatedly to open and inculcate the first principles of
Christianity.
Brainerd. 14
210 LIFE OF BRAtNERD. [Chap. VIII.
Jan. 4. "Prosecuted my catechetical method of in-
structing. Found my people able to answer questions
with propriety, beyond what could have been expected
from persons so lately brought out of heathenish dark-
ness. In the improvement of my discourse there ap-
peared some concern and affection in the assembly;
and especially in those of whom I entertained hopes
as being truly gracious, at least several of them were
much affected and refreshed.
Lord's day, Jan. 5. " Discoursed from Matt. 12 >10
-13. There appeared not so much liveliness and affec-
tion in divine service as usual. The same truths which
have often produced many tears and sobs in the as-
sembly seemed now to have no special influence upon
any in it. Near night I proposed to have proceeded
in my usual method of catechising ; but while we were
engaged in the first prayer, the power of God seemed
to descend upon the assembly in such a remarkable
manner, and so many appeared under pressing con-
cern for their souls, that I thought it much more ex-
pedient to insist upon the plentiful provision made by
divine grace for the redemption of perishing sinners,
and to press them to a speedy acceptance of the great
salvation, than to ask them questions about doctrinal
points. What was most practical seemed most sea-
sonable to be insisted upon, while numbers appeared
so extraordinarily solicitous to obtain an interest in
the great Redeemer.
" This day the woman mentioned in my journal of
December 22, made a public profession of her faith.
She has discovered a very sweet and heavenly frame
of mind from time to time, since her first reception of
comfort. One morning in particular, she came to see
me, discovering an unusual joy and satisfaction in her
1746.] OUTPOURING OF THE SPIRIT. 211
countenance ; and when I inquired into the reason of
it, she replied, ' that God had made her feel that it was
right for him to do what he pleased with all things ;
and that it would be right if he should cast her hus-
band and son both into hell ; and she saw it was so
right for God to do what he pleased with them, that
she could not but rejoice in God even if he should send
them into hell ;' though it was apparent she loved them
dearly. She moreover inquired whether I was not sent
to preach to the Indians by some good people a great
way off. I replied, ' Yes, by the good people in Scot-
land.' She answered, ' that ner heart loved those good
people so the evening before, that she could scarce help
praying for them all night, her heart would go to God
for them.' Thus, the blessing of those ready to perish,
is like to come upon those pious persons who have
communicated of their substance to the propagation of
the Gospel. .
Lord's day, Jan. 12. " Preached from Isaiah, 55 :
6. The word of God seemed to fall upon the audience
with a divine weight and influence, and evidently ap-
peared to be ' not the word of man.' The blessed
Spirit, I am persuaded, accompanied what was spoken
to the hearts of many ; so that there was a powerful
revival of conviction in numbers who were under spiri-
tual exercises before.
" Toward night catechised in my usual method.
Near the close of my discourse there appeared a great
concern, and much affection in the audience ; which
increased while I continued to invite them to come to
an all-sufficient Redeemer for eternal salvation. The
Spirit of God seems, from time to time, to be striving
with souls here. They are so frequently and repeated-
ly roused, that they seem unable at present to lull
themselves asleep.
/
212 LIFE OF BRAINERD. [Chap. VIII
Jan. 13. " Was visited by several persons under
deep concern for their souls; one of whom was newly
awakened. It is a most agreeable work to treat with
souls who are solicitously inquiring ' what they shall
do to be saved.' As we are never to be ' weary in well
doing,' so the obligation seems to be peculiarly strong
when the work is so very desirable. Yet I must say,
my health is so much impaired, and my spirits so
wasted with my labors and solitary manner of living ;
there being no human creature in the house with me ;
that their repeated and almost incessant applications
to me for help and direction, are sometimes exceed-
ingly burdensome, and so exhaust my spirits that I
become fit for nothing at all, entirely unable to prose-
cute my business, sometimes for days together. What
contributes much toward this difficulty is, that I am
obliged to spend much time in communicating a little
matter to them ; there being oftentimes many things
to be premised before I can speak directly to what I
principally aim at; which things would readily be taken
for granted where there was a competency of doctri-
nal knowledge.
Jan. 14. " Spent some time in private conference
with my people, and found some disposed to take com-
fort, as I thought, upon slight grounds. They are now
generally awakened, and it is become so disgraceful,
as well as terrifying to the conscience, to be destitute
of religion, that they are in imminent danger of taking
up with an appearance of grace, rather than to live
under the fear and disgrace of an unregenerated state.
Jan. 18. " Prosecuted my catechetical method of
discoursing. There appeared a great solemnity, and
some considerable affection in the assembly. This
method of instruction I find very profitable. When J
1746. OUTPOURING OF THE SPIRIT. 213
first entered upon it I was exercised with fears, lest
my discourses would unavoidably be so doctrinal that
they would tend only to enlighten the head, but not to
affect the heart. But the event proved quite otherwise ;
for these exercises have hitherto been remarkably
blessed in the latter, as well as the former respects.
lard's day, Jan. 19. " Discoursed to my people
from Isaiah, 55 : 7. Toward night catechised in my
ordinary method ; and this appeared to be a powerful
season of grace among us. Numbers were much af-
fected. Convictions were powerfully revived, and
Christians refreshed and strengthened ; and one weary,
heavy laden soul, I have abundant reason to hope,
brought to true rest and solid comfort in Christ ; who
afterward gave me such an account of God's dealing
with his soul as was abundantly satisfying, as well as
refreshing to me.
" He told me he had often heard me say that per-
sons must see and feel themselves utterly helpless and
undone that they must be emptied of a dependence
upon themselves, and of all hope of saving themselves,
in order to their coming to Christ for salvation. He
had long been striving after this view of things ; sup-
posing that this would be an excellent frame of mind,
to be thus emptied of a dependence upon his own good-
ness ; that God would have respect to this frame, would
then be well pleased with him, and bestow eternal life
upon him. But when he came to feel himself in this
helpless, undone condition, he found it quite contrary
to all his thoughts and expectations ; so that it was not
the same frame, nor indeed any thing like the frame
after which he had been seeking. Instead of its being
a good frame of mind, he now found nothing but bad-
ness in himself, and saw it was for ever impossible for
214 LIFE OF BRAINERD. [Chap. VIII.
him to make himself any better. He wondered, he said,
that he had ever hoped to mend his own heart. He
was amazed that he had never before seen that it was
utterly impossible for him, by all his contrivances and
endeavors, to do any thing in that way, since the mat
ter now appeared to him in so clear a light. Instead
of imagining now that God would be pleased with
him for the sake of this frame of mind, and this view
of his undone estate, he saw clearly, and felt that it
would be just with God to send him to eternal misery;
and that there was no goodness in what he then felt;
for he could not help seeing that he was naked, sinful,
and miserable, and that there was nothing in such a
sight to deserve God's love or pity.
" He saw these things in a manner so clear and con-
vincing, that it seemed to him, he said, he could con-
vince every body of their utter inability to help them-
selves, and their unworthiness of any help from God.
In this frame of mind he came to public worship this
evening ; and while I was inviting sinners to come to
Christ naked and empty, without any goodness of their
own to recommend them to his acceptance, then he
thought with himself that he had often tried to come
and give up his heart to Christ, and he used to hope
that some time or other he should be able to do so ;
biit now he was convinced that he could not, and it
seemed utterly vain for him ever to try any more ; and
he could not, he said, find a heart to make any further
attempt, because he saw it would signify nothing at
all ; nor did he now hope for a better opportunity or
more ability hereafter, as he had formerly done, be-
cause he saw and was fully convinced that his own
strength would for ever fail.
While he was musing in this manner he saw, he
1746.) OUTPOURING OF THE SPIRIT. 215
said, with his heart, (which is a common phrase among
them,) something that was unspeakably good and love-
ly, and what he had never seen before ; and ' this stole
away his heart whether he would or no.' He did not,
he said, know what it was he saw. He did not say
' this is Jesus Christ ;' but it was such glory and beauty
as he never saw before. He did not now give away
his heart, as he had formerly intended and attempted
to do ; but it went away of itself after that glory he
then discovered. He used to make a bargain with
Christ to give up his heart to him that he might have
eternal life for it. But now he thought nothing about
himself or what would become of him hereafter ; but
was pleased, and his mind wholly taken up with the
unspeakable excellency of what he then beheld. After
some time he was wonderfully pleased with the way
of salvation by Christ ; so that it seemed unspeakably
desirable to be saved altogether by the mere free grace
of God in him. The consequence of this exercise is,
that he appears to retain a sense and relish of divine
things, and to maintain a life of seriousness and true
religion.
Jan. 28. " The Indians in these parts have, in times
past, run themselves in debt by their excessive drink-
ing ; and some have taken the advantage of them, and
put them to trouble and charge, by arresting some of
them ; whereby it was supposed their hunting lands in
great part were much endangered, and might speedily
be taken from them. Being sensible that they could
not subsist together in these parts, in order to their
being a Christian congregation, if these lands should
be taken, which was thought very likely ; I thought it
my duty to use my utmost endeavors to prevent so un-
happy an event. Having acquainted the gentlemen
216 LIFE OP BRAINERD. [Chap.VlIl.
concerned in this mission with the affair, according to
the best information I could get of it, they thought it
proper to expend the money which they had been and
still were collecting for the religious interest of the
Indians, at least a part of it, for discharging their debts,
and securing these lands, that there might be no entan-
glement lying upon them to hinder the settlement and
hopeful enlargement of a Christian congregation of In-
dians in these parts. Having received orders from them,
I answered in behalf of the Indians, eighty-two pounds,
five shillings, New- Jersey currency, at eight shillings
per ounce ; and so prevented the danger or difficulty
in this respect.
" As God has wrought a wonderful work of grace
among these Indians, and now inclines others irom
remote places to fall in among them almost continually ;
and as he has opened a door for the prevention of the
difficulty now mentioned, which seemed greatly to
threaten their religious interests as well as worldly
comforts ; it is to be hoped that he designs to establish
A church for himself among them, and hand down
true religion to their posterity.
Jan. 30. " Preached to the Indians from John, 3 :
16, 17. There was a solemn attention and some affec-
tion visible in the audience ; especially several persons
who had long been concerned for their souls, seemed
afresh excited and engaged in seeking after an interest
in Christ. One, with much concern, afterward told me
'his heart was so pricked with my preaching he knew
not where to turn or what to do.'
Jan. 31. " This day the person whom I had made
choice of and engaged for a school master among the In-
dians arrived among us, and was heartily welcomed by
my people universally. Whereupon I distributed several
dozen of primers among the children and young people.
1746.] SCHOOL ESTABLISHED. 217
Feb. 1 "My schoolmaster entered upon his busi-
ness among the Indians. He has generally about thirty
children and young persons in his school in the day
time, and about fifteen married people in the evening
school. The number of married persons being less
than it would be if they could be more constantly at
home, and could spare time from their necessary em-
ployments for an attendance upon these instructions.
"In the evening catechised in my usual method.
Toward the close of my discourse a surprising power
seemed to attend the word, especially to some persons.
One man considerably in years, who had been a re-
markable drunkard, a conjurer and murderer, and was
awakened some months before, was now brought to
great extremity under his spiritual distress ; so that he
trembled for hours together, and apprehended himself
just dropping into hell, without any power to rescue
or relieve himself. Divers others appeared under
great concern, as well as he, and solicitous to obtain
a saving change.
Lord's day, Feb. 2. " Preached from John, 5 : 24,
25. There appeared, as usual, some concern and affec-
tion in the assembly. Toward night proceeded in my
usual method of catechising. Observed my people
more ready in answering the questions proposed to
them than ever before. It is apparent they advance
daily in doctrinal knowledge. But what is still more
desirable, the Spirit of God is yet operating among
them ; whereby experimental as well as speculative
knowledge is propagated in their minds.
Feb. 5. " Discoursed to a considerable number of
Indians in the evening ; at which time numbers of them
appeared much affected and melted with divine things.
Feb. 8. " Spent a considerable part of the day in
218 LIFE OF BRAINERD. | Chap. Vlli
visiting my people from house to house, and conversing
with them about their souls concerns. Many persons
wept, while I discoursed to them, and appeared con-
cerned for nothing so much as for an interest in the
great Redeemer. In the evening catechised as usual.
Divine truth made some impressions upon the audi-
ence ; and were attended with an affectionate engage-
ment of soul in some.
Lord's day, Feb. 9. " Discoursed to my people from
the story of the blind man. Matt. 10 : 46-52. The
word of God seemed weighty, and powerful upon the
assembly at this time, and made considerable impres-
sions upon many; several in particular, who have
generally been remarkably stupid and careless under
the means of grace, were now awakened, and wept af-
fectionately. The most earnest attention, as well as
tenderness and affection, appeared in the audience uni-
versally. Two persons publicly professed Christ.
"Toward night catechised. God made this a power-
ful season to some. There were many affected. For-
mer convictions appeared to be powerfully revived.
There was likewise one, who had been a vile drunkard,
remarkably awakened. He appeared to be in great
anguish of soul, wept, and trembled, and continued to
do so till near midnight. There was also a poor heavy
laden soul, who had been long under heavy distress, as
constant and pressing as I ever saw, who was now
brought to a comfortable calm, and seemed to be
bowed and reconciled to the divine sovereignty, and
told me she now felt and saw that it was right for
God to do with her as he pleased ; and that her heart
felt pleased and satisfied it should be so; although of
late she had often found her heart rise and quarrel with
God because he would, if he pleased, send her to hell
1746.] AT PORKS OP DELAWARE. 219
after all she had done. She added that the heavy
burden she had lain under was now removed ; that she
had tried to recover her concern and distress again,
fearing that the Spirit of God was departing from her,
and would leave her wholly careless, but that she could
not recover it ; that she felt she never could do any
thing to save herself, but must perish for ever if Christ
did not do all for her ; that she did not deserve he
should help her; and that it would be right if he should
leave her to perish. But Christ could save her though
she could do nothing to save herself, &c. and here she
seemed to rest."
Forks of Delaware, February, 1746.
Lord's day, Feb. 16. "Knowing that numbers of
the Indians in these parts were obstinately set against
Christianity ; and that some of them had refused to
hear me preach in times past ; I thought it might be
proper and beneficial to the Christian interest here to
have a number of my religious people from Cross-
weeksung with me, to converse with them about reli-
gious matters ; hoping it might be a means to convince
them of the truth and importance of Christianity, to
see and hear some of their own nation discoursing of
divine things, and manifesting earnest desires that
others might be brought out of heathenish darkness,
as themselves were. For this purpose I selected half
a dozen of the most serious and intelligent of those
Indians, and having brought them to the Forks of De-
laware, I this day met with them and the Indians of
this place. Numbers of the latter probably could. not
have been prevailed upon to attend this meeting, had
it not been for these religious Indians who accompa-
nied me hither, and preached to them Some of those
220 LIFE OP BRAINERD. [ Cba P- VI11 -
who had in times past been extremely averse to Chris-
tianity, now behaved soberly; and some others laughed
and mocked. However, the word of God fell with snch
weight and power, that numbers seemed to be stunned,
and expressed a willingness to hear me again of these
matters.
"Afterward prayed with, and made an address to the
white people present ; and could not but observe some
visible effects of the word, such as tears and sobs
among them. After public worship, spent some time,
and took pains to convince those that mocked of the
truth and importance of what I had been insisting
upon ; and so endeavored to awaken their attention to
divine truth. Had reason to think, from what I ob-
served then and afterward, that my endeavors took
considerable effect upon one of the worst of them.
" Those few Indians then present, who used to be
m}^ hearers in these parts, some having removed hence
to Crossweeksung, seemed somewhat kindly disposed
toward me, and glad to see me again. They had been
so much attacked, however, by some of the opposing
Pagans, that they were almost ashamed or afraid to
manifest their friendship.
Feb. 17. " After having spent much time in dis-
coursing to the Indians in their respective houses, I
got them together and repeated and inculcated what I
had before taught them. Afterward discoursed to
them from Acts, 8 : 5-8. A divine influence seemed to
attend the word. Several of the Indians here appeared
to be somewhat awakened, and manifested earnest
tears and sobs. My people of Crossweeksung con-
tinued with them day and night repeating and incul-
cating the truths I had taught them ; and sometimes
prayed and sung psalms among them ; discoursing
1746.] AT FORKS OP DELAWARE. 221
with each other in their hearing, of the great things
God had done for them and for the Indians from
whence they came. This seemed, as my people told
me, to have more effect upon them than when they
directed their discourse immediately to them.
Feb. 18. " Preached to an assembly of Irish peo-
ple, nearly fifteen miles distant from the Indians.
Feb. 19. " Preached to the Indians again, after
having spent considerable time in conversing with
them more privately. There appeared a great solem-
nity, and some concern and affection among the In-
dians belonging to these parts, as well as a sweet melt-
ing among those who came with me. Numbers of the
Indians here seemed to have their prejudices and aver-
sion to Christianity removed ; and appeared well dis-
posed, and inclined to hear the word of God.
Feb. 20. " Preached to a small assembly of High
Dutch people, who had seldom heard the Gospel
preached, and were some of them, at least, very igno-
rant ; but numbers of them have lately been put upon
an inquiry after the way of Salvation with thoughtful-
ness. They gave wonderful attention ; and some of
them were much affected under the word, and after-
ward said, as I was informed, that they never had been
so much enlightened about the way of Salvation in
vheir whole lives before. They requested me to tarry
with them, or come again and preach to them. It
grieved me that I could not comply with their request.
I could not but be affected with their circumstances ;
for they were as ' sheep not having a shepherd,' and
some of them appeared under some degree of distress
for sin ; standing in peculiar need of the assistance of
an experienced spiritual guide.
Feb. 21. Preached to a number of people, many of
222 LIFE OF BRAINERD. [Chap. V1IJ.
them Low Dutch. Several of the fore-mentioned High
Dutch people attended the sermon, though eight or ten
miles distant from their houses. Numbers of the In-
dians also belonging to these parts came of their own
accord with my people from Crossweeksung, to the
meeting. There were two in particular who, though
the last Sabbath they opposed and ridiculed Chris-
tianity, now behaved soberly. May the present en-
couraging appearances continue !
Feb. 22. " Preached to the Indians. They appeared
more free from prejudice and more cordial to Chris-
tianity than before ; and some of them appeared affect-
ed with divine truth.
Lord's day, Feb. 23. " Preached to the Indians
from John, 6 : 35-37. After public service discoursed
particularly with several of them, and invited them to
go down to Crossweeksung and tarry there at least for
some time; knowing that they would then be free
from the scoffs and temptations of the opposing Pa-
gans, as well as in the way of hearing divine truths
discoursed of, both in public and private. Obtained a
promise of some of them that they would speedily pay
us a visit, and attend some farther instructions. They
seemed to be considerably enlightened, and much
freed from their prejudices against Christianity. But
it is much to be feared that their prejudice? will revive
again, unless they can enjoy the means of instruction
here, or be removed where they may be under such
advantages, and out of the way of their Pagan ac-
quaintances.
Crossweeksung; March, 1746.
March, I. " Catechised in my ordinary method.
Was pleased and refreshed to see them answer the
questions proposed to them with such remarkable
1746.] AT CROSSWEEKSUNG. 223
readiness, discretion, and knowledge. Toward the
close of my discourse divine truth made considerable
impression upon the audience, and produced tears and
sobs in some under concern ; and more especially a
sweet and humble melting in several, who, I have rea-
son to hope, were truly gracious.
Lord's day, March 2. Preached from John, 15 : 16.
The assembly appeared not so lively in their attention
as usual, nor so much affected with divine truth in
general as has been common. Some of my people
who went up to the Forks of the Delaware with me,
being now returned, were accompanied by two of the
Indians belonging to the Forks who had promised me
a speedy visit. May the Lord meet with them here.
They can scarcely go into a house now but they will
meet with Christian conversation, whereby it is to be
hoped they may be both instructed and awakened.
" Discoursed to the Indians again in the afternoon,
and observed among them some animation and enga-
gedness in divine service, though not equal to what
has often appeared here. I know of no assembly of
Christians where there seems to be so much of the
presence of God, where brotherly love so much pre-
vails, and where I should take so much delight in the
public worship of God in general, as in my awn con-
gregation ; although not more than nine months ago,
they were worshipping devils and dumb idols under
the power of Pagan darkness and superstition. Amaz-
ing change this ! effected by nothing less than divine
power and grace. This is the doing of the Lord, and
it is justly marvellous in our eyes.
March 5. " Spent some time just at evening in
prayer, singing and discoursing to my people upon di-
vine things ; and observed some agreeable tenderness
224 LIKE OP BRAINERD. [Chap. V11I
and affection among them. Their present situation is
so compact and commodious, that they are easily and
quickly called together with only the sound of a conch-
shell, (a shell like that of a periwinkle,) so that they
have frequent opportunities of attending religious ex-
ercises publicly. This seems to be a great means,
under God, of keeping alive the impression of divine
things in their minds.
March 8. " Catechised in the evening. My people
answered the questions proposed to them well. I can
perceive their knowledge in religion increases daily.
And, what is still more desirable, the divine influence,
which has been so remarkable among them, appears
still to continue, in some good measure. The divine
presence seemed to be in the assembly this evening.
"Some, who I have good reason to think are Chris-
tians indeed, were melted with a sense of divine good-
ness and their own barrenness and ingratitude, and
seemed to hate themselves, as one of them afterward
expressed it. Convictions also appeared to be revived
in several instances ; and divine truth was attended
with such influence upon the assembly in general, that
it might justly be called an evening of divine power.
Lords' day, March 9. " Preached from Luke, 10 :
38-42. The word of God was attended with power
and energy upon the audience. Numbers were affect-
ed, and concerned to obtain the one thing needful.
Several, who have given good evidence of being truly
gracious, were much affected with a sense of their want
of spirituality, and saw the need they stood in of grow-
ing in grace. The greater part of those who had been
under any impressions of divine things in times past,
seemed now to l;ave those impressions revived.
" In the afternoon proposed to have catechised in
1746.J A CONVERT. 225
my usual method : but, while we were engaged in the
first prayer in the Indian language, as usual, a great
part of the assembly was so much moved and affected
witli divine things that I thought it seasonable and
proper to omit the proposing of questions for that time,
and to insist upon the most practical truths. I ac-
cordingly did so ; making a further improvement of
the passage of Scripture on which I had discoursed in
the former part of the day. There appeared to be a
powerful divine influence in the congregation. Seve-
ral who, as I have reason to think, are truly pious,
were so deeply affected with a sense of their own bar-
renness, and their unworthy treatment of the blessed
Redeemer, that they looked on him as pierced by them-
selves, and mourned, yea, some of them were in bit-
terness, as for a first-born.
" Some poor awakened sinners, also, appeared to be
in anguish of soul to obtain an interest in Christ ; so
that there was a great mourning- in the assembly :
many heavy groans, sobs, and tears ! and one or two,
newly come among us, were considerably awakened.
" Methinks it would have, refreshed the heart of any,
who truly love Zion's interests, to have been in the
midst of this divine influence, and seen the effects of it
upon saints and sinners. The place of divine worship
appeared both solemn and sweet ; and was so endeared
by a display of the divine presence and grace that
those who had any relish for divine things could not
but cry, ' How amiable are thy tabernacles, O Lord of
Hosts !' After public worship was over, numbers came
to my house, where we sang and discoursed of divine
things ; and the presence of God seemed here also to
be in the midst of us.
" While we were singing there was one individual,
Brainerd. 15
226 LIFE OF BRAINERD. [Chap. VIII
the woman mentioned in my journal of February 9
who, I may venture to say, if I may be allowed to say
so much of any person I ever saw, was ' filled with joy
unspeakable and full of glory ;' and could not but burst
forth in prayer and praises to God before us all, with
many tears ; crying, sometimes in English and some-
times in Indian, ' O blessed Lord! do come, do come!
do take me away; do let me die, and go to Jesus
Christ ! I am afraid if I live I shall sin again. O do
let me die now I O dear Jesus, do come ! I cannot stay,
1 cannot stay ! O how can I live in this world ; do take
my soul away from this sinful place ! O let me never sin
any more ! O what shall 1 do, what shall I do, dear Je-
sus. O dear Jesus!' In this ecstacy she continued
some time, uttering these and similar expressions in-
cessantly. The grand argument she used with God to
take her away immediately was, that 'if she lived, she
should sin against him.' When she had a little recov-
ered herself, I asked her if Christ was now sweet to
her soul ? Whereupon, turning to me with tears in her
eyes, and with all the tokens of deep humility I ever
saw in any person, she said, 'I have many times heard
you speak of the goodness and the sweetness of Christ,
that he was better than all the world. But O I knew
nothing what you meant. I never believed you, I nev-
er believed you ! But now I know it is true;' or words
to that effect. I answered, 'And do you see enough in
Christ for the greatest of sinners?' She replied, 'O
enough, enough for all the sinners in the world, if they
would but come.' When I asked her, 'If she could
not tell them of the goodness of Christ.' Turning
herself about to some Christless souls, who stood by,
and were much affected, she said, 'O there is enough
in Christ for you if you would but come. O strive
1746' A CONVERT. 227
strive to give up your hearts to him,' &c. On hearing
something of the glory of heaven mentioned, that
there was no sin in that world ; she again fell into the
same ecstacy of joy and desire of Christ's coming; re-
peating her former expressions, ' O dear Lord, do let
me go ! O what shall I do ; what shall I do. I want
to go to Christ. I cannot live. O do let me die," &c.
"She continued in this sweet frame for more than two
hours before she was able to get home. I am very
sensible that there may be great joys, arising even to
an ecstasy, where there is still no substantial evidence
of their being well grounded. But in the present case
there seemed to be no evidence wanting in order to
prove this joy to be divine ; either in regard to its pre-
paratives, attendants, or consequents.
"Of all the persons whom I have seen under spiritual
exercise I scarcely ever saw one appear more bowed
and broken under convictions of sin and misery, or
what is usually called a preparatory work, than this
woman ; nor scarcely any who seemed to have a
greater acquaintance with their own heart than she
had. She would frequently complain to me of the
hardness and rebellion of her heart. Would tell me
that her heart rose and quarrelled with God, when
she thought he would do with her as he pleased, and
send her to hell, notwithstanding her prayers, good
frames, &c., and that her heart was not willing to
come to Christ for Salvation, but tried every where
else for help. As she seemed to be remarkably sensi-
ble of her stubbornness and contrariety to God, under
conviction, so she appeared to be no less remarkably
bowed and reconciled to his sovereignty, before she
obtained any reliefer comfort; something of which I
have noticed in my journal of Feb. 9. Since that time
228 LIFE OF BRAINERD. [Chap. VIJl-
she has seemed constantly to breathe the temper and
spirit of the new creature; crying after Christ, not
through fear of hell as before, but with strong desires
after him as her only satisfying portion ; and has many
times wept and sobbed bitterly because, as she appre-
hended, she did not and could not love him. When I
have sometimes asked her why she appeared so sor-
rowful, and whether it was because she was afraid of
hell ; she would answer ' No, I be not distressed about
that ; but my heart is so wicked I cannot love Christ;'
and thereupon burst into tears. But although this has
been the habitual frame of her mind for several weeks
together, so that the execcise of grace appeared evident
to others ; yet she seemed wholly insensible to it her-
self, and never had any remarkable comfort and sensi-
ble satisfaction until this evening.
"This sweet and surprising ecstasy appeared to
spring from a true spiritual discovery of the glory,
ravishing beauty, and excellency of Christ ; and not
from any gross imaginary notions of his human nature,
such as that of seeing him in such a place, or posture,
as hanging on the cross, as bleeding and dying, as gent-
ly smiling, and the like ; which delusions some have
been carried away with. Nor did it rise from sordid
selfish apprehensions of her having any benefit what-
soever conferred on her ; but from a view of his per-
sonal excellency and transcendant loveliness ; which
drew forth those vehement desires of enjoying him
which she now manifested, and made her long 'to be
absent from the body, that she might be present with
the Lord.'
"The attendants of this ravishing comfort were such
as abundantly discovered its spring to be divine; and
that it was truly 'a joy in the Holy Ghost.' Now she
1746. ) CONVERT. 229
viewed divine truths as living realities, and could say,
'I know these things are so ; I feel that they are true!'
Now her soul was resigned to the divine will in the
most tender point; so that when I said to her, 'What
if God should take away your husband from you, who
was then very sick, how do you think you could bear
that?' She replied, ' He belongs to God, and not to me ;
he may do with him just as he pleases.' Now she had
the most tender sense of the evil of sin, and discover-
ed the utmost aversion to it, longing to die, that she
might be delivered from it. Now she could freely
trust her all with God for time and eternity. When I
questioned her, 'How she would be willing to die and
leave her little infant ; and what she thought would be-
come of it in that case?' she answered, ' God will take
care of it. It belongs to him. He will take care of
it.' Now she appeared to have the most humbling
sense of her own meanness and unworthiness, her
weakness and inability to preserve herself from sin,
and to persevere in the way of holiness, crying, ' If I
live I shall sin.' I then thought that I had never seen
such an appearance of ecstacy and humility meeting
in any one person in all my life before.
"The consequents of this joy are no less desirable
and satisfactory than its attendants. She since appears
to be a most tender, broken-hearted, affectionate, de-
vout, and humble Christian ; as exemplary in life and
conversation as any person in my congregation. May
ahe still ' grow in grace and in the knowledge of Christ.'
March 10. " Toward night the Indians met togeth-
er, of their own accord, and sang, prayed, and discours-
ed of divine things among themselves; at which time
there was much affection among them. Some, who
are hopefully pious, appeared to be melted with divine
230 LIFE OP BRAINERD. [Chap VIII
things ; and some others seemed'much concerned for
their souls. Perceiving their engagement and affec-
tion in religious exercises, I went among them, and
prayed, and gave a word of exhortation ; and observed
two or three sornewhat affected and concerned, who
scarce ever appeared to be under any religious impres-
sions before. It seemed to be a day and evening of di-
vine power. Numbers retained the warm impressions
of divine things which had been made upon their minds
the day before.
March 14. " Was visited by a considerable number of
my people, and spent some time in religious exercises
with them.
March 15. "In the evening catechised. My peo-
ple answered the questions put to them with surpris-
ing readiness and judgment. There appeared some
warmth, and a feeling sense of divine things among
those who I have reason to hope are real Christians,
while I was discoursing upon peace of conscience and
joy in the Holy Ghost. These seemed quickened and
enlivened in divine service, though there was not so
much appearance of concern among those whom I
have reason to think in a Christless state.
Lord's day, March 16. "Preached to my congre-
gation from Hebrews, 2 : 1-3. Divine truth seemed to
have some considerable influence upon some of the
hearers, and produced many tears, as well as heavy
sighs and sobs, among those who have given evidence
of being real Christians, and others also. The im-
pressions made upon the audience appeared in general
deep and heart-affecting ; not superficial, noisy and af-
fected.
" Toward night discoursed again on the Great Sal-
vation. The word was again attended with some pow-
1746.] AT CROSSWEEKSUNG. 231
er upon the audience. Numbers wept affectionately,
and to appearance unfeignedly ; so that the Spirit of
God seemed to be moving upon the face of the assem-
bly. The woman mentioned in my journal of last
Lord's day made a profession of her faith, and appear-
ed to be in a devout, humble, and excellent frame of
mind.
"My house being thronged with my people in the
evening; I spent the time in religious exercises with
them until my nature was almost spent. They are so
unwearied in religious exercises, and insatiable in their
thirsting after Christian knowledge, that I can some-
times scarcely avoid laboring so as greatly to exhaust
my strength and spirits.
March 19. " Several of the persons who went with
me to the Forks of Delaware in February last, having
been detained there by the dangerous illness of one of
their company, returned home but this day. Where-
upon my people generally met together of their own
accord, in order to spend some time in religious exer-
cises ; and especially to give thanks to God for his pre-
serving goodness to those who had been absent from
them for several weeks, and recovering mercy to him
who had been sick; and that he had now returned them
all in safety. As I was then absent; they desired my
school-master to assist them in carrying on their reli-
gious solemnity ; who tells me that they appeared en-
gaged and affectionate in repeated prayer, singing, &c.
March 22. " Catechised in my usual method in the
evening. My people answered questions to my great
satisfaction. There appeared nothing very remarkable
in the assembly, considering what has been common
among us. Although I may justly say the strict atten-
tion, the tenderness and affection, the many tears an^
232 LIFE OP BRAINERD. [Chap. VIII.
heart-affecting sobs, appearing in numbers in the assem-
bly, would have been very remarkable, were it not that
God has made these things common among us, and
even with strangers soon after their coming among us,
from time to time. I am far from thinking that every
appearance and particular instance of affection that
has been among us, has been truly genuine, and purely
from a divine influence. I am sensible of the contrary ;
and doubt not but there has been some corrupt mixture,
some chaff as well as wheat ; especially since religious
concern has become so common and prevalent here.
Lord's day, March 23. " There being aboul fifteen
strangers, adult persons, come among us in the week
past, several of whom had never been in any religious
meeting till now; I thought it proper to discourse this
day in a manner peculiarly' suited to their circumstan
ces and capacities ; and accordingly attempted it from
Hosea, 13 : 9. ' O Israel, thou hast destroyed thyself.'
In the forenoon I opened, in the plainest manner I
could, man's apostacy and ruined state, after having
spoken some things respecting the being and perfec-
tions of God, and his creation of man in a state of up-
rightness and happiness. In the afternoon endeavored
to open the glorious provision God has made for the
redemption of apostate creatures, by giving his own
dear Son to suffer for them and satisfy divine justice
on their behalf. There was not that affection and con-
cern in the assembly which has been common among
us ; although there was a desirable attention appearing
in general, and even in most of the strangers.
" Near sun-set I felt an uncommon concern upon my
mind, especially for the poor strangers; that God had
so much withheld his presence and the powerful influ-
ence of his Spirit from the assembly in the exercises
1746.] AT CROSSWEEKSCNG.
of the day ; and thereby withheld from them that de-
gree of conviction which I hoped they might have had.
In this frame I visited several houses, and discours-
ed with some concern and affection to several per-
sons particularly; but without much appearance of
success till I came to a house where several of the
strangers were. There the solemn truths on which I
discoursed appeared to take effect; first upon some
children; then upon several adult persons who had
been somewhat awakened before ; and afterward up-
on several of the Pagan strangers.
" I continued my discourse, with some fervency, un-
til almost every one in the house was melted into tears,
and many wept aloud, and appeared earnestly concern-
ed to obtain an interest in Christ. Upon this, numbers
soon gathered from all the houses round about ; and
so thronged the place that we were obliged to remove
to the house where we usually met for public worship.
The congregation gathered immediately, and many ap-
pearing remarkably affected, I discoursed some time
from Luke, 19 : 10 ; endeavoring to open the mercy,
compassion, and concern of Christ for lost, helpless,
and undone sinners. There was much visible concern
and affection in the assembly ; and I doubt not but that
a divine influence accompanied what was spoken to
the hearts of many. There were five or six of the
strangers, men and women, who appeared to be con-
siderably awakened ; and, in particular, one very rug-
ged young man, who seemed as if nothing would move
him, was now brought to tremble like the jailor, and
weep for a long time.
"The Pagans who were awakened, seemed at once
to put off their savage roughness and Pagan manners,
and became sociable, orderly and humane in their car-
234 MFE OF BRAINERD. [Chap. VIII
riage. When they first came. 1 exhorted my religious
people to take pains with them as they had done with
other strangers from time to time, to instruct them in
Christianity. But when some of them attempted
something of that nature, the strangers would soon rise
up and walk to other houses in order to avoid the hear-
ing of such discourses. Whereupon some of the se-
rious persons agreed to disperse themselves into the
several parts of the settlement ; so that wherever the
strangers went, they met with some instructive dis-
course, and warm addresses respecting their salvation.
But now there was no need of using policy, in order
to get an opportunity of conversing with some of them
about their spiritual concerns; for they were so far
touched with a sense of their perishing state, as made
them voluntarily yield to the closest addresses which
were made them,respecting their sin and misery, their
need of an acquaintance with, and interest in the great
Redeemer.
March 24. "Numbered the Indians to see how ma-
ny souls God had gathered together here since my
coming into these parts ; and found there were now
about an hundred and thirty persons together, old and
young. Several of those, who are my stated hearers,
perhaps to the number of fifteen or twenty, were absent
at this season. If all had been together the number
would now have been very considerable; especially
considering how few were* together at my first coining
into this part of the country: the whole number not
amounting to ten persons at that time.
" My people went out this day with the design of
clearing some of their land, above fifteen miles distant
from this settlement, in order to their settling there in
a compact form, where they might be under the advan-
1746.] AT CROSSWEEKSUNG. 235
tages of attending the public worship of God, of hav-
ing their children taught in a school, and at the same
time have a conveniency for planting: their land, in
the place of our present residence, being of little or no
value for that purpose. The design of their settling
thus in a body, and cultivating their lands, of which
they have done very little in their Pagan state, being
of such necessity and importance to their religious in-
terest as well as worldly comfort; I thought it proper
to call them together, and show them the duty of labor-
ing with faithfulness and industry, and that they must
not now 'be slothful in business,' as they had ever been
in their Pagan state. I endeavored to press the impor-
tance of their being laborious, diligent, and vigorous
in the prosecution of their business; especially at the
present juncture, the season of planting being now
near, in order to their being in a capacity of living to-
gether, and enjoying the means of grace and instruc-
tion. Having given them directions for their work,
which they very much wanted, as well as for their be-
havior in divers respects ; I explained, sang, and en-
deavored to inculcate upon them Dr. Watts' Psalm,
If God to build the house deny &c.
and having recommended them, and the design of their
going forth, to God, by prayer with them, I dismissed
them to their business.
" In the evening read and expounded to those of my
people who were yet at home, and to the strangers
newly come, the substance of the 3d chapter of the
Acts. Numbers seemed to melt under the word ; espe-
cially while I was discoursing upon verse 19. ' Repent
ye, therefore, and be converted,' &c. Several of the
strangers also were affected. When I asked them afterr
236 LIFE OP BRA1NERD. [Chap. VIII.
ward, whether they did not now feel that their heart?
were wicked, as I had taught them ; one of them re-
plied, ' Yes, she felt it now.' Although before she
came here, upon hearing that I taught the Indians that
their hearts were all bad by nature, and needed to be
changed and made good by the power of God ; she had
said, ' Her heart was not wicked, and she had never
done any thing that was bad in her life.' This, indeed,
seems to be the case with them, I think universally, in
their pagan state. They seem to have no conscious-
ness of sin and guilt, unless they can charge them-
selves with some gross acts of sin contrary to the com-
mands of the second table.'
March 27. " Discoursed to a number of my people
in one of their houses in a more private manner. In-
quired particularly into their spiritual states, in order
to see what impressions they were under. Laid before
them the marks of a regenerate, as well as of an unre-
generate state ; and endeavored to suit and direct my
discourse to them severally, according as I appre-
hended their states to be. There were a considerable
number gathered together before I finished my dis-
course ; and several seemed much affected while I was
urging the necessity and infinite importance of getting
into a renewed state. I find particular and close deal-
ing with souls in private is often very successful.
March 29. " In the evening catechised, as usual
upon Saturday. Treated upon the benefits which be-
lievers receive from Christ at death. The questions
were answered with great readiness and propriety;
and those who I have reason to think are the dear
people of God were in general sweetly melted. There
appeared such a liveliness and vigor in their attendance
upon the word of God, and such eagerness to be made
1746.] AT CROS3WEEKSUNQ. 237
partakers of the benefits mentioned, that they seemed
not only to be ' looking for,' but ' hasting to, the com
ing of the day of God.' Divine truths seemed to distil
upon the audience with a gentle but melting efficacy,
as the refreshing ' showers upon the new mown grass.'
The assembly in general, as well as those who appear
truly religious, were affected with some brief accounts
of the blessedness of the godly at death ; and most of
them then discovered an affectionate inclination to cry
' Let me die the death of the righteous, and let my last
end be like his j' although many were not duly en-
gaged to obtain the change of heart that is necessary
to that blessed end.
Lord's day, March 30. " Discoursed from Matt. 25 :
3140. There was a very considerable moving, and
affectionate melting, in the assembly. I hope that there
were some real, deep, and abiding impressions of divine
things made upon the minds of many. There was one
aged man, newly come among us, who appeared to be
considerably awakened that never was touched with
any concern for his soul before. In the evening cate-
chised. There was not that tenderness and melting
engagement among God's people which appeared the
evening before, and many other times. They answered
the questions distinctly, and well, and were devout and
attentive in divine service.
March 31. " Called my people together, as I had
done the Monday evening before, and discoursed to
them again on the necessity and importance of labor-
ing industriously in order to their living together, and
enjoying the means of grace, &c. Having engaged in
a solemn prayer to God among them for a blessing
upon their attempts, I dismissed them to their work.
Numbers of them, both men and women, seemed to
238 LIFE OF BRAINERD. [Chap. VIII.
offer themselves willingly to this service ; and some
appeared affectionately concerned that God might go
with them, and begin their little town for them ; that
by his blessing it might be a place comfortable for
them and theirs, with regard both to procuring the
necessaries of life and to attending on the worship
of God.
April 5. " Catechised in the evening. There ap-
peared to be some affection and fervent engagement in
divine service through the assembly in general ; espe-
cially toward the conclusion of my discourse. After
public worship a number of those who I have reason
to think are truly religious came to my house, and
seemed eager for some farther entertainment upon di-
vine things. While I was conversing with them about
their scriptural exercises ; observing to them, that God's
work in the hearts of all his children was, for substance
the same ; and that their trials and temptations were
also alike ; and showing the obligations such were un-
der to love one another in a peculiar manner, they
seemed to be melted into tenderness and affection to-
ward each other. I thought that this particular tokeu
of their being the disciples of Christ, viz. of their hav-
ing love one toward another, had scarcely ever ap
peared more evident than at this time.
Lord's day, April 6. " Preached from Matt. 7 : 21-
23. There were considerable effects of the word visi-
ble in the audience, and such as were very desirable ;
an earnest attention, a great solemnity, many tears
and heavy sighs, which were modestly suppressed in
a considerable measure, and appeared unaffected and
without any indecent commotion of the passions.
Numbers of the religious people were put upon serious
and close examination of their spiritual state by hear-
1746.] AT CROSSWEEKSUNG. 239
ing that ' not every one that saith to Christ, Lord, Lord,
shall enter into his kingdom.' Some expressed fears
lest they had deceived themselves, and taken up a false
hope, because they found they had done so little of the
will of his Father who is in heaven.
" There was one man brought under a very great
and pressing concern for his soul; which appeared
more especially after his retirement from public wor-
ship. That which he says gave him his great uneasi-
ness was, not so much any particular sin, as that he
had never done the will of God at all, but had sinned
continually, and so had no claim to' the kingdom of
heaven. In the afternoon I opened to them the disci-
pline of Christ in his Church, and the method in which
offenders are to be dealt with ; at which time the re-
ligious people were much affected ; especially when
they heard that the offender, continuing obstinate, must
finally be esteemed and treated ' as an heathen man,'
as a pagan, who has no part nor lot among God's visi-
ble people. Of this they seemed to have the most awful
apprehensions ; a state of heathenism, out of which
they were so lately brought, appearing very dreadful
to them.
" After public worship I visited several houses to
see how they spent the remainder of the Sabbath, and
to treat with them solemnly on the great concerns of
their souls. The Lord seemed to smile upon my pri-
vate endeavors, and to make these particular and per-
sonal addresses more effectual upon some than my
public discourses.
April 7. " Discoursed to my people in the evening,
from 1 Cor. 11 : 23-26. Endeavored to open to them
the institution, nature, and ends of the Lord's Supper,
as well as of the qualifications and preparations neces-
240 LIFE OF BRAINERD. [Chap. VIII.
sary to the right participation of that ordinance. Num-
bers appeared much affected with the love of Christ?
manifested in his making this provision for the comfort
of his people, at a season when himself was just enter-
ing upon his sharpest sufferings.
Lord's day, April 20. " Discoursed, both forenoon
and afternoon, from Luke, 24 ; explaining most of
the chapter, and making remarks upon it. There was
a desirable attention in the audience ; though there was
not so much appearance of affection and tenderness
among them as had been usual. Our meeting was very
full ; there being sundry strangers present who had
never been with us before.
" In the evening catechised. My people answered
the questions proposed to them readily and distinctly ;
and I could perceive that they advanced in their know-
ledge of the principles of Christianity. There appeared
an affectionate melting in the assembly at this time.
Several, who I trust are truly religious, were refreshed
and quickened, and seemed by their discourse and
behavior after public worship to have their ' hearts
knit together in love.' This was a sweet and blessed
season, like many others with which my poor people
have been favored in months past. God has caused
this Kttle Jleece to be repeatedly wet with the blessed
dew of his divine grace, while all the earth around has
been comparatively dry.
April 25 " Set apart this day, as preparatory to the
administration of the Lord's Supper, for solemn fasting
and prayer. The design was to implore the blessing
of God upon our renewing covenant with him, and
with one another, to walk together in the fear of God,
in love and Christian fellowship, and to entreat that his
presence might be with us in our designed approach to
1746.] AT CROSSWEEKSUNQ. 241
his table ; as well as to humble ourselves before God on
account ol the apparent withdrawment, at least in a
measure, of that blessed influence which has been so
prevalent upon persons of all ages among us ; as also
on account of the rising appearance of carelessness,
vanity, and vice, among some who once appeared to
be touched and affected with divine truth, and brought
to some sensibility of their miserable and perishing
state by nature. It was also designed that we might
importunately pray for the peaceable settlement of the
Indians together in a body ; that they might be a com-
modious congregation for the worship of God ; and
that God would defeat all the attempts that were, or
might be, made against that pious design.*
" The solemnity was observed and seriously attend-
ed, not only by those who proposed to commune at
the Lord's table, but by the whole congregation. In
the former part of the day I endeavored to open to
my people the nature and design of a fast, as I had
attempted more briefly to do before, and to instruct
them in the duties of such a solemnity. In the after-
noon I insisted on the special reasons there were for
our engaging in these solemn exercises at this time ;
both in regard to the need we stood in of divine assist-
ance, in order to a due preparation for that sacred
ordinance, upon which some of us were proposing,
* There was at this time a terrible clamor raised against the
Indians in various places in the country, and insinuations as
though I was training them up to cut people's throats. Num-
bers wished to h?.ve them banished from these parts, and some
gave out great words in order to fright and deter them from
settling upon the best and most convenient tract of their own
lands; threatening to trouble them in the law; pretending a
claim to these lands themselves, although never purchased of
the Indians.
Brainerd. 16
242 LlfE OP BHAINERD. \_Chap. VIII,
with leave of divine Providence, speedily to attend ;
and also in respect of the manifest decline of God's
work here, as to the effectual conviction and conver-
sion of sinners ; there having been few of late deeply
awakened out of a state of security. The worship of
God was attended with great solemnity and reverence,
with much tenderness and many tears, by those who
appeared to be truly religious ; and there was some ap-
pearance of divine power upon those who had been
awakened some time before, and who were still under
concern.
"After repeated prayer, and attendance upon the
word of God, I proposed to the religious people, with
as much brevity and plainness as I could, the substance
of the doctrine of the Christian faith, as I had formerly
done ; and had their renewed cheerful assent to it. I
then led them to a solemn renewal of their covenant,
wherein they had explicitly and publicly given up
themselves to God the Father, Son, and Holy Ghost,
avouching him to be their God ; and at the same time
renouncing their heathenish vanities, their idolatrous
and superstitious practices ; solemnly engaging to take
the Word of God, so far as it was or might be made
known to them, for the rule of their lives ; promising
to walk together in love, to watch over themselves and
one another, to lead lives of seriousness and devotion,
and to discharge the relative duties incumbent on them
respectively, &c. This solemn transaction was attend-
ed with much gravity and seriousness ; and at the same
time with the utmost readiness, freedom and cheerful-
ness ; and a religious union and harmony of soul seem-
ed to crown the whole solemnity. I could not but
think in the evening, that there had been manifest
tokens of the divine presence with us in all the severa.
1746.] THE LORD'S SUPPER. 243
services of the day ; though it was also manifest that
there was not that concern among Christless souls
which has often appeared here.
April 26. " Toward noon prayed with a.dying child,
and gave a word of exhortation to the bystanders to
prepare for death; which seemed to take effect upon
some. In the afternoon discoursed to my people from
Matthew, 26 : 26-30; of the author, the nature, and de-
signs of the Lord's supper; and endeavored to point
out the worthy receivers of that ordinance. The re-
ligious people were affected, and even melted with di-
vine truth, with a view of the dying love of Christ.
Several others, who had been for some months under
convictions of their perishing state, appeared now to
be much moved with concern, and afresh engaged in
seeking after an interest in Christ ; although I cannot
say that the word of God appeared so quick and pow-
erful, so sharp and piercing to the assembly, as it had
sometimes formerly done.
"In the evening I catechised those who were de-
signed to partake of the Lord's supper the next day,
upon the institution, nature and end of that ordinance ;
and had abundant satisfaction respecting their doctri-
nal knowledge and fitness in that respect for an attend-
ance upon it. They likewise appeared in general to
have an affecting sense of the solemnity of this sacred
ordinance, and to be humbled under a sense of their
own unworthiness to approach to God in it ; and to be
earnestly concerned that they might be duly prepared
for an attendance upon it. Their hearts were full of
love one toward another, and that was the frame of
mind they seemed concerned to maintain and bring to
the Lord's table with them. In the singing and prayer
after catechising, there appeared an agreeable tender-
244 LIFE OF BRAINERD. [Chap. VIII.
ness and melting among them; and such tokens of
brotherly love and affection as would even constrain
one to say, ' Lord, it is good to be here ;' it is good to
dwell where such an heavenly influence distills.
Lord's day, April 27. " Preached from Tit. 2: 14;
'Who gave himself for us,' &c. The word of God, at
this time, was attended with some appearance of divine
power upon the assembly; so that the attention and
gravity of the audience were remarkable; and espe-
cially toward the conclusion of the exercise, many per-
sons were much affected. Administered the Lord's
supper to twenty three persons of the Indians, the num-
ber of the men and women being nearly equal ; seve-
ral others, to the number of Jive or sir, being now ab-
sent at the Forks of Delaware, who would otherwise
have communed with us. The ordinance was attend-
ed with great solemnity, and with a most desirable ten-
derness and affection. It was remarkable that during
the administration of the ordinance, especially in the
distribution of the bread, they seemed to be affected in
a most lively manner, as if Christ had been really cru-
cified before them. The words of the institution, when
repeated and enlarged upon in the season of the ad-
ministration, seemed to meet with the same reception,
to be entertained with the same free and full belief and
affectionate engagement of soul, as if the Lord Jesus
Christ himself had been present, and had personally
spoken to them. The affections of the communicants,
although considerably raised, were, notwithstanding,
agreeably regulated and kept within proper bounds.
So that there was a sweet, gentle, and affectionate melt-
ing, without any indecent or boisterous commotion of
the passions.
" Having rested sometime after the administration
1746.] THE LORD'S SUPPER. 245
of the Supper, being extremely tired with the necessary
prolixity of the work, I walked from house to house,
and conversed particularly with most of the commu-
nicants, and found they had been almost universally
refreshed at the Lord's table, ' as with new wine.' Nev-
er did I see such an appearance of Christian love
among any people in all my life. It was so remarka-
ble, that one might well have cried with an agreeable
surprise, ' Behold how they love one another.' I think
there could be no greater tokens of mutual affection
among the people of God, in the early days of Chris-
tianity, than what now appeared here. The sight was
so desirable, and so well becoming the gospel, that no-
thing less could be said of it than it was ' the doing of
the Lord,' the genuine operation of Him, ' who is Love.'
" Toward night discoursed again on the foremention-
ed text, Tit. 2 : 14 ; and insisted on the immediate end
and design of Christ's death : viz. That he might re-
deem his people from all iniquity, &c. This appeared
to be a season of divine power among us. The religi-
ous people were much refreshed, and seemed remark-
ably tender and affectionate, full of love, joy, and peace,
and desirous of being completely ' redeemed from all
iniquity ;' so that some of them afterward told me that
' they had never felt the like before.' Convictions also
appeared to be revived in many instances ; and several
persons were awakened whom I had never observed
under any religious impressions before.
" Such was the influence which attended our assem-
bly, and so unspeakably desirable the frame of mind
which many enjoyed in divine service, that it seemed
almost grievous to conclude the public worship. The
congregation, when dismissed, although it was then
almost dark, appeared loth to leave the place and em-
246 LIFE OF BRAINERD. [Chap. V1IL
ployments which had been rendered so dear to them
by the benefits enjoyed, while a blessed quickening in-
fluence distilled upon them. Upon the whole. I must
say, I had great satisfaction relative to the administra-
tion of this ordinance in various respects. I have abun-
dant reason to think, that those who came to the Lord's
table had a good degree of doctrinal knowledge of the
nature and design of the ordinance, and that they acted
with understanding in what they did.
" In the preparatory services I found, I may justly
say, uncommon freedom in opening to their under-
standings and capacities, the covenant of grace, and in
showing them the nature of this ordinance. They
were likewise thoroughly sensible that it was no more
than a sign, and not the real body and blood of Christ ;
that it was designed for the refreshment and edifica-
tion of the soul, and not for the feasting of the body.
They were also acquainted with the end of the ordi-
nance, that they were therein called to commemorate
the dying love of Christ.
" This competency of doctrinal knowledge, together
with their grave and decent attendance upon the ordi-
nance, their affectionate melting under it, and the sweet
and Christian frame of mind which they discovered
after it, gave me great satisfaction respecting my ad-
ministration of it to them. O, what a sweet and blessed
season was this ! God himself, I am persuaded, was in
the midst of his people. I doubt not but many, in the
conclusion of the day, could say with their whole
hearts, ' Verily, a day thus spent in God's house is
better than a thousand elsewhere.' There seemed to
be but one heart among the pious people. The sweet
union, harmony and endearing love and tenderness
subsisting among them was, I thought, the most lively
1746.] AT CROSSWEEKSUNG. 247
emblem of the heavenly world which I had ever seen.
April 28. " Concluded the solemnity of the Lord's
supper with a discourse upon John, 14 : 15. ' If ye
love me, keep my commandments.' At this time there
appeared a very agreeable tenderness in the audience
in general, but especially in the communicants. O, how
free, how engaged and affectionate did these appear in
the service of God ! they seemed willing to have their
ears bored to the door posts of God's house, and to be
his servants for ever.
" Observing numbers in this excellent frame, and the
assembly in general affected, and that by a divine in-
fluence, I thought it proper to improve this advanta-
geous season as Hezekiah did the desirable season of
his great passover, 2 Chron. 31, in order to promote
the blessed reformation begun among them ; and to en-
gage those that appeared serious and religious to per-
severe therein. Accordingly I proposed to them, that
they should renewedly enter into covenant before God,
that they would watch over themselves and one ano-
ther, lest they should dishonor the name of Christ by
falling into sinful and unbecoming practices ; and espe-
cially that they would watch against the sin of drunk-
enness, ' the sin that easily besets them,' and the temp-
tations leading thereto, as well as the appearance of evil
in that respect. They cheerfully complied with the pro-
posal, and explicitly joined in that covenant ; where-
upon I proceeded in the most solemn manner of which
I was capable, to call God to witness respecting their
sacred engagements, and reminded them of the great-
ness of the guilt they would contract to themselves in
the violation of it, as well as observed to them that God
would be a terrible witness against those, who should
presume to do so in the great and notable day of the
248 LIFE OF BRAINERD. [Chap-VlII.
Lord. It was a season of amazing solemnity ; and a
divine awe appeared upon the face of the whole assem-
bly in this transaction. Affectionate sobs, sighs and
tears were now frequent in the audience ; and I doubt
not but that many silent cries were then sent up to the
Fountain of grace for supplies of grace sufficient for
the fulfilment of these solemn engagements.
Lord's day, May 4. " My people being now remov-
ed to their lands, mentioned in my diary of March 24,
where they were then and have since been making
provision for a compact settlement, in order to their
more convenient enjoyment of the Gospel and other
means of instruction, as well as of the comforts of life ;
I this day visited them ; being now obliged to board
with an English family at some distance from them ;
and preached to them in the forenoon from Mark, 4 :
5. Endeavored to show them the reason there was to
fear, lest many promising appearances and hopeful be-
ginnings in religion might prove abortive, like the
seed dropped upon stony places.
" In the afternoon discoursed upon Rom. 8:9.' Now,
if any man have not the spirit of Christ, he is none of
his.' I have reason to think this discourse was pecu-
liarly seasonable, and that it had a good effect upon
some of the hearers. Spent some hours afterward in
private conference with my people, and labored to re-
gulate some things which I apprehended amiss among
some of them.
May 5. " Visited my people again, and took care ol
their worldly concerns ; giving them directions rela-
ting to their business. I daily discover more and more
of what importance it is likely to be to their religious
interests, that they become laborious and industrious,
acquainted with the affairs of husbandry, and able in a
1746.J AT CRANBERRY. 349
good measure to raise the necessaries and comforts of
life within themselves ; for their present method of
living greatly exposes them to temptations of various
kinds.
May 9. " Preached from John, 5 : 40, in the open
wilderness ; the Indians having as yet no house for
public worship in this place, nor scarcely any shelters
for themselves. Divine truths made considerable im-
pressions upon the audience, and it was a season of
great solemnity, tenderness, and affection.
" This day received into communion the conjurer,
murderer, &c. mentioned in my diary of August 8,
1745, and February 1, 1746, who appears to be such a
remarkable instance of divine grace that I cannot omit
to give some brief account of him here. He lived near,
and sometimes attended my meeting at the Forks of
Delaware, for more than a year ; but was, like many
others of them, extremely attached to strong drink,
and seemed to be in no degree reformed by the means
which I used with them for their instruction and con-
version. At this time he likewise murdered a likely
young Indian, which threw him into some kind of
horror and desperation, so that he kept at a distance
from me, and refused to hear me preach for several
months together, until I had an opportunity of con-
versing freely with him, and giving him encourage-
ment, that his sin might be forgiven, for Christ's sake.
After this he again attended my meeting sometimes.
" But that which was the worst of all his conduct,
was his conjuration. He was one of those who are
sometimes called powaws among the Indians ; and,
notwithstanding his frequent attendance upon my
preaching, he still followed his old charms and jug-
gling tricks. ' giving out that himself was some great
250 LIFE OP BRAINERD. [Chap. VIII
one, and to him they gave heed,' supposing him to be
possessed of great power. When I have instructed
them respecting the miracles wrought by Christ in
healing the sick, &c. and mentioned them as evidence
of his divine mission, and the truths of his doctrine ;
they have quickly observed the wonders of that kind
which this man had performed by his magic charms.
Hence they had a high opinion of him and his super-
stitious notions ; which seemed to be a fatal obstruc-
tion to some of them in regard to their receiving the
Gospel. I had often thought that it would be a great
favor to the design of evangelizing these Indians, if
God would take that wretch out of the world ; for I had
scarcely any hope of his ever becoming good. But
God, whose thoughts are not as man's thoughts, has
been pleased to take a much more desirable method
with him ; a method agreeable to his own merciful
nature, and I trust advantageous to his own interest
among the Indians, as well as effectual to the salvation
of his poor soul. To God be the glory of it.
l The first genuine concern for his soul was excited
by seeing my interpreter and his wife publicly profess
Christ, at the Forks of Delaware, July 21, 1745 ; which
so prevailed upon him, that with the invitation of an
Indian who was a friend to Christianity, he followed
me down to Crossweeksung, in the beginning of Au-
gust, in order to hear me preach ; and there continued
for several weeks in the season of the most remarkable
and powerful awakening among the Indians ; at which
time he was more effectually awakened, and brought
under great concern for his soul. And then, he says,
upon his ' feeling the word of God in his heart,' as he
expresses it, his spirit of conjuration left him entirely,
so that he has had no more power of that nature since.
1740. J CONVERSION OF A CONJURER. 231
than any other man living. He also declares, that he
does not now so much as know how he used to charm
and conjure, and that he could not now do any thing
of that nature if he were ever so desirous of it.
" He continued under convictions of his sinful and
perishing state, and a considerable degree of concern
for his soul, all the fall and the former part of the win-
ter past ; but was not so deeply exercised until some
time in January. Then the word of God took such
hold upon him that he was brought into deep distress,
and knew not -what to do, nor where to turn himself.
He then told me, that when he used to hear me preach
from time to time in the fall of the year, my preaching
pricked his heart, and made him very uneasy, but did
not bring him to so great distress, because he still
hoped he could do something for his own relief ; but
now, he said, I drove him up in such a sharp corner,
that he had no way to turn, and could not avoid being
in distress. He continued constantly under the heavy
burden and pressure of a wounded spirit, until at length
he was brought into the acute anguish and utmost
agony of soul, mentioned in my Journal of February
1, which continued that night and part of the next day.
After this he was brought to the utmost calmness and
composure of mind ; his trembling and heavy burden
were removed ; and he appeared perfectly sedate, al-
though he had to his apprehensions scarcely any hope
of salvation.
" I observed him to appear remarkably composed ;
and therefore asked him how he did ? He replied,
( It is done, it is done, it is all done now.' I asked him
what he meant? He answered, 'I can never do any
more to save myself; it is all done for ever. I can do
no more.' I queried with him, whether he could not
252 LIFE OF BRAINERO. [Chap. VIII.
do a little more, rather than go to hell ? He replied,
' my heart is dead. I can never help myself.' I asked
him what he thought would become of him then ?
He answered, ' I must go to hell.' I asked him if he
thought it was right that God should send him to hell?
He replied, 'O it is right. The devil has been in me
ever since I was born.' I asked him if he felt this when
he was in such great distress the evening before ? He
answered, ' No ; I did not then think it was right. I
thought God would send me to hell, and that I was
then dropping into it; but my heart quarrelled with
God, and would not say it was right he should send
me there. But now I know it is right ; for I have al-
ways served the devil ; and my heart has no goodness
in it now, but it is as bad as ever it was,' &c. I thought
I had scarcely ever seen any person more effectually
brought off from a dependance upon his own contri-
vances and endeavors for salvation, or more apparently
to lie at the foot of sovereign mercy, than this man
did under these views of things.
" In this frame of mind he continued for several
days, passing sentence of condemnation upon himself,
and constantly owning that it would be right he should
be damned, and that he expected this would be his
portion for the greatness of his sins. Yet it was plain
that he had a secret hope of mercy, though impercep-
tible to himself, which kept him not only from despair
but from any pressing distress : so that, instead of be-
ing sad and dejected, -his very countenance appeared
pleasant and agreeable.
" While he was in this frame he several times asked
me ' When I would preach again ? ' and seemed de-
sirous to hear the word of God every day. I asked,
' Why he wanted to hear me preach, seeing his heart
1746.] CONVERSION OP a CONJURER. 253
was dead, and all was done ; that he could never help
himself, and expected that he must go to hell ?' He
replied, 'I love to hear you speak about Christ for all.'
I added, ' But what good will that do you, if you must
go to hell at last ?' using now his own language with
him, having before from time to time labored in the
best manner I could to represent to him the excellency
of Christ, his all-sufficiency and willingness to save
lost sinners, and persons just in his case; although to
no purpose, as to yielding him any special comfort.
He answered, ' I would have others come to Christ, if
I must go to hell myself.' It was remarkable, that he
seemed to have a great love for the people of God ; and
nothing affected him so much as the thought of being
separated from them. This seemed to be a very dread-
ful part of the hell to which he saw himself doomed.
It was likewise remarkable, that in this season he was
most diligent in the use of all the means for the
soul's salvation ; although he had the clearest view of
the inefficiency of means to afford him help. He would
frequently say, that all he did signified nothing at all ;
and yet was never more constant in doing ; attending
secret and family prayer daily, and surprisingly dili-
gent and attentive in hearing the word of God ; so that
he neither despaired of mercy, nor yet presumed to
hope upon his own doings, but used means because
appointed of God in order to salvation ; and because
he would \vait upon God in his own way.
" After he had continued in this frame of mind more
than a week, while I was discoursing publicly, he
seemed to have a lively soul-refreshing view of the
excellency of Christ and the way of salvation by him,
which melted him into tears, and filled him with ad-
miration, comfort, satisfaction and praise to God.
254 LIFE OF BRAINERD. [Chap. VIII
TSince then he has appeared to be a humble, devout
and affectionate Christian ; serious and exemplary in
his conversation and behavior, frequently complaining
of his barrenness, his want of spiritual warmth, life
and activity, and yet frequently favored with quicken-
ing and refreshing influences. In all respects, so far
as I am capable of judging, he bears the marks of
one 'created anew in Christ Jesus to good works.'
" His zeal for the cause of God was pleasing to me
when he was with me at the Forks of Delaware in
February last. There being an old Indian at the place
where I preached who threatened to bewitch me, and
my religious people who accompanied me there ; this
man presently challenged him to do his worst, telling
him that himself had been as great a conjurer as he ;
and that notwithstanding, as soon as he felt that word
in his heart which these people loved, meaning the
word of God, his power of conjuring immediately left
him. ' And so it would you,' said he, ' if you did but
once feel it in your heart ; and you have no power to
hurt them, nor so much as to touch one of them,' &c.
So that I may conclude my account of him by observ-
ing, in allusion to what was said of St. Paul, that he
now zealously ' defends and practically preaches the
faith which he once destroyed,' or at least was instru-
mental in obstructing. May God have the glory of the
amazing change which he has wrought in him.
Lord's day, May 18. " Discoursed both parts of the
day from Rev. 3 : 20, ' Behold I stand at the door and
knock.' There appeared some affectionate melting
toward the conclusion of the forenoon exercise, and
one or two instances of fresh awakening. In the inter-
mission of public worship I took occasion to discourse
to numbers in a more private way, on the kindness
1746.J AT CRANBERRY. 255
and patience of the blessed Redeemer in standing and
knocking, in continuing his gracious calls to sinners,
who had long neglected and abused his grace ; which
seemed to take some effect upon several.
"In the afternoon divine truth was attended with so-
lemnity, and with some tears ; although there was not
that powerful awakening and quickening influence
which in times past has been common in our assemblies.
The appearance of the audience was comparatively dis-
couraging, and I was ready to fear that God was about
to withdraw the blessed influence of his Spirit from us.
May 19. " Visited and preached to my people from
Acts, 20 : 18, 19, and endeavored to rectify their notions
about religious affections ; showing them on the one
hand the desirableness of religious affection, tenderness
and fervent engagement in the worship and service of
God, when such affection flows from a true spiritual
discovery of divine glories, from a just sense of the
transcendant excellence and perfections of the blessed
God, and a view of the glory and loveliness of the
great Redeemer ; and that such views of divine things
will naturally excite us to 'serve the Lord with many
tears, with much affection and fervency, and yet with
all humility of mind.' On the other hand,I observed
the sinfulness of seeking after high affections imme-
diately and for their own sakes; that is, of making
them the object which our eye and heart is first and prin-
cipally set upon, when the glory of God ought to be that
object. Showed them,that, if the heart be directly and
chiefly fixed on God, and the soul engaged to glorify
him, some degree of religious affection will be the ef-
fect and attendant of it. But to seek after affection
directly and chiefly ; to have the heart principally set
upon that ; is to place it in the room of God and his
If
256 LIFE OP BRAINERD. [Chap. VIIJ.
glory. If it be sought, that others may take notice of
it, and admire us for our spirituality and forwardness
in religion, it is then abominable pride ; if for the sake
of feeling the pleasure of being affected, it is then idol-
atry and self-gratification. Labored also to expose the
disagreeableness of those affections which aie some-
times wrought up in persons by the power of fancy, and
their own attempts for that purpose, while I still en-
deavored to recommend to them that religious affec-
tion, fervency and devotion which ought to attend all
our religious exercises, and without which religion will
be but an empty name and lifeless carcase. This ap-
peared to be a seasonable discourse, and proved very
satisfactory to some of the religious people who before
were exercised with some difficulties relating to this
point. Afterward took care of, and gave my people
directions about their worldly affairs.
May 24. "Visited the Indians, and took care of
their secular business ; which they are not able to man-
age themselves without the constant care and advice
of others. Afterward discoursed to some of them par-
ticularly about their spiritual concerns. Enjoyed this
day somewhat of the same frame of mind which I felt
the day before.
Lord's day, May 25. " Discoursed both parts of the
day from John, 12 : 44-48. There was some degree of
divine power attending the word of God. Several
wept, and appeared considerably affected, and one, who
had long been under spiritual trouble, now obtained
clearness and comfort, and appeared to rejoice in God
her Savior. It was a day of grace and divine good-
ness ; a day wherein something I trust was done for
the cause of God among my people ; a season of com-
fort and sweetness to numbers of the religious people ;
1746.] AT CRANBERRY. 267
although there was not that influence upon the con-
gregation which was common some months ago.
Lord's day, June 1. ' Preached both forenoon and
afternoon from Matt. 11 : 27, 28. The presence of God
seemed to be in the assembly ; and numbers were con-
siderably melted and affected under divine truth. There
was a desirable appearance in the congregation in gene-
ral, an earnest attention and an agreeable tenderness ;
and it seemed as if God designed to visit us with fur-
ther showers of divine grace. I then received into
communion five persons ; and was not a little refreshed
with this addition made to the church of such as I hope
will be saved. I have reason to hope that God has late-
ly, at and since our celebration of the Lord's supper,
brought home to himself several persons who had long
been under spiritual trouble and concern; although
there have been few instances of persons lately awa-
kened out of a state of security. Those comforted of
late seem to be brought in, in a more silent way; nei-
ther their concern, nor consolation being so powerful
and remarkable as appeared among those more sudden-
ly wrought upon in the beginning of this work of grace.
June 7. " Being desired by the Rev. WILLIAM TEN-
NENT to be his assistant in the administration of the
Lord's Supper, I this morning rode to Freehold to ren-
der that assistance. My people also being invited to
attend at that solemnity, they cheerfully embraced the
opportunity, and this day attended the preparatory ser-
vices with me.
Lord's day, June 8. " Most of my people, who had
been communicants at the Lord's table, before being
present on this occasion, communed with others in the
holy ordinance, at the desire, and I trust to the satis-
faction and comfort of numbers of God's people, who
Brninord. 17
258 LIFE OP BRAINERD. [Chap. VIII-
had longed to see this day, and whose hearts had re-
joiced in this work of grace among the Indians, which
prepared the way for what appeared so agreeable at
this time. Those of my people who communed, seem-
ed in general agreeably affected at the Lord's table,
and some of them considerably melted with the love
of Christ, although they were not so remarkably re-
freshed and feasted at this time, as when I administered
this ordinance to them in our own congregation only.
Some of the by-stamlers were affected with seeing those
who had been 'aliens from the commonwealth of Is-
rael, and strangers to the covenant of promise,' who
of all men had lived ' without hope and without God
in the world,' now brought near to God, as his profess-
ing people, by a solemn and devout attendance upon
this sacred ordinance. As numbers of God's people
were refreshed at this sight, and thereby excited to
bless God for the enlargement of his kingdom in the.
world ; so some others, I was told, were awakened by
it, apprehending the danger they were in of being
themselves finally cast out ; while they saw others
from the east and west preparing, and hopefully pre-
pared in some good measure, to sit down in the king-
dom of God. At this season others of my people also,
who were not communicants, were considerably affect-
ed; convictions were revived in several instances; and
one, the man particularly mentioned in my journal of
the 6th instant, obtained comfort and satisfaction ; and
has since given me such an account of his spiritual
exercises, and the manner in which he obtained relief,
as appears very hopeful. It seems as if He, who com-
manded the light to shine out of darkness, had now
'shined into his heart, and given him the light of,' and
1746. J AT CRANBERRY. 259
experimental ' knowledge of the glory of God in the
face of Jesus Christ.'
June 9. "A considerable number of my people met
together early in a retired place in the woods, and
prayed, sang, and conversed of divine things ; and were
seen by some religious persons of the white people to
be affected and engaged, and some of them in tears in
these religious exercises.
"After they had attended the concluding exercises
of the Lord's Supper they returned home; many of
them rejoicing for all the goodness of God which they
had seen and felt: so that this appeared to be a profit-
able as well as comfortable season to numbers of my
congregation. Their being present at this occasion,
and a number of them communing at the Lord's table
with other Christians, was, I trust, for the honor of
God and the interest of religion in these parts; as num-
bers, I have reason to think, were quickened by means
of it.
June 13. "Preached to my ..people upon the new
creature, from 2 Cor. 5 : 17. The presence of God ap-
peared to be in the assembly. It was a sweet and
agreeable meeting, wherein the people of God were
refreshed and strengthened; beholding their faces in
the glass of God's word, and finding in themselves the
marks and lineaments of the new creature. Some sin-
ners under concern were also renewedly affected ; and
afresh engaged for the securing of their eternal in-
terests.
" Three Indians were at this time received into com-
munion. One of them was the very aged woman of
whose exercises I gave an account in my diary of Dec.
26. She now gave me a very punctual, rational, and
satisfactory account of the remarkable change which
260 LIFE OF BRAINERD. [Chap. VIII.
she experienced some months after the beginning of
her concern, which I must say, appeared to be the ge-
nuine operations of the Divine Spirit, so far as I am ca-
pable of judging. Although she was become so child-
ish, through age, that I could do nothing in a way of
questioning her, nor scarcely make her understand any
thing that I asked her ; yet when I let her alone to go
on with her own story, she could give a very dis-
tinct and particular relation of the many and various
exercises of soul she had experienced ; so deep were
the impressions left upon her mind by that influence
and those exercises which she had experienced. I
have great reason to think that she is born anew in her
old age: she being, I presume, upward of eighty.
June 19. " Visited my people with two of the Reve-
rend correspondents. Spent some time in conversation
with some of them upon spiritual things ; and took
some care of their worldly concerns.
" This day makes up a complete year from the first
time of my preaching to these Indians in New-Jersey.
What amazing things has God wrought, in this space
of time, for this poor people ! What a surprising change
appears in their tempers and behavior ! How are mo-
rose and savage Pagans, in this short period, transform-
ed into agreeable, affectionate, and humble Christians!
and their drunken and Pagan bowlings turned into de-
vout and fervent praises to God! They 'who were
sometimes in darkness are now become light in the
Lord.' May they ' walk as children of the light and
of the day !' And now to Him that is of power to es-
tablish them according to the gospel, and the preach-
ing of Christ to God only wise, be glory through Je-
sus Christ, for ever and ever, Amen."
GENERAL REMARKS
ON THE PRECEDING NARRATIVE.
"A'r the close of this Narrative I would make a few
GENERAL REMARKS upon what, to me, appears worthy
of notice, relating to the continued work of grace a
mong my people.
I."I cannot but take notice, that I have in general,
ever since my first coming among the Indians in New-
Jersey, been favored with that assistance which to me
is uncommon, in preaching Christ crucified, and ma-
king him the centre and mark to which all my dis-
courses among them were directed.
"It was the principal scope and drift of all my dis-
courses to this people, for several months together,
(after having taught them something of the being and
perfections of God, his creation of man in a state of
rectitude and happiness, and the obligations mankind
were thence under to love and honor him,) to lead
them into an acquaintance with their deplorable state
by nature, as fallen creatures ; their inability to extri-
cate and deliver themselves from it; the utter insuf-
ficiency of any external reformations and amendments
of life, or of any religious performances, of which they
were capable, while in this state, to bring them into the
favor of God, and interest them in his eternal mercy;
thence to show them their absolute need of Christ to
redeem and save them from the misery of their fallen
state; to open his all-sufficiency and willingness to
save the chief of sinners; the freeness and riches of
divine grace, proposed 'without money, and without
price,' to all that will accept the offer; thereupon to
press them without delay to betake themselves to him,
262 LIFE OF BRAINERD. | Chap. VIII.
under a sense of their misery and undone state, for re-
lief and everlasting salvation; and to show them the
abundant encouragement the gospel proposes to needy,
perishing, and helpless sinners, in order to engage them
so to do. These things, I repeatedly and largely insist-
ed upon from time to time.
"I have oftentimes remarked with admiration, that
whatever subject I have been treating upon, after hav-
ing spent time sufficient to explain and illustrate the
truths contained therein, I have been naturally and
easily led to Christ as the substance of every subject.
If I treated on the being and glorious perfections of
God ; I was thence naturally led to discourse of Christ,
as the only 'way to the Father.' If I attempted to
open the deplorable misery of our fallen state; it was
natural from thence to show the necessity of Christ to
undertake for us, to atone for our sins, and to redeem
us from the power of them. If I taught the commands
of God, and showed our violation of them ; this brought
me, in the most easy and natural way, to speak of, and
recommend the Lord Jesus Christ as one who had
'magnified the law' which we had broken, and who
was 'become the end of it, for righteousness, to every
one that believes.' Never did I find so much freedom
and assistance in making all the various lines of my
discourses meet' together, and centre in Christ, as I
have frequently done among these Indians.
"Sometimes when I have had thoughts of offering
but a few words upon some particular subject, and saw
no occasion, nor indeed much room, for any considera-
ble enlargement, there has appeared such a fountain
of gospel- grace shining forth in, or naturally resulting
from a just explication of it; and Christ has seemed
in such a manner to be pointed out as the substance
1746. I GENERAL REMARKS. 263
of what I was considering and explaining; that I have
been drawn in a way not only easy and natural, proper
and pertinent, but almost unavoidable, to discourse of
him, either in regard to his undertaking, incarnation,
satisfaction, admirable fitness for the work of man's re-
demption, or the infinite need that sinners stand in of
an interest in him ; which has opened the way for a
continued strain of gospel invitation to perishing souls,
to come empty and naked, weary and heavy laden, and
cast themselves upon him.
"As I have been remarkably influenced and assisted
to dwell upon the Lord Jesus Christ, and the way of
salvation by him, in the general current of my discours-
es here, and have been, at times, surprisingly furnish-
ed with pertinent matter relating to him, and the de-
sign of his incarnation; so I have been no less assisted
oftentimes in an advantageous manner of opening the
mysteries of divine grace, and representing the infinite
excellencies, and 'unsearchable riches of Christ,' as
well as of recommending him to the acceptance of
perishing sinners. I have frequently been enabled to
represent the divine glory, the infinite preciousness
and transceudant loveliness of the great Redeemer, the
suitableness of his person and purchase to supply the
wants, and answer the utmost desires of immortal souls;
to open the infinite riches of his grace, and the won-
derful encouragement proposed in the gospel to un-
worthy, helpless sinners; to call, invite, and beseech
them to come and give up themselves to him, and be
reconciled to God through him ; to expostulate with
them respecting their neglect of one so infinitely love-
ly, and freely offered ; and this in such a manner, with
such freedom, pertinency, pathos, and application to
the conscience, as, I am sure, I never could have made
264 LIFE OP BRAINERD. [Chap. VIII.
myself master of, by the most assiduous application of
mind. Frequently, at such seasons, I have been sur-
prisingly helped in adapting my discourses to the ca-
pacities of my people, and bringing them down into
such easy, and familiar methods of expression, as has
rendered them intelligible even to Pagans.
" I do not mention these things as a recommendation
of my own performances; for I am sure I found, from
time to time, that I had no skill or wisdom for my
great work ; and knew not how ' to choose out accept-
able words ' proper to address to poor benighted Pa-
gans. But thus God was pleased to help me, ' not to
know any thing among them, save Jesus Christ and
him crucified.' Thus I was enabled to show them
their misery without him, and to represent his com-
plete fitness to redeem and save them.
"This was the preaching God made use of for awaken-
ing sinners, and the propagation of this 'work of grace
among the Indians.' It was remarkable, from time
to time, that when I was favored with any special free-
dom, in discoursing of the ' ability and willingness ol
Christ to save sinners,' and ' the need in which they
stood of such a Savior;' there was then the greatest
appearance of divine power in awakening numbers of
secure souls, promoting convictions begun, and com-
forting the distressed.
" I have sometimes formerly, in reading the Apostle's
discourse to Cornelius, (Acts, 10,)wondered to see him
so quickly introduce the Lord Jesus Christ into his ser-
mon, and so entirely dwell upon him through the whole
cf it, observing him in this point very widely to differ
from many of our modern preachers; but latterly this
has not seemed strange, since Christ has appeared to
be the substance of the gospel and the centre in which
1746.] GENERAL REMARKS. 265
the several lines of divine revelation meet. Still I am
sensible that there are many things necessary to be spo-
ken to persons under Pagan darkness, in order to make
way for a proper introduction of the name of Christ,
and his undertaking in behalf of fallen man.
II. " It is worthy of remark, that numbers of these
people are brought to a strict compliance with the rules
of morality and sobriety, and to a conscientious per-
formance of the external duties of Christianity, by the
internal power and influence of divine truth the pecu-
liar doctrines of grace upon their minds; without their
having these moral duties frequently repeated and in-
culcated upon them, and the contrary vices particularly
exposed and spoken against. What has been the gene-
ral strain and drift of my preaching among these In-
dians, what were the truths I principally insisted upon,
and how I was influenced and enabled to dwell from
time to time, upon the peculiar doctrines of grace, I
have already stated. Those doctrines, which had the
most direct tendency to humble the fallen creature;
to show him the misery of his natural state; to bring
him down to the foot of sovereign mercy, and to exalt
the great Redeemer discover his transcendant excel-
lency and infinite preciousness, and so recommend him
to the sinner's acceptance were the subject-matter of
what was delivered in public and private to them, and
from time to time repeated and inculcated.
" God was pleased to give these divine truths such
a powerful influence upon the minds of these people,
and so to bless them for the effectual awakening of
numbers of them, that their lives were quickly reform-
ed, without my insisting upon the precepts of morali-
ty, and spending time in repeated harangues upon ex-
ternal duties. There was indeed no room for any kind
260 LIFE OP ERAINERD. [Chap.VIIl.
of discourses but those which respected the essentials
of religion, and the experimental knowledge of divine
things, while there were so many inquiring daily not
how they should regulate their external conduct, for
that, persons who are honestly disposed to comply with
duty, when known, may in ordinary cases be easily
satisfied about, but how they should escape from the
wrath they feared, and felt that they deserved, obtain
an effectual change of heart, get an interest in Christ,-
and come to the enjoyment of eternal blessedness?
So that my great work still was to lead them into a
further view of their utter undoneness in themselves,
the total depravity and corruption of their hearts ; that
there was no manner of goodness in them ; no good
dispositions nor desires ; no love to God, nor delight
in his commands ; but, on the contrary, hatred, enmity,
and all manner of wickedness reigning in them : and
at the same time to open to them the glorious and com-
plete remedy provided in Christ for perishing sinners,
and offered freely to those who have no goodness of
their own, no works of righteousness which they have
done, to recommend them to God.
" This was the continued strain of my preaching ;
this my great concern and constant endeavor, so to en-
lighten the mind, as thereby duly to affect the heart,
and, as far as possible, give persons a sense andfeeling
of these precious and important doctrines of grace, at
least so far as means might conduce to it. These were
the doctrines, and this the method of preaching, which
were blessed of God for the awakening, and I trust,
the saving conversion of numbers of souls ; and which
were made the means of producing a remarkable re-
formation among the hearers in general.
" When these truths were felt at heart, there was
1746.] GENERAL REMARKS. 267
new no vice imreformed no external duty neglected.
Drunkenness, the darling vice, was broken off, and
scarce an instance of it known among my hearers for
months together. The abusive practice of husbands
and wives in putting away each other, and taking others
in their stead, was quickly reformed ; so that there are
three or four couples who have voluntarily dismissed
those whom they had wrongfully taken, and now
live together again in love and peace. The same
might be said of all other vicious practices. The re-
formation was general ; and all springing from the in
ternal influence of divine truth upon their hearts, and
not from any external restraints, or because they had
heard these vices particularly exposed, and repeatedly
spoken against. Some of them I never so much as
mentioned ; particularly that of the parting of men
and their wives, till some, having their conscience
awakened by God's word, came, and of their men
accord confessed themselves guilty in that respect.
When I at any time mentioned their wicked practices,
and the sins they were guilty of contrary to the light
of nature, it was not with a design, nor indeed with any
hope, of working an effectual reformation in their ex-
ternal manners by this means, for I knew, that while
the tree remained corrupt, the fruit would naturally be
so. My design was to lead them, by observing the
wickedness of their lives, to a view of the corruption
of their hearts, and so to convince them of the neces-
sity of a renovation of nature, and to excite them, with
the utmost diligence to seek after that great change,
which, if once obtained, I was sensible, would of course
produce a reformation of external manners in every
respect.
"And as all vice was reformed upon their feeling the
268 LIFE OP BRAINERD. [Chap. VII 1.
power of these truths upon their hearts, so the external
duties of Christianity were complied with, and con-
scientiously performed from the same internal influ-
ence ; family prayer set up, and constantly maintained,
unless among a few who had more lately come, and
had felt little of this divine influence. This duty was
constantly performed, even in some families where
there were none but females, and scarce a prayerless
person was to be found among near an hundred ol
them. The Sabbath was seriously and religiously ob-
served, and care taken by parents to keep their children
orderly upon that sacred day ; and this, not because I
had driven them to the performance of these duties
by frequently inculcating them, but because they had
felt the power of God's word upon their hearts, were
made sensible of their sin and misery, and thence could
not but pray, and comply with every thing which they
knew to be their duty, from what they felt within them-
selves. When their hearts were touched with a sense
of their eternal concerns, they could pray with great
freedom, as well as fervency, without being at the trou-
ble first to learn set forms for that purpose. Some of
them, who were suddenly awakened at their first com-
ing among us, were brought to pray and cry for mercy
with the utmost importunity, without ever being in-
structed in the duty of prayer, or so much as once di-
rected to a performance of it.
"The happy effects of these peculiar doctrines of
grace upon this people, show, even to demonstration,
that, instead of their opening a door to licentiousness,
as many vainly imagine, and slanderously insinuate,
they have a directly contrary tendency ; so that a close
application, a sense and feeling of them, will have the
most powerful influence toward the renovation, and
effectual reformation both of heart and life.
1746.] GENERAL REMARKS. 269
"Happy experience, as well as the word of God and
the example of Christ and his apostles, has taught me,
that the very method of preaching which is best suit-
ed to, awaken in mankind a sense and lively appre-
hension of their depravity and misery in a fallen state,
to excite them so earnestly to seek after a change of
heart, as to fly for refuge to free and sovereign grace
in Christ as the only hope set before them, is likely
to be most successful in the reformation of their exter-
nal conduct. I have found that close addresses, and
solemn applications of divine truth to the conscience,
strike at the root of all vice ; while smooth and plau-
sible harangues upon moral virtues and external du-
ties, at best are like to do no more than lop off the branch-
es of corruption, while the root of all vice remains still
untouched.
"A view of the blessed effect of honest endeavors
lo bring home divine truths to the conscience, and duly
to affect the heart with them, has often reminded me
of those words of our Lord, which I have thought
might be a proper exhortation for ministers in respect
to their treatment of others, as well as for persons in
general with regard to themselves. ' Cleanse first the
inside of the cup and platter, that the outside may be
clean also.' Cleanse, says he, the inside that the out-
side may be clean. As if he had said, the only effec-
tual way to have the outside clean, is to begin with
what is within ; and if the fountain be purified, the
streams will naturally be pure. Most certain it is, if we
can awaken in sinners a lively sense of their inward
pollution and depravity their need of a change of
heart and so engage them to seek after inward clean-
sing, their external defilement will naturally be
cleansed, their vicious ways of course be reformed
270 LIFE OP BRAINERD. [Chap. VIII
and their conversation and behavior become regular.
"Now, although I cannot pretend that the reforma-
tion among my people does, in every instance, spring
from a saving change of heart ; yet I may truly say,
it flows from some heart-affecting view and sense of
divine truths which all have had in a greater or less
degree. I do not intend, by what I have observed here,
to represent the preaching of morality and pressing
persons to the external performance of duty, to be al-
together unnecessary and useless, especially at times
when there is less of divine power attending the means
of grace, when, for want of internal influences, there
is need of external restraints. It is doubtless among
thte things that ought to be done, while others are not
to be left undone. But what I principally designed by
this remark, was to discover a plain matter of fact, viz.
That the reformation, the sobriety, and the external
compliance with the rules and duties of Christianity,
appearing among my people, are not the effect of any
mere doctrinal instruction, or merely rational view of
the beauty of morality, but from the internal power
and influence which the soul-humbling doctrines of
grace have had upon their hearts.
III. " It is remarkable, that God has so continued and
renewed the showers of his grace here ; so quickly set
up his visible kingdom among these people; and so
smiled upon them in relation to their acquirement of
knowledge, both divine and human. It is now nearly
a year since the beginning of this gracious outpouring
of the divine Spirit among them ; and although it haa
often seemed to decline and abate for some short space
of time as may be observed by several passages of
my Journal, where I have endeavored to note things
lust as from time to time they appeared to me yet
1746.] GENERAL REMARKS. 271
the shower has seemed to be renewed, and the work
of grace revived again. A divine influence seems still
apparently to attend the means of grace, in a greater
or less degree, in most of our meetings for religious
exercises ; whereby religious persons are refreshed,
strengthened, and established, convictions revived and
promoted in many instances, and some few persons
newly awakened from time to time. It must be ac-
knowledged, that for some time past there has, in gen-
eral, appeared a more manifest decline of this work ;
and the divine Spirit has seemed, in a considerable
measure, withdrawn, especially with regard to his awa-
kening influence ; so that the strangers who come lat-
terly, are not seized with concern as formerly ; and
some few who have been much affected with divine
truths in time past, now appear less concerned. Yet,
blessed be God, there is still an appearance of divine
power and grace, a desirable degree of tenderness, re-
ligious affection and devotion in our assemblies.
"As God has continued and renewed the showers
of his grace among this people for some time, so he
has with uncommon quickness set up his visible king-
dom, and gathered himself a church in the midst of
them. Fifteen individuals, since the conclusion of my
last Journal, have made a public profession of their
faith, making thirty-eight within the space of eleven
months, all of whom appear to have had a work of
special grace wrought in their hearts; I mean, to have
had the experience not only of the awakening, but, in
a judgment of charity, of the renewing influences of
the divine Spirit. There are many others under so-
lemn concern for their souls, and deep convictions of
their sin and misery, but who do not yet give that deci-
sive evidence which could be desired, of a saving change.
r
272 UFE OP BRAINERD. [Chap. VIII-
"From the time when, as I am informed, some of
them were attending an idolatrous feast and sacrifice
in honor to devils, to the time when they sat down at
the Lord's table, I trust to the honor of God, was not
more than a.fidl year. Surely Christ's little flock here,
so suddenly gathered from among Pagans, may justly
say, in the language of the church of old, 'The Lord
hath done great things for us, whereof we are glad.'
"Much of the goodness of God has also appeared in
relation to their acquisition of knowledge, both in reli-
gion and in the affairs of common life. There has
been a wonderful thirst after Christian knowledge pre-
vailing among them in general, and an eager desire of
being instructed in Christian doctrines and manners.
This has prompted them to ask many pertinent as well
as important questions; the answers to which have
tended much to enlighten their minds and promote
their knowledge in divine things. Many of the doc-
trines which I have delivered, they have queried with
me about, in order to gain further light and insight into
them ; and have from time to time manifested a good
understanding of them, by their answers to the ques-
tions proposed to them in my catechetical lectures.
"They have likewise queried with me respecting a
proper method, as well as proper matter of prayer, and
expressions suitable to be used in that religious exer-
cise ; and have taken pains in order to the perform-
ance of this duty with understanding. They have
likewise taken pains, and appeared remarkably apt in
learning to sing psalm-tunes, and are now able to sing
with a good degree of decency in the worship of God,
They have also acquired a considerable degree of
useful knowledge in the affairs of common life ; so that
they now appear like rational creatures, fit for human
1746.] GENERAL REMARKS. 273
society, free of that savage roughness and brutish stu-
pidity which rendered them very disagreeable in their
Pagan state.
" They seem ambitious of a thorough acquaintance
with the English language, and for that end frequently
speak it among themselves. Many of them have made
good proficiency in acquiring it, since my coming
among them ; so that most of them can understand a
considerable part, and some the substance of my dis-
courses, without an Interpreter, being used to my sim-
ple and familiar methods of expression, though they
could not well understand other ministers.
"As they are desirous of instruction, and surprising-
ly apt in the reception of it, so divine Providence has
smiled upon them with regard to the proper means in
order to it. The attempts made for establishing a school
among them have succeeded, and a kind Providence
has sent them a schoolmaster, of whom I may justly
say, I know of 'no man like minded, who will naturally
care for their state.' He has generally thirty or thirty-
five children in his school; and when he kept an even-
ing school, as he did while the length of the 'evenings
would admit of it, fifteen or twenty grown people, mar-
ried and single, attended.
" The children learn with surprising readiness ; so
that their master tells me, he never had an English
school which learned, in general, so fast. There were
not above two in thirty, although some of them were
very small, but learned all the letters in the alphabet
within three days after his entrance upon his business;
and several in that space of time learned to spell con-
siderably. Some of them, in less than five months,
have learned to read with ease in the Psalter or Tes-
tament.
Braincrd. 18
274 LIKE OF BRAINERD. [Chap. VIII.
"They are instructed twice a week in the Catechism,
on Wednesday and Saturday. Some of them, since
the latter end of February, when they began, have
committed more than half of it to memory; and most
of them have made some proficiency in it.
" They are likewise instructed in the duty of secret
prayer, and most of them constantly attend it night
and morning, and are very careful to inform their mas-
ter, if they apprehend that any of their little school-
mates neglect that religious exercise.
IV. "It is worthy to be noted, to the praise of sove-
reign grace, that amidst so great a work of conviction
so much concern and religious affection there has
been no prevalence, nor indeed any considerable appear-
ance of false religion heats of imagination, intempe-
rate zeal, or spiritual pride; and that there have been
very few instances of irregular and scandalous beha-
vior among those who have appeared serious.
"This work of grace has, in the main, been carried
on with a surprising degree of purity, and freedom
from corrupt mixture. Their religious concern has
generally been rational and just; arising from a sense
of their sins, and exposure to the divine displeasure on
account of them; as well as their utter inability to de-
liver themselves from the misery they felt and feared.
If there has been, in any instance, an appearance of
concern and perturbation of mind, when the subjects of
it knew not why; yet there has been no prevalence of
any such thing; and indeed I scarcely know of any
instance of that nature at all. It is very remarkable,
that, although the concern of many persons under con-
victions of their perishing state has been very great
and pressing, yet I have never seen any thing like des-
peration attending it in any one instance. They have
1746.] GENERAL REMARKS. 275
had the most lively sense of their undoneness in them-
selves; have been brought to give up all hopes of de-
liverance from themselves; have experienced great dis-
tress and anguish of soul; and yet, in the seasons of
the greatest extremity, there has been no appearance
of despair in any of them, nothing that has discou-
raged, or in any wise hindered them from the most dili-
gent use of all proper means for their conversion and
salvation. Hence it is apparent, that there is not that
danger of persons being driven into despair under spi-
ritual trouble, unless in cases of deep and habitual me-
lancholy, which the world in general is ready to
imagine.
"The comfort which persons have obtained after
their distresses, has likewise in general appeared solid,
well grounded, and scriptural ; arising from a spiritual
and supernatural illumination of mind, a view of di-
vine things, in a measure, as they are, a complacency
of soul in the divine perfections, and a peculiar satis-
faction in the way of salvation by free sovereign grace
in the great Redeemer.
"Their joys have seemed to rise from a variety of
views and considerations of divine things, although for
substance the same. Some, who, under conviction,
seemed to have the hardest struggles and heart-risings
against the divine sovereignty, have seemed, at the first
dawn of their comfort, to rejoice in a peculiar manner
in that divine perfection : and have been delighted to
think that themselves, and all things else, were in the
hand of God, and that he would dispose of them 'just
as he pleased.'
" Others, who, just before their reception of comfort,
have been remarkably oppressed with a sense of their
undoneness and poverty, who have seen themselves, as
276 LIFE OP BRAINERD. | Chap. VIIL
it were, falling down into remediless perdition, have
been at first more peculiarly delighted with a view of
the freeness and riches of divine grace, and the offer
of salvation made to perishing sinners ' without money
and without price.'
"Some have at first appeared to rejoice especially in
the wisdom of God, discovered in the way of salvation
by Christ ; it then appearing to them ' a new and living
way,' a way of which they had never thought, nor had
any just conceptions, until opened to them by the spe-
cial influence of the divine Spirit. Some of them, up-
on a lively spiritual view of this way of salvation, have
wondered at their past folly in seeking salvation in
other ways, and that they never saw this way of sal-
vation before, which now appeared so plain and easy,
as well as excellent to them.
" Others, again, have had a more general view of the
beauty and excellency of Christ, and have had their
souls delighted with an apprehension of his divine glo-
ry, as unspeakably exceeding all they had ever con-
ceived before ; yet, without singling out any one of the
divine perfections in particular ; so that, although their
comforts have seemed to arise from a variety of views
and considerations of divine glories, still they were
spiritual and supernatural views of them, and not
groundless fancies, which were the spring of their joys
and comforts.
" Yet it must be acknowledged that, when this work
became so universal and prevalent, and gained such
general credit and esteem among the Indians that Sa-
tan seemed to have little advantage of working against
it in his own proper garb, he then transformed himself
'into an angel of light,' and made some vigorous at-
tempts to introduce turbulent commotions of the pas-
1746. I GENERAL REMARKS. 277
sionsinthe room of genuine convictions of sin, imagi-
nary and fanciful notions of Christ, as appearing to the
mental eye in a human shape, and in some particular
postures, &c. in the room of spiritual and supernatural
discoveries of his divine glory and excellency, as well
as many other delusions. I have reason to think, that,
if these things had met with countenance and encou-
ragement, there would have been a very considerable
harvest of this kind of converts here.
" Spiritual pride also discovered itself in various in-
stances. Some persons, whose feelings had been great-
ly excited, seemed very desirous from thence of being
thought truly gracious ; who, when I could not but ex-
press to them my fears respecting their spiritual state,,
discovered their resentments to a considerable degree.
There also appeared in one or two of them, an unbe-
coming ambition of being teachers of others. So that
Satan has been a busy adversary here as well as else-
where. But, blessed be God, though something of this
nature has appeared, yet nothing of it has prevailed,
nor indeed made any considerable progress at all. My
people are now apprised of these things, are made ac-
quainted, that Satan in such a manner ' transformed
himself into an angel of light,' in the first season of
the gif&t outpouring of the divine Spirit in the days of
the apostles ; and that something of this nature, in a
greater or less degree, has attended almost every re-
vival and remarkable propagation of true religion ever
since. They have learned so to distinguish between
the gold and dross, that the credit of the latter ' is trod-
den down like the mire of the streets ;' and, as it is na-
tural for this kind of stuff to die with its credit, there
is now scarce any appearance of it among them.
" As there has been no prevalence of irregular heats,
278 LIFE OP BRAINERD. [Chap. IX,
imaginary notions, spiritual pride, and satanical delu-
sions among my people ; so there have been very few
instances of scandalous and irregular behavior among
those who have made a profession, or even an appear-
ance of seriousness. I do not know of more than
three or four such persons who have been guilty of
any open misconduct, since their first acquaintance
with Christianity ; and I know of no one who persists
in any thing of that nature. Perhaps the remarkable
purity of this work in the latter respect, its freedom
from frequent instances of scandal, is very much owing
to its purity in the former respect, its freedom from
corrupt mixtures of spiritual pride, wild-fire, and delu-
sion, which naturally lay a foundation for scandalous
practices.
" May this blessed work, in the power and purity of it,
prevail among the poor Indians here, as well as spread
elsewhere, till their remotest tribes shall see the salva-
tion of God ! Amen."
CHAPTER IX.
From the close of his Public Journal, June 19, 1746, to his death
continuance of labor at Cro.isweeksuitg and Cranberry
journey with six Christian Indians to the Suaqueliaima, and
labors there return to Cross weeksung compelled by prostra-
tion of health to leave the Imlians confinement by sickness at
Elisabeth/own -farewell visit to the Indians his brother John
succeeds him as a Missionary arrival among his friends in
Connecticut visit to President Edwards in Northampton
journey to Boston, where he is brought near to death useful-
ness in Boston ret urns to Northampton triumphs of grace
in his last sickness death.
[June 19, 1746 October 9, 1747. 1
iMrd'sday, June 29, 1746. " Preached both parts of
the day, from John, 14 : 19. God was pleased to -assist
1746.J AT CROSSWEEKSUNG. 279
me, to afford me botli freedom and power, especially
toward the close of my discourses forenoon and after-
noon. God's power appeared in the assembly, in both
exercises. Numbers of God's people were refreshed
and melted with divine things; one or two comforted,
who had been long under distress ; convictions, in di-
vers instances, were powerfully revived ; and one man
in years was much awakened, who had not long fre-
quented our meeting, and appeared before as stupid
as a stock. God amazingly renewed and lengthened
out my strength. I was so spent at noon that I could
scarcely walk, and all my joints trembled so that I could
not sit, nor so nvieh as hold my hand still; and yet
God strengthened me to preach with power in the after-
noon, although I had given out word to my people, that
I did not expect to be able to do it. Spent some time
afterward in conversing, particularly, with several per-
sons, about their spiritual state ; and had some satis-
faction concerning one or two. Prayed afterward
with a sick child, and gave a word of exhortation.
Was assisted in all my work. Blessed be God ! Re-
turned home with more health than I had in the morn-
ing, although my linen was wringing wet upon me,
from a little after ten, till past five in the afternoon.
My spirits also were considerably refreshed; and my
soul rejoiced in hope, that I had through grace done
something for God. In the evening walked out, and
enjoyed a sweet season in secret prayer and praise.
But O I found the truth of the Psalmist's words, 'My
goodness extendeth not to thee!' I could not make
any returns to God ; I longed to live only to him, and
to be in tune for his praise and service for ever. Oh
for spirituality and holy fervency, that I might spend
and be spent for God to my latest moment
280 LIFE OP BHAINERD. [.Chap. IX.
July 10. " Spent most of the day in writing. To-
ward night rode to Mr. Tennent's ; enjoyed some
agreeable conversation ; went home in the evening, in
a solemn, sweet frame of mind ; was refreshed in secret
duties, longed to live wholly and only for God, and
saw plainly there was nothing in the world worthy of
my affection my heart was dead to all below ; yet not
through dejection, as at some times, but from views of
a better inheritance.
July 12. " This day was spent in fasting and prayer
by my congregation, as preparatory to the Lord's sup-
per. I discoursed, both parts of the day, from Rom.
4 : 25, ' Who was delivered for our offences,' &c.
God gave me some assistance, and something of divine
power attended the word ; so that this was an agree-
able season. Afterward led them to a solemn renewal
of their covenant, and fresh dedication of themselves
to God. This was a season both of solemnity and
sweetness, and God seemed to be ' in the midst of us.'
Returned to my lodgings in the evening, in a comfort-
able frame of mind.
.Lord's day, July 13. " In the forenoon, discoursed
on the ' bread of life,' from John, 6 : 35. God gave me
some assistance, in a part of my discourse especially ;
and there appeared some tender affection in the assem-
bly under divine truth ; my soul also was somewhat
refreshed. Administered the Lord's supper to thirty-
one of the Indians. God seemed to be present in this
ordinance ; the communicants were sweetly melted and
refreshed. O how they melted, even when the ele-
ments were first uncovered ! There was scarcely a
dry eye among them, when I took off the linen, and
showed them the symbols of Christ's broken body.
Having rested a little, after the administration of the
1746.J LORD'S SUPPER. 281
ordinance, 1 visited the communicants, and found them
generally in a sweet loving frame ; not unlike what ap-
peared among them on the former sacramental occa-
sion, April 27. In the afternoon, discoursed upon com-
ing- to Christ, and the satisfaction of those who do so,
from the same verse I insisted on in the forenoon.
This was likewise an agreeable season, one of much
tenderness, affection, and enlargement in divine ser-
vice ; and God, I am persuaded, crowned our assembly
with his presence. I returned home much spent, yet
rejoicing in the goodness of God.
July 14. " Went to my people, and discoursed to
them from Psalm 119 : 106, ' I have sworn, and I will
perform it,' &c. Observed, (1.). that all God's judg-
ments or commandments are righteous. (2.) That
God's people have sworn to keep them ; and this they
do especially at the Lord's table. There appeared to
be a powerful divine influence on the assembly, and
considerable melting under the word. Afterward I
led them to a renewal of their covenant before God,
that they would watch over themselves and one ano-
ther, lest they should fall into sin, and dishonor the
name of Christ. This transaction was attended with
great solemnity ; and God seemed to own it by excit-
ing in them a fear and jealousy of themselves, lest they
should sin against God ; so that the presence of God
seemed to be among us in this conclusion of the sacra-
mental solemnity.
July 21. " Preached to the Indians, chiefly for the
sake of some strangers; proposed my design of taking
a journey speedily to the Susquehanna ; exhorted my
people to pray for me, that God would be with me in
that journey ; and then chose divers persons of the con-
gregation to travel with me. Afterward spent some
282 LIFE OF BRAINERD. [Chap. IX.
time in discoursing to the strangers, and was some-
what encouraged with them. Took care of my peo-
ple's secular business, and was not a little exercised
with it. Had some degree of composure and comfort
in secret retirement.
July 22. " Was in a dejected frame most of the day ;
wanted to wear out life, and have it at an end ; but
had some desires of living to God, and wearing out life
for him. Oh that I could indeed do so !"
July 29. " My mind was cheerful, and free from the
melancholy with which I am often exercised ; had
freedom in looking up to God at various times in the
day. In the evening I enjoyed a comfortable season
in secret prayer; was helped to plead with God for
my own dear people, that he would carry on his own
blessed work among them ; and assisted in praying
for the divine presence to attend me in my intended
journey to the Susquehanna. I scarce knew how to
leave the throne of grace, and it grieved me that I
was obliged to go to bed ; I longed to do something
for God, but knew not how. Blessed be God for this
freedom from dejection !
July 30. " Was uncommonly comfortable, both in
body and mind ; in the forenoon especially, my mind
was solemn ; I was assisted in my work, and God
seemed to be near to me ; so that the day was as com-
fortable as most I have enjoyed for some time. In the
evening was favored with assistance in secret prayer,
and felt much as I did the evening before. Blessed be
God for that freedom I then enjoyed at the throne of
grace, for myself, my people, and my dear friends !
August 1. " In the evening enjoyed a sweet season
in secret prayer ; clouds of darkness and perplexing
care were sweetly scattered, and nothing anxious re-
1746.] AT CROSSWEEKSUNQ. 283
mained. O how serene was my mind at this season I
how free from that distracting concern I have often
felt ! ' Thy will be done,' was a petition sweet to my
soul ; and if God had bid me choose for myself in any
affair, I should have chosen rather to have referred
the choice to him ; for I saw he was infinitely wise,
and could not do any thing amiss, as I was in danger
of doing. Was assisted in prayer for my dear flock,
that God would promote his own work among them,
and go with me in my intended journey to the Sus-
quehanna ; was helped to remember my dear friends
in New-England, and my dear brethren in the minis-
try. I found enough in the sweet duty of prayer to
have engaged me to continue in it the whole night,
would my bodily state have admitted of it. O how
sweet it is, to be enabled heartily to say, ' Lord, not
my will, but thine be done.'
August 2. "Near night, preached from Matt. 11 .
29. ' Take my yoke upon you,' &c. Was considerably
helped, and the presence of God seemed to be some-
what remarkably in the assembly; divine truth made
powerful impressions, both upon saints and sinners.
Blessed be God for such a revival among us ! In the
evening was very weary, but found my spirits sup-
ported and refreshed.
August 7. " Rode to my house where I spent the
last winter, in order to bring some things I needed for
my Susquehanna journey ; was refreshed to see that
place, which God so marvellously visited with the
showers of his grace. O how amazing did the pmcer
if God often appear there ! ' Bless the Lord, O my
soul, and forget not all his benefits.'
August 9. " In the afternoon visited my people ; set
their affairs in order as much as possible, and contrived
884 LIFE OF BRA1NERD. [Chap. IX.
for them the management of their worldly business ;
discoursed to them in a solemn manner, and concluded
with prayer. Was composed and comfortable in the
evening, and somewhat fervent in secret prayer ; had
some sense and view of the eternal world ; and found
a serenity of mind. O that I could magnify the Lord
for any freedom which he affords me in prayer !
Lord's day, Aug. 10. " Discoursed to my people both
parts of the day, from Acts, 3 : 19, ' Repent ye, there-
fore,' &c. In discoursing of repentance, in the fore-
noon, God helped me, so that my discourse was search-
ing ; some were in tears, both of the Indians and white
people, and the word of God was attended with some
power. In the intermission I was engaged in conver-
sing on their spiritual state, one of whom had very re-
cently found comfort, after spiritual trouble and dis-
tress. In the afternoon was somewhat assisted again,
though weak and weary. Three persons this day made
a public profession of their faith. Was in a comfort-
able frame in the evening, and enjoyed some satisfac-
tion in secret prayer. I have rarely felt myself so full
of tenderness as this day.
August 11. " Being about to set out on a journey to
the Susquehanna the next day, with leave of Provi-
dence, I spent some time this day in prayer with my
people, that God would bless and succeed my intended
journey, that he would send forth his blessed Spirit
with his word, and set up his kingdom among the poor
Indians in the wilderness. While I was opening and
applying part of the 110th and lllth Psalms, the power
of God seemed to descend on the assembly in some mea-
sure ; and while I was making the first prayer, num-
bers were melted, and I found some affectionate en-
largement of soul myself. Preached from Acts. 4 : 31,
1746-3 ON THE SUSdUEHANNA. 285
' And when they had prayed, the place was shaken,' &c.
God helped me, and my interpreter also ; there was a
shaking and melting among us ; and several, I doubt
not, were in some measure ' filled with the Holy Ghost.'
Afterward, Mr. Macnight prayed ; and I then opened
the two last stanzas of the 72d Psalm ; at which time
God was present with us ; especially while I insisted
upon the promise of all nations blessing the great R&-
deemer. My soul was refreshed, to think that this day
this blessed, glorious season, should surely come; and 1
trust numbers of my dear people were also refreshed.
Afterward prayed ; had some freedom, but was almost
spent ; then walked out, and left my people to carry
on religious exercises among themselves. They prayed
repeatedly, and sung, while I rested and refreshed my-
self. Afterward went to the meeting, prayed with, and
dismissed the assembly. Blessed be God, this has been
a day of grace. There were many tears and affec-
tionate sobs among us this day. In the evening my
soul was refreshed in prayer ; enjoyed liberty at the
throne of grace, in praying for my people and friends,
and the church of God in general. ' Bless the Lord,
O my soul.' "
The next day he set out on his journey toward the
Susquehanna, and six of his Christian Indians with
him, whom he had chosen out of his congregation, as
those he judged most fit to assist him in the business
upon which he was going. He took his way through
Philadelphia; intending to go to the Susquehanna, far
down, where it is settled by the white people, below
the country inhabited by the Indians ; and so to travel
op the river to the Indian habitations. For although
this was much farther, yet hereby he avoided the moun-
tains and hideous wilderness that must be crossed in
286 LIFE OP BRA1NERD. [Chap. IX.
the nearer way ; which in time past he found to be
extremely difficult and fatiguing.
Aug. 19. " Lodged by the side of the Susquehanna.
Was weak and disordered both this and the preceding
day, and found my spirits considerably damped, meet-
ing with none that I thought godly people.
Aug. 20. " Having lain in a cold sweat all night, I
coughed up much bloody matter this morning, and
was under great disorder of body, and not a little me-
lancholy ; but what gave me some encouragement, was,
I had a secret hope that I might speedily get a dismis-
sion from earth, and all its toils and sorrows. Rode this
day to one Chambers', upon the Susquehanna, and there
lodged. Was much afflicted in the evening with an
ungodly crew, drinking, swearing, &c. O what a hell
would it be, to be numbered with the ungodly ! En-
joyed some agreeable conversation with a traveller,
who seemed to have some relish of true religion.
Aug. 21 . "Rode up the river about fifteen miles, and
there lodged, in a family which appeared quite desti-
tute of God. Labored to discourse with the man about
the life of religion, but found him very artful in eva-
ding such conversation. O what a death it is to some,
to hear of the things of God ! Was out of my element ;
but was not so dejected as at some times.
Aug. 22. "Continued my course UD the river; my
people now being with me,- who before were parted
from me ; travelled above all the English settlements ;
at night lodged in the open woods, and slept with more
comfort than while among an ungodly company of
white people. Enjoyed some liberty in secret prayer
this evening ; and was helped to remember dear friends,
as well as my dear flock, and the church of God in
general.
1745.] ON THE SOSQUEHANNA. 287
Aug. 23. "Arrived at the Indian town, called Shau-
mokinff, near night ; was not so dejected as formerly,
but yet somewhat exercised. Felt composed in the
evening, and enjoyed some freedom in leaving my ait
with God.
Lord's day, Aug. 24. " Toward noon, visited some of
the Delawares, and conversed with them about Chris-
tianity. In the afternoon discoursed to the King, and
others, upon divine things; who seemed disposed to
hear. Spent most of the day in these exercises. In
the evening enjoyed some comfort and satisfaction;
and especially had some sweetness in secret prayer.
This duty was made so agreeable to me, that I loved
to walk abroad, and repeatedly engage in it. O how
comfortable is a little glimpse of God !
Aug. 25. " Spent most of the day in writing. Sent
out my people that were with me, to talk with the In-
dians, and contract a friendship and familiarity with
them, that I might have a better opportunity of treat-
ing with them about Christianity. Some good seemed
to be done by their visit this day, many appeared will-
ing to hearken to Christianity. My spirits were a little
refreshed this evening, and I found some liberty and
satisfaction in prayer.
Aug. 26. " About noon, discoursed to a considerable
number of Indians. God helped me, I am persuaded ;
for I was enabled to speak with much plainness, and
some warmth and power; and the discourse had im-
pression upon some, and made them appear very se-
rious. I thought things now appeared as encouraging
as they did at Crossweeks. At the time of my first
visit to those Indians, I was a little encouraged ; I press-
ed things with all my might, and called out my peo-
ple, who were then present, to give in their testimony
288 LIFE OF BRAINERD. [Chap. IX.
for God ; which they did. Toward night, was refresh-
ed ; had a heart to pray for the setting up of God's
Kingdom here, as well as for my dear congregation
below, and my dear friends elsewhere.
Aug. 28. " In the forenoon, I was under great con-
cern of mind about rny work. Was visited by some
who desired to hear me preach ; discoursed to them
in the afternoon with some fervency, and labored to
persuade them to turn to God. Was full of concern
for the kingdom of Christ, and found some enlarge-
ment of soul in prayer, both in secret and in my family.
Scarce ever saw more clearly, than this day, that it is
God's work to convert souls, and especially poor Hea-
thens. I knew I could not touch them ; I saw I could
only speak to dry bones, but could give them no sense
of what I said. My eyes were up to God for help : I
could say the work was his ; and if done, the glory
would be his.
Lord's day, Aug. 31. "Spent much time, in the
morning, in secret duties ; found a weight upon my
spirits, and could not but cry to God with concern and
engagement of soul. Spent some time also in reading
and expounding God's word to my dear family which
was with me, as well as in singing and prayer with
them. Afterwards spake the word of God to some
few of the Susquehanna Indians. In the afternoon,
felt very weak and feeble. Near night was somewhat
refreshed in mind, with some views of things relating
to my great work. O how heavy is my work, when
faith cannot take hold of an almighty arm for the per-
formance of it! Many times have I been ready to sink
in this case. Blessed be God, that I may repair to a
full fountain!
Sept. \. "Set out on a journey toward a place
1746.] ON THE SUSaUEHANNA. 289
called The great Mand, about fifty miles distant from
Shaumoking, on the north-western branch of the Sus-
quehanna. Travelled some part of the way, and at
night lodged in the woods. Was exceedingly feeble
mis day, and sweat much the night following.
Sept. 2. "Rode forward, but no faster than my peo-
ple went on foot. Was very weak, on this as weli as
the preceding days. I was so feeble and faint, that I
feared it would kill me to lie out in the open air ; and
some of our company being parted from us, so that we
had now no axe with us, I had no way but to climb
into a young pine tree, and with my knife to lop the
branches, and so make a shelter from the dew. But
"the evening being cloudy, with a prospect of rain, I
was still under fears of being extremely exposed:
sweat much, so that my linen was almost wringing
wet all night. I scarcely ever was more weak and
weary than this evening, when I was able to sit up at
all. This was a melancholy situation ; but I endeavor-
ed to quiet myself with considerations of the possibility
of my being in much worse circumstances amongst
enemies, &c.
Sept. 3. " Rode to the Delaware-town ; found ma-
ny drinking and drunken. Discoursed with some of
the Indians about Christianity ; observed my interpre-
ter much engaged, and assisted in his work; a few per-
sons seemed to hear with great earnestness and engage-
ment of soul. About noon, rode to a small town of
Shauwaunoes, about eight miles distant ; spent an hour
or two there, and returned to the Delaware-town, and
lodged there. Was scarce ever more confounded with
a sense of my own unfruitfulness and unfitness for my
work than now. O what a dead, heartless, barren, un-
profitable wretch did I now see myself to be ! My
Brainord 19
290 LIFE OF BRAINERD. [Chap. IX.
spirits were so low, and my bodily strength so wasted,
that J could do nothing at all. At length, being much
overdone, lay down on a buffalo-skin ; but sweat much
the whole night.
Sept. 4. " Discoursed with the Indians, m the morn-
ing, about Christianity; my Interpreter, afterward,
carrying OD the discourse to a considerable length.
Some few appeared well disposed, and somewhat affect-
ed. Left this place, and returned toward Shaumoking ;
and at night lodged in the place where I lodged the
Monday night- before : was in very uncomfortable cir-
cumstances in the evening, my people being late, and
not coming to me till past ten at night; so that I had
no fire to dress any victuals, or to keep me warm, or
keep off wild beasts ; and I was scarce ever more weak
and exhausted. However, I lay down and slept before
my people came up, expecting nothing else but to spend
the whole night alone, and without fire.
Sept. 5. "Was exceeding weak, so that I could
scarcely ride ; it seemed sometimes as if I must fall
from my horse, and lie in the open woods : however,
got to Shaumoking toward night: felt somewhat of a
spirit of thankfulness, that God had so far returned me :
was refreshed to see one of my Christians, whom I left
here in my late excursion.
Sept. 6. " Spent the day in a very weak state ; cough-
ing and spitting blood, and having little appetite for any
food I had with me ; was able to do very little, except
discourse a while of divine things to my own people,
and to some few I met with. Had, by this time, very
little life or heart to speak for God, through feebleness
of body. Was scarcely ever more ashamed and con-
founded in myself than now. I was sensible that
there were numbers of God's people who knew I was
1746.] ON THE SUSftUEHANNA. 291
then out upon a design, or at least the pretence, of doing
something for God, and in his cause, among the poor
Indians ; and they were ready to suppose that I was
fervent in spirit; but O the heartless frame of my mind
filled me with confusion ! O, methought, if God's peo-
ple knew me as God knows, they would not think so
highly of my zeal and resolution for God as perhaps
now they do ! I could not but desire they should see
how heartless and irresolute I was, that they might be
undeceived, and ' not think of me above what they ought
to think.' And yet I thought, if they saw the utmost
of my unfaithfulness, the smallness of my courage and
resolution for God, they would be ready to shut me out
of their doors, as unworthy of the company or friend-
ship of Christians.
Lord's day, Sept. 7. "Was much in the same weak
state of body, and afflicted frame of mind, as in the
preceding day: my soul was grieved, and mourned
that I could do nothing for God. Read and expounded
some part of God's word to my own dear family, and
spent some time in prayer with them ; discoursed also
a little to the Pagans; but spent the Sabbath with a
little comfort.
Sept. 8. "Spent the forenoon among the Indians;
in the afternoon, left Shaumoking, and returned down
the river a few miles. Had proposed to tarry a con-
siderable time longer among the Indians upon the Sus -
quehanna, but was hindered from pursuing my pur-
pose by the sickness that prevailed there, the feeble
state of my own people that were with me, and espe-
cially my own extraordinary weakness, having been
exercised with great nocturnal sweats, and a coughing
up of blood, almost the whole of the journey. I was
a great part of the time so feeble and faint, that it seem-
292 LIFE OF BRAINERD. [Chap. IX
ed as though I never should be able to reach home;
and at the same time very destitute of the comforts,
and even the necessaries of life ; at least, what was ne-
cessary for one in so weak a state. In this journey I
sometimes was enabled to speak the word of God with
some power, and divine truth made some impression
on those who heard me ; so that several, both men and
women, old and young, seemed to cleave to us, and be
well disposed toward Christianity ; but others mocked
and shouted, which damped those who before seemed
friendly, at least some of them. Yet God, at times, was
evidently present, assisting me, my Interpreter, and
other dear friends who were with me. God gave some-
times a good degree of freedom in prayer for the in-
gathering of souls there ; and I could not but entertain
a strong hope, that the journey would not be wholly
fruitless. Whether the issue of it would be the setting
up of Christ's kingdom there, or only the drawing of
some few persons down to my congregation in New-
Jersey ; or whether they were now only preparing for
some farther attempts that might be made among them,
I did not determine; but I was persuaded the journey
would not be lost. Blessed be God, that I had any
encouragement and hope.
Sept. 9. " Rode down the river near thirty miles.
Was extremely weak, much fatigued, and wet with a
thunder storm. Discoursed with some warmth and
closeness to some poor ignorant souls, on the life and
power of religion : what were, and what were not the
evidences of it. They seemed much astonished when
they saw my Indians ask a blessing and give thanks at
dinner, concluding that a very high evidence of grace
in them ; but were equally astonished when I insisted
that neither that, nor yet secret prayer, was any sure
*
"*
1746.] AT CRANBERRY. 2t>3
evidence of grace. O the ignorance of the world ! How
are some empty outward forms, that may all be entire-
ly selfish, mistaken for true religion, infallible evidences
of it ! The Lord pity a deluded world !
Sept. 11. "Rode homeward; but was very weak s
and sometimes scarce able to ride. Had a very impor-
tunate invitation to preach at a meetiug-house I came
by, the people being then gathered, but could not by
reason of weakness. Was resigned and composed un-
der my weakness ; but was much exercised with con-
cern for my companions in travel, whom I had left
with much regret, some lame, and some sick.
Sept. 20. " Arrived among my own people, (near
Cranberry,) just at night : found them praying together;
went in, and gave them some account of God's deal-
ings with me and my companions in the journey ;
which seemed affecting to them. I then prayed with
them, and thought the divine presence was among us ;
several were melted into tears, and seemed to have a
sense of divine things. Being very weak, I was obliged
soon to repair to my lodgings, and felt much worn
out in the evening. Thus God has carried me through
the fatigues and perils of another journey to the Sus-
quehanna, and returned me again in safety, though
under a great degree of bodily indisposition. O that
my soul were truly thankful for renewed instances of
mercy ! Many hardships and distresses I endured in this
journey ; but the Lord supported me under them all."
Hitherto BRAINERD had kept a constant diary, giving
an account of what passed from day to day, with very
little interruption ; but henceforward his diary is very
much interrupted by his illness ; under which he was
often brought so low, as either not to be capable of
writing, or not well able to bear the burden of a care
294 LIFE OP BKAINERD. [Chap. IX.
so constant as was requisite to recollect every evening
what had passed in the day, and digest it, and put on
paper an orderly account of it. However, his diary
was not wholly neglected ; but he took care, from time
to time, to take some notice in it of the most material
things concerning himself and the state of his mind,
even till within a few days of his death.
Lord's day, Sept. 21, 1746. " I was so weak that 1
could not preach, nor pretend to ride over to my people
in the forenoon. In the afternoon rode out ; sat in my
chair, and discoursed to them from Rom. 14 : 7, 8. I
was strengthened and helped in my discourse, and
there appeared something agreeable in the assembly.
I returned to my lodgings extremely tired, but thank-
ful that I had been enabled to speak a word to my
poor people, from whom I had been so long absent.
Was enabled to sleep very little this night, through
weariness and pain. O how blessed should I be, if the
little I do were all done with right views ! O that,
' whether I live, I might live to the Lord ; or whether 1
die, I might die unto the Lord ; that, whether living 01
dying, I might be the Lord's !'
Sept. 27. " Spent this day, as well as the whole
week past, under a great degree of bodily weakness;
exercised with a violent cough and a considerable
fever. I had no appetite for any kind of food, could
not retain it on my stomach, and frequently had little
rest in my bed, owing to pains in my breast and back.
I was able, however, to ride over to my people, about
two miles, every day, and take some care of those who
were then at work upon a small house for me to reside
in among the Indians.* I was sometimes scarce able
* This was the fourth house he built for his residence among
Ihe Indians. Beside that at Kaitnaumce/c, and that at the
1746.] AT CRANBERRY. 295
to walk, and never able to sit up the whole day, through
the week. Was calm and composed, and but little ex-
ercised with melancholy, as in former seasons of weak-
ness. Whether I should ever recover or no, seemed
very doubtful ; but this was many times a comfort to
me, that life and death did not depend upon my choice.
I was pleased to think, that He who is infinitely wise,
had the determination of this matter ; and that I had
no trouble to consider and weigh things upon all sides,
in order to make the choice whether I should live or
die. Thus my time was consumed ; I had little strength
to pray, none to write or read, and scarce any to me-
ditate ; but, through divine goodness, I could with great
composure look death in the face, and frequently with
sensible joy. O how blessed it is to be habitually pre-
pared for death !
Lord's day, Sept. 28. " Rode to my people, and,
though under much weakness, attempted to preach
from 2 Cor. 13 : 5. Discoursed about half an hour, at
which season divine power seemed to attend the word ;
but being extremely weak, I was obliged to desist ; and
after a turn of faintness, with much difficulty rode to
my lodgings, where, betaking myself to my bed, I lay
in a burning fever, and almost delirious for several
hours, till, toward morning, my fever went off with a
violent sweat. I have often been feverish and unable
to rest quietly after preaching ; but this was the most
severe, distressing turn, that ever preaching brought
upon me. Yet I felt perfectly at rest in my own mind,
because I had made my utmost attempts to speak for
God, and knew I could do no more.
Fork* of Delaware, and another at Crosstceeksung, he built one
now at Cranberry
296 LIFE OP BRAINERD. [Chap. IX
Oct. 4. " Spent the former part of this week under
a great degree of infirmity and disorder, as I had done
several weeks before ; was able, however, to ride a little
every day, although unable to sit up half the day, till
Thursday. Took some care daily of some persons at
work upon my house. On Friday afternoon found my-
self wonderfully revived and strengthened. Having
some time before given notice to my people, and those
of them at the Forks of Delaware in particular, that I
designed, with the leave of Providence, to administer
the Lord's supper upon the first Sabbath in October,
on Friday afternoon I preached preparatory to the
ordinance, from 2 Cor. 13 : 5 ; finishing what I had
proposed to offer upon the subject the Sabbath before.
The sermon was blessed of God to the stirring up reli-
gious affection and a spirit of devotion in his people,
and greatly affected one who had backslidden from
God, which caused him to judge and condemn himself.
I was surprisingly strengthened in my work while I
was speaking; but was obliged immediately after to
repair to bed, being now removed into my own house
among the Indians. Spent some time in conversing
with my people about divine things as I lay upon my
bed, and found my soul refreshed, though my body
was weak. This being Saturday, I discoursed parti-
cularly with divers of the communicants ; and this af-
ternoon preached from Zech. 12 : 10. There seemed
to be a tender melting and hearty mourning for sin, in
numbers in the congregation. My soul was in a com-
fortable frame, and I enjoyed freedom and assistance
in public service ; was myself, as well as most of the
congregation, much affected with the humble confes-
sion and apparent broken-heartedness of the foremen-
tioned backslider, and could not but rejoice that God
1746.] AT CRANBERRY. 297
had given him such a sense of his sin and unworthi-
ness. Was extremely tired in the evening, but lay on
my bed, and discoursed to my people.
Lord's day, Oct. 5. " Was still very weak; and in
the morning considerably afraid I should not be able
to go through the work of the day ; having much to
do, both in private and public. Discoursed before the
administration of the Lord's supper, from John, 1 : 29,
' Behold the Lamb of God, that taketh away the sins
of the world.' Where I considered (1.) in what re-
spects Christ is called the ' Lamb of God ;' and ob-
served that he is so called, from the purity and inno-
cency of his nature from his meekness and patience
under sufferings from his being that atonement which
was pointed out in the sacrifice of lambs, and in parti-
cular by the paschal lamb. (2.) Considered how and
in what sense he ' takes away the sin of the world;'
and observed, that the means and manner in and by
which he takes away the sins of men, was his ' giving
himself for them,' doing and suffering in their room
and stead, &c. And he is said to take away the sin of
the world, not because all the world shall actually be
redeemed from sin by him, but because he has done
and suffered sufficient to answer for the sins of the
world, and so to redeem all mankind; he actually
does take away the sins of the elect world. And (3.)
considered how we are to behold him, in order to have
our sins taken away. Not with our bodily eyes; nor
by imagining him on the cross, &c.; but by a spiritual
view of his glory and goodness, engaging the soul to
rely on him, &c. The divine presence attended this
discourse ; and the assembly was considerably melted
with divine truth. After sermon, two made a public
profession, and I administered the Lord's supper to
LIFE OF BRAINERD. [Chap. IX.
near forty communicants of the Indians, besides di-
vers dear Christians of the white people. It seemed
to be a season of divine.power and grace; and numbers
seemed to rejoice in God. O the sweet union and har-
mony then appearing among the religious people !
My soul was refreshed, and my religious friends of
the white people with me. After the ordinance, could
scarcely get home, though it was not more than twenty
rods ; but was supported and led by my friends, and
laid on my bed; where I lay in pain till some time in
the evening; and then was able to sit up and discourse
with friends. O how was this day spent in prayers
and praises among my dear people ! One might hear
them, all the morning before public worship, and in
the evening, till near midnight, praying and singing
praises to God, in one or other of their houses. My
soul was refreshed, though my body was weak.
Oct. 11. "Toward night was seized with an ague,
which was followed with a hard fever and consider-
able pain; was treated with great kindness; and was
ashamed to see so much concern about so unworthy a
creature as I knew myself to be. Was in a comfort-
able frame of mind, wholly submissive, with regard to
life or death. It was indeed a peculiar satisfaction to
me, to think that it was not my concern or business to
determine whether I should live or die. I likewise
felt peculiarly satisfied, while under this uncommon
degree of disorder; being now fully convinced of my
being really weak, and unable to perform my work.
Whereas, at other times, my mind was perplexed with
fears that I was a misimprover of time, by conceiving
I was sick, when I was not in reality so. O how pre-
cious is time ! And how guilty it makes me feel, when
I think that I have trifled away and misimproved it
1746.1 AT CRANBERRY. 299
or neglected to fill up each part of it with duty, to the
utmost of ray ability and capacity !
Lord's day, Oct. 19. " Was scarcely able to do any
thing at all in the week past, except that on Thursday
I rode out about four miles ; at which time I took cold.
As I was able to do little or nothing, so I enjoyed not
much spirituality, or lively religious affection ; though
at some times I longed much to be more fruitful and
full of heavenly affection ; and was grieved to see the
hours slide away, while I could do nothing for God.
Was able this week to attend public worship. Was
composed and comfortable, willing either to die or
live; but found it hard to be reconciled to the thoughts
of living useless. Oh that I might never live to be a
burden to God's creation ; but that I might be allowed
to repair Jiom-e, when my sojourning- work is done !"
This week, he went back to his Indians at Cran-
berry, to take some care of their spiritual and tempo-
ral concerns ; and was much spent with riding, though
he rode but a little way in a day.
Oct. 23. " Went to my own house, and set things
in order. Was very weak, and somewhat melancholy ;
labored to do something, but had no strength ; and
was forced to lie down on my bed, very solitary.
Oct. 24. " Spent the day in overseeing and direct-
ing my people, about mending their fence and secur-
ing their wheat. Found that all their concerns of a
secular nature depended upon me. Was somewhat
refreshed in the evening, having been able to do some-
thing valuable in the day-time. O how it pains me to
see time pass away, when I can do nothing to any
purpose !
Lord's day, Oct. 26. " In the morning was exceed-
ingly weak. Spent the day, till near night, in pain, to
300 LIFE OF BHAINERD. [Chap. IX.
see my poor people wandering ' as sheep not having
a shepherd,' waiting and hoping to see me able tc
preach to them before night. It could not but distress
me to see them in this case, and to find myself unable
to attempt any thing for their spiritual benefit. But
toward night, finding myself a little better, I called
them together to my house, and sat down, and read
and expounded Matthew, 5 : 1 16. This discourse,
though delivered in much weakness, was attended with
power to many of the hearers; especially what was
spoken upon the last of these verses; where I insisted
on the infinite wrong done to religion, by having our
light become darkness, instead of shining before men.
Many in the congregation were now deeply affected
with a sense of their deficiency with respect to a spi-
ritual conversation which might recommend religion
to others, and a spirit of concern and watchfulness
seemed to be excited in them. One, in particular, who
had fallen in the sin of drunkenness some time before,
was now deeply convinced of his sin, and the great
dishonor done to religion by his misconduct, and
discovered a great degree of grief and concern on that
account. My soul was refreshed to see this; and
though I had no strength to speak so much as I would
have done, but was obliged to lie down on the bed, yet
I rejoiced to see such an humble melting in the con-
gregation, and that divine truths, though faintly deli-
vered, were attended with so much efficacy upon the
auditory.
Oct. 27. " Spent the day in overseeing and direct-
ing the Indians about mending the fence round their
wheat: was able to walk with them, and contrive their
business, all the forenoon. In the afternoon, was vi-
sited by two dear friends, and spent some time in con-
1746.] AT CRANBERRY. 301
versation with them. Toward night I was able to
walk out, and take care of the Indians again. In the
evening, enjoyed a very peaceful frame.
Oct. 28. " Rode to Princeton in a very weak state ,
had such a violent fever by the way, that I was forced
to alight at a friend's house, and lie down for some
time. Near night, was visited by Mr. Treat, Mr. Beaty
and his wife, and another friend. My spirits were re-
freshed to see them ; but I was surprised, and even
ashamed, that they had taken so much pains as to ride
thirty or forty miles to see me. Was able to sit up
most of the evening; and spent the time in a very
comfortable manner with my friends.
Oct. 29. " Rode about ten miles with my friends
who came yesterday to see me ; and then parted with
them all but one, who stayed on purpose to keep me
company, and cheer my spirits.
Lord's day, Nov. 2. " Was unable to preach, and
scarcely able to sit up the whole day. Was grieved,
and almost sunk, to see my poor people destitute of the
means of grace ; especially as they could not read, and
so were under great disadvantages for spending the
Sabbath comfortably. O, methought, I could be con-
tented to be sick, if my poor flock had a faithful pastor
to feed them with spiritual knowledge ! A view of
their want of this was more afflictive to me than all my
bodily illness.
Nov. 3. " Being now in so weak and low a state
that I was utterly incapable of performing my work,
and having little hope of recovery, unless by much
riding, I thought it my duty to take a journey into
New-England, and to divert myself among my friends,
whom I had not now seen for a long time. Accord-
ingly I took leave of my congregation this day. Be-
302 LIFE OF BRAINERD [Chap. IX.
fore I left my people, I visited them all in their respec-
tive houses, and discoursed to each one, as I thought
most proper and suitable for their circumstances, and
found great freedom in so doing. I scarcely left one
house but some were in tears; and many were not
only affected with my being about to leave them, but
with the solemn addresses I made them upon divine
things ; for I was helped to be fervent in spirit while I
discoursed to them. When I had thus gone through
my congregation, which took me most of the day,
and had taken leave of them, and of the school, I left
home, and rode about two miles, to the house where I
lived in the summer past, and there lodged. Was re-
freshed this evening, because I had left my congrega-
tion so well disposed and affected, and had been so
much assisted in making my farewell addresses to them.
Nov. 5. " Rode to Elizabethtown ; intending, as
soon as possible, to prosecute my journey into New-
England; but was, in an hour or two after my arrival,
taken much worse. For near a week I was confined to
my chamber, and most of the time to my bed ; and
then so far revived as to be able to walk about the
house; but was still confined within doors.
" In the beginning of this extraordinary turn of dis-
order after my coining to Elizabethtown, I was en-
abled, through mercy, to maintain a calm, composed,
and patient spirit, as I had been before from the begin-
ning of my weakness. After I had been in Elizabeth-
town about a fortnight, and had so far recovered that
I was able to walk about the house, upon a day of
thanksgiving kept in this place, I was enabled to recal
the mercies of God in such a manner as greatly affect-
ed me, and filled me with thankfulness and praise.
Especially my soul praised God for his work of grace
1746.1 AT ELIZABETHTOWN 303
among the Indians, and the enlargement of his dear
kingdom. My soul blessed God for what he is in him-
self, and adored him, that he ever would display him-
self to creatures. I rejoiced that he was God, and
longed that all should know it, and feel it, and rejoice
in it. ' Lord, glorify thyself,' was the desire and cry
of my soul. O that all people might love and praise
the blessed God ; that he might have all possible honor
and glory from the intelligent world !
" After this comfortable thanksgiving season, I fre-
quently enjoyed freedom, enlargement, and engaged-
ness of soul in prayer; and was enabled to intercede
with God for my dear congregation, very often for
every family, and every person in particular. It was
often a great comfort to me, that I could pray heartily
to God for those to whom I could not speak, and whom
I was not allowed to see. But, at other times, my spi-
rits were so low, and my bodily vigor so much wasted,
that I had scarce any affections at all.
"In December, I had revived so far as to be able to
walk abroad and visit my friends, and seemed to be
gaining health, in the main, until Lord's day, Decem-
ber 21, when I attended public worship, and labored
much, at the Lord's table, to bring forth a certain cor-
ruption, and have it slain, as being an enemy to God
and my own soul ; and could not but hope that I had
gained some strength against this, as well as other cor-
ruptions; and felt some brokenness of heart for my sin.
"After this, having perhaps taken some cold, I began
to decline as to bodily health; and continued to do so
till the latter end of January, 1747. Having a violent
cough, a considerable fever, an asthmatic disorder, and
no appetite for any manner of food, nor any power of
digestion, I was reduced to so low a state, that my
304 LIFE OF BRA1NERD. [Chap. IX.
friends, I believe, generally despaired of my life ; and
some of them, for a considerable time, thought I could
scarce live a day. I could then think of nothing with
any application of mind, and seemed to be in a great
measure void of all affection, and was exercised with
great temptations ; but yet was not, ordinarily, afraid
of death.
Lord's day, Feb. 1. " Though in a very weak and
low state, I enjoyed a considerable degree of comfort
and sweetness in divine things; and was enabled to
plead and use arguments with God in prayer, I think,
with a child-like spirit. That passage of scripture oc-
curred to my mind, and gave me great assistance, 'If
ye, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your
children, how much more will your heavenly Father
give the Holy Spirit to them that ask him?' This text
I was helped to plead, and insist upon; and saw the di-
vine faithfulness engaged for dealing with me better
than any earthly parent can do with his child. This
season so refreshed my soul, that my body seemed also
to be a gainer by it. From this time I began gradually
to amend. As I recovered some strength, vigor, and
spirit, I found at times some freedom and life in the ex-
ercises of derotion, and some longings after spirituality
and a life of usefulness to the interests of the great Re-
deemer. At other times, I was awfully barren and life-
less, and out of frame for the things of God ; so that I
was ready often to cry out, ' O that it were with me as
in months past!' O that God had taken me away in
the midst of my usefulness, with a sudden stroke, that
I might not have been under a necessity of trifling away
time in diversions ! O that I had never lived to spend
so much precious time in so poor a manner, and to so
little purpose ! Thus I often reflected, was grieved,
1747.J AT ELIZABETHTOWN. 305
ashamed, and even confounded, sunk, and discouraged.
Feb. 24. "I was able to ride as far as Newark,
(having been confined in Elizabethtown almost four
months,) and the next day returned to Elizabethtown.
My spirits were somewhat refreshed with the ride,
though my body was weary.
Feb. 28. Was visited by an Indian of my own con-
gregation, who brought me letters, and good news of
the sober and good behavior of my people in general.
This refreshed my soul. I could not but retire and
bless God for his goodness; and found, I trust, a truly
thankful frame of spirit, that God seemed to be build-
ing up that congregation for himself.
March 4. " I met with reproof from a friend, which,
although I thought I did not deserve it from him, yet
was, I trust, blessed of God to make me more tenderly
afraid of sin, more jealous over myself, and more con-
cerned to keep both heart and life pure and unblame-
able. It likewise caused me to reflect on my past dead-
ness and want of spirituality, and to abhor myself, and
look on myself as most unworthy. This frame of
mind continued the next day; and for several days
after, I grieved to think that in my necessary diver-
sions I had not maintained more seriousness, solemni-
ty, and heavenly affection and conversation. Thus
my spirits were often depressed and sunk ; and yet, I
trust, that reproof was made to be beneficial to me.
''March 11, being kept in Elizabethtown as a day of
fasting and prayer, I was able to attend public worship;
which was the first time I had been able so to do since
December 21. O how much weakness and distress did
God carry me through in this space of time! But
having obtained help from him,' I yet live. O that
I could live more to his glory !
Brainerd. 20
306 LIFE OF BRAIN ERD. [Chap. IX
Lord's day, March 15. " Was able again to attend
public worship, and felt some earnest desires of being
restored to the ministerial work : felt, I think, some
spirit and life to speak for God.
March 18. " Rode out with a design to visit my
people, and the next day arrived among them ; but
was under great dejection in my journey.
"On Friday morning I rose early, walked about
among my people, enquired into their state and con-
cerns, and found an additional weight and burden on
my spirits, upon hearing some things disagreeable. 1
endeavored to go to God with my distresses, and made
some kind of lamentable complaint, and in a broken
manner spread my difficulties before God ; but notwith-
standing, my mind continued very gloomy. -About
ten o'clock I called my people together, and after
having explained and sung a psalm, I prayed with
them. There was considerable affection among them ;
I doubt not, in some instances, that which was more
than merely natural."
This was the last interview which he ever had with
his people. About eleven o'clock the same day he left
them, and the next day came to Elizabethtown.
March 28. "Was taken this morning with violent
griping pains. These pains were extreme and con-
stant for several hours; so that ft seemed impossible
for me, without a miracle, to live twenty-four hours in
such distress. I lay confined to my bed the whole
day, and in distressing pain all the former part of it;
but it pleased God to bless means for the abatement of
my distress. Was exceedingly weakened by this pain,
and continued so for several days following; being ex-
ercised with a fever, cough, and nocturnal sweats. In
this distressed case, so long as my head was free of
1747. J AT ELIZABETHTOWN. 307
vapory confusions, death appeared agreeable to me.
f looked on it as the end of toils, and an entrance into
a place 'where the weary are at rest;' and think I had
some relish for the entertainments of the heavenly
state ; so that by these I was allured and drawn, as well
as driven by the fatigues of life. O how happy it is
to be drawn by desires of a state of perfect holiness !
April 4. "Was sunk and dejected, very restless and
uneasy, by reason of the misimprorement of time;
and yet knew not what to do. I longed to spend time
in fasting and prayer, that I might be delivered from
indolence and coldness in the things of God ; but, alas,
I had not bodily' strength for these exercises! O how
blessed a thing it is to enjoy peace of conscience ! but
how dreadful is a want of inward peace and com-
posure of soul ! It is impossible, I find, to enjoy this
happiness without redeeming time, and maintaining a
spiritual frame of mind.
Lord's day, April 5. " It grieved me to find myself
so inconceivably barren. My soul thirsted for grace ;
but, alas, how far was I from obtaining what appeared
to me so exceeding excellent ! I was ready to despair
of ever being a holy creature, and yet my soul was de-
sirous of ' following hard after God ;' but never did I
see myself so far from 'having apprehended, or being
already perfect,' as at this time. The Lord's supper
being this day administered, I attended the ordinance ;
and though I saw in myself a dreadful emptiness and
want of grace, and saw myself as it were at an infinite
distance from that purity which becomes the gospel,
yet at the communion, especially during the distribu-
tion of the bread, I enjoyed some warmth of affection,
and felt a tender love to the brethren ; and, I think, to
the glorious Uedeemer, the first-born among them. I
308 LIFE OF BRAINERD. [Chap. IX.
endeavored then to bring forth mine and his 'enemies,'
and ' slay them before him ;' and found great freedom
in begging deliverance from this spiritual death, as
well as in asking divine favors for my friends and con-
gregation, and the church of Christ in general.
April 10. "This day my brother John arrived at
Elizabethtown. Spent some time in conversation with
him ; but was extremely weak."
This brother had been sent for by the Correspondents.
to take care of and instruct Brainerd's congregation of
Indians ; he being obliged by his illness to be absent
from them. He continued to take care of them till
Brainerd's death, and was soon after ordained his suc-
cessor in his mission, and to the charge of his congre-
gation.
April 17. " In the evening, could not but think that
God helped me to 'draw near to the throne of grace,'
though most unworthy, and gave me a sense of his fa-
vor ; which afforded me inexpressible support and en-
couragement. Though I scarcely dared to hope that
the mercy was real, it appeared so great ; yet could not
but rejoice that ever God should discover his recon-
ciled face to such a vile sinner. Shame and confusion,
at times, covered me ; and then hope, and joy, and ad-
miration of divine goodness gained the ascendancy.
Sometimes I could not but admire the divine goodness,
that the Lord had not let me fall into all the grossest
and vilest acts of sin.
April 20. " Was in a very disordered state, and kept
my bed most of the day. I enjoyed a little more com-
fort than in several of the preceding days. T7iis day
I arrived at tlie age of twenty-nine years.
April 21. " I set out on my journey for New Eng-
1747.] IN CONNECTICUT. 309
land, in order (if it might be the will of God) to recover
my health by riding."
This proved his final departure from New-Jersey.
He travelled slowly, and arrived among his friends at
East-Haddam, about the beginning of May. There is
very little account in his diary, of the time that passed
from his setting out on his journey to May 10. He
speaks of his sometimes finding his heart rejoicing in
the glorious perfections of God, and longing to live to
him ; but complains of the unfixedness of his thoughts,
and their being easily diverted from divine subjects,
and cries out of his leanness, as testifying against him,
in the loudest manner. Concerning those diversions
which he was obliged to use for his health, he says,
that he sometimes found he could use diversions with
" singleness of heart," aiming at the glory of God ; but
that he also found there was a necessity of great care
and watchfulness, lest he should lose that spiritual tem-
per of mind in his diversions, and lest they should de-
generate into what was merely selfish, without any
supreme aim at the glory of God in them.
Lord's day, May 10. " I could not but feel some
measure of gratitude to God at this time, that he had
always disposed me, in my ministry, to insist on the
great doctrines of regeneration, the new creature,faith
in Christ, progressive sanctification, supreme love to
God. living entirely to the glory of God, being- not our
own., and the like. God thus helped me to see, in the
surest manner, from time to time, that these, and the
like doctrines necessarily connected with them, are the
only foundation of safety and salvation for perishing
sinners and that those divine dispositions which are
consonant hereto, are that holiness, ' without which no
man shall see the Lord.' The exercise of these God-
310 LIFE OF BRAINERD. [Chap. IX,
like tempers wherein the soul acts in a kind of con-
cert with God, and would be and do every thing that
is pleasing to him I saw, would stand by the soul in
a dying hour ; for God must, I think, deny himself, if
he cast away Ms own image, even the soul that is one
in desires with himself.
Lord's day, May 17. " Spent the forenoon at home,
being unable to attend public worship. At this time,
God gave me such an affecting sense of my own vile-
ness, and the exceeding sinfulness of my heart, that
there seemed to be nothing but sin and corruption
within me. ' Innumerable evils compassed me about ;'
my want of spirituality and holy living, my neglect of
God, and living to myself. All the abominations of
my heart and life seemed to be open to my view ; and
I had nothing to say, but, 'God be merciful to me a
sinner.' Toward noon, I saw that the grace of God
in Christ is infinitely free toward sinners, such sinners
as I was. I also saw that God is the supreme good ;
that in his presence is life ; and I began to long to die,
that I might be with him, in a state of freedom from
all sin. O how a small glimpse of his excellency re-
freshed my soul ! O how worthy is the blessed God
to be loved, adored, and delighted in, for himself, for
his own divine excellencies !
"Though I felt much dulness, and want of a spirit
of prayer this week, yet I had some glimpses of the
excellency of divine things ; and especially one morn-
ing, in secret meditation and prayer, the excellency
and beauty of holiness, as a likeness to the glorious
God, was so discovered to me, that I began to long
earnestly to be in that world where holiness dwells in
perfection. I seemed to long for this perfect holiness,
not so mi^ch for the sake of my own happiness, al-
1747.] IN NORTHAMPTON. 311
though I saw clearly that this was the greatest, yea, the
only happiness of the soul, as that I might please God,
Jive entirely to him, and glorify him to the utmost
stretch of my rational powers and capacities.
fjord's day, May 24. " (At Long-Meadow, in Mas-
sachusetts.) Could not but think, as I have often re-
marked to others, that much more of true religion con-
sists in deep humility, brokenness of heart, and an abas-
ing sense of barrenness and want of grace and holiness,
than most who are called Christians imagine ; especi-
ally those who have been esteemed the converts of the
late day. Many seem to know of no other religion
but elevated joys and affections, arising only from some
flights of imagination, or some suggestion made to their
mind, of Christ being their's, God loving them, and the
like."
On Thursday, May 28, he came from Long-Meadow
to Northampton, appearing vastly better than, by his
account, he had been in the winter indeed so well,
that he was able to ride twenty-five miles in a day, and
to walk half a mile ; and appeared cheerful, and free
from melancholy ; but yet he was undoubtedly, at that
time, in a confirmed, incurable consumption.
I had had much opportunity, before this, of particu-
lar information concerning him, from many who were
well acquainted with him ; and had enjoyed a personal
interview with him, at New-Haven, near four years
before, as has been already mentioned ; but now I had
opportunity for a more full acquaintance. I found him
remarkably sociable, pleasant, and entertaining in his
conversation ; yet solid, savory, spiritual, and very
profitable. He appeared meek, modest, and humble ; far
from any stiffness, moroseness, or affected singularity
in speech or behavior, and seeming to dislike all such
. .
312 UFE OF BRAINERD. [Chap.LX.
things. We enjoyed not only the benefit of his con-
versation, but had the comfort and advantage of join-
ing with him in family prayer, from time to time. His
manner of praying was very agreeable, most becom-
ing a worm of the dust and a disciple of Christ, ad-
dressing an infinitely great and holy God, the Father
of mercies ; not with florid expressions, or a studied
eloquence ; not with any intemperate vehemence, or
indecent boldness. It was at the greatest distance from
any appearance of ostentation, and from every thing
that might look as though he meant to recommend
himself to those that were abouthim, or set himself off to
their acceptance. It was free also from vain repetitions;
without impertinent excursions, or needless multiply-
ing of words. He expressed himself with the strictest
propriety, with weight and pungency ; and yet, what
his lips uttered seemed to flow from the fulness of his
heart, as deeply impressed with a great and solemn
sense of our necessities, unworthiness, and dependence,
and of God's infinite greatness, excellency and suffi-
ciency, rather than merely from a warm and fruitful
brain, pouring out good expressions. I know not that
I ever heard him so much as ask a blessing or return
thanks at table, but there was something remarkable to
be observed both in the matter and manner of the per-
formance. In his prayers, he insisted much on the
prosperity of Zion, the advancement of Christ's king-
dom in the world, and the flourishing and propagation
of religion among the Indians. And he generally made
it one petition in his prayer, " that we might not outlive
our usefulness."
Lord's day, May 31. "(At Northampton.) I had
little inward sweetness in religion most of the week
past ; not realizing and beholding spiritually the glory
*>
1747.] IN NORTHAMPTON. 313
of God and the blessed Redeemer ; from whence al-
ways arise my comforts and joys in religion, if I have
any at all ; and if I cannot so behold the excellencies
and perfections of God, as to cause me to rejoice in him
for what he is in himself, I have no solid foundation
for joy. To rejoice, only because I apprehend I have
an interest in Christ, and shall be finally saved, is a poor
mean business indeed."
This week he consulted Dr. Mather, at my house,
concerning his illness; who plainly told him, that there
were great evidences of his being in a confirmed con-
sumption, and that he could give him no encourage-
ment that he would ever recover. But it seemed not
to occasion the least discomposure in him, nor to make
any manner of alteration as to the cheerfulness and
serenity of his mind, or the freedom or pleasantness of
his conversation. *".*. *.
Lord's day, June 7. " My attention was greatly en-
gaged, and my soul so drawn forth this day, by what
1 heard of the ' exceeding preciousness of the saving
grace of God's Spirit,' that it almost overcame my
body, in my weak state. I saw that true grace is ex-
ceedingly precious indeed ; that it is very rare ; and
that there is but a very small degree of it, even where
the reality of it is to be found ; at least I saw this to be
my case.
"In the preceding week, I enjoyed some comforta-
ble seasons of meditation. One morning, the cause of
God appeared exceedingly precious to me. The Re-
deemer's kingdom is all that is valuable in the earth,
and I could not but long for the promotion of it in the
world. I saw also, that this cause is God's ; that he
has an infinitely greater regard and concern for it than
[ could possibly have ; that if I have any true love to
314 LIFE OP BRAINERD. [Chap. IX.
this blessed interest, it is only a drop derived from that
ocean. Hence I was ready to 'lift up my head with
joy,' and conclude, 'Well, if God's cause be so dear
and precious to him, he will promote it.' Thus I did,
as it were, rest on God that he would surely promote
that which was so agreeable to his own will ; though
the time when, must still be left to his sovereign plea-
sure."
He was advised by physicians still to continue rid-
ing, as what would tend, above any other means, to
prolong his life. He was at a loss, for some time, which
way to bend his course ; but finally determined to ride
from hence to Boston ; we having concluded that one
of our family should go with him, and be helpful to
him in his weak and low state.
June 9. " I set out on a journey from Northampton
to Boston. Travelled slowly, and got some acquaint-
ance with a number of ministers on the road.
"Having now continued to ride for a considerable
time, I felt much better than I had formerly done, and
found, that in proportion to the prospect I had of being
restored to a state of usefulness, I desired the continu-
ance of life ; but now death appeared inconceivably
more desirable to me than a useless life ; yet, blessed
be God, I found my heart, at times, fully resigned and
reconciled to this greatest of afflictions, if God saw fit
thus to deal with me.
June 12. " I arrived in Boston this day, somewhat
fatigued with my journey. Observed that there is no
rest but in God ; fatigues of body, and anxieties of
mind, attend us both in town and country : no place is
exempt.
Lord's day, June 14. "I enjoyed some enlarge-
ment and sweetness in family prayer, as well as in se-
1747.1 AT BOSTON. 315
cret exercises ; God appeared excellent, his ways full
of pleasure and peace, and all I wanted was a spirit of
holy fervency to live to him.
June 17. " This and the two preceding days I spent
mainly in visiting the ministers of the town, and was
treated with great respect by them.
June 18. "I was taken exceedingly ill, and brought
to the gates of death, by the breaking of small ulcers
in my lungs, as my physician supposed. In this ex-
tremely weak state I continued for several weeks ; and
was frequently reduced so low as to be utterly speech-
less, and not so much as to whisper a word. Even af-
ter I had so far revived as to walk about the house, and
to step out of doors, I was exercised every day with a
faint turn, which continued usually four or five hours;
at which times, though I was not so utterly speechless
but that I could say yes or no, yet I could not con-
verse at all, nor speak one sentence, without making
stops for breath ; and a number of times my friends
gathered round my bed, to see me breathe my last,
which they expected every moment, as I myself also did.
"How I was, the first day or two of my illness, with
regard to the exercise of reason, I scarcely know. I
believe I was somewhat shattered with the violence
of the fever at times ; but the third day of my illness,
and constantly afterward, for four or five weeks to-
gether, I enjoyed as much serenity of mind, and clear-
ness of thought, as perhaps ever in my life. I think
that my mind never penetrated with so much ease and
freedom into divine things, as at this time ; and I never
felt so capable of demonstrating the truth of many im-
portant doctrines of the Gospel as now. As I saw clearly
thetruth of those great doctrines, which are justly styled
the doctrines of grace ; so I saw with no less clearness,
316 LIFE OF BRAINERD. [Chap. IX
that the essence of religion consisted in the soul's confor-
mityto God, and acting above all selfish views forhis^/o-
ry, longing to be^br him, to live to him, and please and
honor him in all things : and this from a clear view of
his infinite excellency and worthiness in himself, to be
loved, adored, worshipped, and served by all intelli-
gent creatures. Thus I saw, that when a soul loves God
with a supreme love, he therein acts like the blessed
God himself, who most justly loves himself in that
manner. So when God's interest and his are become
one, and he longs that God should be glorified, and re-
joices to think that he is unchangeably possessed of
the highest glory and blessedness, herein also he acts
in conformity to God. In like manner, when the soul
is fully resigned to, and rests satisfied and content with
the divine will, here it is also conformed to God.
" I saw farther, that as this divine temper, by which
the soul exalts God, and treads self in the dust, is
wrought in the soul by God's discovering his own glo-
rious perfections in the face of Jesus Christ to it by the
special influences of the Holy Spirit, so he cannot but
have regard to it as his own work ; and as it is his
image in his soul, he cannot but take delight in it.
Then I saw again, that if God should slight and reject
his own moral image, he must needs deny himself;
which he cannot do. And thus I saw the stability and
infallibility of this religion ; and that those who are tru-
ly possessed of it, have the most complete and satisfy-
ing evidence of their being interested in all the bene-
fits of Christ's redemption, having their hearts conform-
ed to him ; and that these, and these only, are qualified
for the employments and entertainments of God's king-
dom of glory ; as none but these have any relish for
the business of heaven, which is to ascribe glory to
1747.J AT BOSTON. 317
God, and not to themselves ; and that God (though 1
would speak it with great reverence of his name and
perfection) cannot, without denying himself, finally
cast such away.
" The next thing I had then to do, was to inquire
whether this was my religion ; and here God was pleas-
ed to help me to the most easy remembrance and criti-
cal review of what had passed in course, of a religious
nature, through several of the latter years of my life,
Although I could discover much corruption attending
my best duties, many selfish views and carnal ends,
much spiritual pride and self-exaltation, and innume-
rable other evils which compassed me about, yet God
was pleased, as I was reviewing, quickly to put this
question out of doubt, by showing me that 1 had, from
time to time, acted above the utmost influence of mere
self-love ; that I had longed to please and glorify him,
as my highest happiness, &c. This review was, through
grace, attended with a present feeling of the same di-
vine temper of mind. I felt now pleased to think of
the glory of God, and longed for heaven, as a state
wherein I might glorify him perfectly, rather than a
place of happiness for myself. This feeling of the love
of God in my heart, which I trust the Spirit of God ex-
cited in me afresh, was sufficient to give me a full sa-
tisfaction, and make me long, as I had many times be-
fore done, to be with Christ.
" As God was pleased to afford me clearness of
thought, and composure of mind, almost continually
for several weeks, under my. great weakness; so he
enabled me, in some measure, to improve my time, as
I hope, to valuable purposes. I was enabled to write
n number of important letters to friends in remote
places ; and sometimes I wrote when I was speechless.
318 LIFE OF BKAINERD. [Chap. IX
i. e. unable to maintain conversation with any body ;
though perhaps I was able to speak a word or two so
as to be heard.
" At this season also, while I was confined at Boston,
I read with care and attention some papers of old Mr.
Shepard, lately come to light, and designed for the
press; and, as I was desired and greatly urged, made
some corrections where the sense was left dark for
want of a word or two. Beside this, I had many vi-
sitants, with whom, when I was able to speak, I always
conversed of the things of religion, and was peculiarly
assisted in distinguishing between the true and false
religion of the times. There is scarcely any subject
which has been matter of controversy of late, but I was
at one time or other compelled to discuss and show my
opinion respecting it, and that frequently before num-
bers of people. Especially, I discoursed repeatedly on
the nature and necessity of that humiliation, self-ewp-
tiness, or full conviction of a person's being utterly
undone in himself, which is necessary in order to a
saving faith ; and the extreme difficulty of being brought
to this, and the great danger there is of persons taking
up with some self-righteous appearances of it. The
danger of this I especially dwelt upon, being persuaded
that multitudes perish in this hidden way ; and because
so little is said from most pulpits to discover any dan-
ger here ; so that persons being never effectually brought
to die in themselves, are never truly united to Christ,
and so perish. I also discoursed much on what I take
to be the essence of true religion ; endeavoring plainly
to describe that god-like temper and disposition of soul,
and that holy conversation and behavior, which may
justly claim the honor of having God for its original
and patron. I have reason to hope God blessed my
1747.] AT BOSTON. 319
way of discoursing and distinguishing to some, both
ministers and people ; so that my time was not wholly
lost."
He was visited while in Boston by many, who showed
him uncommon respect, and appeared highly pleased
and entertained with his conversation. Beside being
honored with the company and respect of ministers of
the town, he was visited by several ministers from va-
rious parts of the country. He took all opportunities
to discourse on the peculiar nature and distinguishing
characteristics of true, spiritual, and vital religion ; and
to bear his testimony against the various false appear-
ances of it, consisting in, or arising from impressions
on the imagination, sudden and supposed immediate
suggestions of truth not contained in the Scripture,
and that faith which consists primarily in a person's
believing that Christ died for him in particular, &c.
What he said was, for the most part, heard with un-
common attention and regard ; and his discourses and
reasonings appeared manifestly to have great weight
and influence with many with whom he conversed,
both ministers and others.
The Commissioners in Boston, of the Society in
London for propagating the Gospel in New-England
and parts adjacent, having received a legacy of the
late Rev. Dr. Daniel "Williams, of London, for the sup-
port of two missionaries to the heathen, were pleased,
while he was in Boston, to consult him about a mission
to those Indians called the Six Nations, particularly re-
specting the qualifications requisite in a missionary to
those Indians. They were so satisfied with his senti-
ments on this head, and had such confidence in his
faithfulness, his judgment and discretion in things of
this nature, that they desired him to undertake to find
320 LIFE OF BRAINERD. [Chap. IX.
and recommend two persons fit to be employed in this
business ; and very much left the matter with him.
BRAINERD'S restoration from his extremely low state
in Boston, so as to go abroad again, and to travel, was
very unexpected to him and his friends. My daughter,
who was with him, writes thus concerning him, in a
letter dated June 23 :
" On Thursday, he was very ill with a violent fever,
and extreme pain in his head and breast, and at turns
delirious. So he remained till Saturday evening, when
he seemed to be in the agonies of death; the family was
up with him till one or two o'clock, expecting that
every hour would be his last. On Sabbath day he was
a little revived, his head was better, but he was very
full of pain, exceeding sore at his breast, and had great
difficulty in breathing. Yesterday he was better. Last
night he slept but little. This morning he was much
worse. Dr. Pynchon says, he has no hope of his life ;
nor does he think it likely that he will ever come out
of the chamber ; though he says he may be able to
come to Northampton."
In another letter, dated June 29, she says :" Mr.
BRAINERD has not so much pain, nor fever, since I last
wrote, as before ; yet he is extremely weak and low,
and very faint, expecting every day will be his last.
He says it is impossible for him to live, for he has
hardly vigor enough to draw his breath. I went this
morning into town, and when I came home, Mr. Brom-
field said he never expected I should see him alive, for
he lay two hours, as they thought, dying ; one could
scarcely tell whether he was alive or not; he was not
able to speak for some time ; but now is much as he
was before. The doctor thinks he will drop away in
such a turn. Mr. BRAINERD says, he never felt any
747.] AT BOSTON. 321
thing so much like dissolution as that he felt to-day;
and says, he never had any conception of its being
oossible for any creature to be alive, and yet so weak
as he is from day to day. Dr. Pynchon says, he shontd
not be surprised if he should so recover as to live half
a year ; nor would it surprise him if he should die in
naif a day. Since I began to write, he is not so well,
having had a faint turn again : yet he is patient and re-
signed, having no distressing fears, but the contrary."
He expressed himself to one of my neighbors, who
at that time saw him in Boston, that he was as certain-
ly a dead man, as if he was shot through the heart.
Bat so it was ordered in divine Providence, that the
strength of nature held out, and he revived, to the as-
tonishment of all who knew his case.
After he began to revive, he was visited by his
youngest brother, ISRAEL, a student at Yale College ;
who having heard of his extreme illness, went from
thence to Boston, in order to see him; if he might find
him alive, which he but little expected. BRAINERD
greatly rejoiced to see his brother, especially because
he had desired an opportunity of some religious con-
versation with him before he died. But this meeting
was attended with sorrow, as his brother brought to
him the tidings of his sister Spencer's death, at Had-
dam ; a sister, between whom and him had long sub-
sisted a peculiarly dear affection, and much intimacy
in spiritual things, and whose house he used to make
his own when he went to Haddam, his native place.
But he had a confidence of her being gone to heaven,
and an expectation of soon meeting her there. His
brother continued with him till he left the town, and
came with him from thence to Northampton. Con-
cerning the last Sabbath Brainerd spent in Boston, he
writes in his diary as follows :
Brainenl. 21
322 LIFE OF BRAINERD. [Chap. IX.
Lord's day, July 19. " I was just able to attend
public worship, being carried to the house of God in a
chaise. Heard Dr. Sewall preach in the forenoon:
partook of the Lord's supper at this time. In this or-
dinance I saw astonishing divine wisdom displayed,
such wisdom as clearly required the tongues of angels
and glorified saints to celebrate. It seemed to me that
I never should do any thing at adoring the infinite
wisdom of God, discovered in the contrivance of man's
redemption, until I arrived at a world of perfection ;
yet I could not help striving ' to call upon my soul,
and all within me, to bless the name of God.' In the
afternoon, heard Mr. Prince preach. I saw more of
God in the wisdom discovered in the /plan of man's
redemption, than I saw of any other of his perfections,
through the whole day."
The next day, having bid an affectionate farewell to
his friends, he set out in the cool of the afternoon, on
his journey to Northampton, attended by his brother
and my daughter, who went with him to Boston ; and
would have been accompanied out of the town by a
number of gentlemen, besides the respected person
who gave him his company for some miles on that
occasion, as a testimony of their esteem and respect,
had not his aversion to any thing of pomp and show
prevented it.
Jidy-25. "I arrived here, at Northampton; having
set out from Boston on Monday, about 4 o'clock P. M.
In this journey I usually rode about sixteen miles a
day. Was sometimes extremely tired and faint on the
road, so that it seemed impossible for me to proceed
any further; at other times I was considerably better,
and felt some freedom both of body and mind.
Lord's day, July 26. " This day I saw clearly that
1747.] AT NORTHAMPTON. 323
I should never be happy ; yea, that God himself could
not make me happy, unless I could be in a capacity to
' please and glorify him for ever.' Take away this,
and admit me in all the fine heavens that can be con-
ceived of by men or angels, and I should still be mi-
serable for ever."
Though he had so revived as to be able to travel
thus far, yet he manifested no expectation of recovery.
He supposed, as his physician did, that his being
brought so near to death at Boston, was owing to the
breaking of ulcers in his lungs. He told me that he
had several such ill turns before, only not to so high
a degree, but, as he supposed, owing to the same cause,
viz. the breaking of ulcers; that he was brought lower
and lower every time; that it appeared to him, that in
his last sickness he was brought as low as he could be,
and yet live ; and that he had not the least expectation
of surviving the next return of this breaking of ulcers ;
he still appeared perfectly calm in the prospect of
death.
On Wednesday morning, the week after he came to
Northampton, his brother Israel left us for New-Haven,
and ne took leave of him, never expecting to see him
agiiin in this world.
When BRMNERD came hither, he had so much strength
as to be able, from day to day, to ride out two or three
miles, and sometimes to pray in the family ; but from
this time he gradually decayed, becoming weaker and
weaker. As long as he lived, he spoke much of that
future prosperity of Z ion which is so often foretold and
promised in the Scriptures ; it was a theme upon which
he delighted to dwell; and his mind seemed to be car-
ried fortli with earnest concern about it, and intense
desires that religion might speedily and abundantly re-
824 LIFE OF BRAINERD. [Chap. IX
vive and flourish ; yea, the nearer death advanced, and
the more the symptoms of its approach increased, still
the more did his mind seem to be taken up with this
subject. He told me, when near his end, that "he
never, in all his life, had his mind so led forth in de-
sires and earnest prayers for the flourishing of Christ's
kingdom on earth, as since he was brought so exceed-
ing low at Boston." He seemed much to wonder that
there appeared no more of a disposition in ministers
and people to pray for the flourishing of religion
through the world; that so little a part of their prayers
was generally taken up about it, in their families and
elsewhere. Particularly, he several times expressed
his wonder that there appeared no more forwardness
to comply with the proposal lately made, in a Memo-
rial from a number of ministers in Scotland, and sent
over into America, for united extraordinary prayer,
amongst Christ's ministers and people, for the coming
of Christ's kingdom : and sent it as his dying advice to
his own congregation, that they should practise agree-
ably to that proposal.
Though he was constantly exceeding weak, yel
there appeared in him a continual care well to improve
time, and fill it up with something that might be pro-
fitable, and in some respect for the glory of God or the
good of men ; either profitable conversation, or writing
letters to absent friends ; or noting something in his
diary ; or looking over his former writings, correcting
them, and preparing them to be left in the hands of
others at his death ; or giving some directions concern-
ing the future management of his people ; or in secret
devotions. He seemed never to be easy, however il),
if he was not doing something for God, or in his ser-
vice. After he came hither, he wrote a preface to a
1747.J AT NORTHAMPTON. 326
diary of Mr. SHEPARD, contained in the papers above
mentioned, which has since been published.
In his diary for Lord's day, August 9, he speaks of
longing desires after death, through a sense of the ex-
cellency of a state of perfection. In his diary for
Lord's day, August 16, he speaks of his having so
much refreshment of soul in the house of God, that il
seemed also to refresh his body. And this is not only
noted in his diary, but was very observable to others ;
it was apparent, not only that his mind was exhilarated
with inward consolation, but also that his animal spirits
and bodily strength seemed to be remarkably restored,
as though he had forgot his illness. But this was the
last time that ever he attended public worship on the
Sabbath.
On Tuesday morning that week, as I was absent on
a journey, he prayed with my family, but not without
much difficulty, for want of bodily strength ; and this
was the last family prayer that he ever made. He had
been wont, till now, frequently to ride out, two or three
miles : but this week, on Thursday, was the last time
he ever did so.
Lortfs day, Aug. 23. " This morning I was con-
siderably refreshed with the thought, yea, the hope
and expectation of the enlargement of Christ's king-
dom ; and I could not but hope that the time was at
hand, when Babylon the great would fall, and ' rise no
more.' This led me to some spiritual meditations,
which were very refreshing to me. I was unable to
attend public worship either part of the day ; but God
was pleased to afford me fixedness and satisfaction in
divine thoughts. Nothing so refreshes my soul, as when
I can go to God, yea, ' to God my exceeding joy
og Brainerd.
326 an OP BRAINEHD. [ Chap. IX
When he is such to my soul, O how unspeakably de-
lightful is this !
" In the week past I had divers turns of inward re-
freshing, though my body was inexpressibly weak, fol-
lowed continually with agues and fevers. Sometimes
my soul centered in God, as my only portion ; and I
felt that I should be for ever unhappy, if He did not
reign. I saw the sweetness and happiness of being his
subject, at his disposal. This made all my difficulties
quickly vanish."
Till this week he had been wont to lodge in a room
above stairs, but he now grew so weak, that he was no
longer able to go up stairs and down. Friday, August
28, was the last time he ever went above stairs; hence-
forward he betook himself to a lower room.
On Wednesday, Sept. 2, being the day of our public
lecture, he seemed to be refreshed with seeing the
neighboring ministers who came hither to the lecture,
and expressed a great desire once more to go to the
house of God on that day ; and accordingly rode to the
meeting, and attended divine service, while the Rev.
Mr. Woodbridge, of Hatfield, preached. He signified
that he supposed it to be the last time he should ever
attend public worship ; as it proved. Indeed it was the
last time that he ever went out of our gate.
On the Saturday evening next following, he was un-
expectedly visited by his brother, Mr. JOHN BRAINERD,
who came to see h.m from New-Jersey. He was much
refreshed by this unexpected visit, this brother being
peculiarly dear to him ; and he seemed to rejoice in a
devout and solemn manner, to see him, and to hear
the comfortable tidings Which he brought concerning
the state of his dear congregation of Christian Indians.
A circumstance of this visit of which he was exceed-
1747.J AT NORTHAMPTON. 327
ingly glad, was, that his brother brought him some of
his private writings from New-Jersey, and particularly
his diary, which he had kept for many years past.
Lord's day, Sept. 6. " I began to read some of my
private writings which my brother brought me, and
was considerably refreshed with what I found in them.
Sept. 7. " I proceeded further in reading my old
private writings, and found that they had the same
effect upon me as before. I could not but rejoice and
bless God for what passed long ago, which, without
writing, had been entirely lost.
" This evening, when I was in great distress of body,
my soul longed that God should be glorified. O that
I could for ever live to God ! The day, I trust, is at
hand, the perfect day. O the day of deliverance from
all sin !
Lord's day, Sept. 13. " I was much refreshed and
engaged in meditation and writing, and found a heart
to act for God. My spirits were refreshed, and my
soul delighted to do something for God."
On the evening of that Lord's day, his feet began
to swell ; and thenceforward swelled more and more :
a symptom of his dissolution coming on. The next
day, his brother John left him, being obliged to return
to New-Jersey on some business of great importance
and necessity ; intending to return again with all pos-
sible speed, hoping to see his brother yet once more in
the land of the living.
BRAINERD having now, with much deliberation, con-
sidered the subject referred to him by the commission-
ers of the Society for propagating the Gospel in New-
England and parts adjacent, wrote them about this
time, recommending two young gentlemen of his ac-
quaintance, Mr. Elihu Spencer, of East Haddam, and Mr.
328 LIFE OF BRAINERD. [Chap. IX.
Job Strong, of Northampton, as suitable missionaries
to the Six Nations. The commissioners, on the receipt
of this letter, cheerfully and unanimously agreed to ac-
cept of and employ the persons whom he had recom-
mended.
On Wednesday, Sept. 16, he wrote to some charitable
gentlemen in Boston in behalf of the Indian school,
showing the need of another schoolmaster, or some per-
son to assist the schoolmaster in instructing the Indian
children. These gentlemen, on the receipt of his letter,
had a meeting, and agreed with great cheerfulness to
give 200 (in bills of the old tenor) for the support of
another schoolmaster ; and desired the Rev. Mr. Pem-
berton, of New-York, (who was then at Boston, and was
also at their desire, present at the meeting,) as soon as
possible to procure a suitable person for that service ;
and also agreed, in accordance with an intimation from
BRAINERD, to allow 74 to defray some special charges
which were requisite to encourage the mission to the
Six Nations.
BRAINERD spent himself much in writing those letters,
being exceedingly weak ; but it seemed to be much to
his satisfaction that he had been enabled to do it, hop-
ing that it was something done for God, and which
might be for the advancement of Christ's kingdom and
glory. In writing the last of these letters, he was
obliged to use the hand of another.
On Thursday of this week, (Sept. 17,) when he went
out of his lodging-room for the last time, he was again
visited by his brother ISRAEL, who continued with him
till his death. On that evening he was taken with some-
thing of a diarrhea, which he looked upon as another
sign of his approaching death ; whereupon he expressed
himself thus: " Oh, the glorious time is now coming!
1747. J AT NORTHAMPTON. 329
I have longed to serve God perfectly : now God will
gratify those desires !" And from time to time, at the
several steps and new symptoms of the sensible ap-
proach of his dissolution, he was so far from being
sunk or depressed in spirits, that he seemed to be ani-
mated and made more cheerful, as being glad at the
appearance of death's approach. He often used the
epithetg"/0nows, when speaking of the day of his death,
calling it that glorious day. And as he saw his disso-
lution gradually approaching, he talked much about it ;
and with perfect calmness spoke of a future state. He
also settled all his affairs, giving directions very parti-
cularly and minutely concerning what he would have
done in one respect and another after his decease. And
the nearer death approached, the more desirous he
seemed to be to depart. He several times spoke of the
different kinds of willingness to die ; and represented
it as an ignoble, mean kind, to be willing to leave the
body only to get rid of pain ; or to go to heaven only
to get honor and advancement there.
Sept. 19. "Near night, while I attempted to walk a
little, my thoughts turned thus : ' How infinitely sweet
to love God, and be all for him '.' Upon which it was
suggested to me, ' You are not an angel, not lively and
active.' To which my whole soul immediately replied,
' I as sincerely desire to love and glorify God as any
angel in heaven.' Upon which it was suggested again,
' But you are filthy, not fit for heaven.' Hereupon in-
stantly appeared the blessed robes of Christ's righte-
ousness, in which I could not but exult and triumph ;
and I viewed the infinite excellency of God, and my
soul even broke with longings that God should be
glorified. I thought of dignity in heaven, but instantly
the thought returned, ' I do not go to heaven to get
330 LIFE OP BRAINERD. [Chap. IX
honor, but to give all possible glory and praise.' O
how I longed that God should be glbrified on earth
also ! O I was made for eternity, if God might be
glorified ! Bodily pains I cared not for ; though I was
then in extremity, I never felt easier. I felt willing to
glorify God in that state of bodily distress as long as
he pleased I should continue in it. The grave appear-
ed really sweet, and I longed to lodge my weary bones
in it ; but O that God might be glorified ! this was the
burden of all my cry. O I knew that I should be ac-
tive as an angel in heaven, and that I should be strip-
ped of my filthy garments ! so that there was no ob-
jection. But, O to love and praise God more, to please
him for ever ! this my soul panted after, and even now
pants for, while I write. Oh that God might be glori-
fied in the whole earth ! ' Lord let thy kingdom come.'
I longed for a spirit of preaching to descend and rest
on ministers, that they might address the consciences
of men with closeness and power. I saw that God
had the residue of the Spirit, and my soul longed that
it should be ' poured from on high.' I could not but
plead with God for my dear congregation, that he
would preserve it, and not suffer his great name to lose
its glory in that work ; my soul still longing that God
might be glorified."
The extraordinary frame he was in that evening
could not be hid. u His mouth spake out of the abun-
dance of his heart," expressing in a very affecting man-
ner much the same things as are written in his diary.
Among very many other extraordinary expressions
which he then uttered, were such as these: "My
heaven is to please God, and glorify him, and to give all
to him, and to be wholly devoted to his glory ; that is
the heaven I long for ; that is my religion, and that is
1747.J AT NORTHAMPTON. 331
my happiness, and always was, ever since I suppose I
had any true religion ; and all those that are of that
religion shall meet me in heaven. I do not go to hea-
ven to be advanced, but to give honor to God. It is no
matter where I shall be stationed in heaven, whether I
have a high or low seat there ; but to love, and please,
and glorify God is all. Had I a thousand souls, if they
were worth any thing, I would give them all to God ;
but I have nothing to give when all is done. It is im-
possible for any rational creature to be happy without
acting all for God ; God himself could not make him
happy any other way. I long to be in heaven, prais-
ing and glorifying God with the holy angels ; all my
desire is to glorify God. My heart goes out to the bu-
rying place ; it seems to me a desirable place : but O to
glorify God ! that is it; that is above all. It is a great
comfort to me to think that I have done a little for God
in the world ; Oh ! it is but a very small matter, yet I
have done a little, and I lament that I have not done
more for him. There is nothing in the world worth
living for, but doing good, and finishing God's work,
doing the work that Christ did. I see nothing else
in the world that can yield any satisfaction besides
living to God, pleasing him, and doing his whole
will. My greatest joy and comfort has been to do
something for promoting the interest of religion and
the souls of particular persons ; and now, in my ill-
ness, while I am full of pain and distress from day
to day, all the comfort I have is in being able to do
some little service for God, either by something I say,
or by writing, or in some other way."
He intermingled with these, and other like expres-
sions, many pathetical counsels to those who were
about him, particularly to my children and servants.
332 LIFE OP BRAIHERD. [Cb&p. IX
He applied himself to some of my younger children
at this time ; calling them to him, and speaking to
them one by one ; setting before them, in a very plain
manner, the nature and essence of true piety, and its
great importance and necessity ; earnestly warning
them not to rest in any thing short of a true and
thorough change of heart, and a life devoted to God.
He counselled them not to be slack in the great busi-
ness of religion, nor in the least to delay it ; enforcing
his counsels with this, that his words were the words
of a dying man. Said he, " I shall die here, and here
I shall be buried, and here you will see my grave, and
I wish you to remember what I have said to you. I
am going into eternity ; and it is sweet for me to
think of eternity ; the endlessness of it makes it sweet :
but O what shall I say of the eternity of the wicked !
I cannot mention it, nor think of it ; the thought is too
dreadful. When you see my grave, then remember
what I said to you while I was alive ; then think how
the man who lies in that grave counselled and warned
you to prepare for death."
His body seemed to be marvellously strengthened,
through the inward vigor and refreshment of his mind ;
so that, although before he was so weak that he could
hardly utter a sentence, yet now he continued his most
affecting and profitable discourse to us for more than
an hour, with scarce any intermission ; and said of it
when he had done, " it was the last sermon that ever
he should preach." This extraordinary frame of mind
continued the next day, of which he speaks in his
diary as follows :
Lord's day, Sept. 20. " Was still in a sweet and
comfortable frame, and was again melted with desires
1747.J AT NORTHAMPTON. 333
that. God might be glorified, and with longings to love
and live to him. Longed for the influences of the
divine Spirit to descend on ministers in an especial
manner. And O I longed to be with God, to behold
his glory, and to bow in his presence."
It appears by what is noted in his diary, both of this
day and the evening preceding, that his mind at this
time was much impressed with a sense of the impor-
tance of the work of the ministry, and the need of the
grace of God, and his special spiritual assistance m
this work ; it also appeared in what he expressed in
conversation, particularly in his discourse to his bro-
ther Israel, who was then a member of Yale College
at New-Haven, prosecuting his studies for the work of
the ministry.* He now, and from time to time, in this
his dying state, recommended to his brother a life of
self-denial, of weanedness from the world and devoted-
ness to God, and an earnest endeavor to obtain much
of the grace of God's Spirit, and God's gracious in-
fluences on his heart ; representing the great need in
which ministers stand of them, and the unspeakable
benefit of them, from his own experience. Among
many other expressions, he said thus: "When minis-
ters feel these special gracious influences on their
hearts, it wonderfully assists them to come at the con-
sciences of men, and as it were to handle them with
hands ; whereas, without them, whatever reason and
* This brother was ingenious, serious, studious, and hope-
fully pious ; there appeared in him many qualities giving hope
of his being a great blessing in his day. But it pleased God,
soon after the death of his brother, to take him away also. He
died that winter at New-Haven, January 6, 1748, of a nervous
fever, after about a fortnight's illness.
334 LIFE OF BRAINERD. (.Chap. IX.
oratory we make use of, we do but make use of stumps,
instead of hands."
Sept. 21. " I began to correct a little volume of my
private writings. God, I believe, remarkably helped
me in it; my strength was surprisingly lengthened
out, my thoughts were quick and lively, and my soul
refreshed, hoping it might be a work for God. O how
good, how sweet it is to labor for God!
Sept. 22. " Was again employed in reading and
correcting, and had the same success as the day be-
fore. I was exceeding weak, but it seemed to refresh
my soul thus to spend time.
Sept, 23. "I finished my corrections of the little
piece before mentioned, and felt uncommonly peace-
ful ; it seemed as if I had now done all my work in
this world, and stood ready for my call to a better.
As long as I see any thing to be done for God, life is
worth having ; but O how vain and unworthy it is to
live for any lower end ! This day I indited- a letter, I
think, of great importance, to the Rev. Mr. Byram, in
New-Jersey. Oh that God would bless and succeed that
letter, which was written for the benefit of his church !*
Oh that God would 'purify the sons of Levi,' that his
glory may be advanced ! This night I endured a dread-
ful turn, wherein my life was expected scarce an hour
or minute. But, blessed be God, I have enjoyed con-
siderable sweetness in divine things this week, both by
night and day.
Sept. 24. " My strength began to fail exceedingly ;
which looked, further, as if I had done all my work :
*It was concerning the qualifications of ministers, and the
examination and licensing of candidates for the work of the
ministry.
1747.1 AT NORTHAMPTON. 335
however, I had strength to fold and superscribe my
letter. About two I went to bed, being weak and much
disordered, and lay in a burning fever till night, with-
out any proper rest. In the evening I got up, having
lain down in some of my clothes ; but was in the great-
est distress, having an uncommon kind of hiccough 5
which either strangled me, or threw me into a strain-
ing to vomit, accompanied with other griping pains.
the distress of this evening ! I had little expectation
of living the night through, nor indeed had any about
me ; and I longed for the finishing moment ! I was
obliged to repair to bed by six o'clock ; and through
mercy enjoyed some rest ; but was grievously dis-
tressed at turns with the hiccough. My soul breathed
after God, ' When shall I come to God, even to God,
my exceeding joy ?' Oh for his blessed likeness !
Sept. 25. " I was unspeakably weak, and little bet-
ter than speechless all the day ; however, I was able to
write a little, and some part of the day was comfort-
able. O it refreshed my soul to think of former things,
of desires to glorify God, of the pleasures of living to
him ! O, blessed God, I am speedily coming to thee,
1 hope. Hasten the day, O Lord, if it be thy blessed
will. O come, Lord Jesus, come quickly. Amen.|
Sept. 26. " I felt the sweetness of divine things this
forenoon, and had the consolation of a consciousness
that I was doing something for God.
Lord's day, Sept. 27. " This was a very comfortable
dasy to my soul ; I think, I awoke with God. I was en-
abled to lift up my soul to God, early this morning ;
t This was the last time that ever he wrote in his diary with
his own hand ; though it is continued a little farther, in a broken
manner; written by his brother Israel, but indited by his mouth,
in this his weak and dying state.
330 LIFE OF BRAINERD. [Chap, IX
and while I had little bodily strength, I found freedom
to lift up my heart to God for myself and others. Af-
terward, was pleased with the thoughts of speedily
entering into the unseen world."
He felt this morning an unusual appetite for food,
with which his mind seemed to be exhilarated, lookmo-
O
on it as a sign of the very near approach of death. At
this time he also said, " I was born on a Sabbath-<lay ,
and I have reason to think I was new-born on a Sabbath-
day ; and I hope I shall die on this Sabbath-day. 1
Bhall look upon it as a favor, if it may be the will of
God that it should be so : I long for the time. O, why
is his chariot so long in coming ? why tarry the wheels
of his chariot ? I am very willing to part with all : I
am willing to part with my dear brother John, and
never to see him again, to go to be for ever with the
Lord.* O, when I go there, how will God's deai church
on earth be upon my mind !"
Afterward, the same morning, being asked how he
did, he answered, " I am almost in eternity ; I long to
be there. My work is done ; I have done with all my
friends : all the world is nothing to me. I long to be
in heaven, praising and glorifying God with the holy
angels. All my desire is to glorify God."
During the whole of these last two weeks of his life,
he seemed to continue in this frame of heart, as having
finished his work, and done with all things here below.
He had now nothing to do but to die, and to abide in an
* He had, before this, expressed a desire, if it might be the
will of God, to live till his brother returned from New-Jersey :
who, when he went away, intended, if possible, to perform his
journey, and return in a fortnight; hoping once more to meet
his brother in the land of the liviag. The fortnight was now
nearly expired.
y ii
1747.J AT NORTHAMPTON. 337
earnest desire and expectation of the happy moment,
when his soul should take its flight to a state of perfect
holiness, in which he should be found perfectly glori-
fying and enjoying God. He said, " the consideration
of the day of death, and the day of judgment, had a long
time been peculiarly sweet to him." From time to
Lime he spake of his being willing to leave the body
and the world immediately that day, that night, that
moment if it was the will of God. He also was much
engaged in expressing his longings that the Church of
Christ on earth might flourish, and Christ's kingdom
here be advanced, notwithstanding he was about to
leave the earth, and should not with his eyes behold
the desirable event, nor be instrumental in promoting
it. He said to me, one morning, as I came into his
room, " My thoughts have been employed on the old
dear theme, the prosperity of God's church on earth.
A.S I waked out of sleep, I was led to cry for the pour-
ing out of God's Spirit, and the advancement of Christ's
kingdom, for which the Redeemer did and suffered so
much. It is that especially which makes me long for
it." He expressed much hope that a glorious advance-
ment of Christ's kingdom was near at hand.
He once told me, that "he had formerly longed for
the outpouring of the Spirit of God, and the glorious
times of the church, and hoped they were coming ; and
that he should have been willing to live to promote re-
ligion at that time if that had been the will of God : but,"
says he, " I am willing it should be as it is ; I would not
have the choice to make for myself, for ten thousand
worlds." He expressed on his death-bed a full persua-
sion that he should in heaven see the prosperity of the
church on earth, and should rejoice with Christ there
Brawerd. 22
338 LIFE OF BRAINERD. Chap. IX
in ; and the consideration of it seemed to be highly
pleasing and satisfying to his mind.
He also still dwelt much on the great importance of
the work of gospel ministers, and expressed his long-
ings that they might be filed with the Spirit of God,
He manifested much desire to see some of the neigh-
boring ministers with whom he had some acquaint-
ance, and of whose sincere friendship he was confident,
that he might converse freely with them on that sub-
ject before he died. And it so happened, that he had
opportunity with some of them according to his desire.
Another thing that lay much on his heart from time
to time, in these near approaches of death, was the
spiritual prosperity of his own congregation of Chris-
tian Indians in New-Jersey ; when he spake of them,
it was with peculiar tenderness, so that his speech
would be presently interrupted and drowned with
tears.
He also expressed much satisfaction in the disposal
of Providence with regard to the circumstances of
his death ; particularly that God had before his death
given him an opportunity in Boston, with so many
considerable persons, ministers and others, to give in
his testimony for God against false religion, and many
mistakes that lead to it and promote it. He was much
pleased that he had had an opportunity there to lay
before pious and charitable gentlemen the state of the
Indians, and their necessities, to so good effect ; and that
God had since enabled him to write to them further
concerning these affairs ; and to write other letters of
importance, which he hoped might be of good influ-
ence with regard to the state of religion among the
Indians, and elsewhere, after his death. He expressed
great thankfulness to God for his mercy in these things
1747.J AT NORTHAMPTON. 339
He also mentioned it as what he accounted a merciful
circumstance of his death, that he should die here.
Speaking of these things, he said, "God had granted
him all his desire;" and signified that now he could
joyfully leave the world.
Sept. 28. " I was able to read and make some few
corrections in my private writings, but found I could
not write as I had done ; I found myself sensibly de-
clined in all respects. It has been only from a little
while before noon till about one or two o'clock, that 1
have been able to do any thing for some time past; yet
it refreshed my heart that I could do any thing, either
public or private, that I hoped was for God."
This evening he was supposed to be dying, both by
himself and by those about him. He seemed glad at
the appearance of the near approach of death. He was
almost speechless, but his lips appeared to move, and
one that sat very near him heard him utter such ex-
pressions as these : " Come, Lord Jesus, come quickly.
O why is his chariot so long in coming?" After he re-
vived, he blamed himself for having been too eager to
be gone. And in expressing what was the frame of his
mind at that time, he said he then found an inexpres-
sibly sweet love to those whom he looked upon as be-
longing to Christ, beyond almost all that ever he felt
before ; so that it seemed, to use his own words, "like
a little piece of heaven to have one of them near him."
And being asked whether heheard the prayer that was,
at his desire, made with him, he said, " Yes, he heard
every word, and had an uncommon sense of the things
that were uttered in that prayer, and that every word
reached his heart."
On the evening of Tuesday Sept. 29, as he lay on his
bed, he seemed to be in an extraordinary frame ; his
338 UFE OF BRAINERD. Chap. IX
in ; and the consideration of it seemed to be highly
pleasing and satisfying to his mind.
He also still dwelt much on the great importance of
the work of gospel ministers, and expressed his long-
ings that they might be filled with the Spirit of God,
He manifested much desire to see some of the neigh-
boring ministers with whom he had some acquaint-
ance, and of whose sincere friendship he was confident,
that he might converse freely with them on that sub-
ject before he died. And it so happened, that he had
opportunity with some of them according to his desire.
Another thing that lay much on his heart from time
to time, in these near approaches of death, was the
spiritual prosperity of his own congregation of Chris-
tian Indians in New-Jersey ; when he spake of them,
it was with peculiar tenderness, so that his speech
would be presently interrupted and drowned with
tears.
He also expressed much satisfaction in the disposal
of Providence with regard to the circumstances of
his death ; particularly that God had before his death
given him an opportunity in Boston, with so many
considerable persons, ministers and others, to give in
his testimony for God against false religion, and many
mistakes that lead to it and promote it. He was much
pleased that he had had an opportunity there to lay
before pious and charitable gentlemen the state of the
Indians, and their necessities, to so good effect ; and that
Gfod had since enabled him to write to them further
concerning these affairs ; and to write other letters of
importance, which he hoped might be of good influ-
ence with regard to the state of religion among the
Indians, and elsewhere, after his death. He expressed
great thankfulness to God for his mercy in these things.
1747.J AT NORTHAMPTON. 339
He also mentioned it as what he accounted a merciful
circumstance of his death, that he should die here.
Speaking of these things, he said, " God had granted
him all his desire;" and signified that now he could
joyfully leave the world.
Sept. 28. "I was able to read and make some few
corrections in my private writings, but found I could
not write as I had done ; I found myself sensibly de-
clined in all respects. It has been only from a little
while before noon till about one or two o'clock, that 1
have been able to do any thing for some time past ; yet
it refreshed my heart that I could do any thing, either
public or private, that I hoped was for God."
This evening he was supposed to be dying, both by
himself and by those about him. He seemed glad at
the appearance of the near approach of death. He was
almost speechless, but his lips appeared to move, and
one that sat very near him heard him utter such ex-
pressions as these: "Come, Lord Jesus, come quickly.
O why is his chariot so long in coming?" After he re-
vived, he blamed himself for having been too eager to
be gone. And in expressing what was the frame of his
mind at that time, he said he then found an inexpres-
sibly sweet love to those whom he looked upon as be-
longing to Christ, beyond almost all that ever he felt
before ; so that it seemed, to use his own words, "like
a little piece of heaven to have one of them near him."
And being asked whether heheard the prayer that was,
at his desire, made with him, he said, " Yes, he heard
every word, and had an uncommon sense of the things
that were uttered in that prayer, and that, every word
reached his heart."
On the evening of Tuesday Sept. 29, as he lay on his
bed, he seemed to be in an extraordinary frame ; his
342 LIFE OP BRAINERD. | Chap. IX.
manifested ; as having resigned all to God, and having
done with his friends, and with all things here below.
On the morning of the next day, being Lord's day,
Oct. 4, as my daughter Jerusha, who chiefly attended
him, came into the room, he looked on her very plea-
santly, and said, " Dear Jerusha, are you willing to part
with me?" "lam quite willing to part with you: I
am willing to part with all my friends : I am willing to
part with my dear brother John, although I love him
the best of any creature living: I have committed him
and all my friends to God, and can leave them with
God. Though, if I thought I should not see you, and
be happy with you in another world, I could not bear
to part with you. But we shall spend an happy eter-
nity together !"* In the evening, as one came into the
room with a Bible in her hand, he expressed himself
thus: "O that dear book that lovely book! I shall
soon see it opened ! The mysteries that are in it, and
* In about four months, it pleased a holy and sovereign God
to take away this my dear child by death, on the 14th of Feb-
ruary, after a short illness of five days, in the eighteenth year
of her age. She was a person of much the same spirit with
BRAINERD. She had constantly taken care of, and attended
him in his sickness, for nineteen weeks before his death; devo-
ting herself to him with great delight, because she looked on
him as an eminent servant of Jesus Christ. In this time he
had much conversation with her on the things of religion; and
in his dying state, often expressed to us, her parents, his great
satisfaction concerning her true piety, and his confidence that
he should meet her in heaven. She had manifested a heart un-
commonly devoted to God; and said on her denth-bed, that
" she had seen no time for several years, when she desired to
live one minute longer, for the sake of any other good in life,
but doing good, living to God, and doing what might be for his
glory."
1747.] AT NORTHAMPTON. 343
the mysteries of God's providence, will be all un-
folded !"
On Tuesday, Oct. 6, he lay for a considerable time
as if he were dying ; at which time he was heard to
utter, in broken whispers, such expressions as these :
" He will come, he will not tarry. I shall soon be in
glory. I shall soon glorify God with the angels." But
after some time he revived.
The next day, Wednesday, Oct. 7, his brother John
arrived from New- Jersey ; where he had been detained
much longer than he intended, by a mortal sickness
prevailing among the Christian Indians, and by some
other circumstances that made his stay with them ne-
cessary. BRAINERD was affected and refreshed with
seeing him, and appeared fully satisfied with the rea-
sons of his delay ; seeing the interest of religion and
the souls of his people required it.
The next day, Thursday, Oct. 8, he was in great dis-
tress and agonies of body ; and for the greater part of
the day was much disordered as to the exercise of his
reason. In the evening he was composed, and had
the use of his reason ; but the pain of his body con-
tinued and increased. He told me that it was impos-
sible for any one to conceive of the distress he felt in
his breast. He manifested much concern lest he should
dishonor God by impatience under his extreme agony;
which was such, that he said the thought of enduring
it one moment longer was almost insupportable. He
desired that others would be much in lifting up their
hearts continually to God for him, that God would sup-
port him, and give him patience. He signified that he
expected to die that night ; birt seemed to fear a longer
delay ; and the disposition of his mind with regard to
death, appeared still the same that it had been all along.
344 LIFE OP BRAINERD. [ Chap. X.
And notwithstanding his bodily agonies, yet the inte-
rest of Zion lay still with great weight on his mind.
On that evening he had considerable discourse with
the Rev. Mr. Billing, one of the neighboring ministers,
concerning the great importance of the work of the
ministry. Afterward, late in the night, he had much
very proper and profitable discourse with his brother
John, concerning his congregation in New-Jersey, and
the interest of religion among the Indians. In the
latter part of the night his bodily distress seemed to
rise to a greater height than ever. Toward day his
eyes became fixed ; and he continued lying immova-
ble till about six o'clock on Friday, Oct. 9, 1747, when
his soul, as we may well conclude, was received by his
dear Lord and Master into that state of perfection of
holiness, and fruition of God, for which he had so often
and so ardently longed; and was welcomed by the glo-
rious assembly in the upper world, as one peculiarly
fitted to join them in their blessed employ and enjoy-
ment.
Much respect was shown to his memory at his fune-
ral; which was on the Monday following, after a ser-
mon preached on that solemn occasion. His funeral
was attended by eight of the neighboring ministers,
and a great concourse of people.
CHAPTER X.
Reflections on the preceding Memoirs.
REFLECTION I.
In the life of BRAINERD we may see, as I apprehend.
the nature of true religion, and the manner of its ope
Chap. X.] REFLECTIONS. 345
ration, when exemplified in a high degree and in pow-
erful exercise. Particularly it may be worthy to be
observed :
1. How greatly BRAINERD'S religion differed from
that of some pretenders to the experience of a clear
work of saving conversion wrought on their hearts ;
who, depending and living on that, settle in a cold,
careless, and carnal frame of mind, and in a neglect-of
a thorough, earnest religion, in the stated practice of
it. Although his convictions and conversion were in
all respects exceedingly clear, and very remarkable ;
yet how far was he from acting as though he thought
he had got through his work, when once he had ob-
tained comfort, and satisfaction of his interest in Christ
and a title to heaven ! On the contrary, that work
on his heart, by which he was brought to this, was
with him evidently but the beginning of his work; his
first entering on the great business of religion, and the
service of God ; his first setting out in his race. His
work was not finished, nor his race ended, till life was
ended.
As his conversion was not the end of his work, or
of the course of his diligence and strivings in religion,
so neither was it the end of the work of the Spirit of
God on his heart. On the contrary, it was the first
dawning of the light,- which thenceforth increased more
and more ; the beginning of his holy affections, his
sorrow for sin, his love to God, his rejoicing in Jesus
Christ, his longing after holiness. There are many,
who, after the effect of novelty is over, soon find their
situation and feelings very much the same as before
their supposed conversion, with respect to any pre-
sent thirstings for God, or ardent out-goings of their
souls after divine objects. Now and then, indeed, they
346 LIFE OP BRAINERD. [ Chap. X
have a comfortable reflection on the past, and arc
somewhat affected with the remembrance, and so rest
easy, thinking that it is safe ; and they doubt not but
they shall go to heaven when they die. Far otherwise
was it with BRAINERD. His experiences, instead of
dying away, were evidently of an increasing nature.
His first love, and other holy affections, even at the
beginning, were very great ; but, after the lapse of
months and years, became much greater and more
remarkable.
2. His religion apparently and greatly differed from
that of many high pretenders to religion, who are fre-
quently actuated by vehement emotions of mind, and
are carried on in a course of sudden and strong- im-
pressions, and supposed high illuminations and imme-
diate discoveries ; and at the same time are persons of
a virulent " zeal, not according to knowledge." If we
look through the whole series of his experience, from
his conversion to his death, we shall find none of this
kind no imaginary sight of Christ hanging on the
cross with his blood streaming from his wounds; or
with a countenance smiling on him; or arms open tc
embrace him : no sight of the book of life opened, with
his name written in it; no hearing God or Christ speak-
ing to him; nor any sudden suggestions of words or
sentences, either of Scripture or any other, as then im-
mediately spoken or sent to him ; no new revelations ;
no sudden strong suggestions of secret facts. Nor do
I find any one instance in all the records which he has
left of his own life, from beginning to end, of joy ex
cited from a supposed immediate witness of the Spirit;
or inward immediate suggestion, that his state was
surely good. But the way in which he was satisfied of
his own good estate, even to the entire abolishing of
Chap. X.J REFLECTIONS. 347
fear, was by feeling within himself the lively actings
of a holy temper and heavenly disposition, the vigorous
exercises of that divine "love which casteth out fear."
3. BRAINERD'S religion was not selfish and mercena-
ry; his love to God was primarily and principally for
the supreme excellency of his own nature, and not
built on a preconceived notion that God loved him,
had received him into favor, and had done great things
for him, or promised great things to him. His joy was
joy in God, and not in himself. We see by his diary
how, from time to time, through the course of his life,
his soul was filled with ineffable sweetness and com-
fort. The affecting considerations and lively ideas of
God's infinite glory, his unchangeable blessedness, his
sovereignty and universal dominion ; together with the
sweet exercises of love to God, giving himself up to
him, abasing himself before him, denying himself for
him, depending upon him, acting for his glory, diligent-
ly serving him ; and the pleasing prospects or hopes he
had of the future advancement of the kingdom of Christ,
were the grounds of his strong and abiding consolation.
It appears plainly and abundantly all along, from his
conversion to his death, that the sort of good which
was the great object of the new relish and appetite
given him in conversion, and thenceforward main-
tained and increased in his heart, was HOLINESS, con-
formity to God, living to God, and glorifying him.
This was what drew his heart ; this was the centre of
his soul ; this was the ocean to which all the streams
of his religious affections tended; this was the object
which engaged his eager thirsting desires and earnest
pursuits. He knew no true excellency or happiness
but this; this was what he longed for most vehemently
and constantly on earth; and this was with him the
348 LIFE OF BRAINERD. [Chap. X.
beauty and blessedness of heaven. This made him so
much and so often long for that world of glory. It
was to be perfectly holy, and perfectly exercised in
the holy employments of heaven ; and thus " to glorify
God and enjoy him for ever."
His religious illuminations, affections, and comfort,
seemed, to a great degree, to be attended with evange-
lical humiliation; consisting in a sense of his own
utter insufficiency, despicableness, and odiousness;
with an answerable disposition and frame of heart.
How deeply affected was he almost continually with
his great defects in religion ; with his vast distance
from that spirituality and holy frame of mind that be-
came him ; with his ignorance, pride, deadness, unstea-
diness, barrenness ! He was not only affected with the
remembrance of his former sinfulness before his con-
version, but with the sense of his present vileness and
pollution. He was not only disposed to think meanly
of himself as before God, and in comparison of him;
but among men, and as compared with them. He was
apt to think other saints better than himself; yea, to
look on himself as the meanest and least of saints;
yea, very often, as the vilest and worst of mankind.
And notwithstanding his great attainments in spiritual
knowledge, yet we find there is scarcely any thing,
with a sense of which he is more frequently affected
and abased, than his ignorance.
How eminently did he appear to be of a meek and
quiet spirit, resembling the lamb-like, dove-like spirit
of Jesus Christ ! How full of love, meekness, quiet-
ness, forgiveness, and mercy ! His love was not merely
a fondness and zeal for a party, but an universal bene-
volence; very often exercised in the most sensible and
ardent love to his greatest opposers and enemies.
Chap. X.J REFLECTIONS. 349
Of how soft and tender a spirit was he ! How far
were his experiences, hopes, and joys, from a tendency
finally to stupify and harden him, to lessen convictions
and tenderness of conscience, to cause him to be less
affected with present and past sins, and less conscien-
tious with respect to future sins ! How far were they
from making him more easy in neglect of duties which
are troublesome and inconvenient, more slow and par-
tial in complying with difficult commands, less apt to
be alarmed at the appearance of his own defects and
transgressions, more easily induced to a compliance
with carnal appetites ! On the contrary, how tender
was his conscience ! how apt was his heart to smite
him ! how easily and greatly was he alarmed at the
appearance of moral evil ! how great and constant was
his jealousy over his own heart ! how strict his care
and watchfulness against sin ! how deep and sensible
were the wounds that sin made in his conscience !
Those evils which are generally accounted small, were
almost an insupportable burden to him; such as his
inward deficiencies, his having no more love to God,
finding within himself any slackness or dullness in re-
ligion, any unsteadiness or wandering frame of mind.
How did the consideration of such things as these op-
press and abase him, and fill him with inward shame
and confusion ! His love and hope, though they were
such as cast out a servile fear of hell, yet were attended
with, and abundantly cherished and promoted a reve-
rential filial fear of God, a dread of sin and of God's
holy displeasure. His joy seemed truly to be a rejoi-
cing with trembling. His assurance and comfort dif-
fered greatly from a false enthusiastic confidence and
joy. in that it promoted and maintained mourning for
sin. He did not, after he received comfort and full sa-
350 LIFE OP BRAINERD. (.Chap. X.
tisfaction of the safety of his state, forget his past sins,
whether committed before or after his conversion; but
the remembrance of them, from time to time, revived
in his heart with renewed grief. That passage was
evidently fulfilled in him, " That thou mayest remem-
ber, and be confounded, and never open thy mouth any
more, because of thy shame ; when I am pacified to-
ward thee for all that thou hast done." Ezek. 16 : 63.
His religious affections and joys were not like those
of some, who have rapture and mighty emotions from
time to time in company; but have very little affec-
tion in retirement and secret places. Though he was
of a very sociable temper, and loved the company ot
saints, and delighted very much in religious conversa-
tion, and in social worship ; yet his warmest affections,
and their greatest effects on his animal nature, and his
sweetest joys, were in his closet devotions, and solitary
transactions between God and his own soul : as is very
observable through his whole course, from his conver-
sion to his death. He delighted greatly in sacred re-
tirements; and loved to get quite away from all the
world, to converse with God alone, in secret duties.
BRAINERD'S experiences and comforts were very far
from being like those of some persons, which are at-
tended with a spiritual satiety, and. which put an end
to their religious desires and longings, at least to the
edge and ardency of them; resting satisfied in their
own attainments and comforts, as having obtained
their chief end, which is to extinguish their fears of
hell, and give them confidence of the favor of God.
On the contrary, they were always attended with long-
ings and thirstings after greater degrees of conformity
to God ! The greater and sweeter his comforts were,
the more vehement were his desires after holiness.
Chap. X.J REFLECTIONS. 351
His longings were not so much after joyful discoveries
of God's love, and clear views of his own tide to future
advancement and eternal honors in heaven ; as after
more of present holiness, greater spirituality, an heart
more engaged for God, to love, and exalt, and depend
on him. He earnestly wished to serve God better, to
do more for his glory, to do all that he did with more
of a regard to Christ as his righteousness and strength,
and to behold the enlargement and advancement of his
kingdom on earth. His desires were not idle wishes,
but such as were powerful and effectual, to animate
him to the earnest, eager pursuit of these things, with
the utmost diligence and unfainting labor and self-
denial. His comforts never put an end to his seeking
after God, and striving to obtain his grace; but, on the
contrary, greatly engaged him therein.
4. His religion did not consist in experience without
practice. All his inward illuminations, affections, and
comforts, seemed to have a direct tendency to practice,
and to issue in it : and this, not merely a practice ne-
gatively good, free from gross acts of irreligion and
immorality; but a practice positively holy and Chris-
tian, in a serious, devout, humble, meek, merciful,
charitable, and beneficent conversation ; making the
service of God and our Lord Jesus Christ the great
business of life, to which he was devoted, and which
he pursued with the greatest earnestness and diligence
to the end of his days, through all trials. In him was
to be seen the right way of being lively in religion.
His liveliness in religion did not consist merely, or
mainly, in his being lively with the tongue, but in deed;
not in being forward in profession and outward show,
and abundant in declaring his own experiences; but
chiefly in being active and abundant in the labors and
352 LIFE OP BRAINERD. | Chap. X
duties of religion ; " not slothful in business, but fer-
vent in spirit, serving the Lord, and serving his gene-
ration, according to the will of God."
REFLECTION II.
The foregoing account of BRAINERD'S life may con-
vince us, that there is indeed such a thing as true ex-
perimental religion, arising from an immediate divine
influence, supernaturally enlightening and convincing
the mind, and powerfully impressing, quickening, sanc-
tifying, and governing the heart.
If any insist that BRAINERD'S religion was mere en-
thusiasm '., the result of a heated imagination, I would
ask, What were the FRUITS of his enthusiasm 1 In him
we behold a great degree of honesty and simplicity ;
sincere and earnest desires and endeavors to know and
do whatever is right, and to avoid every thing that is
wrong ; a high degree of love to God ; delight in the
perfections of his nature, placing the happiness of life
in him, not only in contemplating him, but in being
active in pleasing and serving hfm; a firm and undoubt-
ing belief in the Messiah, as the Savior of the world,
the great Prophet of God, and King of the church, to-
gether with great love to him, delight and complacence
in the way of salvation by him, and longing for the en-
largement of his kingdom ; earnest desires that God
may be glorified and the Messiah's kingdom advancedj
whatever instruments are employed ; uncommon resig-
nation to the will of God, and that under vast trials ;
and great and universal benevolence to mankind, reach-
ing all sorts of persons without distinction, manifested
in sweetness of speech and behavior, kind treatment,
mercy, liberality, and earnestly seeking the good of the
Ohap. X.J REFLECTIONS. 353
souls and bodies of men. All this we behold attended
with extraordinary humility, meekness, forgiveness
of injuries, and love to enemies. In him we see a
modest, discreet, and decent deportment, among supe-
riors, inferiors, and equals; a most diligent improve-
ment of time; earnest care to lose no part of it; and
great watchfulness against all sorts of sin, of heart,
speech, and action. This example and these endea-
rors we see attended with most happy fruits, and
blessed effects on others, in humanizing, civilizing, and
wonderfully reforming and transforming some of the
most brutish savages ; idle, immoral drunkards, mur-
derers, gross idolaters, and wizards; bringing them to
permanent sobriety, diligence, devotion, honesty, con-
scientiousness, and charity. The foregoing virtues and
successful labors all end at last in a marvellous peace,
immovable stability, calmness, and resignation, in the
sensible approaches of death; with longing for the
heavenly state ; not only for the honors and circum-
stantial advantages of it, but above all, for the moral
perfection and holy and blessed employments of it.
These things are seen in a person indisputably of good
understanding and judgment. I therefore say, if all
these things are the fruits of enthusiasm, why should
not enthusiasm be thought a desirable and excellent
thing? For what can true religion, what can the best
philosophy, do more?
REFLECTION III.
The preceding history serves to confirm the doctrines
of grace. For if it be allowed that there is truth, sub-
stance, or value in the main of BRAINERD'S religion, it
will undoubtedly follow, that those doctrines are di-
Brainerd. og
354 LIFE OF BRAINKRD. [Chap. X
vine; since it is evident that the whole of it, from begin-
ning to end, accords with them. He was brought, by
doctrines of this kind, to his awakening and deep con-
cern about things of a spiritual and eternal nature ; by
these doctrines his convictions were maintained and
carried on ; and his conversion was evidently altoge-
ther agreeable to them. His conversion was no con-
firming and perfecting of moral principles and habits,
by use, and practice, and industrious discipline, toge-
ther with the concurring suggestions and conspiring
aids of God's Spirit; but entirely a supernatural work,
at once turning him from darkness to marvellous light,
and from the power of sin to the dominion of divine
and holy principles. It was an effect, in no respect
produced by his strength or labor, or obtained by his
virtue; and not accomplished till he was first brought
to a full conviction, that all his own virtue, strength,
labors and endeavors, could never avail any thing to-
ward producing or procuring this effect.
If ever BRAINERD was truly turned from sin to God
at all, or ever became truly religious, none can reason-
ably doubt but that his conversion was at the time
when he supposed it to be. The change which he then
met with, was evidently the greatest moral change
that he ever experienced; and he was then apparently
first brought to that kind of religion, that remarkable
new habit and temper of mind, which he held all his
life after. The narration shows it to be different, in
nature and kind, from all of which he was ever the
subject before. It was evidently wrought at once
without fitting and preparing his mind, by gradually
convincing it more and more of the same truths, and
bringing it nearer and nearer to such a temper: it was
soon after his mind had been remarkably full of bias-
Chap. X.j REFLECTIONS. 355
phem)', and a vehement exercise of sensible enmity
against God, and great opposition to those truths which
he was now brought with his whole soul to embrace,
and rest in as divine and glorious; truths, in the con-
templation and improvement of which he placed his
happiness. He himself, who was surely best able to
judge, declares, that the dispositions and affections
which were then given him, and thenceforward main-
tained in him, were, most sensibly and certainly, alto-
gether different in their nature from all of which he
was ever the subject before, or of which he ever had
any conception.
Hence it is very evident that BKAINERD'S religion was
the effect of the doctrines of grace applied to his heart:
and certainly it cannot be denied that the effect was
good, unless we turn atheists or deists. I would ask
whether there be any such thing, in reality, as Chris-
tian devotion? If there be, what is if? what is its na-
ture? and what its just measure? Should it not be in
a great degree ? We read abundantly in Scripture of
" loving God with all the heart, with all the soul, with
all the mind, and with all the strength; of delighting
in God, of rejoicing in the Lord, rejoicing with joy un-
speakable and full of glory; the soul magnifying the
Lord, thirsting for God, hungering and thirsting after
righteousness; the soul breaking for the longing it
hath to God's judgments, praying to God with groan-
ings that cannot be uttered, mourning for sin with a
broken heart and contrite spirit," &c. How full are
the Psalms, and other parts of Scripture, of such tljings
as these ! Now wherein do these things, as expressed
by and appearing in BRAINERD, either the things them-
selves, or their effects and fruits, differ from the Scrip-
ture representations? To these things he was brought
356 LIFE OF BKA1NEHD. [Chap. X.
by that strange and wonderful transformation of the
man, which he calted his conversion. Does not this
well agree with what is so often said in the Old Tes-
tament and the New, concerning " giving a new heart
creating a right spirit, being renewed in the spirit of
the mind, being sanctified throughout, becoming a new
creature ?"
REFLECTION IV.
Is there not much in the preceding memoirs of
BRAINERD to teach, and excite to duty, us who are
called to the work of the ministry, and all who are can- f
didates for that great work? What a deep sense did
he seem to have of the greatness and importance of
that work, and with what weight did it lie on his mind !
How sensible was he of his own insufficiency for this
work; and how great was his dependence on God's
sufficiency! How solicitous that he might be fitted for
it ! and to this end, how much time did he spend in
prayer and fasting, as well as reading and meditation;
giving himself to these things! How did he dedicate
his whole life, all his powers and talents to God ; and
forsake and renounce the world, with all its pleasing
and ensnaring enjoyments, that he might be wholly at
liberty to serve Christ in this work, and to " please
him who had chosen him to be a soldier under the
Captain of our salvation !" With whW solicitude, so-
lemnity and diligence did he devote himself to God
our Savior, and seek his presence arid blessing in se-
cret, at the time of his ordination ! and how did his
whole heart appear to be constantly engaged, his whole
time employed, and his whole strength spent in the
business he then solemnly undertook, and to which he
was publicly set apart! His history shows us the right
Chap. X.J KBFLECTfONS. 357
way to success in the work of the ministry. He sought
it, as a resolute soldier seeks victory in a siege or bat-
tle ; or as a man who runs a race, seeks a great prize.
Animated with love to Christ and the souls of men,
how did he " labor always fervently," not only in word
and doctrine, in public and private, but in prayers day
and night, " wrestling with God" in secret, and "tra-
vailing in birth," with unutterable groans and agonies,
" until Christ were formed " in the hearts of the people
to whom he was sent ! How did he thirst for a bless-
ing on his ministry, and " watch for souls, as one that
must give account !" How did he " go forth in the
strength of the Lord God," seeking and depending on
a special influence of the Spirit to assist and succeed
him ! What was the happy fruit at last, though after
long waiting, and many dark and discouraging appear-
ances? Like a true son of Jacob, he persevered in
wrestling, through all the darkness of the night, until
the breaking of the day.
To Missionaries in particular, may his example of
laboring, praying, denying himself, and enduring hard-
ness with unfainting resolution and patience, and his
faithful, vigilant, and prudent conduct in many other
respects, afford instruction.
REFLECTION V.
The foregoing account of BRAINERD'S life may afford
instruction to Christians in general; as it shows, in
many respects, the right way of practising- religion, in
order to obtain the ends, and receive the benefits of it ;
or how Christians should " run the race set before
Ihem," if they would not " run in vain, or run as un-
certainly," but would honor God in the world, adorn
358 LIFE OF BKAINEHD. [Chap. X.
their profession, be serviceable to mankind, have the
comforts of religion while they live, be free from dis-
quieting doubts and dark apprehensions about the
state of their souls, enjoy peace in the approaches of
death, and " finish their course with joy." In general,
he much recommended, for this purpose, the redemp-
tion of time, great diligence in the business of the
Christian life, watchfulness, &c. and he very remarka-
bly exemplified these things.
Particularly, his example and success with regard to
one duty, in an especial manner, may be of great use
to both ministers and private Christians ; I mean the
duty of secret fasting. The reader has seen how
much BRAINERD recommends this duty, and how fre-
quently he exercised himself in it ; nor can it well
have escaped observation, how much he was owned
and blessed in it, and of what great benefit it evidently
was to his soul. Among all the many days he spent
in secret fasting and prayer, of which he gives an ac-
count in his diary, there is scarcely an instance of one
which was not either attended or soon followed with
apparent success, and a remarkable blessing, in special
influences and consolations of God's Spirit ; and very
often before the day was ended. But it must be ob-
served, that when he set about this duty, he did it in
good earnest ; " stirring up himself to take hold of
God," and " continuing instant in prayer," with much
of the spirit of Jacob, who said to the angel, " I will
not let thee go, except thou bless me."
REFLECTION VI.
There is much in the preceding account to excite
and encourage God's people to earnest prayers aivJ
Chap. X.J REFLECTIONS. 359
endeavors for the advancement and enlargement of the
kingdom of Christ in the world. BRAINERD set us an
excellent example in this respect. He sought the pros-
perity of Zion with all his might ; and preferred Jeru-
salem above his chief joy. How did his soul long for
it, and pant after it ! how earnestly and often did he
wrestle with God for it ! and how far did he in these
desires and prayers seem to be carried beyond all pri-
vate and selfish views ! being animated by a pure love
to Christ, an earnest desire of his glory, and a disinte-
rested affection to the souls of mankind.
The consideration of this, not only ought to be an
incitement to the people of God, but may also be a just
encouragement to them, to be much in seeking and
praying for a general outpouring of the Spirit of God,
and an extensive revival of religion. I confess, that
God's giving so much of a spirit of prayer for this
mercy to so eminent a servant of his, and exciting
him in so extraordinary a manner, and with such ve-
hement thirstings of soul, to agonize in prayer for it,
from time to time, through the course of his life, is
one thing, among others, which gives me great hope
that God has a design of accomplishing something very
glorious for the interest of his church before long. One
such instance as this, I conceive, gives more encou-
ragement than the common, cold, formal prayers of
thousands. As BRAINERD'S desires and prayers for the
coming of Christ's kingdom were very special and ex-
it aordinary ; so I think we may reasonably hope, that
the God who excited those desires and prayers, will
answer them with something special and extraordi-
nary. And in a particular manner do I think it wor-
thy of notice for our encouragement, that he had his
heart unusually drawn out in longings and prayers for
& LII E UK BKAINEKU.
the flourishing of Christ's kingdom on earth when he
was in the approaches of death; and that with his dy-
ing breath ho breathed out his departing soul into the
bosom of nis Redeemer, in prayers and pantings after
the glorious event; expiring in very great hope thai
it would soon begin to be fulfilled.
I would not conclude these reflections witnout a
grateful acknowledgment of the mercy of God in vhe
circumstances of BHAINERD'S death, and especially the
gracious dispensation of Providence to me and my
family, in so ordering that he, though the ordinary
place of his abode was more than two hundred miles
distant, should be brought to my house in his last sick-
ness, and should die here. Thus we had opportunity
for much acquaintance and conversation with him, to
show him kindness in such circumstances, to see his
dying behavior, to hear his dying speeches, to receive
his dying counsels, and to have the benefit of his dying
prayers. May God in infinite mercy grant, that we
may ever retain a proper remembrance of these things,
and make a due improvement of the advantages we
have had in these respects ! The Lord grant also, that
the foregoing account of BRAINERD'S life and death may
be for the great spiritual benefit of all who shall read it,
and prove a happy means of promoting the revival of
true religion ! Amen.
Perpnr.uurd li\ Hie Uouatiiuia of Messrs. George Douglass, Charles Sirr
ml Will.am A. Hullock, of Njw-York.
UC SOUTHERN I REGION,
000 91 9725 2